Hello, everyone! I'm back (again!) (again, again) (like, hopefully, I don't disappear again, kind of again).

The last few months have been rough since my Mom passed away. Focusing on things like my health hasn't been any sort of priority...to be honest, things like getting up every morning, showering and going to work have been top of the list. I had crazy insomnia for the first two months after she died, and all I wanted was to stay in bed 24/7. The dialysis job didn't end up working out for me, and I switched to a new (easier and higher paying) position with another company. It reminded me of Mom every time I was at work and my sleep issues got a lot better once I switched jobs. October is a bit of a rough patch so far...in order, it's my Dad's birthday, their anniversary (today, actually), and then my Mom's birthday is in a few days. I'm trying to make sure I give my Dad extra support and attention, but it's tough and I'm not even sure I'm doing a good job of it. In any case, I feel like even though I'm still in the throes of the cycle of grief, I'm leveling out to a bit of a more manageable level. I still cry in random places (hellooooo, Whataburger drive-thru) and it hits me hard when I least expect, but it's not quite as much of a surprise when it does anymore.

Which brings me to today! I signed up for a gym membership again. I've decided to start with baby steps - it's a $10/month membership to Planet Fitness with no contract. If I can prove to myself that I can consistently go at least a few times a week for the next six months, I'm going to graduate myself to a more expensive membership to the local YMCA (which has a pool and classes). My first gym day will be Monday after work!

Anyways, I missed you ladies! I'm glad to be back. How is everyone doing???

So, I'm starting my business (all of my supplies should be here by Monday!), and my son is walking now, and almost everything is good...

Except for fighting with the oral surgeon (still) and the insurance, because they can't get on the same page so I can get my wisdom teeth removed. My face hurts so bad sometimes.

I'm trying to get myself on track with food and water, since exercising seems to make the pain in my face worse.

Dinner is red beans and turkey smoked sausage with corn bread. Simple and tasty. Sodium heavy, but not a huge calorie bomb, plus fiber!

Amanda!!!! - It is so good to have you back! My heart breaks for you with the loss of your mom. I am excited for your new job, however. Sounds like a fantastic career move, and it has to be a relief not to have to deal with so many reminders. I love Planet Fitness! Except they don't have free-standing squat racks. I theoretically love pools and swimming, but I have a hard time making the time commitment to swim, so I tend to stick with the basics anyway. Cannot wait to hear about your progress!

Mandy - Woot on the supplies! I would be interested in purchasing some stuff, but totally get it if you want to protect the anonymity of this group. Feel free to PM me details, though. My hat's off to you for starting an at-home business with a newly-toddling child! Hope the wisdom teeth thing gets resolved soon. Oral pain is the worst.

Diane - Thinking of you. Hoping the hunting trip is awesome!

I ran yesterday for 1/2 mile / 6.5 minutes straight. It was just a warm-up--never intended to be a full run, but I was super proud that I finally pushed through. Finally going to move on in my C25K. I also cleaned out my closet again last night. Getting rid of tons of stuff that's too big for me. Feels really good.

Having a hard day in general. Husband's being both ridiculous and stubborn. Work is frustrating. But I am really looking forward to running this afternoon. I love that, at least for today, I am able to see exercise as a stress-burner rather than stress-inducer. It makes things much easier.

Hope everyone has a great Monday!

Laurie - I sent you a message with some info. It's not so bad right now, because hubby is on vacation this week (which is why I planned it this way) so I can take an hour or so each day to "work" on my products. Also, my newly toddling child is usually in bed by 9, so I can take an hour or so after he goes to bed to work... or when hubby is done with his work for the day and wants daddy time with the kiddo, I can step away and get some things done... Which should be plenty of time, unless my business just becomes totally popular!

I got a bunch of lip balms done today!

I will be going out on Friday for other supplies to work on sugar scrubs this weekend. YAY!

Quick check-in, cuz I have a meeting soon, and I still need to prep.

I am officially the lowest weight I have been since 2007/08! I weighed in this morning, then tried to remember my weight until I got to work, because I usually change my ticker when I am here. It's 187.2. Yet, whenever I tried to recall the number, I thought "287.2." Somehow, this morning, I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that I am in Onederland. I did not make a big deal about it when I finally got to Onederland, and I wasn't going to make a big deal about this, but I decided that I am going to. At least here on this board - my "safe space." I am officially a size 14, though I can fit into some smaller sizes, and occasionally still need bigger sizes for certain brands. 14. Onederland. Lowest weight in almost a decade. That is something to celebrate.

So -

I am officially closer to my goal weight than my starting weight. Maybe I can do this after all.

Hope everyone has a fantastic day!

Another quick check-in.

Had a not-stellar food day yesterday. My assistant brought in muffins on Monday - 16 of them. Someone else brought in donuts - 18 of them. We have 8 people in our office. I resisted them on Monday and most of yesterday. But I ate about half of a muffin (they are the HUGE ones) yesterday in the early afternoon, and then just desperately wanted to eat the entire rest of the day. I did sort of okay, but I definitely ate too much before working out at 6:30, which caused my work-out to suffer, and then caused me to feel so nauseated after the work-out that I didn't really eat dinner. My calories were okay, but I don't enjoy feeling queasy, and the muffin wasn't delicious enough to justify the physical discomfort that resulted.

I also forgot my work clothes today, so going to stop and get some from the thrift store. Most of the stuff I wear to work out is pretty baggy anyway, so it's not a bad idea to get more comfortable stuff.

I've been busy making "stock" so I have things on hand to sell. I'm having so much fun with this.

I started out only having 3 types of lip balm (peppermint, wintergreen shimmer, burgundy tint with lavender), but I've added 2 more! Lavender-mint and sweet orange shimmer. I'm really enjoying this. I hope the people that buy from me love using it as much as I'm loving making it!

I've been holding steady weight-wise since I can't exercise (up and down in the same pound) without causing a bunch of pain in my face, and I've been doing better about water and food. I still have some work to do on the food front, though.

Laurie: I'm so proud of you for getting and staying in Onederland!!!!! Hoping your food and workout went better today than yesterday

Mandy: That sounds so crafty and fun! I usually just make a mess lol.

Short update today: yesterday was Mom's birthday and was kind of rough but I still went to the gym. I'm so glad I went and felt so much better today! Going to go again tomorrow...we've decided that for now, we're going to aim for every other day. Easier to remember and harder to get out of

Good morning everyone! I am back in town for a couple of days before we head back up to the mountains for the weekend. We were unsuccessful for elk hunting, but maybe deer season will be better for us. We only have a couple of days for the deer hunting, so it will be quick. I'm ok with not getting anything this year. We have done well in the past and we do have some meat left. It was just amazing to get away from everything and have some time for just my husband and myself. For deer hunting, the kids will be with us. (my kids are grown, 20 & 22 years old) So hard to come back and get caught back up on stuff. Fortunately, I'm not back at work until Monday, so I have some time left! As for the physical part of it, I felt great about being able to hike and walk all day. The exercise I've done has been beneficial for that part of it. I felt like my upper body strength was better than last year, and I wasn't nearly as sore after carrying my gun all day. I also think that my recovery ability is much better. I am about 10-15 pounds higher than last year at this time, so that part is not as good. More on that in a minute.

The other thing about hunting is that it gives me lots of time to regroup and rethink about everything. There are no distractions from the TV, computer, phones, etc. I also took my weight loss book that has all of my weigh ins, etc listed in it, so I had lots of time to review, think, review some more, think some more. You know... But, it was good for me.

Looking back, I restarted weight loss in 2014 at my highest weight ever. I lost just under 60 pounds that whole year. For 2015, I had a little bout with up and down, but finished another 10 pounds down for the year. Not stellar at all. For 2016, it isn't looking great. It seems like the 230's (especially 230 to 234) have a tight grip on me, and have for a long time. I've been as low as 214.6 in early October of last year, but then went on a regain.

So, what's my point? Well, the success in 2014 was as a result of total commitment and dedication to the plan. I had told myself that I was going to give it a full year, fully dedicated, so that I could see if it could be done. It worked. Unfortunately, then I relaxed and have not been fully dedicated as I was during that time. While I realize that it gets harder to lose weight as you get closer to goal, I am reminded again of a quote, "I didn't come this far to only come this far". So, I'm using the next few days to regroup on my planning, and my commitment to logging my calories. My workouts have remained good, and I'll continue with those, but I need to get my food plan back in order.

I really do feel inspired to move forward, and I'm so glad for the refocus. Time to get it done!! I had started to think about how much left I have to lose and it was beginning to feel a little overwhelming, but I stopped and took a deep breath. I'm tackling it week by week. Not looking at the overall picture right now.

Laurie: You are my inspiration! You cleared the 199 mark and you're now making it look easy! (I know, it isn't easy!) So very proud of you! I'm wanting to be where you are, so I'm taking those baby steps each week to get there. You're awesome!

Dread: Wow, you've had so much to deal with, and I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this. I'm glad you are back with us and posting!!! I love seeing you here, so please keep posting, even on those bad days. Maybe we can help you through!

Mandy: Congrats on the new business! It is always good to be doing something you enjoy. And now you have a walking child!!! It makes it more challenging, but definitely more fun too!!

Sorry for the long post! I had lots to say!!!!

I started a reply, then got distracted by some work stuff (Ugh, right? Working at work.), then hit refresh, only to see Diane's post. It was fairly lengthy, I knew she had been hunting, and I was incredibly excited to start reading it. I know I've mentioned multiple times how inspirational one of your post-hunting posts has been to me, Diane. I still think about it regularly when I just don't want to do this any more because I wonder if it's worth it. It's helpful to me when things are going well, and has helped stop me from giving up completely when things are not going well. I am so excited to be part of your recharged efforts! All of us here have starting points that ensure that this is not just a month or two process. To a larger extent than people who do not struggle as much with their weight, it is a lifelong process. Continuing when it's hard and when it's just become a tremendous slog is, for me, often the hardest part. Thank you for, once again, being an inspiration to me. Hope the deer hunting is fantastic.

Amanda - I'm so glad you've rejoined the group! And super proud of you that you were able to cope with the challenge of your mom's birthday by working out. When I turn to exercise instead of food to help me deal with my stuff, it makes things so much better for me.

Mandy - Making progress through the obstacles (and maintaining is progress, in my mind) means you can make progress through anything! My heart still breaks for your oral pain, though. Hope you get your insurance thing worked out quickly.

Had a terrible, awful day yesterday with food and exercise. I struggle with depression, and I let it win yesterday. (Please don't interpret this to mean that I think that people who have days when they can't get out of bed -- as I do -- are not fighting hard enough.) I ate way too much, and was uncomfortably full for our Wednesday night family dance lessons. (The whole family watches YouTube videos to learn line dances, then we practice them. They're not actual dance lessons.) I did not go running as planned. And, to be honest, I am kind of craving some of the bad choices I made yesterday this morning again. It's weird. When I went to get dressed this morning, I felt like it was wrong that I could still fit into my smaller clothes. Didn't my body know I was a failure? Again? Didn't I know it was just a matter of time before I had to buy bigger and bigger and bigger sizes?

So, I am going to take it one moment at a time today. Checking in here really helps. Drinking my herbal tea this morning is helping. Bringing my lunch and avoiding the vending machine area will help. Making sure I get out for my walks will help. And, if history is any indication, fighting my way back to the routine that has helped me achieve my success in the past six or seven months will help the depression.

I can't wait to get my lip balm, Mandy! Hope everyone has a fantastic day.

Laurie: Yep, those days happen. And it is hard to get over it sometimes! I know that we should look at each day as a fresh start. There isn't much we can do about what happened the day before, so we need to forget about it and move on to the new day. Easy to say, not too easy to do! At least your body didn't punish you by making you go back to the bigger clothes!! Ha!

Not much to say for me since I said it all yesterday. I'm taking it easy today, no gym until Monday. I was kind of tired and a little sore from all the hunting, so resting now! We'll go back up tonight and have another day of walking/hiking tomorrow. Then, back home and back to the routine on Sunday. I love getting away for the week, but I am looking forward to getting back to the gym. I stocked up on my food for lunches and breakfasts for next week, to get back to what I was doing before. Ready to get back to logging food and keeping my calories down. Going to be stronger, I'm not giving in!

It's FRIDAY! I need a break. I need to regroup. I hope I can use the time well.

Struggling with food. My food yesterday was fine. I rarely eat in the morning, but I did this morning. And I ate about 90 calories of tuna and another 20 or so of PB2. 110 calories is not bad at all for a meal. But I am feeling overfull because I rarely eat in the morning, and even though I was really hungry (which is why I decided to eat), my stomach is not used to ingesting food in the morning. And still I want to eat. Not because I need to squelch the hunger (I am very full still) or because I am bored or even because I am stressed. I think I just have some generalized anxiety, despite the fact that things are going well.

I am going to meditate, I think. Or walk. Or meditate while I walk. I am not getting much work done -- I'm distracted and distractable. I am fighting all of these thoughts where I could acquire candy. Not just because I don't need the calories, but because I don't need the discomfort that will come from eating.

Sometimes, life is hard when it shouldn't be. My job is going well. Things are good at home and with kids. I am having success at this weight loss thing. Right now, I just have to work to get my head right. I can do this.

Hope everyone has a great day, and a fantastic weekend.

Good morning! Quick check-in. My food was rough on Friday and, to a lesser extent, on Saturday, but was pitch-perfect on Sunday. I did not make it to the gym on Friday, but had great work-outs Saturday (lifting) and Sunday (running). I also cleaned out my fridge yesterday. Mostly, I did it because the fridge was gross (I took out all of the shelves and scrubbed down everything), but also because there were things that I found myself unable to just have the appropriate amount. I tossed leftover bread sticks that had been calling to me, a delicious alfredo sauce my husband had made (that admittedly was getting old), and the leftover bacon that I was the only one eating. Now I'm recharged, and I have what I need to be successful both at work and at home. My weekly weigh-in tomorrow might not be great, although it shouldn't be too bad. But I am ready to start charging forward again.

Hope everyone has a great week!

Laurie: Hopefully your weigh in won't be too bad. Sometimes it is just hard to get our heads right on this stuff!! But sounds like you bounced back and you're back on track!

I'm back at work and it is crazy busy. I had an excellent weigh in today, finally back in the 220's. Looks like I had about a 6 pound weight loss over vacation. I have to be careful now though. In the past, I have had some big increases during the two weeks after hunting. So, need to be careful and stay on track.

I went to spin class this morning, so I'm back in the gym again. It went well, so that's good. I have the weights in Body Pump tomorrow, and I'm afraid that I might have a little struggle there. I also want to get back to running, so hopefully, I'll get that back tomorrow, too.

Hey, everyone! So last week was a bit rough. Got sick for like 4-5 days and spent most of my three day weekend this weekend just recovering in bed. I usually gain weight when I'm sick, and weighed myself this morning to see what the damage was...but I'm down to 265.2! That was super nice to see I'm a bit nervous about work tomorrow; I'm still in training at work and I'm close to being checked off entirely by the doctor at our facility to function independently. He's going to monitor me for the first time tomorrow and will check me off completely next week (assuming all goes well). I've never worked somewhere that monitors you so often and is so detail-oriented before, but after a brief adjustment period I don't mind so much.

Sad to say, I haven't been to the gym since that first day because of feeling ill. It felt so good to move again, though! I'm thinking we'll be going back again tomorrow after work since I'm feeling better. I've had some hard-hitting anxiety the last few days over money issues. This year and all that came with it really messed up my finances and the task of sorting them out is awful, but I'm slowly getting a decent handle on things. By the new year, we should be completely back on track and hopefully able to start planning on going back to school for either the boyfriend or myself. For right now though, I'm hoping that tiring myself out at the gym will calm my nerves a bit.

Diane: I've never been hunting, but the retreat from society sounds amazing! It must have been great having all that time to yourselves. It's always nice to be able to get some private reflection in. I'm glad you felt better physically on your trip this year! And yeah, I need to get back in the habit of posting on here whether it's a good or bad day. It's always been a relief to be able to vent about things here.

Laurie: I'm glad you got a chance to refocus this weekend! Cleaning out the fridge can be so cathartic sometimes and removing temptation is a relief. Meditation and exercise never sounds appealing to me when I'm anxious but if I can just force myself to do it, it always turns out to be a good idea lol. This week is gonna be a good one, I know it!