good evening!! just had to say Hi again when I saw that Kathleen was here too But I am so sorry that you are having lots of negative thoughts my dear!! well you are certainly allowed to feel some because of having to deal with the breast cancer, treatments, reconstruction..but you are ALIVE sweetie and we are so glad of that!! We don't know about the family tension and that must be bad but you are so good with your faith helping you...I am sorry you are so sad about your son going to college, but I LOVE what Lisa wrote to you -


so hard to let him go off I know but it is for his growing up! hang in there!! You must be clinging to your dear daughter extra now, I bet. Hope she's doing good and not missing her brother too much.

Lisa I hope so much that Jennifer's results are fine and very glad your fingers are better! oh..and GO DENVER, GO CLEVELAND

speaking of work, you know that my summer job is pastry baking, yet I also help out around the kitchen, because I really do have the time, and otherwise, I'd only work about 5 hours a day. I can 'flesh out' my hours by doing the dinner salads, making salad dressings, and veggie prep (peeling potatoes, carrots, onions, husking corn, slicing cukes and red onions for the salad garnish) Peeling 30 pounds of potatoes is a drag, if I think of it that way, or I can think 'I get to do a mindless task, while listening to my music, or chatting with my co-worker, and get paid pretty good for it'

Had yet another beautiful sunny WARM day here!! I do have to keep a close watch on my potted flowers because they go limp in the afternoon sun and heat and want water.

have a good night and I'm so glad to have friends like you here

Hello Everyone! I am still fighting to get my energy back after my latest surgery. Had a doctor appointment today with my reconstructionist and he said all looks good and no signs of infection this time, thank God!!!!! I had to have 2 extra surgeries due to infection last time (one to remove left tissue expander and one to place another one). What a nightmare!!! I have become very needle phobic and surgery phobic since I have been through so much medically lately. Hopefully, after all of my saline fills and waiting about 5 months to have surgery for my final implants, I will be ready for surgery again. Right now, I am dreading any more surgeries. I think I've mentioned that I also have lyphedema (chronic swelling due to lymph node removal) in my left arm due to having 19 lymph nodes removed during my bilateral mastectomy. I currently have to wear a compression sleeve on my left arm, along with a gauntlet (glove) on my left hand all of my waking hours. And this is FOR LIFE!!!!! My current breast reconstructionist is also the head of the lymphedema clinic at The James Cancer Hospital in Columbus, Ohio. He said there is a 6 hour surgery they can do (in the future; after all of my breast reconstruction is complete) that would actually "cure" the condition. (Everything else available, including the compression sleeve, is only a "band-aid fix.") I really dread THAT surgery already, but wearing this sleeve and gauntlet every day is such a drag. I feel like I am in a straight jacket on my left side. It is really uncomfortable. And, right now, I still have a HUGE drain on my left side from my recent surgery. I am so uncomfortable. Sorry to complain so much, but I feel like a hot mess at the moment!

Although my depression and anxiety had been well-controlled with therapy and medication for so long, all that has happened to me this year, especially the psychiatric hospitalization and breast cancer, has set me back in both (depression and anxiety) areas. I am working hard to get my zest for life and daily activities back, but my psychiatrist will not put me back on an anti-depressant right now since I had what he says was a manic episode recently. I really think that, at some point, I will need an anti-depressant again (and probably an anxiety med), but for now, he will only use mood stabilizers that have "anti-depressant properties." Bummer! It is frustrating to feel myself slipping back into depression, especially since I battled so hard to literally get out of bed many years ago due to depression. I hope and pray that I will never again be THAT depressed, but it just scares me to have some of the same feelings again. Not suicidal at all, though, thank God! I know that I am focusing a lot on the negative right now and worrying about EVERYTHING, and I am really working to change my mindset ~ in the areas of depression, anxiety, and weight loss. For me, they are kind of all related in terms of my mindset. I was doing SO WELL for many months during my coaching program to end emotional eating and then...... well, my family forced me into the psychiatric hospital and back onto psychiatric meds and the weight gain followed. THAT alone is/was depressing! But one thing I am sure about is that I am truly a SURVIVOR ~ of so many things, including breast cancer now!!! And I will survive this down time right now!!! I am determined to NOT let cancer or depression or anxiety or weight gain drag me down forever!!!!!!!!!!!!! For anyone who has read along this far, THANK YOU for listening. It helps just to get all of these feelings out there!

So sorry, but I have to run now. My family is calling for a late dinner. Hope everyone is doing well and Lisa, I am so happy that your fingers are feeling better. Very odd, huh?!? Please keep us posted on the results of Jennifer's stomach biopsy! Have a great weekend everyone! Big hugs all around!

Holly! Holly! You're right. You are older than me lol. I don't mind being called kiddo, makes me feel young. It does stress me out a little being here, but lately, being depressed it makes me feel good that you guys care and remember me. I'm sure you look fine in your shirt sleeves!!! I'm glad the weather is nice and you get to ride. It's pretty nice up here too.

But have to let EVERYONE know I do have a certain amount of anxiety related to this forum. I have trouble keeping up and doing personals so if I don't include you please don't be offended. I can only keep so much in my brain at once. When the anxiety hits I have to shut it down and log off no matter where I am in the post. Sometimes I get a little lost.

I believe - I remember your name too! Those surgery so sound rough. Hope you heal up soon.

I'm sorry I don't remember who had the numb fingers? Having those 3 fingers numb is a sign of carpal tunnel syndrome. You might want to have that looked at.

Lisa - I'm sorry your teeth are bothering you. Hopefully the dentist can help on Monday.

I'm hanging in there. I'm tipsy and exhausted so yah know, I'm a teeter totter. It's 2 am here and I traded our neighbour beer for cider. I don't know what I'm typing. I'm on my iPad, in bed, watching my silly dog sleep with his tongue sticking out.

I spent almost $90 today on meds. I don't know what I'm going to do. We're lucky we had a bit of money this time. Meds are so expensive. I'm already only taking half of my allergy pills. Fall is a bad time for allergies believe it or not. Sigh. Too much dead plant stuff.

Got to go. Can't keep eyes open. Cider is spinning the room.

arghhhhhh I keep trying to post on here and it's not taking.


Ohio State played like crap today so I am in a foul mood.


I bought the cutest bag today to keep my crochet in. It is a Halloween bad, soooo cute!!!!!!




Have a great evening, everyone!!!!

Hi everyone,

I've been recently diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. Would it be ok for me to post here? My low periods were frighteningly low (which is how I got diagnosed) and I haven't see a BP only group.

Thanks!

Thanks for the welcome Lisa. I’m sorry to hear things aren’t going super well for you right now. I hope they look up soon.
I feel like I’m in a good place at the moment, but it’s been an adjustment to get a dx and start taking medication. I seem to be having these 1 day side effects: headache, stomach ache, very sleepy, emotionally numb. I’m on the full therapeutic dose now and seem to be getting used to it. The medication is supposed to treat my “highs” which it does (which I’m still not sure how to feel about) but the lows are still there- though not as bad. It’s still nice to know I can feel something.

to everyone!

hello and to dcapulet! I hope your medication helps you through both highs and lows. not good to hear about the physical side effects though. I hope they go away

Lisa, Hi!! I was sorry to hear of the financial troubles, ugh. I hope you got the electric issue dealt with. It was funny to hear of your daughter's cat leaping around and congrats to Ohio State! go Buckeyes

I have only a little over 2 weeks left of my good summer job left and it always coincides with the weather turning cold, gloomy, saying goodbye to my motorcycle for a long time I have got to come to grips with reality that it happens every year, and try to find joy in other ways.

I am thankful that my body is able to work extra hours!! am working Sunday night in the dining room, plus both nights next weekend, plus my winter boss asked me to fill in any extra hours if possible. Money money

try to have a good day

Hi again!

I guess I do have to admit that I like Fall also, that the energy-zapping heat is turned down, and of course living in Vermont, the foliage is always very pretty and sometimes stunningly spectacular; and it is nice to have the weight of blankets at night to snuggle under. I just dread what comes after

I don't know if I can get the pics on here, I will try, of my HUGE squash that my husband and I grew, then I took it to work to deal with (in the commercial kitchen where I have room) the variety is called a Boston Marrow squash and it is an heirloom variety. One plant gave us a vine that was about 20 feet long, produced leaves that were crazy gi-normous, and the one squash was 27 pounds, plus four others that are probably 8 pounds. I cut up the big one, cooked it, and will use the puree to make 6 pies for the upcoming Fire Department Harvest supper that is this Saturday. I am lucky I can make the pies at work, where it will take me hardly any time at all.

OK the first pic is the squash, next to my moto helmet for size comparision.