Anyone who wants to work on posture should take a Pilates course or two. There's a particular way to hold yourself when standing, even a particular way to breathe. The minute I start hearing in my head the voice of my most articulate Pilates instructor, Roxanne the Monologist, I start composing myself & I stand & walk completely differently. (Also I swear I get more respect on busy sidewalks & more looks from men.) She always talks about the way in which a dancer commands the stage, simply by walking across it, and says the secret is posture. You not only look thinner, you look **powerful** when you hold yourself mindfully. I'm hoping this eventually becomes second nature with me.

Had a fantastic (sarcasm) evening of binging and subsequent frustrated crying. I never, ever did this before I had calories and weight and nutrition on the mind 24/7. Wondering if tantrum binging (as in "IT'S NOT FAAAAAIR") is a common side effect of prolonged periods of concentration on weight loss and all that. Also, have had recurrences of disordered/borderline thinking. For whatever reason I watched a documentary about those 2 UK journalists who crash dieted from size 8 to size 00 in a month and a half, and found it particularly triggering as I thought they looked better at 00.

Hopefully sleeping on it will clear my head. Sorry for rambling.

Krampus, for me anyway, yes, bingeing is a symptom of over-restriction and of being too hard on myself. It's as though I become two people. One is a taskmaster & perfectionist -- imagine an authoritarian parental figure, for whom nothing is ever good enough --and the other is what I'd describe using a word that you also used, a child having a tantrum & rebelling against the unreasonable standards she feels she can't live up to. (Autobiographical, much?) So anyway, it's one of the reasons my goal weight & what I try to maintain at is not as low as I probably could go. It's because if I have to restrict a great deal (for me, anyway), the restriction becomes counterproductive, and I will binge myself to a higher weight anyway. I'd rather be a bit higher & achieve some kind of peace of mind. It's just healthier for me mentally.

kramp, I have had a lifetime of issues... so sorry. I am mostly ok most of the time these days. Investigating triggers is invaluable and often preventive.

in spite of a little binge last night (timely, huh?) the scale went down by 1.5 water pounds.

we can only ONWARD FORWARD.
POWER to us all!

I'm down about 2 lbs from yesterday too. I don't know how this works. As predicted I feel much better today, and I have a weekend of constantly being around other people (so no time to obsess and spiral downhill inwardly) ahead. Thank you for your kindness and insight.

krampus - hyperfocusing on anything leads to obsessing and that isnt healthy. its hard for me to strike a balance between monitoring my intake/exercise and focusing on it too much. are there other stresses that are serious also? i note in myself when general stress is high, AND im being very food restrictive i am much more prone to freak outs and follow on binges.

if you can, make sure you are eating enough fat and at least some carbs. if i restrict both and im stressed im seriously prone to a full on break down! workouts help keep me sane too...and eating enough to be energized for them.

my own stress is so bad right now im ill. emergency acupuncture appt tomorrow am @ 830am, thank goodness, it is the ONLY thing that ever helps. feel super nauseated all the time due to stomach acid overproduction, sucks. work stress, fam (or lack there of) stress, etc. bring on the needles and the nasty herbs, god i cant wait.

in totally unrelated news - im going on a 2nd date in San Diego tomorrow (which is a flight away). this makes me a partial crazy person, but eh whatever im a bit impetuous. more importantly, it means on a 2nd date someone is seeing me in a bathing suit. aaaaaaaaaaaaah, freak out. im not sure i even have one that fits...last wore one about 20lbs ago. crap! and no time to wax. crap! i should think these things thru better.

xty - DEEP BREATHS. first date must have been damned impressive. you're in peak form. do not stress about the bathing suit (easier said than done, but...). breathe. breathe. have a good acupuncture session.

How was ya'll's weekend? I've hit my groove pretty good with food, not perfect, but light years better than what I have been and the scale is reflecting my renewed efforts.

Well, I was up .7 pounds on Friday from the previous Friday, nearly canceling out my .9 loss from the week before that, so I was quite careful over the weekend.

I can't even guess what the scale will read this coming Friday. It's only Monday. I'd feel more confident if I didn't have two Christmas parties on Wednesday night. Both will pretty much be a look-in thing, as I've got to commute into the office on Thursday for a 9 AM meeting. Then there's the office luncheon on Thursday.

With those over, I'll be in good shape for the remainder of the holiday season, at least as far as social gatherings go.

Have returned to the cave. Hoping to maintain through it - and intend to use exercise as the necessary head time. I too am stretched to the snapping point. I really, really hate the holiday season for the train wreck of rampant consumerism that it has become, and I need to shatter this pattern of numbly going along and swallowing the upseted-ness (along with everything else). I achieved a significant milestone today when I was able to commit to paper how I would like to celebrate the season. Not hopeless. But the "pleaser" really has to go. The sole obstacle for me having what I want is again... you guessed it ... me.

Deck the halls with overpriced, overpackaged, overscented, nonbiodegradable crap, falalalalalalalala and all that jazz, Becky? You should have seen me at the mall last week, horrfied by all the crap and hawkers of said crap.

What did you write down?

All that said.... I have purchased an entire new and fairly fabulous wardrobe!!!!!!!! Yay holiday sales

ETA: I reread and felt a little fleshing out of this post was called for. I have been maintaining this almost 40 pound loss for 2 years and 4 months. 2 years ago I purchased a bunch of on sale old navy clothing and wore my 10-15 year old smaller clothing with it.
Recently I have started a profession that calls for more refined clothing than what I wear to Harlem, NYC in my regular job. Hence, my taking advantage of the sales that started in November and I am so so so so so so very pleased to be wearing my chic new clothes!

Also pertinent is the fact that my day started cranky with leftover Resentment from yesterday's sleepless night. Soooo, I decided to focus on the positive

Becky, you can come out of the cave when you are ready. We will be here with open arms!

midwife - yes, you've nailed it! I'm just exhausted with being "marketed at" - with this non-stop onslaught of implications that my holiday would be perfect if I'd just buy this set of decorations, or spend just a little more on my loved ones, or eat just one of whatever ... Give me a simple open house to host friends and family. I'd like to see it revolve a lot more around the human relationships, and much less on what we can "get".

kittycat - bravo on scoring the sales! It sounds like you were due, and what a perfect time to do necessary shopping, if you can handle the crowds. I appreciate the kind sentiments regarding my little mental crises. Seems I still need that blowout from a few weeks ago.

saef - you've been a model of restraint so far, and it sounds like you already have your plan ready for the week. Best wishes to coming out the other side with the goals met!

Long ugly drive to work today - what should be 35 minutes was two full hours. Southeast MI is a skating rink. :P I'm sure that getting home will be equally entertaining.

Be careful out there in that..."weather."

As happens every week around Tuesday-Wednesday, I feel like I am reclaiming control over what I eat. I forget that being stuffed and being satiated are not one in the same. Experimenting with mini-meals instead of three squares. Why is this so hard?

Good reminders, Krampus.

Kitty, sounds like you totally needed to get some new items! How fun! I'm rounding out my work clothes these days with a snorkel and opera length plastic gloves (hahaha, waterbirth, ya'll!)

I don't know how all of you who live in cold places manage. I thought about scraping my windshield yesterday morning but it wasn't quite bad enough to require it.

How's your weather in Fukuoka, Krampus?