Hmm. So many reasons and excuses, and sometimes they overlap!
I overate as a child out of
boredom, and then later out of
anxiety and
anger. Before losing any weight, I used every excuse in the book to overeat:
- Sad about a bad interview? Have a Twinkie.
- Problems with my son? A nice big Sausage McGriddle will help stomach that.
- Feeling sorry for yourself? You deserve some garlic cheesebread.
- Relatives overstepping their boundaries? Brownies are the answer.
- Happy about the promotion? Treat yourself to a fancy dinner!
I, too, had
body-image issues because I was a *tall* girl (not a fat girl initially), but my brothers and father started commenting on my weight when I was about eleven years old. Self-fulfilling prophecy? I'm not sure. There's definitely an element of that, because I still detest it when my father or brothers comment on my weight -- even positive comments.
There's also a
sexual-attention element to mine. I've always been uncomfortable with unsolicited sexual attention, and when you're fat that solves much of that problem.
I became fatter as a young single parent. Some of this was
anger at "fate" for a difficult lot in life. I figured that my job is to be a mom and I didn't need to be distracted by men and dating. What finally seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back was when I realized that my 16-year-old son could very soon flee the nest and I would be a 'free agent', and HE pointed out to me that it's about time I start dating. I knew I had to be right with myself before I could start a healthy relationship, and becoming physically healthier has given me a self-respect that will (hopefully) translate well to a healthy relationship.
I also gained weight when I quit smoking, as food is a savory and
socially acceptable replacement for cigarettes. "I'm eating sunflower seeds because I quit smoking!" quickly turned into "I'm eating M&M's because I quit smoking!" or "I'm eating the whole bakery because I quit smoking!" ha ha.
Now that I've peeled back enough layers to address some of the deeper issues (misogyny from male relatives, body-image issues, self respect), I'm able to nail down the day-to-day bad habits.
I'm beginning to reach the turning point, where I'm internalizing the concept that payoff for emotional eating isn't worth the consequences. Even though a "comfort food" might feel good to eat for five minutes, it doesn't solve the problem and only contributes to bigger problems. It's just not worth it, the problem will still be there when the cheesecake is gone, and I'll then have to deal with the problem just a little chubbier and arteries a little more clogged. It's my choice.