LisaMarie71, I agree--we can't really make generalized statement about "all women" or "all men" or "all" anyone. People are individuals!

Also, when people offer food, they often have only kind intentions. It is a way of showing love in some families, and of sharing. That's why I always try to take it lightly and smile when I'm turning something down, instead of becoming the Dieting Harpie from ****... "HOW DARE YOU OFFER ME THAT YOU MONSTER DON'T YOU KNOW I CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T..." Well you get the picture.


Jay

That cracked me up. I'm VERY conscious of not being one of those annoying dieting people, because I know when I was off plan and gaining weight or staying obese, I hated hearing about it. Sure, some people may NEED to hear about it, but there's nothing more annoying than hearing about calorie counting when you're not doing it yourself!

Wow, what a great thread. It reminded me of a friend of mine. We have worked together for a long time and we both have had Pepsi addictions. I'm not talking diet Pepsi, either. This is the regular Pepsi, from a fountain, with good ice! Used to love it!!
Well, about the time that I started with 3FC and started on this journey, she decided to give up Pepsi for lent. I told her I would support her with that and that I was giving it up, too. (I'm not Catholic, I was just giving it up to get it out of my system!)
Anyway, since Lent is over, she wanted to go back to drinking Pepsi. I told her that I was still going to stay away from it as best as I could. I think this kind of ticked her off because I wouldn't help supply the justification as to why we should have it! I told her that she could keep drinking it, but I was well into drinking water on a regular basis and had felt much better. She said, "Well, Pepsi is the only fun thing I have in my life and this is how I give myself a treat. I don't drink or smoke, so I need something." I told her that she should do whatever she wants, but I found it funny that she was so defensive. And, I wondered if I had been like that, too, explaining why I should be allowed to have a Pepsi! I guess I was no longer a "drinking" buddy!
Fortunately, I don't miss it and wouldn't want to drink it now.

Oh, and I HAVE to use the line that "it makes me break out in fat". I'm holding on to that one!!! Funny!!

Um, gee... great workplace dynamics, boobear... not!... bleah... doesn't sound fun at all!

Jay

I think that's part of my issue with visiting family. I'm the "starving student" - not that I'm actually starving, but I'm pretty perpetually broke, so when I go home to visit, it's "Let's go out to dinner! Let's get Starbucks and bagels for breakfast! Let's go out for drinks!" and I think it's their way of giving me the "luxury" foods of eating out that I can't afford for myself. Some things I take gratefully - like going to sushi, cause I really *can't* afford to do that on my own - but sometimes with simpler stuff like steakhouses, it worries me a little. Because those steaks are huge, and really? I can buy cheap steak and make it myself if I want it, and I rarely do. But how can I turn down my mom and dad and my aunt and uncle, or my grandparents? It would be, to them, the equivalent of saying "I don't need you anymore"...and I'd NEVER get to go to sushi again! So I just try to plan for calorie-heavy weekends when I know I'm going to be going home. It works well enough.

I used to have that mindset of not being hungry meant being stuffed. That's one of the major changes I've made.

This thread has been really insightful. I just wanted to play devil's advocate for a minute. I'm sure we have all been on the other side, I know I have. Offered someone something just to be polite or maybe because you want a partner in crime. I know I'm not perfect either.

Is it possible that there is no malice at all in offering a treat? Maybe it is our own perception of the motive that turns it into an evil act. I mean, I am not happy all the time to have to watch what I eat and choose wisely. I can only do so much "fooling myself" into thinking I actually looove not having candy all day long. Exercise I enjoy. Giving up cheesecake and chocolates, I do not. So maybe there is something to be said about my own mindset when I'm being offered a treat. If I think about it, I'm already frustrated that I have to say no. So having someone wave it in my face doesnt make it any easier. But that is the polite thing to do. The other peron may not know if you want it or not. Or maybe they know you want it and feel bad that you have to be so restrictive. I dont know.

I just thought maybe my life would be a bit easier if I thought of it this way rather than that the person is trying to throw you off your diet. I've always said you can't control other people, you can only control your reaction to what others do. Why bother with all this healthiness, if you feel like other people are out to sabotage you.

Yeah, what you said, Bikini Dreader!

Jay

Basically, I combat it by not advertising that I am on a diet. I don't want the way I eat to be a topic of conversation. I had a friend (well, she claimed to my friend anyway) who EVERY time I would start a diet she would come with a HUGE, and I mean HUGE, bag full of chocolate. Now, I am not a big chocolate eater, but Dove chocolates with caramel..that is some yummy stuff!! So anyway, she would always do things like that. That is when I decided that if people are going to do me that way..I'm just not going to share with them when I am trying to diet.

Your friend is evil!

I've stopped using the "d" word. I do sometimes tell people that I am "watching my weight".

HAHA I thought this was funny. I do that too sometimes... not that I like being mean or anything (it's not a 'mean' thing to do anyway, they are BAD, trying to ruin your progress, it feels good to throw their *WEAPON* away), but I understand the coworkers/enemies deal.

Doggie bag. You don't need to eat all the food in one sitting.

I had to stop, blink and read that one again. The term "fun" just doesn't click with "food/drinks" for me, at least not if it's not associated with "while being with friends and chatting and having fun with THEM". I still tend to crave junk foods when I'm really bored or stressed, and that's been a hefty problem in itself, but I've don't think I've ever considered a Pepsi (or another drink, or whatever) as "something fun in my life". Watching a movie is fun. Playing a game is fun. But picturing myself alone with a glass of Pepsi and thinking "this is fun!" doesn't work. (Perhaps also because I'm the kind of person who thinks that if she's to have a treat, then it had better be something else than 'empty calories'.)

Am I the only one to think this sounds a bit... extreme?

Anyway, regarding the student food thing Nikaia mentioned: my grandma tended to do the same for me, so in the end I've just told her that what would make me realllly happy was if she could get me some green boxes of a specific brand (that I really like, it's true they're pretty good) instead of bretzels, pains au chocolat and other things. Or any other nice food such as good cereals, yoghurt... This is still food, but it's good food, and I can save up during the week on top of it since I don't have to buy it myself. Everybody's happy.

My MIL is a genuine, caring, loving woman who cooks everything from scratch. Old school all the way. And always, ALWAYS a Mom first. One of the very first ways a Mom shows her newborn love and care is thru nourishment... aka..Food.

She is also very supporitve. I will never forget a few years ago and my first go around with WW ... We went there for sunday lunch and that darling woman had put the point conversion on everything upon her table! I was so touched.

So I know her motives are pure when it comes around holiday time or it slips her mind that I am still watching what I eat ( You lost so much and look so good .. ) and she offers me extra servings or just one more. I also know the time and trouble it takes to make all those fabulous things from scratch.

I can't find it in my heart to refuse her ( or my husband's Grandmother's come to think of it. ) What I can find though is a way to show my appreciation and love in return, while getting them to wrap it for me to take home. 9 out of 10 times its my husband, or children, or an elderly neighbor lady who enjoy's it later.

My favorite motto and my family knows it... Stuffing isnt bad, Stuffing yourself is!

MariaMaria is right about doggie bag! I just can't eat one of those huge steaks these days--in fact, I can't even eat the 7 ounce smallest steak at some restaurants. I take a lot of steak home--it's good for days of meals. I even take chicken home. Fish... is a little hard... but most restaurants don't seem to serve a huge amount of fish.

I've also learned NOT to take everything home--I just let it go.

Kery, caffeine + sugar = fun for some folks! I guess it's like... a drug...

sweetnsassyfied--you have a really lovely way of handling it. And I love that your MIL went so far as to figure out the point conversions for you. Wow!

Jay