[barbcole]

I love the example dialog you chose, NiteNicole. Certainly made me laugh, yet still polite enough I wouldn't fire you.

To the OP: You're giving this woman far more power over you and your day than she deserves. If she is the type I have to deal with regularly, you were nothing more than a body in a non-challenging position (i.e. employee vs. customer) that she could passive aggressively provoke into complimenting her so she would go off with the idea that everyone told her how wonderful she was.

She could tell that you and your coworker were polite and professional enough that you would play your part of the conversation (oh you look great! you aren't fat!) and say what she wanted to hear and not challenge her.

Take it as a positive thing that you were polite and professional even though the customer was being a jerk.

[ArtyKay]

barbcole..she didn't ruin my day. it amused me more than anthing...I just thought it was a really strange situation. when she left we both started laughing and looked at eachother like.."did that seriously just happen?!!"

[Petite Powerhouse]

Originally Posted by 4xcharm

I know I look thin, but I truly feel fat. However, I never, never bring my weight/fat issues up as casual conversation.

That's the issue right there. I think most thin people wouldn't talk about their weight issues—especially with anyone but the people closest to them—if they were honestly concerned. I think they know how it would sound.

I have BDD. I have had this since I was about 13 or 14. The only people in my life who know this, though, are my boyfriend and me. I don't go around telling anyone else about my insecurities with my appearance. I even try not to talk about it with my boyfriend because I don't want to burden him. It's hard for him to hear. And as I have gotten older I have gotten much more comfortable with who I am. But I still have bad days, and I'm definitely freaking out a bit about wearing a swimsuit in two weeks in the Caribbean. I've backed out of doing this I don't know how many times in the last couple of months, only to give in again when my boyfriend tells me how much he wants us to go snorkeling. If my friends knew how stressful I find the idea of putting on a swimsuit, they would roll their eyes. But it is stressful all the same. Again, though, as I say, I don't tell them.

Oh, and there was also the whole "country club" name drop....

[DiBaskin]

I remember when I was younger and smaller, I really did think I needed to lose weight when I gained it. People would tell me I wasn't fat but for me I didn't want the extra pounds. Of course I never insulted or looked down any one who was bigger. That lady wasn't very nice. I think it is just what makes you happy. Once I got older, when I first started gaining weight it didn't really bother me. I kept saying I would just buy bigger clothes. Even now I don't care if I am really thin. I just want to take off some of the pounds. It is just what you are happy with unless it affects your health.

[Nola Celeste]

Oh, I have no patience for such people. While I'm entirely sympathetic to people who have body-image issues or who worry over their five pounds they want to lose just as much as I worry about the fifty I want to lose, that clearly isn't what was going on here. Not with that bikini comment. I love the way you put it earlier: "Yes, you're fat, but I'm important!"

Hang on a sec, I think I just pulled a muscle from rolling my eyes so far back.

I'd have one of two responses, depending on the circumstances:

- a lingering, searching look and a long pause, followed by a noncommittal "...mmm." Think of Auntie Mame reacting to the girl who stepped on the ball.

- "Oh, geez, I hadn't noticed before, but you're right! I'm so relieved I don't have the kind of work you have in front of YOU before bikini season lemmetellya! Guess I should just bring you ice water and naked lettuce so you can get started on that, huh?"

People like her make me feel a bit sorry for them. What must it be like to need to put on such a show for validation from any quarter who will give it to you? What must it be like to be bound so tightly to external markers of "status" like being thin or going to a country club that you must bring them up to near-strangers? I'm glad I don't need that much help just to feel okay about myself.

[Alisme]

While I think this lady's comment was rude, and rather dumb, one of my main pet peeves is when people tell me I don't need to diet. I'm a size 6, but have a lot of extra weight around my middle. I feel better when I'm about 15 pounds lighter then I am now. I would NEVER go around calling myself fat, because I know i'm a healthy body size, but I do want to lose weight. The other day at work, we were having a lunch party. Everyone was supposed to place their order from a Mexican place. I choose to pack my own lunch that day. I work with alot of girls that are larger then myself. One of the girls immediately asked me why I hadn't ordered Mexican. I just laughed it off and said oh you know, bikini season is coming up (I live in southern California - i laid on the beach today, so it's already here!) and immediately got, why are you even on a diet, don't tell me you think your fat. It's just annoying, two other girls who have a substantial amount to lose had brought their lunches as their doing weight watchers - they got no comments like this.

[aimeebell]

The thing that would have bothered me the most was the country club statement. She was flashing her status, and saying her being a few pounds over what she wants to weigh was more significant than someone she views as being a lessor social class being overweight because she "had" to wear a bikini at the club versus the lake. People who say they are "fat", whether or not they are, in casual conversation with strangers or acquaintances lack tact.

[krampus]

What a woman!

I understand feeling fat and gross at a healthy weight and a small clothing size, but no matter what it's just insensitive to go on and on like that when you are obviously the thinnest one in the discussion. And the country club comment...good lord.

[fillupthesky]

oy...

i never feed into people's egos. like others have said, i really think this woman was fishing for a compliment. i probably would have given her some dieting tips. not so nice, but then again, neither was she.