Gloria, you would be proud of all the tomatoes I have on my three plants. The kids and I have treated them like babies. I'll have peppers ready to pick in another week or two but will probably let a couple stay on to turn red.

Also, I LOVE your fast food story. My dad used to do stuff like that to my sister and I (well, obviously nothing risque) just to embarrass us in the grocery store. He still does it when we are out with him but, luckily, we are old enough to see the humor in it. He has a good friend who's wife passed away a couple of years ago. But, when she was alive and they went to Walmart or a pharmacy he always found a reason to get her in the "family planning" area and would very loudly announce that he knew they needed the EXTRA LARGE condemns but would ask what it was that she liked so much the last time - was it the ribbed, or the glow in the dark, or what. It always drove her crazy but after a while I know she wandered onto that asile just to humor him. It was funny though because they were both in their 60's - it would have been a miricle if they actually needed condomns at that point.

Well, I have to pat myself on the back. We had to put the van in the shop today and the place we take it is right across from the mall. So, the twins and I dropped it off and walked over but it was early and the stores hadn't opened yet. So, we piddled a little and then I took them to chick fil a. I knew they would want a chicken biscuit and I'm in line trying to talk myself into one as well. But, I couldn't do it. I got a medium fruit cup (60 calories) and a diet coke. Now, the choice itself was pretty easy and the fruit was really good. But it was really, really hard for me to spend $1.85 on 2 grapes, 1 pineapple chunk, and some chopped apple when I could have gotten a whole biscuit and a filet of chicken for the same price. That is why I stay away from buffets - it isn't the food that gets me it the frugal mindset I have that makes me feel as though I need to get my monies worth. Anyway, I'm pretty pleased with myself right about now.

Gotta run. Have a great day!

Hey everyone

I feel a bit like the prodigal son returning home. Last week was spent with Tony, and I had a wonderful time! The week or so before that, I don't even have an excuse for not posting. I was massively deep in overwhelm about life, the universe and everything, including Tony's move and what kind of changes that would bring to our lives.

Tony managed to make packing and moving a really fun adventure. We spent the week cleaning and boxing stuff up and then going out to all the restaurants he would miss. Even with all the physical labor, I put on a few pounds. This guy has great taste in food, and I'm great at tasting food!

Now he is safely deposited back with his family in El Paso (he'll be living there the next two years to finish up med school), and I'm back here, and my life seems pretty boring and more than a little bleak.

One thing I really did have to face while there was the fact that I've been just skating along since mid-December with my weight loss, and I've even begun to backslide pretty seriously, even with the token efforts I've been making. So... yeah, I know you've all heard this before from me... I got in to Curves yesterday, weighed and measured, and I have been buckling down to some good, old fashioned calorie restriction and drinking a ton of water. I've been trying to get myself geared up for going back on the Curves diet plan or my Decision plan, but I keep fighting the concept. They require a lot more meat than I feel like eating this time of year. I want veggies and lots of fruit and very little meat at all. I'm still considering a cleanse or something, but calorie restriction is a decision I feel good with right now.

Sorry if I sound a bit sad and depressed here. I'm ok, but I am sad that I have to get serious and start this all over again. I'm more sad that I got so many real looks at myself while I was gone, and the image I have of myself as this sexy, vital woman is so desperately not the reality. I can be that inside, but my body needs help to catch up to my mental state. I want my body to reflect who I really am inside. Does that make any sense? And as vain as this might sound, when I meet friends of Tony's, I don't want them to wonder what he could possibly see in me. I did meet a couple of his friends and they were all cool with me, but there is this question in their eyes. I don't know how to describe it, but it isn't my imagination or my low self-esteem.

I'm heading out for a walk with my girls in a few. Dinner is all set up and ready to cook, and I even have a treat planned for later this evening.

Two more years and I won't have to see my sweetie only every few months. Hey, that is two more years until I have to look terrific in a wedding dress! Maybe I'd better not wait to get out on that walk.

I'll try to do some catching up this evening. I'm wanting to see what everyone has been up to!

Andria

I passed!!!

I passed!!!

I passed!!!

I passed!!!

I passed!!!

Thank you for your prayers and good thoughts.

I am so relieved. I can actually be normal again. Work outside, exercise, read... Life is back.

I only slept about 2 hours last night. Needless to say I am pooped. Andria, I have no idea how Tony can do all that studying. UGH!!!!! NOT for me.

I am very happy to see your post. I have missed you. I know where you are at - I am there too.

Ya know how when you are desperate you start making deals with God or where ever your belief is??? Well, I bargined that if I passed this test I would REALLY take care of my body - lose weight, exercise etc.

SO now I have to live up to my bargin!!!!

I also really need some new clothes and really can't get myself to buy any more FAT clothes.

Tricia, now I am scared to meet your Dad!

Gloria, I think you should sell that Georgia retirement place and buy a quiet, peaceful farm in the Land of 10,000 Lakes!!! There are bike trail everywhere for you and blue.

My eyes are pretty tired so I am off. BUT I will have more time to hound you now!!!!!

Anybody want to take a guess at what it cost to have our van spruced up? 869.00 FRICKIN DOLLARS! I was flabbergasted. Gloria, I had to calm myself down and take my own advice to you. First of all, we bought this van new and paid it off in less than two years. It is a little of three years old so I haven't had to make a car payment in a long, long time. So, $869 isn't that much money in the big scheme of things. Second, there was nothing wrong with it. All but one thing done were typical maintenance type stuff - breaks, oil change, steering fluid, etc. We would have had to have all of these things done anyway they just happen to have needed to be done all at once. But, we didn't spend anymore than we would have if we'd gotten to spread them out over the next few months. Finally, we are damned lucky that we had the money, didn't have to charge it, take out a loan, or worse, drive around with three kids and bad breaks. So, really, I have nothing to complain about. Yes, it is a lot of money to us and we weren't expecting it to be that much (I had budgeted $300 this month) but, you know, a lot of people would have been out of luck. So, instead of complaining I am trying to count my blessings.

Now, what I DO have to complain about is this. The parts, etc. were only $300.00+. When they called and gave the the estimates on everything that is all they mentioned. I'm assuming that figure is all inclusive - labor and all. But no. For $300 some odd dollars worth of parts and being inconvenied all afternoon (when I dropped it off at 9 this morning they told me I could pick it up in two hours. It wasn't ready until after 5:30) they charged $488 in labor charges! I know, I know that is typical. But, really, I almost with they wouldn't put it on the invoice. It makes me feel so ripped off!

Andira, it is good to here from you. I hope you will find time to pop in more often.

Lucky, you are on your way now. You passed your test and there is no question that you can do anything you put your mind to even if it is as painful as all of that studying was. So, just apply that to lossing weight and you'll be at your goal in no time. Ah, if it were just that simple, huh? Hopefully it will be for you (never really worked out that way for me!)

Speaking of which. I didn't go to the gym today. It is that time of the month and I feel famished. I usually get the munchies around this time - salty, sweet, salty, sweet. But nothing I usually can't handle. I don't know what hormone is coursing through my body but I swear I am about to chew my hand off! And I have been liberal with my eating today. Nothing unreasonable but I haven't suffered through any major hunger - it just keeps coming back though. This MUST pass by tomorrow. It simply MUST! All at once everybody - WILL THIS HUNGER AWAY - righhhhht NOW!

Nope, didn't work. So, on that note, I am going to bed HUNGRY!

Goodnight!

Tricia

Hey everyone

I can't believe how peppy I feel today! Nothing like a real sleep and a quiet, lazy morning when you've been pushing hard for days on end. I've been finishing up a book for a book club this evening, and it is funny how you can find inspiration in unexpected places, but that is what I've been finding. The book is titled How to Cook a Wolf, by MFK Fisher, and it is made up of witty, wonderful essays about cooking and food and life and how they all intermingle. It was written during wartime, and she manages to lend an amazing grace to meals that must be prepared during hard times. I'm reading and remembering things I've done to make my dieting less tedious and a joy for the entire family. Food doesn't have to be bland and flavorless unless we eat only to survive. Last night I turned to the cupboards and pulled out ingredients to make an amazing little vegetable soup that was rich and satisfying and incredibly low in calories while high in nutrition. I ate the last of it cold for lunch today. There is something about real food that truly sates the appetite, and for more than just filling up an empty belly.

I was able to do some catching up last night.

Tricia, ouch on the van bill! I wonder if it is the law like it is here, that if the shop doesn't quote you the entire amount, you aren't liable for paying it. It keeps shops honest. I know the one I worked at for years ran into that problem a few times. Someone would come in and tell us to do whatever it took to make things run properly, then they would come back and refuse payment because the manager hadn't called and quoted them prices, including parts and labor. I really appreciated your look to the positive about it all, though. You are right about the blessings.

Lucky, WAHOO! I am so happy for you! Now, hoping your life gets back to normal. Oh, and I talked to our cowboy Bob, and he really is from Minnesota. He wants to know where you live. And I am so with you on not wanting to buy anymore FAT clothes! I would rather wear these items into rags than buy another 3X. At least I'm not buying 4X like last year? Yeah, I'm trying to remember to be positive. I have a mini goal to be able to wear a couple of 2X things waiting in my dresser and closet by the time Tony visits next.

Gloria, how are you feeling now? I made a scrumptious veggie scramble for breakfast and thought of you the entire time. Yes, of course it had fresh tomato worked into it. I laughed so hard at your fast food story. I never seem to be that quick witted when the opportunity arises. Doh, just remembered you are at a graduation today, so we probably won't be hearing from you! Well, I'm hoping you have a wonderful time and manage to steer clear of anything uncomfortable.

I feel far enough out of it that I don't know where everyone else is. Kat, Skittles, Redballoon, the Barbs and ack... who else am I missing? Where are you?

Andria

Hey everyone

Just a quick note. I'm still going strong! My goal today and tonight at work is to journal all my foods and to make sure to get in at least 16 glasses of water. I'll check in tomorrow and let you know how i did.

Andria

This is so exciting - I have been cleaning the house and washing clothes!!! NO STUDYING. Tony, I don't know how you do it. Studying must just be for the young!

Andria, it sound like you have jumped on track.

The only exercise I have had lately is digging in the dirt. I still don't have my my garden in. It is constantly raining here. I did buy 5 tomato plants yesterday just so "get the feel" of a garden!!! Hopefully next week will be my planting week.

Well, sheets are done so I had better make my bed.

I will be back later.


So, Kat, BarbG, BarbPA, Tony, come out and play!!!

I am thinking I need a challange.. when Gloria gets back should we start one?

Yes! We need a new challenge! Ok, I can own that one... I NEED A NEW CHALLENGE! There, isn't that better?

Andria

Good, Andria. I seem to be able to stay more focused - maybe it's the short time, but it seems to work for me.

I feel tuckered out tonight. I mowed and mowed today. I did some planting too. I have a lot more to do but at least I got a start.

I wonder how Gloria is doing? Hope all is going well on her trip.

Tricia, you must be busy with weekend things????

I think I will browse through some magazines I have gotten and never looked at. Do you do that too. I either order them or pick them up at the store thinking I have to have it and then it just lays around here until I get tired of looking at it and throw it away.

Night,

Rise & Shine.

Well, I rose and the sun is shining but it is so windy I think my lawn chairs have blown into town.

Minnesota never used to be so windy - what ever happened to a nice breeze?

It had better stop sometime today so I can get the rest of my plants in.

What is every one up to today?

I'm here! But, I have been busy. We had our "family night" last night. The kids love it. What I think is so funny is that there is really nothing different other than I call it "family night." Really, that is just code for ordering out because I don't feel like cooking! We play games while we wait on the pizza to get here and then eat in front of the TV while we watch the movie we've rented. I guess that is the big deal for them - we always eat at the table.

I am sooooo up for a challenge. I've been feeling really mixed emotions about my whole weight loss plans. I don't even know if I can explain it. I am not discouraged and I am still very motivated. But it is almost as if my brain hasn't caught up with my body and I get all of these conflicting messages. In any given half hour I can look in the mirror and think, WOW! and pass by 10 minutes later and see nothing but pure fat. And that has given me a strange relationship with eating these days. Since I started I've been trying to average 1500 calories a day. Lately, though, I have these horrible guilty pangs about eating even when I'm within my calorie range. I THINK that might come from the fact that I get full on so much less food now. I feel a little stuffed on 1500 calories these days and it is that feeling (not the food) that makes me feel guilty. Like, last night, I had two slices of veggie pizza and a salad for dinner but I was still under 1200 calories for the day. So, I waited a while and a couple of hours later I had another piece to get myself to 1200 calories. I felt HORRIBLE after I had eaten it - like when I used to sneak that last slice after everyone else had gone to bed. Weird. Still, I'm not going to drop my calorie level because I am still losing weight here albeit slower than I used to. And, I think it is a healthy range. Again, it must be my brain needing to catch up with my body because my eating HABITS are fine but my eating ATTITUDES need some work.

Whew! I do ramble on! All of that to say I think a challenge may be just what I need. I think I can use getting back to the basics of focusing on one smaller goal and putting less thought into all of the bigger dynamics I am facing. They seem to be distracting me from concentrating on these last 20 pounds. I'll try to stay aware of my feelings and attitude but first and foremost I need to get to my goal weight. Just tell me when, where, and how much for the challenge.

I'm going to go and work in the garden a bit before the gym opens at 1. There is absolutley nothing to do out there but I'm obsessed with these tomatoes and peppers I just can't stop piddling out there. I think I'm just looking for excuses to sit out there and see if I can watch them grow. I realized this weekend that I had some suckers that I had missed pinching off. They had grown big, blossomed, and had fruit on them. It broke my heart but I cut them off in an effort to make sure the other tomatoes were of high quality. After only two days I can tell a difference in how much they have grown and I know they'll taste better since the sugar isn't being spread so thinly between them. I have to keep telling myself, "quality over quantity, quality over quantity." I've decided next year I'll get a determinate variety so that I don't have to worry about pruning so much.

I'll check in with you all later!

Tricia

Tricia, you are doing the right thing by not restricting below 1,200-1,500 a day! 1,500 is considered the minimum lower level (for a healthy woman of average size) that is needed to keep the metabolism chugging along at a healthy rate! Good for you for working through those feelings and taking care of your body!

I am up for a challenge! What does this usually entail? (I'm excited!)

Today I fast all day and do my usual sunday yoga workshop, so that means 8-10 hours of yoga and meditation! I didn't go to the gym yesterday and I won't go today so I am really looking forward to getting back there tomorrow!

Good Morning!

I just got home from work, and I am in such a good mood! This weekend has been one of those combinations of really good and really busy days. The school had a family weekend and coupled it with program and high school graduation with a big luau theme. This meant making a super big, fancy breaky every morning, and for 60-70 instead of 25-30. It was hard work, but I really did myself proud.

Now, the thing I am most proud of isn't the pretty food I made this weekend, but it is the fact that I stayed out of all of it! I kept an affirmation running in my head for every time I was tempted to stray into the goodies set out. Each time I found myself ready to reach for one or make an excuse as to why I deserved it, I would say, "I love Tony and I love myself enough to not eat this." The Tony part is because of a thing we used to say to each other about how he had to turn his health around so he would live forever for me. The other day he point-blanked me and asked if I loved him enough to get healthy and live forever for him. Damn... The thing is, I do love him enough. I love my girls enough, and most importantly, I love myself enough. My weight tears at my body a little more each day, and even though I'm healthy enough right now, there is no saying how much longer my body can hold out before this card castle comes crashing down around me. I'm going to love myself through to a healthy weight.

Tricia, habits and attitudes... you hit on a big one for me right there. It is so funny to hear my same problems mirrored by someone who is 20 lbs. from her goal weight. Thank you for your insights, because they help to heal me.

Lucky, the weather really has been odd this year, hasn't it? Still, the extra rain we've been getting here is gratefully received. Any ideas for a challenge? Remember the month long ones we used to do that had points you add up each day for specific positive behaviors? We could do a shorter version of that, maybe 2 weeks long. I'm going to leave that up to you guys while I get some sleep today! And I do that magazine trick as well! I bought one almost a month ago that I just knew I would read. I'm guessing it has been tossed by now, cause it sure isn't anywhere to be found.

FatVegan, Hello! Wow, your Sunday routine sounds so cool! Toss in a challenge idea or two if you have one.

I've got to get outta here and get some rest while the house is still cool and quiet. Take care, all!

Andria

Welcome FatVegan! And thank you for your encouragement. Our most recent challenge was overcoming our biggest hurdles (exercising as often as needed, staying within our calorie range, whatever it was that week that we were having trouble with). More often, though, our challenges have been a 2x2 - losing 2 pounds in two weeks. If you have any ideas we'd love to hear them. One thing I love about this group is that we are all game for just about anything!

I'm game for another weight loss challenge just because that seems to be what we are all focusing on right now. But by all means I'm in for anything you guys come up with.

Andria, I don't have any doubt that you can lose weight and discover a healthier you. And you absolutley have the perfect motivation to drive you. Prepare yourself though for days (or weeks, or months) when even that isn't enough. Even the best motivators can fade as we progress and sometimes we have to do the right choices for no other reason than it is the right thing to do-whether we are motivated to do it or not.
I think, at my heaviest, I had the attitude that you are overcoming now. I had a "healthy enough" outlook. But, let me tell you, I had no idea what I was talking about. Healthy enough to me meant that I didn't have any immediate life-threatening issues as a result of being overweight. But now that I've shed so much fat and can feel the difference I know without a doubt that I was not even close to being healthy enough. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say.

Oops, gotta run. Greg just came in to let me know that the back window of our van just shattered for no apparent reason AND they've caught a snake. I don't know which one upsets me the most!

Later,
Tricia

A SNAKE

Okay, from the past, we know we don't like those!!!

FatVegan, welcome and if you have any challange ideas, jump in.

When is Gloria back - tomorrow??? 2X2 is okay with me, Tricia.

Oh, Andria, Tony pulled out the BIG gun on you. However, as a medical person in training, he must know you can only lose weight for yourself, because you want to. Right? However, I am with Tony on the health thing - and since I am in your same boat - we can help each other be healthy and slim!!!

Tricia, if your not hungry do you HAVE to hit 1200 that day? Maybe the next day or the next you will want to have something extra and could eat those calories that day. Of course, you are the one losing weight not me so maybe I should .

Still very windy here. Of course it's not like I don't have enough to do inside.

Later.