No, they are not. But what I was saying, is that there is a difference between the naturally attractive men, and the men who "know" they are attractive (conceited) or the men who focus too much on their appearance and with being hot/cool-such as the men who highlight/teeth whiten/tan/wear $120 blue jeans/drive Hummers etc. Stereotypical, yes, but there are definitely those guys out there.

My husband is absolutely good looking-he just doesn't FOCUS on it like some men do. The men who have those tendencies also tend to date women for their looks, and not their personalities as well. My brother happens to be one of those types...ladies-avoid him! (At least until he matures...which will probably be when he turns 50.)

well my dating days are over. And i did not have a standard, I dated A LOT LOL!!!
But I saw my dh soul and it was so beautiful I have to get married to him

Dating standards?????

I'm married. That put an end to my dating life a long time ago!

I'm married too, but thinking back.... I don't think my standards changed, but I think that when I was thin, I had more confidence, so I believed that a lot more guys were attainable, that they weren't "out of my league". My standard of what I find attractive has never really changed, but I think you cast your nets a little wider when you're thin. Is that simply because you're thinner, so more guys find you attractive? Or is it more because you feel better about yourself, and more confident? I'm not sure - probably a little of both.

When I was at my lowest weight I got really upset, being overweight all my life, most men never really noticed me...
then I lost a lot of weight and the attention was very hard to deal with....it was really upseting, because some guys were coming (to my standard) very strong. And it just get ufff. then I got married. Now I dont have to worry about it anymore

ill be completely honest with you. my standards have changed sooo much. i used to put up with terrible behavior because i somehow thought i couldnt do anything about it. now, i demand good behavior. i cant stand obnoxious nerdy banter, and i simply will not put up with it. i guess im going to be one of those tall skinny blonde girls that everybody hates, but hey... what can you do?
i want a beautiful tall man with a nice car, a big dog, his own house, and a taste for fine wine and poetry.
ive settled (in the past) for geeky indie kids with broken down hondas living in their parents basement, begging me to watch sci-fi.

big dif.
maybe that makes me shallow, or maybe i just know what i want.

I believe in the independant woman, I bought my own house and nice car before I even started dating DH. One thing I loved about him is he is very frugal with himself although he has always tried to shower me with gifts. I had to actually stop him from buying me jewelry and other items because I don't need a lot of flash in my life.

Also, someone who tends to spend a lot of money also tends to be in a lot of debt even if they have a good salary. Someone who overextends themselves to try to impress others is not sexy

Chiming in a bit late. I have not read most of the responses quite honestly.

I am married and dating is not at option for me. And that's really, really okay. I don't know how I ever did it.

Anyway, I would rather be alone then tolerate bad, obnoxious behavior and being mistreated. Without a doubt. Whether I am 287 lbs, 387 lbs or 125 lbs. Weight does not change that fact.

oh hun, i think youve misunderstood me. i have my own things ie (my own nice new car, working on building credit so that in the next two years i can get into real estate.). i work harder and make more money than most 20 year olds you know (most likely). i just appreciate a man who can take care of himself, and is on my level. in the past my relationships usually ended up with me taking care of the other person. now, we are all fed this fairy tell of 'love conquers all' and all that crap, but in reality, love doesnt pay the rent. i dont want anything from a man except that he be able to take care of himself. for you to imply that i am some sort of gold-digger is offensive.

i think its incredibly sweet for you guys to be in love with your significant others, and im not judging that. so please dont judge me.

the question was posed 'do your standards go up as your weight goes down?' my answer is yes. for me, as a young independent woman starting out in life, most definitly.

I didn't mean to come off so harsh if I did I've just known quite a few girls who went for the guy who had a nice house and a nice car and got burned for it. All women should know that they deserve respect. I'm with robin in saying that if the guys that are interested in you don't respect you and don't have the same goals as you, then there is no reason to even try dating them.

I will also say the saying "all that glitters isn't gold" applies I try to use my DH as an example of someone who drives a sensible car and didn't own his own home when I started dating him. He made a lot more money than me though (although I've closed the gap a little but it is hard when he keeps getting raises...) and had a lot more savings than me.

Strive to find someone who loves you, you love and that has important qualities. Financial stability is a good quality and I wouldn't suggest otherwise but some men try to have the appearance of financial stability when they don't

youre absolutely right. all the glitters is not gold. also, none of the guys i was with ever disrespected me or abused me (first sign of it, they were out the door). i just always wanted more and didnt think i could get it. now i know (and this is more likely a self confidence thing rather than a weight thing) that i can be whatever i want, and have whatever i want. plus, i love myself now, so i think im more able to be open and outgoing. and i really dont want you guys to think im shallow. i have a soft spot for aspiring artists, poets, musicians. i love scraggly guys who sometimes forget to shave. i like a crooked nose, or pock marks, a scar. i love men who are quiet and intelligent. im not about models or bodybuilders. my definition of beauty is vastly different than most. unique is beautiful to me. evidence of life lived is beauty to me. practicality/stability is just more important than most things to me.

For me the answer would be yes. I really dont think too highly of myself in the looks department. Yes, many people tell me I am "pretty" but it doesnt compute when I have a whole 'nother person to lose. I have not dated in years. I don't want to be looked at and I really don't think I could get the type of guy I like. Because I did not want to be looked at, I started projecting myself as average. Now, after losing some weight, I am trying to get my sexy back. I went and got my hair done and eyebrows done. Eventually, I will get some highlights. Dating? I dont know. I feel like I don't deserve it yet. I will date when I am a size 16. Maybe even a 14.

I think my standards have definitely gone up not only because my weight has gone down, but for a variety of reasons. I would never date a guy who wasn't in the same place in life as I was -- meaning being financially stable, living on his own, having a stable job, being educated, mature, and responsible. A few years ago I wasn't in the same place, but now I am, so I expect the same for the person I get involved with. But if I still weighed 300 pounds, I'd probably have lower standards, just because I would think I wouldn't be able to find someone on that level who would want me. I don't know, I actually never tried dating then, because I thought I wouldn't be able to get anyone, not even low life losers who would have mistreated me. And no, I'm not insuniating that obese women can only bag losers, that is just what I thought, because of my low self esteem and confidence. It seems like there's a lot of lucky women on here that have wonderful and supportive husbands.

Euuuuuwww. I like natural masculine types who are over 6'2" (just an odd fetish I seem to have) and dress in adult hip hop style--slightly baggy jeans and baggyish collar shirts with sneakers or work boots. The only tan they better be sporting is from walking around or actually enjoying themselves playing around at the beach, not because they sat in some cancer-causing tanning booth or purposely beside some pool sweating their thonged butts off gross. I like the working man type. I know it sounds tacky, but I like a nice gold chain or bracelette as well. Not the 80's type or anything. But no other adornements and certainly no tight jeans.



I found this an interesting and provocative question. I've been with the same person since I briefly gained and am now losing my weight, so my answer is no.

Oo, this is a good question. I don't know how well I'll be able to answer it, because I've actually never dated or had a boyfriend before.

I've always been attracted to the same type of guys: super-smart, dark hair (and if it's a little curly, so much the better), dark blue or brown eyes, a sweet smile, and tall (over 6', which is silly because I'm 5'4). With a little bit of stubble. And an ability to talk Shakespeare while fixing the kitchen sink.

I don't think that's going to change, if I'm 1,000 or 100 pounds. I think what's going to change, I hope what's going to change, is that I'll have the confidence to pursue them. Be more assertive, and start building a freakin' dating history!