I get that bloated feeling, too, Lauren. But I can't pin it on any certain food. Lately nothing tastes good. I go through those phases where I just can't figure out what it is I want to eat. Then in a few days everything tastes good. Can't figure that out either.

Hi, everyone. I've been on 3FC for a long time, but recently started reading IE. I'm attracted to it because it seems like a very sustainable approach to eating. I'm also tired of diets and extremes.

After the first day (yesterday) I like the fact that I wasn't obsessing on food as I have been and I didn't have sweet cravings. Eating when I was hungry was a novel concept coming from an every three hours approach.

What I didn't like was that after doing "everything right" ( I know, dieter mentality shining through) I stepped on the scale and I gained weight. I know, I shouldn't have done that either.

This has nothing to do with IE, but the full force raspberry crumble I made last night, but was too full to eat, was almost completely eaten by my husband who can't resist this type of thing and overeats. This hasn't been as much of an issue when I didn't bring the "bad" food in the house.

So, after having some of the crumble with a cup of coffee for breakfast (not healthy, but very good), I'm working through some of these issues: how do you do IE with family who are prone to binge/overeat; isn't not weighting yourself like closing your eyes and hoping for the best; is there some middle ground between IE's 'all is good in moderation and you'll just want to eat healthy stuff eventually' and an actual diet?

Thanks for tolerating some newbie questions. I appreciate it a lot. I think IE holds the key for me if I can get a handle on some of this.

Kylie

Thanks Carly, I really appreciate the insight. I never appreciated how diet-oriented by perspective has become until I read IE. I think this is definitely the way to go long term.

Kylie

Just stopping by to say hi. Really hot and humid here today but that's July for you. Makes you just want to stay in the air conditioning, but I did go weed and water the flowers. I'm back to the stage where nothing tastes good.

I just rediscovered my old favorite food.....home grown tomatoes on toast with marinated cucumbers.....yummmm!!!!

Carly, sounds like you are really getting the hang of IE. Hope others will come back and share their stories.

Well I'm not so sure that IE is either working or failing for me right now. I have been struggling since my last post with feeling overwhelming guilt and disappointment in myself for not making any progress on the scale. I weighed yesterday and I have gained about 5 pounds in this month alone. Admittedly it is probably all because of the alcohol I've been drinking. So I will need to fix that problem. I try and make the commitment to limit my drinks but deep down I guess I know I won't follow through. I think I am getting to the point though where I am just fed up with it so I will eventually quit, for a while at least. I just love beer so much, I love making it and drinking it. But it is clear that I am using it as a coping tool, and I need to relearn how to cope with things in other ways.

That said, I have been sort of counting calories for the last two days, but today it just hit me that I really really don't want to do it and I can't do it. I have a much more positive outlook when I'm not counting things. Am I deluding myself? Maybe. I don't think so though. I guess I haven't been trying to not overeat, though I do really well throughout the day. Dinner I just kind of stop caring and eat however much I want. I think I eat too quickly because I usually don't feel stuffed at the end of the meal, but soon after I do. Meals rarely take longer than 15 minutes at the most. So that needs to change. I have also been reading Dr. Phil's weight book, which is what helped me to lose all of my weight the first time around. It is a good reminder that I really need to be thinking about what I'm doing and just make myself do other things rather than eat, or eat to fast, or whatever. Ultimately I am unhappy because of my weight and other things, but stewing about it and using food and drink to cope isn't working for me. I guess the payoff I'm getting is that I don't have to try hard, because I've already failed in my mind! So I may as well just do what I want.

All that to say while I'm not having success in the weight loss area, I am turning this whole experience (the last 5 years of my life) into a learning opportunity. I may be failing to lose weight, but I'm learning more about me and why I do things that I do, and what I really need to be happy. I'm not giving up on IE yet! Even though I eat pretty damn healthy I still eat what I really want to. Honestly my fridge is always full of fruits and veggies, cupboards full of whole grains, and we hardly ever throw anything away. I really do like food I cook more than any restaurant food besides Mesa Grill lol I guess I just need to drill it into my head that I do have the ability to satisfy myself, physically and emotionally and don't need to look elsewhere for satisfaction or comfort.

So my plan is to keep rereading this book and come Sunday (we are having a party on Saturday) really give myself permission to start over and start making exercise the number one priority, and really try to eat slower. I enjoy my food plenty lol but I do eat too fast. I can't say that I won't drink but I am really going to force myself not to do it until Friday night, and only drink 2 beers max. I can do it! I hope all of that isn't too diet-y, I like to think of it more as just changing my behaviors and using my brain I hope I can start to make more sense of things and get a handle on this. I feel like I'm always saying I'm starting over, but at least I'm not giving up.

Wow, sorry that ended up being so long!

Lauren, you CAN do this. Here is a little help from Maggie Miller.


Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Reader Question: What if I Want to Eat When I'm No Longer Hungry?

I have heard from many Eat When You’re Hungry readers, “Maggie, I’ve done such a great job of eating mindfully. I tasted every delicious morsel of food at dinner and I even stopped when I was full. But then I got anxious (or sad, or bored, or tired, or excited...or fill in the emotion that applies to you), and though I wasn’t hungry, all I wanted to do was eat. HELP! What do I do? I only know how to soothe myself with food.”

Excellent question! This is probably one of the most common questions that comes up among people who are on the journey toward a non-dieting way of life. Particularly among those of us who have come to rely on such a wonderful companion -- food -- for so long.

The first step toward learning how to soothe yourself without using food (when you’re not hungry) is to stop, pat yourself on that back and say, “Wow, at least I got to where I am today even if it took a hundred sleeves of Oreos to get here." That’s right, I want you to acknowledge where you are today.

We need to accept and celebrate where we are today and where we’ve come from in order to get to where we want to be -- free from food restrictions and enjoying a non-dieting way of life!

The first thing I suggest to those wishing to release their reliance on food to soothe their emotions is the following: make a list of your top 10 favorite things to do. Some examples are getting a manicure and pedicure, pouring a cup of tea and curling up on the couch with your favorite book, going to the movies, calling your friends, playing with your kids, getting a massage, having a dance party for one in your bedroom, cleaning your closet, going for a walk, playing Tetris or jumping on your trampoline.

Now that you have this list you’re going to use it. I know just as well as you do that at some point soon you will find yourself standing in front of the refrigerator listening to an inner monologue that goes something like this. “I’m not hungry, but I want to eat. I’m bored, and this brownie will perk me up, or maybe I’ll have ice cream, or there’s that leftover pizza. Shoot, but I’m not hungry! What do I do? ” Ah - ha! This is what you do. You close the fridge, get out your list of self-soothing activities and choose one to engage yourself in for the next half-hour. This may feel funny at first, and you may feel sad to give up the ice cream sundae that you weren’t hungry for -- at first. But just remember, that ice cream sundae and that pizza will be waiting for you in the fridge/freezer just as soon as you’re hungry for them. And they’ll be so much more enjoyable when you’re eating them with an appetite in your belly.

Do you want to know a secret? You might always feel a little sad to turn down food that you want when you’re not hungry. Just the other night after finishing a tasty dinner of meatloaf and veggies, I wanted to eat a bowl of ice cream. But I knew I wasn’t hungry for it. The meatloaf I made was quite filling, and I just didn’t have room for ice cream at that particular moment. I was thinking about the ice cream for a good 10 minutes while we started catching up on The Daily Show from the week prior, but by the end of the first show, I’d forgotten entirely about the ice cream. And that’s what you’ll find happens with you. You won’t necessarily not think about eating when you’re not hungry, but you’ll learn how to self-soothe without food. And in the process, you’ll tap into an inner strength you never knew you had.

I hope this has helped shed some light on the common question about eating when you’re not hungry. Write to me and let me know what your experience has been with this. And remember, eat exactly what you want, when you’re hungry, and stop when you’re full.

Carol thanks for the post, I do read her blog occasionally but hadn't seen that one yet. She is exactly right, I will be sad for a while passing up on things, especially treats and higher fat foods. But I do notice that I get over it, especially treats. There is a cupcake bakery that I love and have a punchcard for, but it is really out of my way. Many times I have been tempted to go all the way there just to get a cupcake but I know it isn't worth driving all that way, so I don't. I haven't been in a few months. The other night I wanted a cupcake but didn't want to drive that way, I was at the grocery store looking at their single slices but I knew that it wouldn't be as good as what I wanted so I quickly decided no. Then again I can make my own cupcakes that would really be better than both places, but I know I only want one so I'm not going to make a batch or even half of a batch for 3 cupcakes, one for each of us. Small victories I think.

Carly, I really commend you for the things you are doing for yourself. Sounds like some major stuff has happened to you but you have found the courage to deal with it and do good things for yourself too at the same time. I don't want to sound weird but I do relate to much of what you said, I lived a crazy and dark life for many years and constantly regret things I've done in the past. Some people would say that I was young so it is to be automatically forgiven but that doesn't fly with me. I know I shouldn't dwell on the past and I don't think I do but maybe my actions are a way of telling me that I'm not really over all of that stuff, since I didn't try to deal with it just kind of tried to say it was over and done. If you ever need to talk privately I am happy to listen, I'm sure you have people to talk to just offering support. You have been really helpful and supportive to me and I really appreciate it. Also congrats on your running today!! That is awesome

All in all I do know that I will get through this and soon enough be making better choices more consistently. But I would be kidding myself if I said it would happen overnight, like I want it to.

On another note, today was a good day I think. I woke up and was reading on the couch when I thought why not sit on the recumbent bike and pedal while I read? So I did that for almost a half hour. I've also decided to take the dogs and my dd on a 30 minute walk every morning. She rides her bike and I walk the dogs, it is working really well so far. I love that my dd is getting so good at riding her bike without the training wheels, and the walk kind of sets the tone for the day. I felt like riding my bike 7.6 miles to work and back so I did that but I think I used up too much energy. I wasn't very hungry all day but after getting home and helping to clean up dd's room I was really feeling it. I had a big salad and a grilled cheese sandwich, trying to use up stuff in the fridge. I've had a couple of beers and might have one more. I'm skipping karate which I'm not really not happy about but I did need to get some stuff done here as I'm having people over on Saturday and need to clean up big time lol I'm going to get back to going consistently to karate next week, I go 3 times a week so it is a bit of a commitment as I have to drive 30 minutes to get there. Well my legs are feeling kind of like rubber and I'm tired lol I have lots of cleaning ahead of me tomorrow!

So I have a question for you all. Do you think IE is at all compatible with having a set plan or rules? Or is that the same thing as counting calories and such? I have been reading Dr. Phil's weight solution book this week, as it is what originally helped me to lose all of my weight before. I remember that I was choosing to eat very well, avoiding lots of junk, and getting regular exercise, well a lot of exercise as I think that is what I used in place of eating a craving or out of boredom, etc. I find the book to be sort of a refresher course in dealing with issues in other ways than eating, and turning negative self-talk around into more realistic and positive thoughts. I also checked out a couple of the Beck Diet books, if you don't know what they are my understanding is that it is basically training yourself to think and deal with dieting issues differently. It does bug me that the word diet is thrown around so much in this book, but really what we eat every day is a diet so I can move past that lol I think with IE I'm trying to train myself to eat differently, so is there a difference in also trying to train your brain to think and act differently while still following a healthy diet plan? Is it compatible to eat what you want and when you are hungry but also follow a set of rules per say?

I'm not sure I'm making sense, I guess I'm thinking that I probably need something like the Beck and Dr. Phil strategies that makes me focus on changing how I think and giving myself a plan as to what to eat and how much to exercise. If I feel that if it isn't too rigid but structured enough then I think I might do better. I guess I haven't totally let go of diet mentality and I'm not sure if I can! It is hard to when I feel the need to lose weight so urgently. I feel as though I'm hum-ho-ing casually along and trying not to stress, but at the same time I'm not getting anywhere. Like walking with one foot nailed to the floor. Today I'm thinking that if I can train my brain to avoid overeating and indulging too much in cupcakes or cookies, then eventually it will just become second nature right? I think I can follow some sort of 'plan' but still use IE in the ways I see most important, like eating when hungry and only eating to satisfaction. Maybe some thin people can just not really think about eating or overeating at all, but maybe some thin people also have to really work at it. I think I'll probably always have to work at it in some way or another.

I don't know if that was really a question or just me putting that out there lol I better stop before I write another novel

Hi, Lauren...Have you ever made a batch of cupcakes and frozen them? I do that quite often. Make and frost the cupcakes, then I put however many fit into one of those aluminum pie plates, slip the plate into a food storage bag, and put it in the freezer. They don't take long to thaw when you decide you want to eat one (or more).

You asked about combining "rules" with IE. Personally, I don't think that works because it keeps the diet mentality alive.

Like Carol, I firmly believe that I never would have gotten this big if I hadn't ever tried my first diet--which was Atkins when it first came out in the 70s. I had just had my daughter, and was all upset about the 20 or so pounds that I didn't lose right away after having her. Through the years, I've tried countless weight loss methods. Sometimes I've lost a few pounds-once I even lost 50 pounds-but I ALWAYS ended up regaining it all with a few extra besides. Now I have well over a hundred pounds to lose.

I feel that the "diet industry" has done much more harm than good in this country--and that includes Weight Watchers, which tries to proclaim that it's a "lifestyle change" rather than a diet plan. It's a diet plan.

ANYTHING that tells you what to eat, what not to eat, when to eat, etc. is a diet plan, no matter how they try to disguise it and say that it isn't.

For me, the best method is to let food and eating resume its correct place in my life, and do my best to accept my body as it is now, focus more on living life instead of obsessing about my weight and how frustrating and discouraging it is to have so much to lose. (Easier said than done.) Oh, it's important to eat what you really like too, and not just what you think you SHOULD eat.

Every so often on this thread somebody will mention something like trying to eat IE, but lower carb. I don't think this works because it keeps too much of the diet mentality going, even if not as strong when one is out-and-out following a particular way of eating (low carb, low fat, WW, etc.)

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this enough or not, but it just seems as if we really don't need any books or methods to try to follow or incorporate along with our eating. It seems like it would work best to be hungry, eat a little of something we actually want to eat, then go get busy until we get hungry again.

I'm not there yet, but I'm heading back that way. There is nothing even remotely "diet" that works for me any more. Even if I say I'm going to follow a diet plan, I don't. I don't last for even a morning on them any more.

I think it's an ongoing thing. I hope you find what works for you.

That was awesome, Becky....still praying for you each day. Just received Cheryl Canter's newsletter from Normal Eating. I've been on prednisone for as long as 4 years so this one really interested me.

This month's newsletter will be somewhat personal because I've been quite sick. The problem, as usual, is my digestive system - the ulcerative colitis that originally inspired the Normal Eating method. When an emotional eater has health-mandated eating restrictions, he or she must resolve emotional eating in a very deep way to avoid getting triggered. And thus the Normal Eating method was born.

This time around my challenge was a little different. I wasn't trying to follow a special diet that I hoped would cure me (though I did make certain changes I'll talk about shortly). I was - and am - taking a drug that I know from past experience causes pronounced increase in appetite and water retention, potentially leading to rapid weight gain and "moonface" (puffed out cheeks): the dreaded Prednisone.

First key point: When you are sick enough to need this drug, it puts the importance of appearance in perspective. When you are so sick that you cannot leave home or enjoy life at all, a fast 20 pound weight gain and a head like a basketball seems a small price to pay to be functional and pain-free. That said, I did not gain 20 pounds this time.
When Your Body Betrays You

The first time my doctor put me on Prednisone for colitis, I wasn't forewarned about the increased appetite and water retention. I felt endlessly hungry so I endlessly ate. I gained weight very quickly, and my usually oval face became perfectly round. People I knew didn't recognize me. I didn't realize how much my appearance had changed until I saw myself in a photograph, and then I cried.

The worst part was not actually the weight gain, but the moonface - the puffed out cheeks from water retention. I didn't feel pretty anymore, but moreover I didn't feel like me anymore. I felt like I was in someone else's body.

My overwhelming feeling this time around was that I didn't want to put myself through that again. I wanted to spare myself the pain of reliving that experience. My main thought was PROTECT: Protect self from pain.

This is important because how you think about your food choices has everything to do with how you feel about them. What you do out of self-love and self-protection is freely chosen and empowering. Then it's not about the food you've chosen to eat or not eat, it's about the benefit you want to give yourself. You're moving towards something, not away from something. Your main focus is not the food, but rather the goal you are trying to achieve (incidentally, though food choices).
Freely Choosing

How do you get to the point where you can freely make food choices in your own best interest, without feelings of conflict or deprivation? In the end, it comes down to how you think about it - what you say to yourself in the moment when you are deciding what you will or will not eat.

What I said to myself was, "This is war, and I am fighting for my life. I am going to get well, and I am going to do it on my own terms, without losing my physical sense of self, to the extent it is possible for me to control this."

I've been able to minimize the Prednisone side effects this time because I have developed the inner freedom to make food choices that feel like choices, exercises of personal power, and not restrictions imposed from without. I was able to decide what to eat without any sense of inner conflict. This is what the Normal Eating method is all about.

I also learned some interesting things along the way.
Mindfulness versus Habit

When I started the Prednisone, I became very conscious and deliberate about what I chose to put in my mouth, much more so than before. My strategy was this:

* Pay scrupulous attention to hunger and satiation. Know that my body's cues are distorted because of the drug, and eat the bare minimum needed to satisfy hunger.
* Avoid foods with high calorie density and low nutrition (e.g. sweets) because my body is leading me to eat more than it really needs. Don't go hungry, but minimize foods that will encourage fast weight gain.
* Minimize salt to reduce water retention.

At first it was easy - the Prednisone hunger doesn't happen immediately. And I had a surprising realization: I'd been eating slightly more than my body needed, simply out of habit. For example, I didn't need a whole bagel at breakfast. My body only wanted half that.

I've always gained weight easily, but much more so since turning 50. I weight 10-15 pounds more now than I did at 30. Until this exercise in hypermindfulness, I didn't think there was anything I could do about it. I wasn't eating emotionally or compulsively - I was eating what I always had eaten. But I weighed more.

Now I realize that this was the problem. I was eating what I always had eaten, but my body was not as it always had been. I was older and had less muscle mass. Perhaps I also moved less. I wasn't eating to fill emotional needs, but in eating out of habit I was not fully eating according to my body's hunger and satiation cues. It turns out that going on autopilot is a great way to gain weight with age!

In the first two weeks of my hyper-mindful eating, I actually lost 5 pounds. I gained this back when the relentless Prednisone hunger kicked in, but the gain stopped at the 5 pounds I lost.

I'm now starting to taper off the Prednisone, and my only side effect has been a slight moonface and hoarseness from the water retention. Maybe when I'm off the Prednisone my weight will return to what it was when I was 30, just by paying more attention to my body and not eating out of habit. That would be nice.
Age, Beauty, and Health

All things being equal, everybody would prefer a vigorous, healthy, youthful, normal-weight body. After all, this defines beauty. We are genetically programmed to be attracted to health. A youthful shape signals reproductive capability.

But all things are not equal.

If you are over 50, you've probably noticed that your proportions have changed, even if your weight has not. I always used to be a full size smaller on top than on the bottom, no matter what my weight. That is no longer true. Suddenly I'm bigger on top. People tend to get thicker around the waist with age.

This doesn't only apply to women, but as an example, look at pictures of Betty White over time. Notice what happens to her figure as she ages. She doesn't get fat, but she gets thicker around the middle and other things shift and change. That's part of life, and to stress about it is a waste of energy. It's self-respecting to look the best we can, but beauty is not the most important thing in life and, as we get older, it becomes increasingly out of reach.

On the plus side, though appearance doesn't improve with age, wisdom and peace of mind do. I may have looked better at 30, but I'm a lot happier at 54. And everybody else I know in my age group feels the same way.

But most important is this: No matter what your age, if you are healthy, you are blessed. If you've never been seriously ill, you don't fully realize how blessed.

Honor yourself by looking your best, but try to keep it in perspective. It's not the most important thing.

It is so hot and humid right now and the forecast looks like much of the same. Thankfully we got central air this year. Not too hungry when it gets this hot. Even the sweet corn isn't that inviting. Now wonder I'm always a little lighter by fall. Eating mostly veggies right now because that's what we have in our garden. I've had some chocolate candy bars in the cupboard and I don't know what happened but they don't appeal to me anymore.

Good morning, ladies...Carol, thank you for your prayers. They are much appreciated.

It's very hot and humid here too, and I can't wait for fall. Fall is when I feel I "come alive" again. Summer, especially now that I'm older and fatter, feels like a "lost season", because so much of the time is spent sitting around just trying to tolerate the heat. Blech.

Carly, I know what you mean about social networking. I never really used My Space, and once I found out how many security problems there could be with Facebook, I removed as much personal info and photos from my page as I could.

I'm still battling with the diet mentality. Yesterday I thought I'd try low carbing again, but after eating a cheeseburger patty (no roll) for breakfast, the rest of the day was spent eating any old thing. You'd think I'd learn.

Hot, humid weather makes me retain water, which increases my weight, which makes me feel more discouraged. It's a bad cycle.

But today is a new day, so we keep trudging forward.

Hope you all enjoy the day!