There are a bunch of other things I wanted to respond to, but I really need to get back to work! On the breakfast thing, I am SO not a morning person and NEVER ate breakfast before recently. Now my breakfast every morning is a Luna bar. I know it isn't the best, but it is better than nothing. It gets me going, has a good balance of carbs and protein and tastes pretty good to boot. Eventually maybe I will be able to get up earlier, fix myself a nice breakfast, etc. but right now that is more change than I can handle.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

Off-topic question - do any of the sci-fi watchers know if the new Dr. Who version that is starting tonight on Sc-Fi channel is worth watching? Now that we have to wait until July for more Stargate and OCTOBER for more BSG, I thought I might check it out.

Kirsikka - Sometimes my weight loss is fast, and then for an entire month, I only lost about 3 pounds...

Jill - I have no waist at all, either...I used to be just one big mass, but you can sorta tell where my boobs are now! LOL!!!

Zelma - I did finally manage to get about 3 hours of sleep in.

Brenda - Hope you day gets better!

Lilion - Some people can be pretty insensitive, and sorry that this happened! But if it pumps you up more, then it's all for the better, right?

Crock - Good luck avoiding temptation.

In about 2 hours, I'm going to give my friend Ashley a call, and we are going to go shopping. Going to get the bleach kits for our hair, and I'm going to do my roots, and she's going to do her whole head...and then in two weeks, I'm going to color our hair...my roots neon green, her hair blue streaks...might have mentioned that already, but oh well. Thinking about going and laying down for a little bit, since I didn't sleep much last night. Maybe read for a while. Hope you chicks have a great rest of your day.

RANT:

I've lost 20 lbs. this year and I'm PRETTY DARN proud of myself. Working at losing weight is THE most important thing I HAVE EVER done for myself. I'm doing this for my health and my mobility. I'm doing it for my sanity and my quality of life. The last 11 weeks have been FULL of little victories and defeats. And I've kept going. Despite the tantrums inside, the temptations, the 1001 little things which turn into one gigantic thing that COULD have kept me at 360 lbs.

There is NOTHING wrong with my life. I have a MA, a successful career, a job I LOVE, a good income, and a zest for life. I am also f*cking gorgeous and hella sexy - yes, even at 360 lbs - and I've NEVER had a problem dating, finding lovers of all sizes who find me attractive, having good quality relationships - both physical and emotional.

I also have arthritis in one knee and had to wait almost 3 years to heal an ankle injury because of my weight. And THAT is the reason why I'm losing weight - because my MOBILITY and my HEALTH are on the line. I am full of life and at my present weight it's VERY hard to do some of the things I LOVE doing - ballroom dancing and hiking in the woods, for example. So every single little sacrifice I make is worth it. Every tear, every frustration, every time I fall flat on my face - they are all worth it. Because this is about ME and MY HEALTH.

You all understand me, yes? I know you do. And, my dear friends get it too. Along with all those other wonderful things in my life I have awe-inspiring friendship. My straight girl friend, my queer male friends, my lover - they have all been NOTHING but supportive and loving and precious.

And then, TODAY, comes my so called "best friend" and throws my 20 lbs in my face. See, I weighed in yesterday and reached my 20lbs mark. I was so proud of myself!!!!!!!!!! I have an Exel spreadsheet I use to track my weekly weight. Yesterday, after my weigh-in, I created a chart from it and sent it out to all the people I mentioned above. Cuz I KNEW they would celebrate my victory with me. BUT, i made the mistake to also send it to my "so called best friend." The woman who weighs 400 lbs and who KNOWING I am on a healthier eating plan invited me over to her house on Sat. night for a gathering and didnt' have the decency to have fruit or veggies or anything healthy for me to eat. And it didn't matter to me, cuz that is NOT her responsibility and I wasn't going there for the food but for the company. So, I didnt' eat anything and that was fine with me. But apparently, my life and my choices are not fine with HER because today, instead of responding to my email from yesterday regarding my weight loss, she sent me an "ecard" that starts with the following text:

"Did you know...if mannequins were real women, they'd be too thin to menstruate. There are 3 billion women who don't look like supoer models and only eight who do. Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14. If Barbie was a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours due to her proportions..."

What the @)(#$%)@)%* is that? She KNOWS better than to send me this thing. She KNOWS that I am not doing this to subscribe to some stupid impossible ideal of beauty. Why not celebrate my victory instead of sending me this "card" with a picture of an razor-thin skinny woman in a cartoon?

I am so incensed!!!!!

Yeah, yeah, I know I said I was leaving, but I decided to get a new ticker, and set my goal...8 pounds by Easter. Doable!

Also, before I go (for real this time)....

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!!

ThisGirl - Ah...I'm not the only one! Yep...I understand how you feel. My friend who was so horrified that I weigh less than her now is the same one who told me a while back that I depress her because I talk about loosing weight too much. She's also the same one who complains about her weight all the time, but won't listen to a thing I say about healthy eating...who "bulked up" chicken enchilada's (which were probably fattening enough) with taco meat and cheese...who invites us over for dinner and bbq's steaks, hotdogs and brats...knowing I LOVE brats and she doesn't eat them. You get the picture. She used a be a size 8. As I've said, she's bi-polar and has weight related health problems as well as depression over her appearance, which is why I've come to the conclusion maybe she needs the surgery. Maybe her health, physical and mental, will improve with weight loss.

Maybe she meant the e-card as a joke. Maybe she thought it would amuse you. But I think your friend doesn't want you to change. She doesn't want you to be fit and healthy and leave her behind. I'd stake money on it. She has no desire to lose weight, food is recreation for her, and she wants you to have that in common. If she's been a close friend for a long time, I'd have a serious talk with her and tell her how much her sabotage hurts you. You'd think the people who love us would just be happy for us when we've had a personal accomplishment. Sadly, I'm learning too that this isn't always the case.

You have done a stellar job this year. on the 20 pounds! You have every right to be proud of yourself for working hard and improving your health. Don't let her get you down!

I cannot blame you. If it is one thing I despise, it is someone's assumption (and you all know the meaning of "assume" LOL) that the only reason those like us are on this journey is LOOKS. Some people just don't get it.

In your friend's case, I think a simple "Congratulations!" or "Way to Go!" would have been more appropriate.

Though I am sure the friend meant well, it came across to me the way it had to you. I don't care about some standard of "beauty;" the standard that is being shoved off on us both via Hollywood and the media is totally unrealistic anyway, not to mention totally unhealthy--the average woman in the US is 5'4, 144 pounds and/or at least a size 14.

In my own case, it is also a health issue; my mother was in a wheelchair at 55 with arthritis, due to her weight. She also developed diabetes in her early 50's and was dead from cervical cancer at age 68. I am 44 years old and cannot take those kind of chances with my own weight and be dead before I am 70 years old as my mother was. I want to be still walking when I am 55 and doing simple things like bending over to pick up keys and going to social activities without scurrying around to find which chair I can fit into comfortably.

As for appearance? I will be happy when I reach a size 12...maybe a 10, but that may be pushing it. I have NO desire to be a size 2; that just looks unattractive to me. If others want to get that far, I commend them for it, but I can't see that working for me.

Afternoon Ladies!
DS is sick today so I've been busy with him all day today...he's finaly sleeping so I could get online for a few minutes

I'm not quite sure what to do about my weight gain...It's not water weight, i'm on lasix. The major diet changes I've made have been cutting out pop and fast food. I'm pretty much eating the same way I always have been save those 2 things. I just cook at home all the time now. I hope my dr has some ideas for me after reviewing my food journal.

according to my nutritional tracker on Ediets.com I'm get plenty of protein, fat (unsaturated), my carbs are reduced thanks to no pop, sodium under 2grams....

My dr has given me a script for an appetite suppressent, but i'm not sure that's the problem anymore haha Oh well it's not covered my my insurance so I'll have to wait till monday to see about it anyway.

Thanks for all the advice!! Laura

Wow..there is so much to respond to.

I totally understand what it's like to be typecast as "the fat friend". Growing up, my best friend was a stick with no boobs. I was rounder, smarter and had plenty of boobs. I started getting heavy after high school. She was always hippy but flat. I remember the first time she sugested to me that I start shopping at Lane Bryant. I wanted to cry...I did cry...in the middle of the mall. What the **** did she know? Her mom was heavy, so that made her a expert I suppose. Mid-college she got a boob job. I felt like I no longer had an "edge" over her. A few years later our friendship ended.

I wrote several months back that she has gotten in touch with me again and wanted to rekindle the friendship. I don't totally trust her. I saw her over Thanksgiving vacation..and it was nice but awkward. As we corresponded she tried to give me little tidbits of support and "encouragement"...but they were so condescending. She sent me a picture of her at her heaviest...mind you she was also 9 months pregnant with her 2nd child in the picture. Oh myg racious..she was 170! Yeah, she has always been no more than 120..but come on. This was supposed to encourage me and show me that yes, even she had been "fat" at one point. And she wonders why I am standoffish.

I once had a man tell me that "if the thin girl inside of me ever came out..." how wonderful things would be. This was after spending the entire weekend together (mostly in bed). I was good enough for a roll in the hay...but niec Jewish boys just don't marry fat girls I suppose.

My grandmother passed away right around New Years 2 years ago. We had just gotten back form the cemetary and had finished lunch when my AWFUL cousin Paula dragged me off to the side. She shared with me her success story of her GBS...and told me that I really should consider it myself and that she would be ther for me if I needed support. Yeah, she might be 100 lbs. thinner now..but she is still an ugly person...inside and out.

I cannot get over my awful laziness...as much as I know I need to. Ultimately this will prove to be my undoing and the end of my weight loss success and the beginning of a plateau that could last forever. It might mean that I never get any smaller than a 16. It might mean a lot of things. If that is the case, then it is my own fault. On the other hand...I also know howmuch healthier and happier I am than I was a year ago...5 years ago...10 years ago. I am learning to develop a new confidence in myself and to become friends with the mirror. I am learning that I am deserving of love and how blessed I am to have the people in my life who love me. I am learning that some people just suck..and it is my choice whether I keep them in my life...because being miserable is a conscious choice on my part...and that being happy takes less effot than being miserable. I have learned that there will always be someone nosy, someone who makes comments and sends ill times greeting cards and has good intentions and lousy execution.

I have learned who I am and what I want to be.

This is a journey. Weight loss is only a part of the journey...the rest comes along with it. Not one of us is in this to JUST lose *** lbs. Each of us knows that we're here to make substantial changes in our lives. Dieters focus on the end...women like us, we focus on the process.

Knowing what you know now, would you honestly say that once you make your goal weight that you will go back to doing things the way you used to?

(I have no idea what the point of all of this was...I apologize if somewhere in my stream of consciousness I offended you.)

Ammi, I'm so sorry that you showed such a gain...but hey! JUST THINK! It's probably muscle which is GOOD! I know it's hard to see the good side of this, though.

My oh my...the roots of my hair are still processing. Can we say PLATINUM BLONDE?!?! LOL! Anyways, me and a friend are bleaching our hair, and she's downstairs rinsing hers out...I'm next. They didn't have any neon green dye...or ANY green dye for that matter...then I got to thinking...well, DUH, it's St. Patrick's DAY! I'm going to try in about a week, again.

2LosinIt--Great job on the 25 lb loss! Yahooo!!!

Luan--31 inches?!?!?! That's amazing! Good work, dude!!

Sharon--I'm so sorry about all the issues you've been having w/your health and wellbeing lately. I hope you feel better soon and your supplements help you.

Kirsikka--Sounds like you are doing fine! You are losing, you arent gaining--but I know it can be troublesome and irritating when it doesnt come off faster. I want to be thinner now!! Right NOW!!

ZedAus--I know, I totally wish I had her stamina! I use the word "stamina" because a single mom w/2 kids that gets up at 5:30 to excercise, takes the kids to school and daycare, works all day, picks up the kids, and THEN comes home and cooks for 30 min or MORE sometimes--THAT is stamina! WHEW it made me tired just talking about it! That girl has MAD energy, for sure! And she cooks for me and her guy (in addition to her and the kids) EVERY Thursday night--and tries out a different recipe each time AND insists on serving it to us, all dished up on plates! She amazes me, really.

Brenda--that totally STINKS about the CPAP machine! Now that you know that this is something that is probably affecting your quality of life and it could be fixed by this, that is REALLY frustrating! I'm sorry!

Lillion--That was totally insensitive of your friend! Good for you for taking it w/a grain of salt and "considering the source" as my mom used to say. You turning it around and into something positive is the best thing you could've done. You are a better woman than I (I almost said "bigger"--how big of jam would that have gotten me into--LOL!!).

Catherine--You are awesome! I wouldnt even know what to do w/a toilet if jiggling the handle didnt fix it...I'd probably have to find a bucket till my landlord could come fix it, ha!

Melindam--Sounds like you are kicking butt w/your new DVDs! Yeah, girl! Go get 'em tiger!

Maria Lucia--Maybe your friend just meant the card to mean that she loves you the way you are and that society has unrealistic expectations of us...or maybe she was just being spiteful and mean From what you have said it sounds like the latter. You know her so you know good and well what she meant. I agree w/Lillion--she doesnt want to be left behind, so to speak. She sounds jealous that you are able to do this (and she could too if she wanted to), but there is no sense in her being a hater like that!

Kayley--Weight goal, schmeight goal (wait, is "schmeight" a word?).You've already met your goal of being an awesome human being...and being the only person I "know" w/black hair and bleached (soon green) roots

Ammi--I agree, there has to be something wrong w/a 10 lb gain if you have been OP and excercising. That's so depressing. Hopefully the doc will have good news, or at least a way to help you figure out what is going on.

As for me:

On the breakfast thing, I have to eat a substantial breakfast every morning! I use 8 points just on breakfast most mornings. I have a big bowl (2 cups) of frosted shredded wheat and 1 1/2 cups of light soymilk (I HATE the taste of cows milk).

On the "fat friend" thing, I can totally relate. I have almost always been the heaviest of not only my friends, but for about the last 5 years, my family as well. My family has always been heavy but I am by far the heaviest now. I dont know how many times someone has said to me that they were describing me to someone else and they said: "I told them you had auburn hair, blue eyes, and *no offense* (that great phrase that makes everything ok!) that you are a big girl". And yes, some of these people have been like co-workers of mine--people who barely know me and feel ok saying this to me! I used to (note: "used to") have a guy friend that called me a "sexy beast" all the time. Why cant I just be "sexy" and not be a "beast"??? I've heard it said that "obesity is the last acceptable predjudice." If that isnt true I dont know what is. Its perfectly acceptable to make fun of someone who is fat, but make fun of someone who has a physical handicap and THAT makes you a bad person (dont get me wrong--I would NEVER make fun of a handicap person, just trying to make a point. I dont make fun of fat people, either ). Why isnt saying "Look at that WIDE LOAD!" (or any other number of idiotic remarks) make you just as bad a person? Yes, handicapped people are different that fat people, but anyone who knows anything about bearing the cross of obesity can tell you that obesity IS a handicap! It isnt as easy as "dont eat so much". I dont know how many times in my short tenure here that I have heard some of you say you have been OP and excercising and somehow managed to not lose or even gain! I am so tired of this world being such an ugly place sometimes. I just want to slap people sometimes but dont for fear of adding more ugliness People are just trying to get by in this world and it seems like there is always someone or something there trying to bring them down. I know it sounds corny, but why cant we all follow that simple rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do to you". This is the best piece of advice my mother (and Jesus) ever gave me.

Sorry for rambling.