Ah, today I talked to my boyfriends mother on the phone. She asked me if I was coming for Christmas and that she'd buy me a plane ticket. This makes me feel so guilty. (If you don't know, I haven't really seen my boyfriend in nearly 2 years because we had to move apart for college, I've gained A LOT since then.. and I'm not worried about him, I feel insecure myself about my own weight). I want to go, but I've never met her and I'm just afraid.
This really makes me want to kick into gear though. I want to not be afraid to ride the plane, I want to not be afraid of the small little shops in the city, I want to feel comfortable inside and out. I want to look beautiful - I want to give the best first impression I can. Its quite painful, especially since I know even if I kicked into gear I wouldn't lose all my weight for quittee some time.
So my goal is to start going to bed early (hopefully around 10:30-11pm - very early for me), wake up at 8 on my days off and work out, work out again at 1:30, then one final time around 10pm. I know this sounds like a lot but I really handle working out in increments really well - I just need to do it, I know I can.
Its changing my life majorly. I've never been able to sleep early and I really want to.
I kindve want to try and work out before I leave for work on (Tuesdays and Thursdays) too, but itd have to be like 5-6am.. is that crazy? I can barely make it waking up at 7am.
Oi, but I'm going to try. I signed up for Discovery Channels online health guidance and they have TONS of recipes! I can't wait, I just hope I can find all the ingrediants and stick to it.
Good luck to the rest of you too

I'm damn determined. If only I can finally do it this time.
