Wait a minute.... Is your mother in law Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond? LOL

Kaplods,

If there is any woman on this entire friggin' board that can think this one through and know exactly what to do about it IT IS YOU! I am supportive of whatever decision it is you have made or are going to make to handle this. Please keep us abreast of the situation.

It would have been difficult but I would have tried not to have even acknowledged receiving it actually. People do some crazy crap and this one definitely deserves taking note. I think the letter says NOTHING about you or hubby. I think it says EVERYTHING about the mother. What does she want? Applause for having lost weight--or some constant reassurance saying, "Yep, we're fat and you're skinny?" I say to definitely consider the source above all else. Is she someone your hubby and you have a deep, intimate relationship with--someone you implicitly trust and know has your best interest at heart? If not, issue a cease and desist order to the old bat and move on.

The letter pisses me off and I am only reading about it!

LOL, of course you're right. More than anything this thread has been me thinking out loud. It helps me so much to get others opinions when I think I might be overreacting (or underreacting for that matter).

TheTigz - no MY mother is Marie (meddling, but ultimately loving and loved tossed with a bit of frustration and martyrdom on all sides).

His mother is more Beverly on Rosanne (more meddling, and even heavier on the martyrdom).

In the scheme of things, I've forgiven people a LOT worse, and been able to move on quickly and enjoy the relationship for what it can be - in this case, a superficially friendly one.

I'll no longer "trust" her with personal information, because I see how she can use it against people.

I did go ahead and accept the shopping invite (and didn't mention the letter), but kept it very short. Usually my emails are as long as my posts, so if she were a perceptive person she would have realized that she shouldn't "push it," but what does she do?

This is HILARIOUS (and I won't be telling hubby), but she sends me a SPAM prayer (I get so much prayer and cute-sappy spam from her that I usually don't open any that I can see has been forwarded), but I opened it without thinking and it's spam about "appreciating people and things before they're gone."

the spam starts with


One day a woman's husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't "anymore". No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute." Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say "I love you."



I was too stunned to be horified, and before the shock wore off, I saw the humor in it and started laughing. I'm sure not the reaction SHE expected, but it was just so macabre. She sends us a letter about how David is going to die (and how cruel it is for David to kill himself slowly before her eyes) and then she sends me a piece of sugar wrapped crap about a woman's husband dying and appreciating what we have before it's lost.

I finally realized just how sick this woman is - and I mean that in the clinical sense. I suspect there's some borderline personality or bipolar issues going on. A person in their right mind wouldn't have done that. Talk about the poorest of timing.

The sad thing is I think she really does desperately want to "connect" with me. Because I'm a very open and unguarded person AND almost impossible to offend (although if anyone has taught me that I can be offended, it's she), I think she sees me as a person who loves and respects her deeply.

I'm not saying I have no affection for her (it's just been a very weird ride). She's not evil. Her heart really is often in the right place, she's just really messed up.

She's the person who almost has the right thing to say (and if she learned to shut up after the first few sentences, I think she'd be fine). Even the letter started out very caring, but just as you thinkg "how sweet" there's an evil spin put on it. Whether it's intentional or not, it's ultimately about control (which I do sense from my mom too, the "I'm still the mother, and I know what's best for you).

Both my mom and David's have essentially the same life view. "The world would run a whole lot smoother, if everyone would just realize that I know best, and they'd just do what I told them to."


My mom is just a whole lot less subtle. You see it coming and it's not hidden in sweetness (so it's a lot easier to just roll your eyes and move on). David's mom is able to hook you in, thinking "this woman really cares" and then WHAP you're hit in the head with a big, slimy, stinky ol' fish.

Everytime I hear a reference to Beverly from Roseanne I think of the episode where she fell and broke her hip while getting it on and they started calling her, "craftmatic adjustable Bev".

(back to regularly scheduled programming)

You are so wise and strong Kaplods.

I would be a crying mess if I was in your situation.

Keep up the great work!!! xxx