You are not alone, everything you have explained in your post sounds like me. Except the part about your mother. I have asthma and have been hospitalized probably pretty much my entire childhood. I’ve been placed on steroid nebulizer, inhaler this, inhaler that. I was a chubby kid. Kids made fun of me in school… I’ve been called tugboat, tub-o-lard, moose and so on. Of course I ate as a comfort as well, but the medicines didn’t help any AT ALL. That was the easy part in life. (sounds funny huh)
My mother. I love her to death, but she’s really ruthless. All my life I have had to live with my own mother telling me I’m nothing but a fat-a** and I need to loose weight or I’m gonna die before I get married. There are 6 children in my family, I was the second to youngest. Alll my sisters and my brother were skinny, fit, healthy…. Beautiful. I was the ugly duckling. My mother used to buy twinkies and other junk food and lock them up in her bedroom and would only give them to my sisters and brother and they would eat them right in front of me. I love my mother tho, she was only trying to do the right thing. She was verbally abusive always told me I was embarrassing myself when I walked next to her cause she was skinny and I was the size of two people.
When I was about 21 (give or take) I hit 300lbs. I’m 27 years old now and I weigh 368lbs. (Heh I gained 3 lbs over mothers day weekend – sigh). To this day, my mother has not changed. I live with my fiancé now… and she still tells me the same old stuff.
“Susan, you need to loose weight. You need to be around long enough to take care of your man. Susan you need to loose weight, you are embarrassing James when you walk to him. Susan you need to loose weight, James gonna leave you for some skinny beautiful woman. Susan you need to loose weight so your own kids can put their arms around you. Susan you need to loose weight or no one is ever going to love you. Susan you need to loose weight….”
I could go one, but you get my point. I was miserable my whole life because I never thought I was good enough. I tried all kinds of diets. When I was 14, I attempted suicide, swallowed some pills. Obviously that didn’t work because I’m still here. I’m glad tho. I’ve failed many many many times at trying to loose weight. I, like you, have said TODAY is the day. I’m TIRED of being fat. I get on the kick and like an light bulb it goes out. It never lasts long. I’m 27 years old and I still contemplate suicide, but I know I would never do it again, but I cannot say the ideas have not wandered into my mind again. I do have my bouts with depression, and it’s honestly been bad, an emotional roller-coaster.
I've even used the "I don't want to be a fat bride" trick to be my motivation. Unfortuantely that didn't work. I'm doing this for myself. That seems to be working. 13lbs can't be wrong? I just hope I can stick to it.
This forum is a wonderful place. It has showed me that everyone struggles just like I do. I may struggle a little more, but I can do it. I’ve lost 13lbs, unfortunately I gained 3lbs back, but I’m okie! I’ve gotten back on the program (or as April has taught me – OP) hehehe. I’ve made wonderful friends and gained tremendous support.
Leigh… you are not alone and if you ever need someone to talk to… I’ll send you my email in a PM.
Talking makes all the difference in the world, when you realize you are not the only one… your load somehow will feel lighter.
This group is definately a great place, as you have seen in your reply on this thread.
With Warmest Hugs…
Sue…
I can somewhat relate to what's going on with your mom. When we were growing up, my mom would NEVER have ANY kind of sweets or junk food in the house AT ALL. My siblings would whine about it and say it was because Leigh would eat it all. So I understand how that was. My mom also packed my lunch with turkey on whole wheat bread and carrot sticks, etc. which was so embarrassing because hardly anyone packed their lunch at my school. It was "cool" to buy the school lunch of pizza and sloppy joes etc. Only the "nerds" packed. And I have a beautiful, skinny older sister, so I was also an "ugly duckling". 
I have a younger brother (18) who is struggling with anorexia. My father is overweight and my mother is always on some kind of diet. So our whole family is a mess when it comes to food. Now that we're grown up and live 4 states away, my sister and I have gotten a lot closer. She has 2 kids and is now also somewhat overweight. She is only about 30 pounds overweight as opposed to my 140 pounds, but we can still relate to each other. We both feel like we are addicted to food. We just eat and eat for "no reason". 
But she’s certainly proud that I’ve lost some weight. 
My younger sister, Jennifer, is a bit heavier now. She tries all these medications and keeps telling me OOOH THEY WORK SO WELL. Yet she gains the weight back. For me, honestly, I’m scared to death of medications. You never know what sort of side effect they will have or what it can do to your body. Oh hey, before I go, have you checked out 
