I'm here! There just seems to be less and less hours in a day just now! Which is really odd, because I am not achieving much more than I used to!

Anyway, gotta get back to work shortly, but wanted to drop in and say well done on snagging the job Ani!! I even feel a sense of relief knowing you are over that hurdle! And in a few weeks time you'll be settling into you new home!

And Gen! Wooohooo! Two weeks...have you started packing yet?

I am plodding on with the diet! Enjoying 13 pringles and a small handful of Smoked Almonds each afternoon after work!

Julia, I think you have made the right decision giving up the evening job! You were wearing yourself out! Good luck with the morning stuff!

Ok, gotta treat a sick dog and get back to work!

Enjoy the afternoon ladies!!

I have started packing, although I've done bugger all. I did get to the chemist warehouse to stock up on drugs and to pack & send to work out how much shipping is going to cost me.

Yuk! TOM has arrived and brought me 800 grams this morning lol.. what a pain in the butt lol.. Oh well i know its all fluid but gosh do i feel bloated.. My Friend took me out to lunch yesterday . She decided i needed to get out of the house and have a treat . I really enjoyed myself and our kids were really well behaved. her son Jacob (my god son) is 9 months old and he was being really funny .. he has figured out if he rocks he can make the pusher move.. so he was eating then rocking and absolutly killing himself laughing when ever the pram moved away from us and we had to wheel him back. It ws a riot . the resturant was quiet so he wasn't annoying anyone and we just kept laughing at him . Leah thought it was hilarious too and kept saying "Jacob what you doing silly jakey?"

I didnt need tea last night but had two pieces of bread to keep me going till morning and my calories were through the roof lol 2423 for yesturday pub resturant lunchs are fat packed lol but oh well i enjoyed myself . its not like i do it all the time .. I dont feel guilty at all for yesturday lol I had fun and I had something i enjoy and i damn well enjoyed it lol..

What a morning. At 4.30am the smoke alarm outside my unit started going crazy (batteries need replacing) and it's too high up for me to reach to stop it. So I was awake for ages then slept through my alarm and woke up just before 10am when I should have been at work at 8:30. Woops!

So here I am, better late than never I guess. Still got terrible period pains and a headache but am quite happy in the knowledge that tonight is my last shift ever at The Warehouse

The idea of doing any exercise is pretty much a wash for the rest of the week so I'll concentrate on my diet. I've also decided that as of next week, I'm going back to counting weight watchers points because I think that my eating has started to slip.

Have a great day everyone.

Julia I feel the same with my eating - it's not too bad, but it isn't on plan. Certainly not the way to lose weight.

I seem to have scared myself about getting below 80kg, and I feel like my head isn't right at the moment. Any strategies for me?

I realise I am quite distracted with new job and moving - and I am really, really broke. Amy I understand exactly what you mean, because I'm scrounging at the moment. It doesn't help me to be able to plan meals when I can barely afford food.

A friend and his dad are going to help me move. They both have utes - and muscles , and I'm really grateful for their help. Mind you - we're moving Thursday & Friday, and it's going to be 38ºC both days.

Lindor you sound like you're going great guns. I reckon you'll beat me to 80kg at this rate. Good on you matey, I'm really happy that you've worked out ways to incorporate all your treats into your daily plan.

Barb I HOPE this is a light at the end of the tunnel and not an oncoming train . I think it will be… I'm sure I'll be a lot more settled once I have moved and started work, and then get that first pay!

Gen how long are you going to the US for? Is this a long-term move?

My visa is 2 years initially, then I'd have to renew my visa and get another job offer extended. Should be right, all things considering. I don't know if I'd want to bother getting a green card etc, so I'll wait and see how I go. It is rather nervy uprooting everything on a temporary visa - esp when the US has "at will" employment which basically means they can sack you anywhere, anytime with no notice or severance pay!

Then again, I rock, so they will most likely keep me. Haha!

Ani, I am not much use as I can't get (and stay) below 90kg, but I *know* it's my head doing it to me, and not my appetite. The only thing I can suggest for you is to switch back to lbs, which worked for you before, or to go to weighing only every 2 weeks. Depends if that will help or hinder you, but maybe if you "accidentally" go under you won't freak out.

Of course, your journalling and talking about what happens when you unwrap another layer of safety net is the most likely to help. Why don't you think you deserve to get under 80kg? What are you going to have to deal with if you do?

Now there's a question: what will happen when I unwrap the next layer? Do I feel safe to go there, and see what happens? I guess I'm feeling a little bit unsafe – not because I'm conscious of being emotionally vulnerable, but I do feel a little physically vulnerable because of all the changes that are happening.

A lot of people in my community think it's an incredible waste of my "brain" that I have chosen to go and work in a garden centre. They're very surprised. But for the last 18 years I have worked in some very intense and demanding jobs, and I see this as a wonderful opportunity to de-clutter my brain. I made a conscious decision to create space - almost a vacuum - so that I can have room to get back in touch with my creative, and individual self.

I want to work in a simple job so I can have the room to do other things that are important to me in my life.

Does that make me feel safe? No. It's scary, because I know I'm opening a door to opportunity, and to new adventure… And I have no idea what might come through that door.

Unwrapping the next layer will definitely enhance that opportunity. By the time I've done it I will be 75kg, I will look better, feel healthier, have more stamina – and will have achieved something I never thought I could. Lose 30kg? ME? Pfft!

During the unwrapping of this layer I will leave behind my obesity. And while that's an awesome achievement, obesity is familiar and safe. I've been obese now for almost 10 years - I'm used to it.

And I guess there's the issue of how long this weight loss is taking. On an intellectual level I KNOW that the very best way to do it is to go slowly, sensibly and to make small ongoing changes to your lifestyle. But I've been doing this for 78 weeks - 546 days - and I'm STILL obese! That frustrates me.

Looking forward, even when I get to "only" overweight, I will still have 14kg to go before I'm at a "healthy" weight. It just feels like I've climbed a mountain, thinking there's a great view at the top, but all I can see is another bloody HUGE mountain in front of me.

On a financial level I am very unsafe at the moment. Why is this relevant? I'm really conscious that by the time I get to 75kg I will NEED a new wardrobe. At the moment I'm a comfortable Size 16 (I started at Size 22), but I don't have anything in a smaller size – and I can't afford to buy anything. That will change in the next six months, but it is something I'm aware of. Being broke also isn't helpful when it comes to planning healthy meals.

On a positive note it is still really, really important to me to keep losing weight. At this point in time I'm battling, but I'm aware that I've adopted a "siege mentality" to get me through these changes in my life. I have a bit of battle fatigue from doing this for so long, but I know I have to keep going.

I'm going to take your advice and go back to weighing in pounds for a while, and I'm going to set myself some different goals.

Are you sorry you asked?

Nope! I think you're incredibly brave to be leaving behind such a successful and *safe*, known job to branch out into something different. It's not lesser or greater, it's just different. And change is good, even when it's uncomfortable! I'm doing something similar with leaving corporate life behind and moving back to clinical work.

I agree, the scary thing there is what we do with the rest of our life when we can't focus on "work". We have to have a personal life, and look at and after ourselves - eek!!

Don't even worry about the healthy weight pinnacle yet. You know the only way to do this is step by step, day by day, pound by pound. It's incredibly frustrating to keep plodding, but getting to "overweight" from obese is a MASSIVE achievement, and a huge investment in your health!

Ani i think that you're quite a few steps ahead of the game already in that you have very clear goals and good strategies for achieving them. You're a real inspiration to me and I'm sure to everyone else here as well. I like your no-nonsense approach to this journey and as you say ... slow and steady wins the race. I know how scary it is when you unravel the layers and therefore make yourself vulnerable. It's certainly a complex journey that we're on. It has so many ups and downs and is such a long process but you're on the right track and I know that you'll continue to do really well.

I can well imagine that the people in your community will be shocked that you're going to work in a garden centre. If you're a well known face in the gay community over there and you've been as involved in it as you have been I'm sure it'll take a while for everyone to adjust to you taking a step back. I'm just glad that you're doing what's right for you.

I had my last shift at The Warehouse last night and actually felt a litte sad to be leaving. They're a great bunch of people there and I have enjoyed working with them. They gave me a lovely big pot plant which I will try my best not to kill

I've got a nice busy weekend ahead. Today I'm working until 1pm then going with a friend to a tattoo expo so am looking forward to that. Tomorrow my work is having an open day out at the airport where they're opening the major hangar to staff so I'm going to go and have a look through there. They've got 2 commercial jet aircraft and 2 military aircraft out there at the moment so that'll be interesting.

My auntie from England is coming to Christchurch tomorrow afternoon so I'll be having a roast dinner at my parents place with her. My last roast meal for a while as I'm starting Weight Watchers again on Monday. I shall dine on many potatoes

Have a great weekend ladies.

Ani Being broke makes life very difficult.. Im even considereing planting veggies so i know i have them when im broke lol.. but alas im a black thumb lol. I hate how rude people are .. the garden centre is your choice.. and it will help you to loose that next layer too . Its far better for your health in many ways and there is oppertunity to expand and learn more plus as you said before you can move up the ladder and maybe run one yourself.. If that is not rewarding i dont know what is . You are still gonna write on the side too right? pfft to those who always judge our decisions.

Kiwi i was wondering how your last night went Im glad it wasn't to bad

And augi i would be very scared about going over to the US there health system is not good over there if you get sick. Will you get travel health insurance or will you have to purchse a policy when you get there?

Im happy to report im back down to 124.9 this morning .. lol I hate how i gain when Tom arrives . Today me and the kids are going over to my friends for lunch . chicken and steamed veggies , sounds good to me My excercise is a bit lackin g at the moment so i hop imnot crampy later and i can get on my elliptical .. Dont like my chances but.. i hope so lol..

Right! I'm back to pounds for a while, and I have a plan .

I should be able to lose close to a pound/week if I stick to less that 1300 net calories a day. I'm going to try it for a month, and see how that goes.

Julia thank you for what you said. I think you're doing as inspiring a job with your weight loss, and I'm proud of you.

Amy it sounds like your life is being one big adventure after another.

Kel & Lindor where are you?

Must go and pack some more boxes. Blurk!


Ani

Ani congrats on the job. And don't worry to uch about new wardrobe when you hit 75kg. You have yr cargos and supplied shirt for work, so you will only need out of work clothes and a couple fo good outfits. Now is the time to purchase. Lots of sales and clearance on due to seasons changing.... AND they DO hide some of last years stock that suit the time of year weather. and they sell it clearance.

Gen I am really excited for you. Does your workplace have health insurance as part of its incentive for the job? Be nice if it did, cause yep I heard expensive also. My sister and her family lived over there for a year as they bought into a housing estate they had to renovate. It was 13 years ago and back then when they all had to have antibiotics it cost them like $300. Not to mention the doctor bill.

Julia hope a weight is lifted of yr shoulders now.

Amy you are funny. You're not having much luck with that car are you?

I know what it is like to be broke too. Hate it, but I guess we all go there at some stage. We are not well off, we live week to week, and when a bill comes in I have to juggle things around, but we manage. We have a roof over our heads, food in our mouths and clothes on our back. We are rich in our friendship with others and our family.

Someone back there spoke of journalling..... For my nursing we have to do a reflective journal this whole semester. It will be like a diary and we have to put our thoughts n feelings in it about anything we come across. Private, but will be assessed. It's funny cause a teacher said if there is a part we want confidential feel free to glue the page. So I'm gonna glue em all. Think I'll pass? hehehe.


Kel, I just read a bit about catching Jemima.. I agree with Amy it is amazing the predicaments our kids get into. Just this afternoon, I bought home a new pair of bratz joggers for Ebony. Tried them on her then said "go show daddy". She ran into him, under the model train table and SMACK - straight into a beam supporting the table, and back on her ***. she cried, and it would have hurt the poor little thing, but gee it looked funny. The shoes had given her an extra inch in height. Normally she misses it.

I'm doin ok. Have had some junk food but still keeping within calorie range. AND I am drinking water. yayyyyy. Felt pretty crappy since thursday. Had a sore back across (under bust height) and up the right side of my ribcage (but in the rear) (does that make sense?) In the night I just felt 'weird' and couldnt sleep properly. Friday I wole up tired, and back was ok but developed headache and sore neck towards afternoon. Today is hohum.

Anyhow I wont whinge anymore, survivor is on and I might go have a look.

Take care all.

Vonni (PS KYLIE WHERE ARE YOU??)

Ugh!!! I had a full on Cadbury blowout this afternoon!

(Is it naughty to admit that I actually enjoyed it? )

First blowout in over six weeks...

...and confident it was just a one off!

Lindor what is a Cadbury blowout? Dare I ask?

I had a good day with food and exercise, but a shocker with water - so today's goal is to hydrate myself.

Aside from that I have more packing to do. How very exciting – not!

i hope a full cadbury blow out is not a full block of chocolate lol..