Toasted - Are you a fan of Lisa Eldridge? Her videos were my gateway drug into the online makeup world. There's something about her that makes makeup so accessible. I can't believe I'm doing this at 40 instead of 20, but after watching her present a technique I'll actually sit down and practice it. I am really bad at winged eyeliner!

Diane - Congratulations! Getting into the 230s is wonderful news! Hang in there with the getting used to all of those changes.

Mandy - Argh. My heart goes out to you with the weepy PMS. I agree it's not the worst thing, but still.

Lotus - I can't say much apart from nod my agreement that traveling definitely does suck the mojo out of you.

Jessica - Is Luna joining you on the runs?

I feel like I can share this vent here. It's totally not weight related, but it's definitely something that would have drove me straight to the fridge previously. Feel free to skip this big block of text.

On MFP yesterday, I posted asking my friends there if they have expectations of a pastor's spouse, what are those expectations, why do they have them, and would they have the same expectations of any other person's spouse (CEO, business owner, etc).

I got a series of responses, most of them saying they expected the pastor's spouse to be supportive of the pastor, and not much else. Which is excellent, and what I was hoping for. I would love it if I was not expected to do anything, and the things I choose to volunteer to do are appreciated as any other member's participation would be. I would like to be known as "Mandy, the pastor's wife" as opposed to "The pastor's wife, Mandy"... Me first, then my relation to the church second.

I had someone say this to me:

I addressed this point by point, in a very long response that I won't bore you with here, but basically corrected her about the process and the expectations of my husband in his role as pastor. She came back with this:

Needless to say, I got a little miffed. My response to this one was a little bit more, ehm... heated. Not insulting, just suggested she reread and maybe comprehend my previous responses and she'd have all of her answers, and btw, where did she learn what a pastor's role is, where did she get her degree in theology, divinity, or pastoral care? And thank you very much for insulting myself, my husband, and the congregation that called him.

She came back and said something about how she didn't mean to insult the congregation. And what denomination are my husband and myself, because she felt that would explain a lot.

I said "Oh. You didn't mean to insult the congregation, just my husband and myself. Thank you for the clarification."

To which she said:

Okay. I know I shouldn't let some random chick on the internet make me mad, and maybe this is just the really b*tchy part of PMS showing up, but that really ticked me off. She's making a lot of assumptions and judgments and being flat out rude. I can't tolerate people who behave like that, and I try my very hardest, even when upset, to not insult people. What the **** gives her the right to tell me what's right, and especially pass judgment on my husband's ability to lead a congregation?!

Ugh. So irritated.

Woo-saaaah...

Sorry for the completely unrelated vent, but I needed to do something with my hands (typing it out) that wasn't digging into a bag of chips or something.

Okay I totally missed this morning writing you all as I probably will tomorrow Sunday was the River today was a waterpark and tomorrow well the ZOO!!!! My mom took 5 days off to spend extra time with the kids and I so we have been super busy! Oh and day 1 week 2 of c25k done...and that was a challenge but I did it!

Welcome Toasted...and congrats on all your Weight losses...

Jen - Congrats on your progress of c25k! And enjoy the zoo! One of my favorite places to visit.

Mandy...thank you yes it is mine too! And baby dust to you (of course when you are ready for the dust )

This is an old story, but one that I only stumbled across today. It's about a man who lost 400 lb and then regained 250 lb. Even though we have our good days and bad days, I think there's a good reminder here of just how much we all have to be grateful for.

http://www.today.com/health/after-we...ack-gym-816196

Hi Martini. Thank you for understanding. I know what is freaking me out is the fact that a similar scenario derailed me a year ago at the EXACT SAME WEIGHT. It wasn't that maintaining on vacation was that hard-- it was wrangling myself back on plan that was so hard. Yesterday, I stayed on calorie count until dinner. I made a big meal for about 12 people. I grilled salmon and made 4 kinds of salad, plus we had cheese and crackers and fish pate. Big meal, and more calories than I would normally eat due to cheese and crackers, but I did not go crazy. But then, at night, I ate six Ritz crackers and 6 Tostitos. That was very unlike me and felt sort of out-of-control, although it wasn't really out-of-control since I counted them out so that I'd know how many calories I ate. Still, I have a strict no snack policy and I normally don't eat at night after dinner, so it was definitely OFF TRACK BEHAVIOR!

So, I have an insight about how I operate food wise and what happens when I go off plan.

So, here is a map of the inside of UBER's CRAZY HEAD

1. STRUGGLE

I decide to go on plan and I ratchet down my calories. I'm starving all the time. I feel depressed and I'm constantly worried it's not going to work. I often hit obstacles and give up before I really get anywhere.

2. KRYPTONITE
I am 100% on plan. Even if I'm hungry, it doesn't bother me that much. I don't eat anything that is not on my plan and I choose my foods carefully so that there is little to no ambiguity. I know exactly how much I'm eating. I am not even slightly tempted by off plan foods. I can keep junk food in the house and not touch it.

3. WAVERING

I am still on plan, but I feel sort of out-of-control. I'm in situations where I don't know exactly how much I'm eating calorie-wise, but I try to make good choices, and log them. But now, there is more gray area in what i'm doing. I start to snack a little, but I'm still moderate in my portions and tracking what I'm eating. Still I get this insecure feeling. I'm not inside the dieting bubble like in the KRYPTONITE PHASE

4. HUNKERING DOWN

This is where I freak out and decide that I need to get back into KRYPTONITE. I try to return to previous KRYPTONITE phase. Often this involves lots of partial on plan days that unravel by the end of the day.

5. EATING TOO MUCH

This is where I'm still trying to get back on track, but I am clearly failing.

6. GIVING UP

The name of this phase says it all.

So, my big insight is that I absolutely need to be able to move back and forth between 2 and 3. Like now. I'm on vacation. I've been mostly on plan, but I don't have total control of what I'm eating-- it's the lack of control that makes me anxious and that has a tendency to lead to a slippery slope. When I lost the 110 lbs, I managed to stay in Kryptonite during the entire time I was losing. When I was traveling, I dealt with this by skipping food if I didn't know how many calories were in it. I managed this for a long time-- several years-- but I couldn't maintain it forever.

So, that is my vacation pledge. I'm going to try to stick to my plan (coffee and milk for breakfast, small lunch, and eat what I'm served for dinner, within reason) I'm not going to think about losing-- but I'm going to make sure that I maintain.

And I'm going to really try to unpack my head and try to figure out why it is that moderation is so hard for me and to deal with my anxiety about not being in control of my food. If I can figure this out then I might have a chance to succeed in the long term. EDITED: I just looked up my maintenance calories (1850) and my calories for the past 2 days have been about 1750, so I'm on the right track.

Sorry this was such a long post, and sorry not to respond to each of you. I will check back in later to catch up with all of you!

Mandy Just a solidarity hug about the stupid person posting on the other forum.

As an author, I have grown an incredibly thick skin. You would be shocked at the mean spirited, cruel, or simply misinformed things that people think it's perfectly fine to say. Most often, there is zero correlation between how positive they are about being right and whether they actually know what they're talking about.

I can't tell you how many times I've received a letter or seen something on the Internet that made my blood boil, or hurt my feelings, and I wanted desperately to respond. I've trained myself to walk away and to never respond-- because all it does is continue to escalate. I've gotten really good about never looking at Amazon reviews. When I get abusive "fan" letters I just delete them.

Think about it this way. Who is more likely to understand the role of a pastor's wife-- an actual pastor's wife (you) or some random person on the Internet?

I have found over time that the ONLY way to deal with things like that is to avoid responding, close the computer, walk away, and avoid the temptation to revisit it.

Maybe if people truly understood that these are REAL PEOPLE they are attacking anonymously on the Internet, they would stop.

Hang in there. You seem like a kind, caring, and wonderful person, and you and your husband are going to be fantastic in your new church!

Thanks, Uber.

Usually I don't let things like that bother me, but she insulted my husband and belittled all of the work he's poured himself into for the last 4 years and that really got under my skin. Her nastiness to me, directly, was brushed off. Really? You're mad because I don't pat you on the back 12 times a day for what you do? Too bad, so sad. You think I'm whiny and selfish because I'm curious about a new role I'm expected to take on and what I'd like to see, and am worried about how said role is going to affect me? Well then, I guess I am all "me me me."

But insulting my husband? That's just too far. Insult me, whatevs. Insult my loved ones? Oh h*ll no! :-|

I'm feeling much better after a good night of sleep thanks to Mr. Melatonin. I realized I needed to take one after laying in bed until after 2am stewing over what she said.

Anyway. Onward to better things today. Like buying cat food and packing tape. My life is exciting. :P

Martini - I love your links. That poor guy. Hope his attempt to re-lose was successful.

Mandy - Wow. I worked in the non-profit sector for a long time. You would be surprised at how many people think that people working in occupations that provide service to those in need should not need their own basic needs met. Glad you found the majority of posters to be more understanding. Uber ninja'd me, as I had to attend to an actual work responsibility. ;-) So, I'm skipping back up here to let you know that I agree with everything she said.

Lotus - Welcome back! It's not succeeding the first time we try that leads to success long-term. It's never giving up. =)

Diane - So happy about your great scale result! Those whooshes are so motivating!

Toasted - My "trainer boy" challenge relates to being told by a trainer, essentially, that I couldn't lose weight effectively without him. So, I made a bet with him. That was the push that I needed to get me on track for real because I would picture having to tell him that he won the bet, and things just weren't that tempting anymore. Sounds like momzilla could be that push for you!

And Uber - I feel like you're in my head space. I recognize those stages. The only thing that shocks me about your post is that you stayed in Kryptonite for years. I remember RockinRobin (I assume you remember her?) talking about being on plan every day when she was losing, and I was shocked by that. From my experience with talking to people about this in real life, and by reading on this board for years, that type of discipline is extremely rare. And you know what? People are successful without it. You can have days or weeks where you go off-plan, and still be successful in losing weight. It makes the loss slower, and I find it much harder to get back on plan, but it can be done. I mention this not because I am encouraging you to abandon the discipline, but because it sounds like you're not as willing to be in the kryptonite phase 100% of the time. You really don't have to be. There are lots of strategies for getting back on plan, or for regaining your discipline, and many of them start with coming here for support. I know I've done that. Heck, I'm doing it now. Even though I have been good about being on plan lately, I have needed to draw from the strength of the group to get through a couple of really tough days. So, how about this? You come back from vacation, and plan on relying on the group. You commit to posting five, ten, fifteen times if you need to. You ask for strategies, support, whatever, and you tell yourself, "This is hard. Really hard. But I can do hard. And, I know it won't be as hard in a few days." Just a suggestion. But I know that whatever strategy you employ, you can do this. Also, for an added incentive (okay - guilt trip), know this. We see lots of people come and go in this group. I know, I came and went a couple of times before I stuck around. But I rely on your strength, wit, and wisdom to stick to my plan. If you aren't willing or able to do it for you for a couple of days, please consider doing it for me. =)

220.6. Frustrated that I have a lunch date today. I need to focus and eat nutritionally-dense food. I looked up the menu, and have chosen an entree that is almost exclusively raw veggies, but am frustrated that I am paying $8 for a lunch-sized salad with veggies that wouldn't be my first choice. (Have I mentioned how cheap I am about restaurant food?) But I need to get below 220, a number that I have been seeing for five days straight now. And I am going to do two fifteen-minute walks during the workday, do a post-work run, then a late evening walk. Forget this patience strategy! I am going to punch a freaking hole through this stupid floor. =)

Hi all!
Went to Body Pump this morning. Nice workout! I like that instructor so much. She's funny. I'm going out with a friend for lunch today. I think I'll suggest Subway, so I am not too tempted by a big menu. I kind of overdid it last night, so need to get back in stride today.

Mandy: So hard not to take comments like that to heart. But, she is so out of line. And, so totally wrong. I'm just going to share about my pastor's wife, and maybe that will help. Now, I do belong to a fairly large church, so it might be a little different. But our pastor's wife does not do a lot in the church. She doesn't lead any groups, or teach Sunday School, or work in the office, etc. And our pastor actually talked about it one time. She feels like her role is to support him, and she does that very well. So, anyway, I think it has to work for you. Whatever you feel is appropriate, then that's how it should be.

Uber: That's interesting, how you have those categories spelled out. I think that you will have a lot of success with navigating all of this, since you are so aware of how you react to each situation. Good thoughts!

Jen: Good job on the C25K!! Well done!

Garnet: I think you are smart to recognize when you need a day off. We get so focused on increasing our distance or speed, and meeting different goals, but we need to listen to our bodies before we are injured and then really have to start again!

Lotus: Hang in there!

ToastedSmoke: Yeah, I think I need to get something tighter to wear while running and then it will be ok. I typically wear these very loose capri type workout pants. I have had them forever, and I plan to replace them with the tighter ones that they have now. But, I wanted to use these as long as I can while I continue to lose weight. I hate spending money on this stuff!! Ha! But I think I'll just find something for underneath.

LaurieDawn: And you ninja'd me. I'm with you about paying too much for restaurant food..... But I like your attitude! You will break through soon! I know it!!

Just one thing to add. I went to the bathroom, and there is a full-length mirror in there that I typically avoid. This time, I didn't. And you know what? I am wearing the size 16 skirt that I have avoided wearing for a while because it had gotten too tight. I have on an XL top which is more form-fitting than what I typically wear during those times I am not losing. I spent a lot of time in the "no real shape" stage, and even when I had gained my way back up to 240, my boobs still stuck out farther than my stomach, which was not the case when I was at my top weight. Today, there is a clear contrast between boobs and stomach. My point? Even though the scale is frustrating me, maintaining at 220 is not a bad thing. Still gonna punch that hole through the floor! But not gonna give into the "If I'm not losing then none of this is worth it" garbage that can so easily flood my mind.

Diane - I will be thinking of you during my "I don't wanna be here and eat, but am so excited to see my friend!" lunch.

Thank you Laurie and Diane!

I really appreciate the support and also that you guys didn't tell me it's not a weight loss issue... because it is tied in so closely, since I'm an emotional eater, and things like that (insults to my loved ones) really get to me.

Good news for me today! 294.8, so still going downward and making progress. I was hoping to hit 292 before leaving town on Saturday, but in normal conditions that would be tough, and with TOM approaching probably wishful thinking. Just gonna keep doing what I'm doing and take what I get come Friday, and hope I can lose a little bit more over the week plus I'm out of town.

Oh. And. Today is my 3 month "anniversary" back to this process, and I've lost just a shade under 36 pounds.

You're welcome, LotusMama.

Yes, she is, Martini. And loving every minute of it.

Mandy, I don't understand how this woman is having such a hard time appreciating that it isn't that you don't want to help or contribute to the church but rather that you want to be loved and appreciated by the congregation because you are you rather than because you happen to be married to the pastor. Everyone should be appreciated as their own person... and I think that word - appreciation - is a key, too. If they expect you to constantly assist with events and such than you run into a situation where they take for granted all the hard work that you are putting into those events and no one wants to be taken for granted. The idea that because you want to be appreciated and embraced as you rather than be defined by your spouse somehow makes you selfish or not fit to be married to a pastor makes me want to punch this woman in the face.

Don't be sorry, Uber! Those sorts of posts, ones that help you gain insight into yourself and better understand how your mind and body work are the ones that really help you succeed. Not to mention they're the posts that may one day help someone else gain a better understanding of themselves. I'm glad that you looked up your maintenance calories. Knowing that you are well within that range on a day when you feel like you were out-of-control can go a long way toward helping quell ones fears about failure.

Oh wow, Laurie! I was reading your response to Uber - I remember RockinRobin!... As I recall, I really didn't like her very much as a person. She was one of those extremest people who truly believed that the way she had succeeded was the only way that anyone could succeed and that if you weren't cutting out the same things that she cut out, you had no willpower and were going to fail. I still have a lot of old pm's from people who thanked me when I responded to their threads - or the threads of others - after she had because while honest, my words were also always kind and polite.

The thing is there are people who really can't control their cravings. For those people, her method is the way to go. The thing is, if you can't maintain Kryptonite forever, than you shouldn't attempt to maintain Kryptonite every day on the journey down. If you can live your life in maintenance by alternating between stages 2 & 3 then embrace that and apply it to your journey down. So, I say focus on the maintenance for your vacation. It is what you would do if you were already at goal. Then when you get back home, take a long deep breath and climb back aboard the GOAL EXPRESS.

By the way, I think I've discovered that barbeque potato chips are a weakness for me. I have a really hard time sticking to one serving. I'm wondering if this is just about the chips or about the fact that it seems like whatever the main course is on a night where we have them just isn't satisfying to me.

Diane, you'll have no problem getting back on track.

Have you taped yet, Laurie?

Congrats on your 3 month anniversary, Mandy!


And with that, I think I'm all caught up.

Officially, today is still at 220.0 lbs. Unofficially, the scale had several high variants of 220.x lbs as well. (I saw as high as 221.6 lbs) I knew this was coming. Sigh. My weight always wants to climb back up on Tuesdays. The fact that the AC is on the fritz, it was about 70 outside, 76 inside, all night and I didn’t sleep well because of it probably didn’t help at all. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to cry a little, though. The only thing I think that’s keeping me from doing so is the fact that I was pleasantly surprised by a waist measurement of 38.5 inches. That’s kind of exciting, isn’t it? If I could just get my muffin top to drop another round of significant weight, that’d be awesome. I don’t have to leave for work until 8pm so I’m hoping to hit the ground running with my workouts today, still taking it easy on the calves.