One way to deal with this is for her to start down the trail to the lap band. It takes quite a bit to get one. You do see a counselor to be cleared for surgery, a nutritionist who will explain how she'll have to eat after, and a surgeon who will talk to her about her commitment to losing weight. Most docs won't do the surgery unless you jump through the hoops. And after surgery, should they approve her, when she eats too much it will make her sick. So that is one way to stop that behavior. I'd let her check it out. Some of your issues will present themselves to the lapband team and maybe she'll get some insight.

Can you find a local chapter of Compassionate Friends? Years ago our family had a similar experience and finding a group of people who really understand helps more than anything.

Saw your post and thought I'd reply although I don't belong on the weight loss surgery forum. I'm sorry for your loss and sorry your wife is still struggling a lot. I don't want to assume, but I am sure it's the grieve of your bereavement that's causing her to eat and want to eat this way and I really would suggest she gets help for that before deciding on weight loss surgery. I put on 70lb after a traumatic miscarriage very very quickly 5 years ago, nearly lost most of it now but it's taken the last year. I guess is she's investigating surgery if she's emotionally eating then this will come out anyway as she sees the doctor but surgery, or even losing weight aren't going to take away the pain she's feeling and I really would suggest she needs counselling and to treat the emotional eating before committing to weight loss surgery. Be gentle with her though - she may not be willing to find the help she needs (I wasn't) but that I believe would be the best thing for her health in the long term. She also may not be ready to get the help and support she needs - so be patient with her.

I love this idea. It shows that you support her, the issues get discussed and it gives you an opportunity to talk to her with a "team" behind both of you.

I hope you come back and update us.... how was the move?

Mr. 206 I am so sorry to hear about the lost of your son. It sounds like your wife is still grieving and using food as an outlet. She is self medicating with food and needs to seek counseling. She has formed an unhealthy relationship with food because its filling a void for her at this time. I think that you all should probablly go to therapy before starting the weighlt loss surgery process. She probably doesn't realize how much she eats and not ready to talk about it because its so comforting to her. It doesn't sound like she had this problem before the lost of your son. Food is helping her to cope...I hope this helps.

Thats only true if your going through your insurance.... if you self-pay most doctors will do it in the drop of a hat.. money talks.

Eating to much will not make her sick, however it can hurt like heck if she does not chew properly (eats to fast) and it gets stuck..thats very painful. But in order for that to happen she needs to have the proper restriction (fills). Fills cost money as well (if your self-pay), some fills cost up to $200 each..depending on your Dr.

Just having the band does not make you lose weight... if she decides she is not going to diet and eat healthy, she will find a way to get those foods that get stuck down one way or another, or subsitute them for other food that will go down like ice cream or greasy junk food. Junk food is easier to eat with the band then clean foods, so the band could work against you if your not careful and have a healthy Mindset to make it work.

Her mind has to be in the right place or its just not going to work her (or anyone), so IMHO, she needs therapy first, pretty much what all the others have said here.

Because the original poster hasn't been around for awhile, and we're going over the same ground, I'm closing this thread. If anyone has major issues with that, and is perhaps just ACHING to respond, ask me via PM to re-open it. But please be prepared to explain why it needs to be re-opened instead of you starting a different, more-general thread!

thanks, ya'll!!!