Kayley – About the depression thing . . . I have been thinking about it a lot. The thing is, we didn’t get to over 300 pounds by not having some emotional issues. But it is kind of a chicken or the egg thing. We are depressed so we eat, and we eat so we are depressed. Those issues are not going to be solved by losing weight alone. The depression isn’t going to disappear – the important thing is dealing with the emotions while we are working on the physical aspect so we are ready to arrive at our goal. If you are feeling really down, then I would definitely see if you could see someone about it. I’m not an expert, but I think there are some medications that do cause weight gain and others that don’t. The thing is, if we don’t deal with the depression and the things that get us depressed, taking a pill won’t be the thing that makes a difference in our weight. Like Kirsikka’s therapist said, find your ways to happiness and the rest is easy. When you are depressed everything is so difficult.

Dogpal – There was a recent post about Optifast in the 100 pound club section:
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=81378
Maybe that will help with figuring out if it might be right for you – there were some good suggestions.

Zelma - "How can you possibly fail to meet your goal if you just don't ever quit?" Definitely! Even if it takes me the next 10 years, I will get to where I want to go. It is reaffirming our commitment every day and just keeping going that will get us there in the end. We ended up not cooking for my stepmother, but took her out to a really nice Greek restaurant instead. It was warm enough (mostly – it got chilly by the end of the night) to eat outside – the first time this season. Also, those mini-pizzas sound really good! I will have to try those some time.

Crystal – Welcome! We are all trying to get out of the horrible yo-yo cycle. Don’t give yourself too hard a time for big family events – life happens.

Lilion – Are you getting everything removed? I think even if I end up having to get a hysterectomy I will try for a partial to retain my hormones. Hope all went well this weekend.

Angela – Welcome back – small changes sound like the way to start back.

Crock – I am glad to hear your friend is being more supportive. Sometimes you just need to give people time.

Maria Lucia – That is great that your new therapist helped you get through such a big breakthrough on the first session. That is good that your gym is friendly. Sometimes it is hard to tell if it is actual or only our perceptions when we feel people are commenting or thinking things about our weight. With your relationship – that did seem somewhat sudden from my perspective, but then you hadn’t really talked much about it. Hope you are doing OK with that – any change like that can be very emotional, even if you know it is for the best. I agree with Zelma – you are definitely stronger than you know. How will this affect your work?

Julee – Congratulations on finding a workout place that you feel so comfortable in. That is fantastic! Hope you had a great time at Disney.

Mokster – Welcome! Yeah – it sounds like maybe a job change might be in order if you find you can’t resist eating them. One thing that may help is to try and make small changes – don’t try and change everything all at once. Start by not eating fast food or drinking soda – give yourself a week and see how it goes. Give yourself a break too – if you eat something then so what? Seeing diets as all or nothing makes it so we feel like if we mess up once, then it is a reason to keep going . . . “well I ate that cheeseburger, so what the ** I might as well eat the ice cream too.” Instead, “wow – I ate that cheeseburger. I wonder why I wanted it so badly? Was I really hungry or was it something else. It is ok – I forgive myself. But I am back on board from right now.” Each time gets a little easier, but it certainly won’t happen overnight.

Brenda – Good going on ditching the deep fryer. We got rid of ours when we moved last year and I don’t miss it at all. Don’t beat yourself up too much for the holiday eating.

Sandi – I journal somewhat, but I am not as good about it as I want to be. Mostly I post here. It is both cathartic and I know someone is reading.

Wyllen – I did a similar thing last night at the Greek restaurant, except it was with calamari. My stepmother ordered some for the table and I ate a bit more than I had planned. It was OK since I was still under for the day too, but I didn’t want them as much as they were just there. Oh well . . . it is hard not to join in when it is a festive occasion. It almost feels antisocial.

Hope everyone had a great Easter / Passover. I know I missed a few people - sorry about that. Luan hasn't been around for awhile - hope all is well.

I had a pretty good day. I have been feeling like I haven’t been doing enough reading, so I started Freakonomics and read almost half the book. Very interesting stuff. My BF has been at work all day so I have had the house to myself. I need to go out and pick up a prescription, but I am feeling pretty good tonight. I was a really restful but full day.

I have been having more interesting conversations with my BF about relationships etc, and I have a question for everyone. Do you feel that people don’t change through their lives – that our traits are mostly determined by DNA and our early years, or do you think that we are constantly changing and growing? Also, to what extent do you alter your behavior to allow for preferences of your partner – i.e. if they prefer you to have long hair, do you not cut it because they prefer it that way or do you wear certain clothes because you know they will specifically like them or have even requested it?

Well, I have to get to the drugstore – so hope everyone has a good night. I love stores that stay open 24 hours.

Hi everyone!!
How is everyone doing?
sandi

I had an “A-HA” moment today, very enlightening in fact, and I wanted to share it. This could be long, so you may want to sit back and get comfortable.

Hubby and I just got back from a beautiful walk. We did what we call the 'bridges' walk. We walk along one side of the river, across a bridge, along the other side of the river, and back across another bridge. We left home just after 7am and started the walk at 7:35. It was very cold at the start (probably just over 50F, which may not be cold for some people, but for me - seeing as I've lost most of my insulation (DON'T LAUGH!!) - I was FREEZING!) but I warmed up as we went along. It was lovely and quiet for most of the walk, as people must have been sleeping in on the public holiday. We did this walk for the first time a couple of months ago now and completed the 9.5km (5.7miles) walk in 90mins. This time I thought I would take it a ‘little’ easier, but we ended up finishing in 80mins! I am obviously getting fitter without realizing it, as I was sure we were walking slightly slower. Poor hubby! He is very good about these things and never complains, but I worry about him sometimes. It used to be ME who had to keep up and now I have to pace myself so I don’t leave him behind.

I am not going to do any more exercise today as I am ‘feeling’ my leg muscles more than usual lately and don’t want to do any damage. I am also very vigilant about over-exercising and making myself sick again, so I will just relax for the rest of the day. I may get the jitters just before dinner when I usually do my second workout, but I am going to force myself to sit on my butt. Or maybe I’ll just do a little basic stretching as someone mentioned once as I am NOT flexible in any way, shape or form and need to work on that.

Anyway… I actually had an original point I was going to make, but got carried away about our walk.

While I was walking I thought about how quiet it was and how maybe people were just having a ‘rest’ day because it is a holiday. Then I thought about how I hadn’t even thought twice about getting out and exercising. I was really looking forward to our walk. Even the past few days, when it has been a holiday weekend and I could have told myself to have a rest, I still exercised. I look forward to my morning treadmill sessions and am actually EXCITED about being able to jog a little now. If anyone had ever tried to tell me I would get excited about jogging I would have fallen down in a fit of laughter not so long ago. How easily and quickly things can change.

So… I started to evaluate where I am at in my journey at this moment and I realized that I am TOTALLY into my new lifestyle now and have been thoroughly entrenched in it for at least 12 months without really paying much attention to how different it is to how I used to live.

Last Easter, then Christmas, then my birthday, and now this Easter have all gone by without me even considering altering my eating or exercising habits at all. Well, perhaps over Christmas I added a nice sweet potato salad and I think on my birthday I ‘considered’ having an extra treat, but decided that I didn’t NEED it. So for 12 months or so I have TRULY been engrossed into my new, healthier lifestyle. I think that is how you know you are there… when you just don’t seriously consider changing what you are doing, no matter what else is happening around you. You have established such solid habits, that it just wouldn’t feel right to change them. In fact, you hardly think twice about changing them. It would be similar to not showering, or not getting dressed. They are just so much a part of your everyday life that you hardly think of them anymore. I get up in the morning, I get dressed for my workout, then I hop on the treadmill. It is so much a routine that now, when I have a ‘rest’ day from the equipment (as I felt my body needed time to recuperate), I don’t know what to do on that morning. I feel a little ‘lost’. The same goes for decisions about what to eat. I CAN’T choose unhealthy foods anymore. It just isn’t something I want to consider. A while ago, when I was only six months or so into my journey, I had been eating really well, but had a severe craving for fish and chips. I gave in to that craving and could HONESTLY feel the grease coming out of my skin (mostly face) for the next couple of days. It was such a shock because obviously my body just used to ‘absorb’ it before. I’m not really sure how that works, but it is a good memory to keep when you have any of those cravings again. I haven’t had fish and chips since. I get the rare craving for something fatty like that, but trust me, the craving doesn’t last long.

Now, please don’t think I am saying that you are not “there” with your new lifestyle change if you are still having treats, or giving yourself a break from exercise now and then. It took me about 15 months into my journey to have these things become true ‘habits’, and I also seem to have to do things differently to some people. Some people seem to be able to have treats such as candy, chocolate and takeaways and still lose weight. I can’t. Simple as that. My body doesn’t like me having those things and I have simply stopped having them. Well, I will rarely have marshmallows, and I have licorice now and then to help my ‘system’ work at times. I also eat my dietitian friend’s fruit cake. So I am still having ‘treats’, but they are healthy treats. People say to me that I should be able to eat takeaways and pastries etc now and then, but I just don’t even want them any more, because I know that my body will not like it. I have, on numerous occasions, gone up to a shop thinking that I will get a sausage roll, or a fat-free muffin, but by the time I am at the counter I decide that I really don’t need or want whatever it was that I was so determined to buy and I just turn away. Boy do I feel strong doing that! I LOVE making good decisions for my health!

Anyway, after all of that I just wanted to say that it is a good feeling to actually know that I am thoroughly into this new lifestyle now and that gives me the strength to continue believing that I will not revert back to my old ways. I have seen many of you in here make similar decisions to ones I have mentioned, so I know that you know what I am talking about. To those of you still battling the ‘demons’, please give it time. As I said, it took me 15 months to get ‘into’ the lifestyle, and I have only just realized how thoroughly I am into it now, after 27 months.

As someone said on an ad once… “It won’t happen overnight, but it WILL happen.” She was talking about some hair product, but it is very appropriate for here I think.

Thank you to anyone who managed to get all the way through this post. I have kinda used it as my ‘journal’ entry as I don’t tend to write enough down.

Take care,

Zelma

hey all. i have been lurking for the last week. ive been in training at work and exhausted when i get home. thanks for thinkin of me.

Well, yeah, I'm here. I am alive. But I really feel like my world has caved in. I cried all day and most of the evening yesterday...today hasn't really been any better.

I've needed to end this relationship for months...no, if I am to be brutally honest I've needed to end it for almost a year...and now I'm strong enough to do it. But it's not easy. I'm still very much in love with her...and did I mention I also love her 8-year old daughter? And, that her ex-husband and his new family love me as much as I love them? So, it's not like I'm just walking away from one person, but from an entire family that I adore? And, did I mention I've been helping her build this business and now I have to walk away from that too?

But it's time. We've tried ot make it work for so long, and it's just not going to happen. I've been wanting things from her she cannot and/or will not give me. She's been really clear about that and I've chosen to stay because I love her, and because I have not really loved myself enough to walk away. Somehow I have not ever believed before that I can create a better future for myself with someone else; with someone who will value me and treat me as I deserve. I am stronger now, I can do this now, but the breakup of this relationship hurts like it no other breakup has before.

I was going to go to Church this morning. It always calms me down, and centers me, and puts me back in touch with myself...but I woke up too late for either the 8 am or the 10 am services. I went out to lunch with one of my best friends instead. She was loving and listened. It helped. But I ate too much, and I ate too many of the wrong things. Tonite has not been any better. And, no, I am not upset about it. This morning I woke up and gave myself persmission to just do whatever, as long as I didn't end up hurting myself too much. I also skipped my workout today. That's ok...I'm going back on program again tomorrow...though work is going to be "interesting."

<deep sigh> I'm uprooting my whole life, it seems. There is a big part of me that is actually quite excited about it. New opportunites to take better care of myself, to make more money, to be in an environment that doesn't constantly remind me of what I could have had...if only things had gone differently.

And I know this is going to make me stronger. And, no, I don't intend on letting this derail me from my self-care, healthy eating, and exercise. It's just going to be incredibly more difficult - that's all.

<deep sigh> thanks for listening...and for your support everyone. I'm glad I'm a part of this community.

Luan - It is great to hear from you. I understand how busy you must be with this new course. I know how it feels to only have the energy to read the posts, but not be able to respond. I'm sure we've all been there at some time or other. Just know that we think of you and hope that you will have the time to give us a lengthy update one day. I'd love to hear the latest things you are doing with your course and with your acting work.

Take care,

Zelma

Maria Lucia - I am truly sorry that you are hurting so much, and I am glad you are letting yourself cry and mourn for what you have lost. When I separated from my first husband, after being together for 14 years, I KNEW that this was the right move, and we'd talked about it for ages, and we both seemed 'fine' with the decision, but I still cried HEAPS when I shut the door after he left. It is SO important to let yourself mourn. I'm also glad that you have someone to talk to about this. Broad shoulders to cry on can be essential.

I know that you will be back on board with the healthy eating and the exercising as I know how committed you are to your new lifestyle, but it is perfectly fine to have this break, as you are doing. You have enough on your plate at the moment, and don't need to be putting your energy into other things. There will be time enough for that.

I was wondering how things would go at work. Is she fine to still have you work there? It won't be a comfortable situation, but at least you will have an income while you look for something else.

I'm not sure if you were living together or not, but if so, I hope you find somewhere else to live without too much hassle.

Please continue to take this time for yourself and remember that we are here to 'listen' whenever you need us.

Take care,

Zelma

Sorry but I have no time for personals. We went to a theme park Gulliver's Kingdom in Matlock (Derbyshire Peak District) and walked for hours & I pedalled on a monorail ride, my poor thighs seized up halfway along and there was no way to get off until you got to the end, we were 15-20 feet off the ground, two people pedal but as Aiden is not yet three the work was down to me, it was a heavy metal car thing and with my heavy body to move too, ooh the pain and embarassment, there were people behind getting impatient, as I was slowing everyone down .
Weigh -in I lost 4lbs, a bit mad as the other day it was 5lbs, same clothes, scales & time of day , oh well, any loss is good, eh?
I hope Maria, that you feel better soon, t here's no way to get over this until more time passses by.
Brenda I think that whatever you experience in life affects your personality, but also that genetic and childhood/upbringing also affect you, its the old nature vs. nurture debate. There are those people though who seem to be born BAD or GOOD, no matter how their families treat them, its a mystery.
xxsharon

Good morning everyone...

Well I weighed in this morning after my 4 day binge. Not as bad as I had expected. Was up almost 5lbs. I know that some of this is water since I have trouble making a fist my fingers are so swollen up.

I am back on track today for breakfast. I am going to stick with phase 2 of South Beach. It is basically phase 1 with fruits because I still think they are important. And I am going to work out today too once Martha Stewart comes on TV *L*

I have a full day today too so I must move on. I have a quilt to finish and relay stuff to do as well as the "normal" cleaning stuff.

Have a great day everyone!

Brenda

Zelma, you are truly an amazing person. i look at your photos and i know my dream is in reach. this is a long long journey but with help from folks like you i can make it.how did you lose so much weight? was it eating right and exercisng ? i hope so cuz i refuse to do surgery!

Hey thank you guys very much.. the "chick chat" lol as someone called it dose not bother me lol its awsome to beable to talk to people going through the same things as me and it keeps me motivated to keep going... Today i baught a Fitness Bike i plan to use it 30min twice a day hopefully i keep up with that also i remember always driveing by this one waight watchers or something like that all the time.. Today i plan to go by there and see what they have and get more info.

Mokster ~ Good for you on making that big step. It certainly can't hurt to get more information!

Brenda

Well, we're almost at 30 posts here, so I've almost missed an entire thread! I had a good Easter weekend--we slept on an air mattress in Jeff' mother's living room instead of in the "spider room," so that made me feel better (I am SUCH a wuss when it comes to spiders!) We had Easter dinner on Saturday so that Jeff and I could leave by noon on Sunday (about a 3-hour drive home). I had too much candy and ice cream cake (for Jeff's birthday), but my scale says the same this morning as it did on Friday morning, so I think that even though I ate too much at each sitting, by eating less frequently thoughout the day, I ended up at about the right amount of calories

I won't go to my TOPS meeting this week because on Thursday, Jef and I will be driving down to Va Beach fofr my sister's wedding. I hate how I look in the dress, but it's the largest size the dress comes in, so it will have to suffice!

Maria Lucia--WOW! Power to you! It takes an insanely strong person to make such difficult realizations and to admit (and do!) what needs to be done. I know it couldn't have been easy, but I also know you will be hapier and better for it in the end (and you know that, too, or else you wouldn't have done it!)

mokster--welcome! I'm another youngin'--I'm 23. My frst suggestion is definitely to get a new job! Man, I think I'd be MUCH bigger if I worked at Krispy Kreme. I worked at Ruby Tuesday in college and gained a lot of weight just eating that stuff, too. Even if you just went to a place that had some healthier options, it would be better. I had a friend who worked at a Panera Bread restaurant, and he got paid pretty well and really liked it, and he could make himself sandwiches with veggies and chicken and such, so no sugar-glazed sugar all the time

I was watching Make Room for Baby (where they decorate a room for a new baby while the parents are in the hospital HAVING the baby) on Saturday morning. The woman was talking about how lucky she was to have her husband, how he was her best friend, and he said he knew after just a few months that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Jeff and I have been together for a little over 2 years now and have been living together for over 6 months. He still seems weird when we talk about the future--hesitant and whatnot. However, I have told him that I want to be engaged before I turn 26 (I'll be 24 in July), and he seemed okay with that. I hear these women on tv (and sometimes on here!) talking about how ther guy is their soul mate and so perfect for them and whatnot, and I wonder if the reason I don't feel this way is that Jeff's not the one for me, or is it just me? Like, I'm not sure I could ever let myself get that head-over-heels about anyone, almost like I'm too grounded (or too afraid of getting hurt, so I don't let myself get to that point?). I mean, part of why I didn't break up with Jeff back when we had a major relationship issue was that I KNOW there are connections I have with him that I don't think I could have with anyone else. He's extremely patient with me, he's quite cuddly (which I like--just sitting together on the couch watching tv or holding hands while walking in the mall, little things like that), he's NEVER done or said anything to make me believe he cares about how much I weigh, and the way he and I are both sarcastic and joking all the time, I think I would be hard-pressed to find anyone else with whom I could argue over the stupidest things on 20 separate occasions throughout the day and yet always just laugh it off and go back to being cuddly again. I dunno--I'm probably over-thinking it...I know I tend to do that at times. Sorry for the rant of uncertainty

Zelma – Thanks for your fantastic post. It is amazing to think that we can live one way for so long and then find ourselves liberated into another lifestyle. So often when people think about dieting they imagine deprivation for short periods to lose a certain amount of weight and then they can go back to their old habits – which is why most people gain back what they lose. Healthy food feels good! Even after this short time, I can totally tell the difference in my body if I eat something too heavy or with too much sugar.

For me right now, I still can’t be quite as restrictive as you are, but the amazing thing is that I can start to imagine that I could do it. By slowly changing while still allowing things if I want them, I am teaching myself and getting comfortable with the whole idea. I could never have jumped right in, but I now feel I can make those changes if I choose. It is such an amazing feeling of control and so calming and settling. I can do what needs to be done to get this weight off – how I do it is up to me, but I know that I have the tools and the strength to make it happen. It is weird, but I am so proud of myself.

Luan – Training for Bally’s – I can imagine that would wear you out!

Maria Lucia – Having other people involved makes ending relationships that much harder, because then it is about way more than just yourself and the other person but it affects whole families. That is such a hard thing to recognize and then act upon that you weren’t really getting what you needed. Hopefully after spending some time on yourself you will find the perfect person (or at least perfect for you).

Jill – I know the exact feeling you are talking about that you are having – about feeling so good in many ways about the relationship, but then just not knowing because there seems to be something missing. I can’t figure out if there is something missing or it is just my romantic imagination. Weddings can definitely bring those feelings out.

Sharon – Way to go on being down 4 pounds – that is great.

Kayley – With each new avatar you look cuter and cuter – you can totally see that you have lost weight. Your face looks quite a bit thinner.

Has anyone heard from Christine or Catherine? Also, where is Amy Violet? And Tracey – how was the formal on Saturday? Ammi and Amber – did you survive Easter Sunday? I know there are a few others we haven’t seen in at least a few days – Brandnewme, Garnet, Countess and I know there are a few others. Check in and let us know how you are doing

Well, I called about the MRI and it turns out that the place my doctor suggested has a 300-pound weight limit. So I found an open MRI, which is actually more convenient. I have made an appointment for tomorrow at 2:00. It just makes me wish I could have done that first instead of waiting all this time to get that other procedure done. At least my condition is just annoying and not life threatening.