at rabbits!

One thing I found with my kids, is that if you are honest with them, they are more receptive and perceptive than we give them credit for.

So, anyway, not every boy is meant to be a big ole, he man athlete like John Elway or Michael Jordan. I mean where would we be without Steve Jobs and Bill Gates and (sarcasm ahead) ole what's his bucket the politician who claims to have invented the internet?

But good health, nutrition and some form of physical activity is important, so that you can enjoy the people and things you love and live a happy life, whether you are Hulk Hogan or Super Geek.

So, maybe have a "visit" "with" him, instead of talking "to, at, over or around" him. Allow him to help with the decisions. I think he'll feel much better if he can have an active part in the process and understand that you don't expect him to be like his brother or anyone else. That you just want him to be healthy and happy.

Just my 2 cents worth.

This is not at ALL directed toward any specific parent, and is certainly not meant to hint that my issues are related to Eliana's child or anyone else. But since I was morbidly obese as a child I thought I would share a data point.

I was overweight or obese from basically birth thru my 20s. Many tactical approaches were taken by my Mom...none at all made a significant difference.

My food issues were not something I realized were actually related to DEEP emotional issues until I was almost 30. It was basically a means to exercise control over the only thing in my life I could control. My psyche couldnt handle it, so it sorta dumped off the need to be in control to the physical body...and it worked well for a time. I survived. Thanks psyche for not breaking! You did what you had to do, and I am so thankful

I endured daily trauma as an infant in a physically violent and drug addicted parental situation (father was drug user and abused my mother). She left him when I was 2, but my mother was basically a borderline sociopath herself...so 40+ moves and 12+ husbands (my mother, not me!) later I was an adult and definitely no longer in control of food, it was in control of me!

I remember my mother telling a story all the time she thought was cute...about how when I was a baby she could sit me in my highchair, give me a bowl of peas, and I would take an hour to eat it...carefully inspecting each pea. Seems not so funny, but enlightening to think that even as a baby it had begun...the control exercise to evade the constant traumas I experienced in daily life.

It was dealing with the trauma in conjunction to dealing with the eating disorders I attained as a result that actually helped.

I know as mothers we hate to see our children suffer, be it physically, or emotionally. Has your son been tested for diabetes? Or thyroid disease?Maybe a referral from your DR. to an endocrinologist might be the key.
I think walking might be the easiest way to get him moving, or how about swimming? The T-shirt and making "your own team" idea is GREAT! Maybe you could set mini goals like for every 5 miles we walk together we'll go play mini-golf, or a movie, or something similiar. Naturally you will have to break that 5 miles down in smaller increments until he builds a little stamina and endurance. But you could chart each quarter mile or so until you have reached goal. Maybe have a big reward at the end of a year.As we all know here, achieving those little goals is what keeps us going Prayers for you and your son that a solution will be found soon

ok lots of comments, i'll see if i can remember them all.

first, yes! you are doing a great job as a mom, i don't blame you at all. i'm sure for all of us chicks any suffering our children have to go through is completely unintentional. we would never want them to go through the pain we've been through.

trampoline, wii games, i was thinking of those too. we have those too.

with food. it's hard.
i try to talk with my kids about that often. how to choose foods, because they give us energy. notice how after they ate a poptart, they were hungry again soon after. but when they ate a healthy snack they had lots of energy to play.

maybe for holiday events and birthday parties you could talk to the hostess. make it a party not centered around the food. like go to the waterpark, rock climbing at a gym, hang out at a reg. park. ok all those sound like kinda the same idea, but lots of ways to celebrate and get together without being surrounded by cake.

have you tried dance dance revolution? that's great for parties too. and lots of fun. doesn't feel like exercise.

if he's into computers, maybe you could use that to your advantage? like lots of charts to mark his progress. his exercise minutes, intensity, inches lost, times he tried new fruits/veggies, or ate his produce. try to build some consistency, then he can look back on it and feel great!

it really seems like there would be a way to make martial arts more affordable. it's such an independent sport. maybe you could get a used boxing punching bag? that can be really fun! both my boys like punching/kicking ours. great for feeling strong and getting out stress. there's lots of kickboxing dvds. you could rent some with male instructors. see how he likes it. they also have weighted gloves.

what's great is, he's old enough to understand about how the body works. he can learn all about nutrition and the different cells, muscles and lots of gross stuff. if he's into science stuff (I know my sons are) he could get really interested in that. they have an exibit at our local science center called grossology. learning all about how the body makes boogers and bunch of stuff. maybe if it's presented in an interesting way, he would like to learn about how his body works and what would make it work better.

you could do science experiments. like he eats meal A then records or tells you how he felt after. did he feel hungry 20 mins, 2 hrs, 3 hrs later? how much energy did he have? can't think of anything else.

then you two could compare to other snacks/meals. does he feel better with less carbs, more protein? lots of carbs, doesn't care about protein? maybe he just wants lots of apples and it tastes good lol.

hey there, I'm not a mum but I was just trying to think of stuff I enjoyed as a kid in terms of exercise. I was terribly shy and extremely unco-ordinated and would have sold my soul for a note to get out of PE. But I LOVED swingball. Like this: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mookie-76158.../dp/B0000A120M Im not sure how many calories it burnt, but it was awesome fun and great stress relief I'm not sure where you live, but walking on the beach collecting shells or looking in rock pools was also heaps of fun. "Going for a walk" was always a chore, but going to the beach for a look in the rock pools and to poke the sea anemones was a treat Frisbees were also good, but a bit harder to disguise the exercise part.

Great thread... this is a future concern of mine (as mine is not even on solids yet). OH + I are very athletic (my weight problem was 6 years ago) and sometimes I fear that we may push our athletic lifestyle too hard, expecting him to be like us. OTOH, I don't want him to rebel against that and feel pressured, with the opposite happening.

I don't know what to do

I just thought of another thing when I read 'frisbee'.
Frisbee golf!
It's easy, fun for the whole family, it's not really about winning AND you're forced to stomp around the woods for a good hour or two . The tougher courses have actually quite a lot of hill climbing incorporated, so you get some good "moving around" exercise.

Oh yeah, we have Frisbee golf around here. I forget about that. And "swing ball" looks a bit like tether ball and I am a tether ball nut! We got the kids to play with us at a farm we went to not long ago. I'd love to have a tether ball in our back yard, but I'd be picky about it. I'd want it to be as firm as the one at my playground growing up and I'm not sure backyard tether balls are made that way. Swing ball looks like it wouldn't matter nearly as much, and it looks like it takes a bit of hand/eye coordination which is a good thing.

Sacha, don't sweat it. You'll know. We ended up with a little boy who is not athletic and we are just fine with it. What you do is try them out in various things from piano to soccer to art and see what interests and talents they have. We're musicians on our end and I've had them playing piano for a few years now. One is amazing at reading music but not so coordinated with the fingers. The other has an amazing innate talent for piano, good rhythm, good ear, but can not read it to save his little life. If they're not good at music, that's fine. We're not into football AT ALL but our youngest wants to be a pro football player. To each their own! LOL!

Thanks Maybe he will be a pro footballer and Eliana will retire to a Miami beach condo

Eliana - I was a not a seriously overweight child. I remember my mother taking me to see a specialist when I was 8, who diagnosed the fact that I was fat. I have been living up to that ever since !!
My own kids have been overweight, skinny, just right. I have taught them what good food is, and encouraged them to eat well and exercise. It is a horrendous problem, and one that is very difficult to handle correctly. I'm a teacher and teach my kids about healthy eating as part of course work. We also try to discuss the emotional issues connected with weight. With my own kids I have taught them to cook, taught them about calories and what is good and what is not. My son is currently at his fattest, my daughter is in the normal weight range. Having me lose so much weight has breally helped. All you can do is support, advise, guide and be the great mother that you already are.

My son is on the autism spectrum and having gained a few pounds around his hips and middle--we are trying to nip this in the bud quickly.
The reason I mentioned the autism spectrum is because it radically changes the way he is willing to participate in sports. He is high functioning, but hates most competitive sports because they are too chaotic. The rules are quite subtle and don't make sense to some children.
I have found a sports group catering to children who don't thrive in other environments. Some are overweight, some have disabilities and some are just working on gross motor skills. This is a no pressure group and it is awesome.
I have found that my ds complains when I make him exercise, ie) take him on walks or hiking no matter how fun I try to make it. The solution? Find a peer who is really active instead. My ds loves to swim at the pool with his hyper friend from down the street. This friend engages him into action and gets him moving.
I am also testing my child for food sensitivities. My physician has been talking about the epidemic cases of dairy and gluten sensitivities he has seen, not to mention candida yeast. It is possible that your son may have some food sensitivities, weight gain is one of many subtle symptoms.
From my own experience, I am also trying to make my children drink water- and lots of it. I still surprise myself for thinking I am hungry when I am really thirsty.
Oh, and the Mom who bribes her kids with electronics? I do it too! Pokemon DS Heart Gold/ Soul Silver games come with a pedometer. The more the child moves the better Pokemon they can find. It is a win win.

My son's 10 and he wanted to send a message to you.

He said to tell you first of all that you sound like a really nice person and so your son must be too. That it's a shame you don't live nearer so they could do things together.

Then he said that you should all be in it together, and should keep moving. Moving is better than sitting around (he was a bit keen at this point - he does read a great deal whilst sitting and lying around ... but I'm sure you get the idea). And moving is better than always competing.

His specific recommendations were walking (running will come a bit later, according to him), the mini trampoline, sit-ups (his big thing at the moment) and ... darts for those cold, dark, wet nights (do you have those where you live?) He thinks darts are good, especially if your son is a bit technically/mathematically minded. Movement and arithmetic. (He told me this whilst I was washing up and taking my turn at darts with him - we have the board up in the kitchen.)

So, Eliana, I said I'd pass all this on. Very good luck. And, yes, it is a shame you don't live nearer. We could all have a go on the tennis court!

I was overweight (not hugely) as a kid and was put on Weight Watchers at age 11, if I remember right. It promptly caused me to begin sneaking food, eating in secret, etc. No kid should ever feel hungry, seriously, fat or not.

My mother (bless her heart) just wanted to help me be more of a normal kid but the scars from "dieting" remain. I remember knowing that I was different than other kids and feeling shameful about it.

I am 22 but find myself strongly drawn towards buying weird things like fruit roll-ups now because they were not allowed then.

Some people never forget what happened to them as kids-
I still feel nervous/guilty if I eat a snacky "kid" food, and still have a hard time with my mother sometimes for doing that to me.

Everyone has given you great advice, (and you sound like a wonderful mom trying to encourage healthiness) I would just urge you to remember that any vibe you give him now may be remembered (heavily) forever.

You've gotten lots of good advice And huge props to you for being such a wonderful and sensitive mother.

I'm not a parent, so I can only imagine what a tough situation this is for you. I was always chubby, though never "fat," as a child. In a way, I definitely wish that my parents had stepped in and helped me with my weight earlier. They were divorced, and my mom was a single working mom who never had time to cook. I had either fast food or Kraft Mac n' Cheese nearly every night. On weekend visits to my dad's, he'd spoil me with hot fudge sundaes and other junk. They weren't doing me any favors, that's for sure. And my weight was never really brought up except for some random side comments that always stuck with me.

One activity that I thought of was geocaching. Basically, people hide little "treasures" (mostly just little knick knack things, I think), and they post the exact coordinates of the location online. Then you can look up location points within such and such miles of your home, take your GPS and go find them! Basically a hiking treasure hunt with technology. It popped into my head when you mentioned he was enthusiastic about technology. This way he could play with a gadget and have a motive to get outside and active. It would be a fun family activity too...he could be the family navigator. I know some families get pretty serious about it and go on geocaching roadtrips.

Silverbirch, please give your ten year old a great big old hug! What a little sweetie! He certainly has some great ideas, sit-ups aside. LOL! In fact, I just asked him "What's your favorite exercise, like sit-ups, push-ups, jumping jacks?" His answer? "I hate all of them." That's ok! I understand! It's all hard, hard, hard! So we're getting it in sneakily.

Kaala, yes, you've described my fear. It's every parent's fear. No one knows just what they may do to ruin their children for life. I try to strike a happy balance. For instance, I hid the Halloween candy and give them each 14 pieces at the beginning of each week. I like my sweets and believe in moderation, so we go out for ice cream probably once a week. I spoil them with really good cookies from the Whole Foods store now and then, not often at all. I just don't buy crappy cookies from the store. We'll eat chips with Subway, but we don't have them in the house. They get fruit snacks on road trips, but we don't have them in the house. That kind of thing.

Megan, someone else mentioned GEO caching too, so now I need to ask. How can you make it a hike? We've done it a few times and it's a matter of driving up to the location and looking around a little. I guess maybe stop the car before we actually got to the location? But how do you know you're in a location that lends itself to walking?