57.2 kg/126 lbs today after just one day of eating and exercising on plan. I can do this, yes I can. A little early to tell but I think I'd like to call my birthday (Dec. 24) goal 55.5 or 55.0 kg. Flushed with new confidence that the inevitable kilo or two I'll gain on my 10-day Germany hedonism-fest won't have a lasting impact. I want this metabolism forever.

I feel unsettled in my mother's house. That's the best word for it. Like I can't just sink into an armchair & relax and let my guard down. I get a little crazy here. I want to rummage in cupboards & see what's there; I want to go through the fridge & freezer. I want to inventory all the food, to sniff out all the hidden goodies. I especially want to do this when I am left alone in the kitchen. I have to make myself a cup of tea & clutch it hard & count the minutes for the feeling to pass. And even when she's there, I have a hard time. There's this damned modern open-floor plan, where the kitchen flows into everything, so there always seems to be easy access to food, and the kitchen is always beckoning. I forget how central it is to this house. (I live in a prewar apartment, built in the 1920s, with separate rooms allocated for separate purposes, and a small kitchen that isn't eat-in, and which it's easy to stay out of, unless you've got a particular task to complete there.) I can't even begin to articulate all the psychological complexities behind these feelings, only to say that I am having a hard time & I have to stay vigilant & mindful here. I'll be glad to get out of the house to do a little Black Friday shopping, even if I buy nearly nothing.

Saef, interesting you noticed that about the floorplans. I wonder if that also contributes to the obesity epidemic? :hmm: Tea seems like a good way to difuse the munchies.

Lots of people on the way down on the scale around here. I need to get my act together to join in the triumphs.

Yesterday was....well, I ate a lot. But I also went running and I'm so done with junk food it's not even funny. The only leftovers I will eat are the turkey and the roasted veggies.

I should block Paula Deen from my Facebook. She has a cheerful leftover Thanksgiving recipe offering for turkey monte cristo sandwiches. Ugh....

I saw 136.1 on the scale yesterday! Then I had this INSANE idea that I could drop my calories to 1100-1200 a day. I know I can't do this, so why do I even bother trying? Anyway, I just got home STARVING 3 hours after my mini-lunch and ate a "snack" that had more calories than my lunch. I guess it's back to my comfort zone (1600-1800 cals). A happy place where I lose sloooooowly but my tummy is full and happy.

Saef, I have one of those open floorplans. The kitchen and living room are basically one giant room with space for a dining table in between. We have a formal dining room too but we just have a folding table in there. Pretty much all our time is spent in the kitchen and next to the kitchen. On the other hand, I love my big wide open kitchen with massive amounts of counter space and lots of cabinets.

Clara, I agree that dropping to 1100-1200 would be a little much. If you want to lose some more though you might consider 1400. It works pretty well for me to lose.

Becky, have you been to the pool??? I thought of you while I was swimming this morning and I totally smashed a couple PRs. 13:37 for 550 yards (down from 15:08) and 44:57 for 1800 yards (down from 49:50). Hopefully tomorrow's run will be as successful.

Yes, a sensible person would try that before dropping so low . It's just that my all or nothing persona still tries to take over sometimes. I was doing 1500 for a couple of days and thought "hey, why not drop it a little more?" BAAAAD idea. I guess I've learned my lesson.

It took a couple extra days, but I did get on the treadmill tonight. I made up the 3.5 miles that I didn't do on Thanksgiving morning, because of really cold rain. Not being a runner, I didn't have any gear to make the experience tolerable, let alone comfortable. It was a good decision, because it took me almost an hour. Strangely, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. An iPod full of great tunes certainly was a big help. I even went closer to 4 miles, because a really good song came on, Maybe there's hope for me yet!

paperclippy - no pool time yet. Even with good intentions, all of my local swimming holes are closed for the holiday weekend. My next opportunity is Monday at 8pm. Awesome times - nothing feels quite as good as battering a PR into the dust! :highfive: Do you do any winter tris, or is the season pretty much on hold for a while?

Another trial yesterday. I went to a friend's house for about five hours of chatting & catching up on news & looking at pictures on family camera phones. All the while, on the table within an easy arm's reach of me, they had a pile of white bakery boxes done up with string, containing brownies, cannolis, half-moon cookies (what's called a "black & white cookie" in NY) & other stuff from a famed bakery in Syracuse. They kept taking stuff from these boxes & eating. Grazing, grazing. That was, apparently, dinner. I had two consecutive cups of Salada tea & that was all. They also warmed up small pizzas in frying pans. I had none. Clung to my tea mugs. Tried not to stare in that insane fixated way at the food while they ate it. By 10 PM, I was ravenous. I finally got home & devoured dinner like a wild animal: turkey, wild rice, green beans, broccoli. And went to bed an hour later. ****, but I made it.

saef, your strength is remarkable. I know you've been at this maintenance thing for a while ... and I'd like to ask a question. Were you able to make the decision just once that you were going to wait until you could get something that met your needs, or was it a constant barrage of inner dialogue, with the "angel and the devil" campaigning for various outcomes? Did you "know" all along that you were going to do the right thing for yourself?

On the phone, my friend told me about their trip to the bakery. ("Boxes and boxes of stuff, all for just over $25! My brother & his wife live in San Jose & they were marveling at the low prices!") So I had a pretty good idea of what I'd be facing. I made a vow not to have anything like that. And I kept to it. I did waver, because I have a good imagination & sensory memory of what some of the stuff tasted like. I thought of allowing myself a sliver. But then I thought of looking at my abs in the mirror on the previous night, and I thought how it's always easier to say "no" than to say "yes" and feel full of self-recrimination. I would have said "yes" to turkey or to fresh strawberries. (They had a whole flat of strawberries out in the garage sent over by the neighbor, who works for a wholesale greengrocer.) But not to the bakery stuff. Or pizza. Being hungry was uncomfortable & I did not like it or glory in it as a test of will. I didn't feel my stomach grumbling, I just felt a bit light-headed and some kind of undercurrent of tension. That was like background static. I really love this family & I have known them for about 30 years.

Hi, saef,

Man! That is really tough! Well, first of all, I think it's kind of rude of them not to offer you something other than what they had out to eat. If you had been at my house, I would have been able to come up with something! (Or did you keep insisting you weren't eating because you weren't hungry...)

Second, I wonder why you didn't just ask them if they had something else you could eat. You've known these people almost 30 years... Surely it would have been OK to ask?

They must have seen you through being overweight and through your weight loss, so it seems kind of odd to me that they would load the house up for your visit with baked goods and pizza...

I'm reminded of instances when people are serving alcohol, or are having clam chowder or clam linguini... I can't have any of those because my life depends on it! So I have no qualms about sitting and not drinking/eating it. I sure wish I could have the same attitude toward baked goods etc.!

Jay

Becky, great job on the treadmill! No triathlons during the winter, it's too cold. Still debating about joining team in training for next year vs. training on my own for the olympic distance. I was so excited about my new records for swimming yesterday, until I looked at the results from last year's olympic triathlons and realized that with those time I will still be all the way at the back. Sigh. The people in the front swim twice as fast as me.

Saef, great job resisting the junk food. But I agree with Jay, if they've been you friends for 30 years why not offer you something else to eat?

DH and I had a bit of a fight last night. I think the real root cause was that he was dehydrated and hadn't eaten enough, which triggers depressive episodes for him. He told me that I feed him unhealthy food with too much fat and I'm going to give him a heart attack. (This is your cue to start laughing, because obviously I cook much healthier than 90% of people in this country.) He said, too much cheese, too much sausage, he's fat and skinny at the same time, every food is going to kill him and every food is a miracle food.

Luckily I got him a couple glasses of water, some OJ to restore blood sugar, and cooked plain cauliflower for him to eat, and then he was fine and went to the fridge to eat the leftover food I had cooked yesterday and a PB&J sandwich. I totally do not understand him sometimes.

saef, your restraint is mind-boggling. I guess if I had abs to speak of I might be able to exercise control too. It feels like if you manage to say "no" to something delectable, you should instantly lose 2 pounds.

Yesterday I feasted until I couldn't move at a friend's Thanksgiving potluck. Until about 11 am today I felt sick and stuffed. What is it about social events that gives me the mental green light to do this? I'll lose the gains by midweek by staying on plan and eating under 1500, but I shouldn't be doing this. I wonder what makes it happen.

You and Jessica have asked a very sensible question, so sensible it left me flummoxed and sputtering, and then made me think about my behavior for a long time.

My conclusions aren't flattering to me, unfortunately, as I've decided that I was trying to be a Needless Wonder. That is, a female guest who is so polite that she never makes her needs known by asking for something that she isn't offered first. I know, I know. It's better to be a sane healthy human than an inhumanly ladylike creature.

Also, I think that I walked into what was basically a family binge. The weather wasn't pleasant that day, sleeting & a little snowy, and they decided to stay in & graze all day. The control setting was off. And I felt my mention of healthy food or asking for something of substance was going to "harsh the mellow" or appear to be indirectly Preaching the Word About Whole Foods.

And my dear friend (whose family this is) has also had a lifelong weight problem (exacerbated in some ways by having a much-admired older sister in the fashion industry in Manhattan). In recent years, however, she has had taken up dancing & had a weekly exercise regime of two to three hours every weekday -- till she developed knee problems that required surgical intervention. The knee surgery & cessation of working out caused her to regain weight. She was a little nonplussed by my appearance. By the way, she also didn't eat a thing while I was there, just drank water. The rest of the family went at the baked goods.

Sigh. It's complicated, these human relationships. Once again, this weight thing is not about the weight. Or only partly. A lot of it is a metaphor. For control, for what I ask of myself. There are continual lessons in sanity & moderation, if I am completely honest with myself & ask myself the hard questions about my choices.

Next time, I need to make my needs known. To articulate my reasons & make sure they do not seem to be indirectly reproaching their choices. Since I will not get a little silver (Catholic?) medal for being The Needless Wonder while going hungry.

saef, I love the phrase "Needless Wonder." It captures both the idea of "amazingly without needs" and the futility of trying to appear that way.

I think your reference to the "little silver (Catholic?) medal" is also telling. It's easy in our culture to latch on to the martyrdom-and-suffering model of Christianity and turn it into a lifestyle. Sad to say.

Jay