I remeber sucking in my long and lean underweight stomach when at the doctors... from when I was 5. Throughout my life, I've been tall and skinny, blessed with a high metabolism and grew fast. However, being thin wasnt enough for me.. I liked to be the skinniest girl in the room... I ate like mad though. I remeber just sitting down and eating a whole bag of spicy chex mix EVREYDAY for a SNACK after school.. I wasnt super active as a kid, and were looking at like 4,000 calories a day. However I still was underweight, and ate constantly (except at my dads, would starve myself when with him from like 10 on up) At 11 I became best friend with a slightly chubby model, whos agency had her on a strick diet. She felt so bad about her body she started calling me out on my "bug butt" and "chubby thighs" That was my first diet ever (prob lasted like 4 days

.) This total overeating kept going and going until I was 12, and during PE, I found out I was officiall 5'7 and 128 pounds... To me that was huge. I started eating only dinner of chicken and rice pilaf (turns out a lot of it) that summer, binged a lot near the end of it, came home and did a low carb diet for a week, bringing me down to 120. The second the scale said 120, I stuffed myself, and gained 4 pounds back.. ate myself back to my original weight by the time school started... welcome to the yo-yo dieting cycle. I would stop eating and then when I wasnt dieting, I would specifically shove as many calories into my mouth as possible, if i wanted them or not. (I LOVE diet soda, but if I'm not dieting, I specifically drink regular soda) The after school snacking was intense. Evreytime I would lose the weight, i'd end up binging, and gaining the weight and more back... with this cycle, my weight slowly creeped up. I never told anyone about all this, becuase i knew I would fail, and they would pity me. The summers were borderline annorexic. Fast forward to 14/15, I now decide I'm done with dieting. I started skipping breakfast and lunch (wasnt hungry) and pigging out as soon as I got back from school and on weekends. My weight stayed at a solid 134, which I loved, but I started getting chest cramps from too much caffine/sugar not enough food in the mornings, and my parents grew concerned of diabetes. That didnt bug me, but when we moved near the middle of the year, we moved to a place that served fast food, cookie sandwhiches filled with frosting, healthy things too.. but the problem is they also allowed parents to see if your kid bough lunch or not. Thus I had to eat lunch. And breakfast. And I pigged out.... the last day of school, the PE teacher took our weight measurments... and I was in shock. I hit my all time high on 141. I felt sick.. I had always vowed to never get that high.
When summer started, I stopped eating agian... I tried to force myself but it wasnt working. I knew I could healthily lose ten pounds in two months, but I would reather starve myself and loose the same ten pounds in the same time. Of course I rebounded, and have probrally gained it all back... but thats not my goal anymore....
My main goal is to get out of the cycle

right now I'm exercising a ton still (volleyball tryouts) but I'm trying to maintian my weight, and learn how to not binge

Once I get a handle on that, I'll try to loose my 5-15 the HEALTHY way, and learn how to maintian, not gorge myself until it hurts. Looking to be a healthy girl.. Not nessisarly a skinny one.. but those pesky pounds are going down (love the ring of that

)
~cheers and good luck
