Exactly, precisely, pithy and true. Which leads me to ...

BINGO

I've been overweight all my life. All. My. Life. And, despite some losses here and there, over the years I gained and gained. At the age of 39 -- three years ago -- I was nearly 340. There's a very long story behind how I finally decided to try ONE MORE TIME to lose weight, but it boils down to three things:

ONE - I had experienced success with getting some other aspects of my life under control, such as finances. I worked very hard, curbed some of my pleasure-seeking ways, and finally felt like an adult when it came to money. Achievement breeds confidence, and every time I paid an extra $50 on a credit card, or paid off a loan, I patted myself on the back and let myself get a little giddy about it. I made myself pay attention to the real numbers, I made a realistic plan, I stuck to it, and I celebrated small successes. That gave me some confidence that I could acheive difficult tasks with long-range goals which required some change of attitude and personal sacrifice.

TWO - I started taking care of myself a little better. Despite the fact that I was so very overweight, I made sure my clothes weren't sloppy, that I wore makeup, etc. That made me feel better about myself. No one ever succeeded at losing weight by hating and neglecting themselves. After I started a program, I continued on this path. I now get manicures & pedicures, massages, regular hair cuts. I dress up and go out, even though I am still a size 18. I started a yoga class a year ago -- swallowed my apprehension about being the only fat inflexible girl in a room full of size 0 yoginis -- and I LOVED it from the very first class. It meets not only a physical need but a spiritual need as well. In other words, I take care of myself REGARDLESS of my size, both physically and mentally.

THREE -- What Linda said. I was frightened of getting only larger, of looming disability and ill health. I was tired of feeling like cr*p all the time. I was tired of ... eating junk, but I couldn't bring myself to "just eat healthy." Despite the fact that I joined a formal program (more about that in a minute), I did exactly the kind of reframing that Linda discussed. Again, there's a long detailed rationale and strategy here, but the condensed version is that I decided my goal was to reshape my life. That meant working on my compulsive eating (and yes, The Thin Books are GREAT in addressing this issue). That meant developing strategies to understand myself, understand my almost unconscious thought patterns, reshaping my attitudes, examining every aspect of my life and my mind to observe reactions and patterns and come up with solutions to everything that stood in my way. I didn't weigh myself for SIX WEEKS after starting my program. And, I only weighed myself about every 6 weeks after that for the first 6 months. Losing weight wasn't the point. Changing my entire life, my entire BEING, was. The weight comes off as a side effect of that. Adopting a life-time view makes things easier, too, because you let go of that "diet," deadline-driven mentality.

Finally, I have to say ... the program I follow IS JC. I don't think you're lumping JC in with fad diets, but for those who might -- it's not. Yes, you buy their processed food, but only for a while, and it's only a tool. The point is to have flexibility and moderation and build a healthy lifestyle that will last you after you reach goal. I needed weekly one-on-one meetings with someone. If JC hadn't worked, I would have sought out a nutritionist. I've been on it for nearly 3 years, and I am only somewhat tired of the food. I go through rebellious periods, but there are ways to deal with that constructively. But, until you find the inner reserves, the inner reasons for doing this, you can wander from program to program for the rest of your life.

Just take solace in the fact that people who successfully lose weight try many times before they succeed. You just have to keep trying. Another book you might pick up is Thin for Life. I read this book before I started JC and it gave me the shot of optimism I needed to walk in the door. I do a lot of reading, studying, researching, etc. outside the JC materials (which are very good). JC (or WW, or whatever) are just doors. It's up to you to walk through the door and discover what's on the other side. All I can tell you is the mental shift from wanting to "stick to a diet" and "lose weight" to "building a healthy lifestyle" is crucial. You have to feel that in your gut. If you don't yet, just keep talking to yourself about it and pondering it. It took me about 6 months of thinking and agonizing before I started my program, but it was time well spent.

this is what finally worked for me, try it if you think it could work for you!

first off im 5'2. i was 150lbs now im 120lbs. i used to go on starve diets, and liquid diets like the master cleanse. they work but once you stop you gain. i was also big on sugary snacks and would eat cake, donuts whatever. one day i noticed i wasnt interested in pizza or a sugar snack and i wondered why since i always was before, i took a look and seen that it was because my stomach was not hungry enough to break down and eat that stuff. so i thought ok if i never let myself get hungry ill have a better chance of not messing up my diet. i make a diet plan where i would eat 7 small meals round the clock. all meals under 200 calories. in the morning i will have 3 cups of coffee with a dash of milk (calcium & energy). 1 hour later ill have one pack of instant butter grits =100 cals some hours later 8 oz of V* juice =50 cals some hrs later yogurt =100 cals later 4 egg whites, seasoned to my liking, cooked with 1/2 red onion and 2 diced mushrooms =170 cals later single size popcorn =100 cals and so on until i had 7 meals all under 200 cals spaced around the clock. i also drink cups of water, diet soda and teas. i works out every day for at least 30 mins on my treadmill. at first i DID NOT weigh myself and i DID NOT look at myself in the mirror, i was fat but i told myself you are thin!!!! start thinking thin, after two months when my clothes fit loose i weight myself and was happy

Carol, I actually take exception to this. I don't think it's nearly as simplistic as what you've said here. There are lots of people who have health issues that make it very difficult for them to lose/maintain weight. Even without health issues at play, though, it's almost never as simple as choosing a salad over a Big Mac and deciding to take a walk after dinner instead of watching a T.V. show.

I've been on this site on and off for many years, and I have seen people struggle and work hard to lose weight. Most people here (and the advice I've seen on this thread to the OP) seem to believe that the answer lies in working hard and finding what works for you. I did it before. And I'm working hard to do it again, and do it long-term. But it is a long, difficult process to find what works, and to have the courage and stamina to keep trying until you find it. And it's so exciting that the OP is back here after so many "learning experiences" (NOT "failures") still working to find what will work long-term for her.

I understand the appeal of "tough love," as well as the appeal of believing the solution is easy. But it just isn't. At least not for most people. We can definitely do it, and so many people here are/have. But I fear that your sentiments belittle both the struggle and the accomplishment. It sounds like you have a great plan in mind, though. I hope to be able to join and support you in your journey as your hard work pays off.

I could be wrong but since Carol last posted on this site 8 years ago I don't think she is going to see your response.

**Sigh**

I'm guessing that from now on, I will be paying more attention to the dates that people post. Thanks for the heads-up.

Oh how funny and delightful! I never notice dates either! I do wonder how Carol is doing and if she was able to find a way to make weight loss work for her. I hope so!

Too funny!

But LaurieDawn, it was an interesting discussion and I liked your response. I wouldn't have seen it otherwise, so thank you!

I think that I have had the opposite problem. I have never kept a food journal or was accountable to myself in anyway. Now I am keeping one, and I really have to hold myself accountable. I write every morning how much I weigh, what I ate throughout the day, and how many steps I took on my pedometer (10,000 is what I aim for).

But before this time, I have tried the same diet over and over and over again. It fails because I like to give myself "breaks." Such as, oh Sam, it's okay if you eat a lot this weekend, you can start your diet on Monday. And then by Wednesday, I will have fallen off the wagon, and I will tell myself that I will try again on monday. It's good to be able to write this down. I have never really thought about why I failed before.

Anyway, good luck with losing weight, I wish you the best!

I didn't realize how old this post was when I was starting to reply... but oh well I already googled it.

This seems extremely unlikely since the highest recorded women's IQ was (apparently) 190 back in the 80's.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marilyn_vos_Savant