oh man, I was SOOO hoping it would be today that I would get under 150. I mean, I did oh so briefly last Sunday, just barely, caught a glimpse of it at 149.8, and then it just popped up again and all week it's been 150.this and 150.that. *frustration* Normally I wouldn't need things to be so fast, but 150's is a new and horrifying territory for me and I really want it to be gone and fast. Once I get back in the 140s I'll calm down a little.

Okay, I didn't run yesterday either because I got home and literally felt like I'd been hit by a truck. This first week back is so tiring physically and mentally and last night I went to bed at 8:15.

I hate being an emotional eater. I had it under control until this afternoon. I overheard a conversation between my mom and dad about how i always have an attitude and how im always so snippy and pissy and how my DH and i are not getting anything done. Now i usually dont care what people have to say about me, but not if its coming from my family. My dad is a money-hungry man who doesnt care about my future. He seriously asked me if i was going to go to college, not because he was genuinely interested but because he wants to get money from the state (in germany your parents get money for every child up until theyre 25 and still going to school/college). What a greedy, greedy person. All he does is complain about everything i do. Its like hes watching every step i take just so he can jump at me and tell me im doing something wrong. Thats why none of his kids talk to him, ever. One of my oldest half-sisters hasnt talked to him (or seen him) in 23 years, can you imagine? And my mom is the typical asian mom who becomes more and more selfish the older she gets because she feels like shes been through so much already that everything is gonna have to go her way. Im grateful that we're able to stay here for now, but we need. To. Move. Out. As. Soon. As. Possible. When i overheard them i got so angry and upset at the same time that i didnt know how to let it out. I didnt even tell dh about it. I just went and grabbed chocolate and made mug-brownies and bought junk at the grocery store. I was able to talk to my sister about it afterwards but it doesnt change the fact that i gobbled down so much crappy foods. And seriously, right before all this happened i was gonna get ready to go for a run. I feel disgusted in myself. And on top of that i gotta get up at 4am and work until 3pm wwwuuaaaaahhh i just wanna cry. I weighed 137.6 lbs this morning. Now its gonna take me an extra few days to get to my august goal. Sorry for the rant. I need to go to sleep or something. And im not going to weigh in tomorrow

And by the way, dont get me wrong, i love my mom but theyre making it so damn hard for me. I didnt wanna go too much into detail because i dont wanna bore anyone but i just had to let some of it out


olehcat - i feel you. It sucks being so close to your first minigoal but it somehow feels like it takes an ETERNITY to get there. Hoping you will break the stupid 150s soon!

Aw, Hoopty, I'm sorry - family, huh? Can't live with them, can't kill them without ill consequences. That is great that your folks have given you a place to stay for now but hope you can hang on until you get your own space. Never mind about the mug-brownies and junk, that's in the past - keep moving forward!

olehcat, you hang in there too! You're gonna whoosh out of the 150's any moment now!

I had an "aack" moment when I stepped on the scale this morning - 125?! Huh. Must be a fluctuation, can't have anything to do with the chow mein last night, the brownie and Fritos the day before, or the glut of fruit the day before that, I'm sure. LOL Guess I'd better stick to the high road a little closer! It is kinda cool though to have 125 be my redline number, when it's a weight that I previously hadn't seen, much less been under, for 20 years or so. That's progress, right?

I'm getting back into my exercise routine. Went jogging yesterday, first time in a week, and it wasn't bad at all. Actually it was really good to feel my quads working hard again. Did some strength training today after a brisk walk and really pushed my muscles. No doubt I'll be feeling that tomorrow!

Have a great weekend, feathers, and remember: life's not about staying out of the storm, it's about learning to dance in the rain!

hi, guys. 150.2 AGAIN. What? Okay, well last night I ate a lot later than usual. I was meeting friends for dinner. I tried to pick something as small and healthy as possible without it being a salad because I have been eating salads non-stop lately and am getting a little tired of them. I got a small black bean soup. I did have a small slice of someone else's pesto pizza that was fantastic. But yeah, I had 2 glasses of wine. So maybe I would have whooshed to minigoal 1 by today if I hadn't gone out last night? WHo knows. I guess people who really lose weight just don't have a social life? I dunno. And today may not be that much better, *sigh,* I have an event this evening, too. But here's the problem. If I'm not under 149.8 by tomorrow, that means I'll have had NO loss this week. Which is really darned discouraging. I'm not sure what to do because I'm eating SUPER healthy now in just the right balance that I can live with (I incorporate a treat a day) long term and food is enjoyable and I KNOW it's darned healthy, lots of vegetables, eggs, protein, healthy fat like avocado, etc.. So I don't want to have to make it so I'm eating really bland food that I hate. That is setting myself up for failure. So I'm really, really praying for a whoosh by tomorrow because if I am under 149.8 tomorrow (which is where I was last Sunday), that means I can lose and still enjoy really yummy (albeit healthy) food!

I did go running this morning for the first time in a few weeks. Man, my muscles felt weak!

@cattails - oooh, I would LOVE to have 125 be a redline right now! I can't even believe I'm where I am right now, but I remember being at 125 and LOVING the way my body felt and looked in pictures, etc. Thank you! I am STILL waiting for that whoosh. And we're back to running twins! Today was my first day since before I left on my vacation! It did feel good, but man, I feel weak!

@hoopty - wow, that really sucks about your family. Due to crazy circumstances about 5 years ago I had to live with my parents for a little while and oh boy, it brought me back to my teen years when I was irritated with everything they did! Hang in there! You're doing great with your weight loss. One binge won't put you back too far!

Cattails - Thank you so much for your kind words. I read your post this morning and it helped me a lot I cannot wait to have 125 as my redline number. I remember weighing 123 lbs and LOVING it! My baby steps will get me there eventually

Olehcat - Thank you girl Being here really sucks 99% of the time but now I just gotta try harder to stay strong and not let it get to me the way I did yesterday. Honestly, I think you would've reached your first mini goal today, I mean you had soup (sodium!) and a little bit of pizza (sodium!) late (!). Wait it out, just a couple more days, I know it sucks but you're doing everything right!

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Well, I wasn't gonna weigh myself but I did anyways. I thought I needed to just suck it up and do it. And to my surprise, I wasn't up by THAT much. I weighed 140.2 lbs when I honestly expected to see 142.x lbs. I immediately felt much better and relieved.
So far I've been OP. I only got 2-3 hours of sleep last night, worked from 6am-3:15pm and now I'm digesting my lunch. I might take a nap but I am definitely going for a run later. It's beautiful outside. I also plan on doing weight training and stretching and I wanna try to be all showered and bed-ready by 8:30-9pm since I have another 6am shift tomorrow.

Today is another random shark-week-day if you know what I mean. This whole forgetting the BCP really screwed with my body. I feel super bloated and I haven't peed at all though I drank so much water already. I'm gonna take the numbers on the scale more seriously when I start the new BCP pack in about 1.5 weeks. Who knows what the actual TOM will bring scale-wise, you know.

Hoopty--Living with your parents sounds tough right now! Hopefully you and your DH will have your own space sooner rather than later. I remember the days of the BCP. Ugh. Hormonal roller coaster is right! I'm glad your weigh in wasn't too bad. Good news.

Olehcat--You're eating well AND you went running. Those 140's will come soon.

Cattails--I've never even considered that my body could get to 125 and if memory serves me you're taller than me. You must be tiny. Inspirational!

Leaves--It's really hard when you're out of your element and there's lots of temptation around. That was basically the story of my summer. You'll get back into your routine soon enough.

Krampus--You're new kitty kitty is soooo cute! What did you name that cutie?

My son turns 13 on Monday and so far we've thrown two parties for him. I've been eating pizza, cake, sugary drinks and various junky snacks every day since Wednesday. I'm baking another cake for him tomorrow and we'll be going out to dinner for him on Monday. Ummmmm. Anyone see a problem? Lol. I'm not too stressed. I'm taking the approach that it will all return to normal soon enough. I hope I'm not just kidding myself. And I still have not started up my workouts. That needs to change very soon. My congrats to those of you who have recently started up your workouts.

My goal was not fated to be for me this week. Ugh. My official weekly weigh-in was today and I'm not even at 150.something, I'm up a pound. I guess I have to change my ticker. I was at 151.4. I know the main problem yesterday was that last night I was out (again) and while I didn't eat much at all, I did have wine and I did have some sodium-filled appetizers (it was one of those fancy affairs where people carry the trays around and you have little bits here and there).

I don't know what to make of it all except I need a "diet" survival plan, I suppose for a social life. I have to get better at this! When I'm at home, at work, etc. I do great, I can resist anything. To me, it's evening socializing that gets me. So...I obviously need to tweak what I'm doing for this week since this past week didn't yield me a loss. Last Sunday I was 149.8. Today I am 151.4 (with some sodium bloat, i would assume). So I don't think I actually gained this week, but I do think that I basically just maintained a weight that is too high for me. So must tweak, tweak, tweak for this week.

Why can't it be a bit easier, eh? (sorry for whining, I just had to vent)

@Moving Forward - yes, you're right! Things will go back to normal soon enough! I thought I'd never get into a rhythm of eating healthy again after this past summer and vacation. My eating habits were thrown SO badly off. But after a few days, it felt natural and good and today is day 2 of running for me and it's starting to feel like okay, this is what I just have to do every day, no option!

@Hoopty - that's great that your weigh-in wasn't as bad as you thought! That's awesome and should give you that little "umph" to get back into being on plan!

Grrrrrr. I binged again last night, had 2 vanilla cream-filled croissants, 2 mug-brownies with nutella, more nutella, bread with nutella, 2 coconut macaroons and more nutella. And the thing is, I could've avoided it if I had made the right choice. I was sitting down painting my nails and while they were drying I was thinking of going for a jog next and then working out. But at the same time I was also thinking about those delicious croissants. For some reason, and I don't know why, I just got up, walked downstairs and grabbed the croissants. WRONG DECISION! So mindless. And of course, I ended up not jogging or working out.
Needless to say, my weight was up to 142.6 lbs. I still haven't peed though, so I know some of it is still water retention, plus I am still on-and-off bleeding and my BM's have been really weird lately. I'm wearing these jeans that still feel super loose so I am trying to see that as a good thing and I try to tell myself that I've probably only gained about 1-2 pounds of actual fat which I can still get rid of this last week of August IF, and only IF I eat healthy and work out. On September 1st my niece is celebrating her 4th birthday and I've already marked that day as "food-fest" in my calendar. Now because I added 2 days of junk food to my list this week it's like I probably shouldn't enjoy myself that day (I will though, I will, lol!)
Today is the last BCP of the current pack, so we'll see how the 7-day break will affect my body and how things change (for the better, hopefully!) once I start the new pack. No more forgetting the pill, that's happened to me maybe twice in Jesus...6 years? And yes, I am blaming my current state on that, I am so sure all this wouldn't be happening if I hadn't forgotten to take it. I was doing so well. Shame on me!

It's 12pm over here and it's beautiful outside. You better believe I am going for a jog later this afternoon and I am lifting weights afterwards. I wanna see the numbers on the scale drop.

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Moving Forward - Sounds like you're having a good time! I wouldn't stress over it, like you said, things will be back to normal soon and then you can focus on getting some workouts in as well. By the way, I see that you're from San Francisco, are you a Niner fan at all?

olehcat - I hope you will find a way to combine social life with healthy eating, one that you can stick to. Here's to a good weigh-in next Sunday! You're very close to your mini goal and I can't wait for you to share it with us!

eh, I am feeling discouraged. I didn't weigh myself today because I was feeling bloated (I could feel my stomach jutting out) and I KNEW my weight would not be down. I don't know. I don't know. My clothes seem to fit all right, but I do feel bloated, like I've been eating things too high in sodium or something? I'm trying to drink a bunch of water today. We'll see.

One day at a time.

Olehcat--So sorry you're discouraged. I like your one day at a time sentiment. Tomorrow is a brand new day.

Hoopty--I am actually pretty uninterested in professional football. I think I got turned off because I grew up in a super macho, super sports oriented family where some game or another was always on the TV. I just tuned out. The only football team I can get into is Cal since I'm an alum.

It's official. I now have two teenagers in the house. Today is my son's birthday and we went out to dinner at a steakhouse. As predicted, I ate waaayyy toooo much. I enjoyed every bite, but now I'm feeling kind of guilty. It's very strange to me that I seem to be splurging often enough (interspersed with good days too) and my weight seems to be holding steady. And I'm not exercising. Is this too good to be true? I would love to hear from people who have been maintaining if this sounds reasonable.

@krampus - Aw, what a sweet kitty! How's he doing?

@olehcat - Hold steady, girl! You've had maybe an overdose of sodium lately and just taken up running again, your bod will catch up momentarily - I'm sure of it!

@Hoopty - Omg, if I ate all the yummy things you describe, I'd be as wide as I am tall! LOL Hope next month is less turbulent for you.

@Moving Forward - Grats on two teenagers in residence! And kudos on holding steady with your weight; it's awesome, though personally I'd consider it more of a grace period than a guaranteed thing.

By the by, I'm a Niners fan, and really excited about Kaepernick; he's inspired my mom to watch football now, too, since he went to school in Reno which is right near her. I'm a very bad fan, though, always asking DH "What happened? What did they do? Was that good?" I love to see the really long passes and runs, though, those are exciting.

My weight was back down to 123 yesterday, back to 125 this morning? Baah...the important thing is I feel really good and my trouble spot, the belly, is looking less bulgy than ever and feeling more cinched in. So I'm happy, and motivated to keep on keeping on! Gonna try a longer, slower run this morning and see how that goes, even though my throat is a tiny bit sore today (son's home with a cold, poor guy).

Still bingeing, still being a mindless eater, still on-and-off bleeding and still bad poops. I was doing great yesterday, even went for a 4.8 mile jog and worked out like a beast and guess what? Even though I felt super great afterwards I was still craving junk food and I gave in. It's really never this bad, especially after having worked out and I want it to end, right now.

I didn't bother weighing myself this morning. I went to work at 9am only for my boss to tell me that I'm not on the schedule. So I went back home, got a couple of things done around the house, napped and ate like a monster. I am so full right now, I seriously wanna puke.

I don't understand why it's so hard for me to say no to all the crap food. It's the same thing every day - I wake up full of regret, eat healthy breakfast and then the cravings kick in. I eat and tell myself "you'll be back on track once you start the new pack of BCP" and use that as an excuse. Then I feel a little bit of regret but nothing that would stop me from doing it again. Then once I lay down, I feel like crap again and tell myself that I will be healthy tomorrow which doesn't happen, or hasn't happened in a few days now.

Does anyone have any advice? Tips? Something that I can use to stay on plan? What should I do? I drink plenty, I eat enough protein, healthy fats, veggies and fruits so that is not the problem, it's the whole hormonal thing that's going on. Should I just wait it out? I really don't know right now.

I'm gonna wait for all this food to go down and then I'm gonna work out, not because I feel guilty but because I'm actually in the mood to lift some weights.

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olehcat - One day at a time is right, I should write it on a piece of paper and tape it in front of my eyes. Did you manage to flush some of the sodium out yet? How were you feeling today?

Moving Forward - If it is true then you're one lucky woman! I'm glad to hear you had a great time. Do you weigh yourself daily or on a weekly basis?

Cattails - Thank you, I hope so too I'm telling you, all this food is EVIL! My DH is the biggest, and I mean the biggest Niner fan in the whole wide world. He doesn't like Kaepernick (though he appreciates his game play) and wanted to keep Alex Smith. I felt bad for that guy too and hope he does well in Kansas City. I can't wait for regular season to start, omg! I'm not a Niner fan though, Packers all the way! I looooveeee Rodgers and cannot wait to see him play

Still chugging along, but not much success. 150.6 today. That's higher than the 150.2 that was last week at this time. I have to do something different, but I promised myself to at least wait until Saturday (which will have to be my official weigh-in day this week, as I will be out of town Sunday morning AND it will be the morning after attending a wedding). So my body has 3 more days to get down below 149.8. It seems like it would be a piece of cake since I'm only .8 above that, but you know...who knows!

@hoopty - I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with binging! I hope things are smoothing out a little for you!

@cattails - it probably IS sodium, but so frustrating. I love making homemade stirfries. They are otherwise healthy, but yeah, definitely more sodium than other foods sometimes (even though I try to use lower salt soy sauce, etc.)

@moving - whoo hoo, two teenagers! Let the fun begin!

@olehcat - It is so hard to avoid sodium. I'm sure I take in waay too much! My DH takes me out to eat at least 3 or 4 times a week and you know restaurants use the stuff liberally. I love stirfries too! My favorite is cooking some chunks of chicken and tons of veggies, then throwing in a splash of almond milk, a squirt of Sriracha sauce and a dollop of Szechaun stirfry sauce. Yum! There's never any left over. Anyway, hang in there, I'm pulling for you to see the 140's really, really soon!

@Hoopty - You know, it seems to me that you've been under a lot of stress for the past few months, what with uprooting and moving to Germany with a new husband, living with your parents as an adult which is always a difficult transition to work through, and reinserting yourself into your 'old' life (and old ways?). Could it be some of the cravings/bingeing is a response to those stresses? The BCP of course mucks things up, too, but I was thinking (since you were asking for advice, tips and such) maybe taking up something like yoga would help. I've found the breathing and movement of yoga to be very mind-calming and helpful in keeping me mindful in a lot of aspects of my life. Anyway, just a thought.

I feel bad for Alex Smith, too - just bad, bad luck that concussion gave Kaepernick the opportunity to show his stuff. I can only imagine how frustrated Alex must have been last season, sitting the bench after he was cleared. Hopefully the Chiefs work out well for him. Wow, your husband is a diehard Niners' fan and you a Packers'? That must make for some interesting game days!!


Went out for the long slow jog yesterday but my stupid knee developed a sharp stabbing pain that wouldn't quit. So I walked a couple miles instead - why does this body betray me?! Ah, well, I do what I can. Hard to make much progress, though, when aches and pains make me start and stop.

whoo hoo, finally 149.4. I can't call minigoal goal yet because I want it to be just at 149 or below, especially because things will go up again by Monday a bit, I imagine, because I have some things going on this weekend that translate into me not being completely on plan.

I have a wedding this Saturday. I'm actually not as worried about wedding food. I probably won't like it that much and won't eat much of it. I'm not much of a "meat and potatoes" person and that's the type of food that is usually catered at weddings. And the cake will have to be REALLY delicious for me to care to have more than a bite or two of it.

But I do worry about stress eating. I'll be driving to an unfamiliar city and having to find my way between two different locations for the wedding/reception as well as the hotel. I will be by myself at a wedding which is awkward. What would I do besides eat? But I'm REALLY hoping that it will be a buffet style maybe (like my sister's was) and I can pile up on veggies or salad because who cares if I binge on that out of boredom?

I hate it when I've finally maybe found my weight loss groove and then special circumstances come up *flail flail*

I need to stop by a grocery store today and pick up some fresh veggies for dinner. I'm bored with what I've been having the last few days (stir fry) but it's too hot to really cook...

@Cattails - sorry about the pain. I absolutely HATE when my body does that to me when I'm making good running progress!

For my stirfry, I use sesame oil to stirfry in, then I add sriracha sauce (very generous, I love spicy), a squirt of lemon juice (fresh), a splash of sherry, a little bit of the non-wheat soy sauce (tamari sauce, I think?), and a tiny dollop of this ginger-sesame flavor for stirfries (a tiny amount because I think it's loaded with sugar). And YUM!