Terri:
Do I know this one!!! I can feel myself rebel against myself. WHAT is that? I have wondered many times – if I can be so dedicated and determined to sabotage my weight loss, WHY can’t I switch that dedication and determination to SUCCEED? THAT has been my question for a long time. Do I really hate myself that much? And WHY? I know I have things I don’t like about myself but I am NOT that horrible. I have never murdered anyone, been involved in an armed robbery, humiliated anyone, BUT I am introverted. No one I tell believes that of me, but I am!

Maybe it’s back to Terri’s “I really fear success”. Which, as I type this could be very true because I don’t know how to be happy, joyful etc. Geez, Dr. Phil is GOOD, isn’t he – all this confessing and he’s not even here!!!
(Sorry, Kat)

Off to read some more. I bought a new binder for my Dr. Phil / Fix Lucky stuff. I have printed out my weight chart, exercise log, & Terri's "success" message to put in it. I even plan to journal - I KNOW.. those of you who know my are in total shock!

Unless the tornado comes they are predicting I will try and post some of my chapter 2 stuff later.

If the rest of the chapters are like this one - WHEW!

My post this morning has really bothered me. It really bothered me that I have said that every time I set a goal to lose, then I quit losing or I even gain. Its not like my body does it on its own accord. Its because I don't follow through; am not 100% committed; and haven't even BELIEVED that I would succeed. There's that doubt again that needed to be set free. I would bet that every time I set that goal, a little voice would say, why bother, you won't achieve it; like ha, you won't do it; you've never done it before and won't now.

Okay, I am making the 100% commitment here and now that I will have achieved my 10% AND 30 pound goals by June 1st. No niggling thread of doubt will keep me from achieving it. No pondering on what I will do if I don't succeed. Because I BELIEVE that I will.

Lucky - I believe that I have been afraid of succeeding. That's why I can say that you. I'm afraid of what my body will look like if I lose all the weight. I'm afraid I won't have the comfort things that I have now. I'm afraid that I will actually have to hide behind something else besides my weight. Here's the reality. It, in and of itself, will not make us more interesting; more fun; more gregarious; more loveable; or more socially active. What will change those things is IF we change ourselves and fix other insecurities and hang ups.

You're doing great with this.

Boy, Terri, did you hit the nail on the head with your post - it's how I feel too.

What you wrote "to me" is SO true for me! I have an excuse for not being a lot of things by being over weight.

Off to think.

Have to turn my computer off - it's getting nasty out.

THANK YOU, Terri!!

May I join in ladies?? I just got my copy of the book and started last night. I have been reading the last few posts and they have really hit home for me. I have always had a problem with body image. I have a younger sister that has always been thin so as children she always got more attention because she was soooo skinny and had long blond hair. I was chubby and wore a short "pixie" haircut. I always felt overlooked/ignored, like "hey I'm here too" (I never understood why my mom kept me in that short haircut). Any hand-me-downs that my mom got were always for my sister - nobody had any fat children. She had to have my clothes made for me. I lost some weight when I was 16 (don't remember how much) but I remember I was in a size 18. When I was a senior in high school I remember standing in lunch line and this other boy in my senior class would be sitting at a table next to the lunch line. For a couple of weeks every time I passed that table he would yell "water buffalo" at me. I couldn't believe that here I was 17 years old and putting up with this. I decided to ignore him, act like I never heard him. He finally left me alone after that. I have never forgotten that. I saw him at our last class reunion but after I was telling this story to someone. I hope he heard every word. No apology from him though, he just smile at me. A$$hole! I also remember in grade school the other kids ignoring me - I spent a lot of time alone on the playground. They called me fatso. Funny, I don't remember crying about any of this. I don't remember having any kind of reaction. I have always felt like I was lacking in something, like I don't fit in, like I'm not a woman (Terri I read your post about this ).

I could go on and on. I've got my work cut out for me. I am looking forward to this book study.

All of your posts have got thinking - of all the things in my past that I "accepted" but have never really dealt with, so, this if fair warning that I will be posting my thoughts and feelings. I want everyone to give me feedback (if you have any) so I can MOVE ON!!! I don't want sympathy. I just want to tell you how things happened in my life and how I see them.

I will have this statement from Dr. Phil's book be my truth: (with your help)
The following is my first draft and will change as I go through the book and life:

Steps to reach my goal:

1. Not eat any candy at work ( they furnish chocolate )
2. I will exercise 5 times a week
3. Drink 66+ oz of water a day
4. Purchase and use a pedometer ( I already did this and may have to scream! From 7AM to 5PM I only made it into the 900's. It says to be healthy a person should have 10,000 steps a day I have no idea how to get 9000 more steps into each day )
5. I will productively and positively manage the stress in my life in order to stop overeating in response to stress, boredom etc
6. Make a list of people I can call when the urge to overeat hits.

When I lose weight I will feel:
1. energetic
2. peace with my body
3. confident
4. accepted


Well, off to make some dinner. Just got home from seeing my Dad.

Lucky -

You asked for opinion.....

Try to work on feeling confident and peace with your body NOW! That doesn't mean that you are resigned to staying the way you are but not to feel badly inside because of the way you are. I'm just encouraging you not to wait until you lose weight to feel positive things!

Do I always have to be the Devil's Advocate?
The comment
It, in and of itself, will not make us more interesting; more fun; more gregarious; more loveable; or more socially active.

is not necessarily true. It (loosing weight) did do all of those things for my husband. It is amazing how his personality changed once he started loosing.

Of course for me, I am all ready so interesting, fun, gergarious, lovable and socially active that you can't improve on perfection

Seriously, as I have said to some of you, part of the problem I have with loosing weight is admitting, or as Dr Phil says acknowledging that I AM fat. Yes I know, I have to buy ugly size 3X clothes, and I know what the scales say, but the fact that my mind realizes this, my emotions do not agree.

I was never overweight as a child, and no matter how fat I got, ole Alvin was much fatter!!! Well, now he has lost so much weight, and he is the center of attention, anywhere we go people comment on how good he looks and unconsiously I have been eatting more and more and gaining more and more. Is this rebellion?



I told you I wasn't sure I could handle getting this honest, now I don't even remember what I wrote down as my goals! (grabbing book) Well already I've decided that my weight goal is not realistic, I'll have to redo that one!

[I will take certain steps to reach my goal
This one I did answer truthfully
1. I will quit fighting the ideas of this book
2. I will continue to go to the health club and exercising
3. I will have control over my eating

As for who I will report in to, you guy are it.

Okay, I'll write more about the actual book chapter 2 tomorrow.

This is driving me NUTS !!! I have so much I want to say...
and only time to read. GRrrrrrrr !!!!

Barbg... I agree.. for some people the "real them" come out to play when they lose weight... BUT .. for others... if they were shy overweight.. they May remain shy thin. If they were critical of others while fat.. they remain judgemental when thinner.
Losing weight in itself does not guarantee your life will be automatically better.

And denial... many overweight people have that. My husband NEVER saw himself overweight. NEVER. It was not until he got "old" and overweight when he started seeing his limitations due to his weight. But let me tell you ... He ALWAYS knew I was FAT. Double standards there. LOL I can laugh at it now... but it was **** back in the older days.

Lucky... as far as the pedometer.... try to increase your count by 10%. That means add 90 steps per week. Progress is the key. Then Praise that growth instead of condemning where you started. I am going to focus on increasing my steps too by 10%. That means 9 more steps per week. Seriously.. focus on improving rather than dreading or criticizing yourself.


Connie.. I can sure relate to "not feeling like a woman".
I don't allow myself to feel at all if possible.
Keep posting those feelings. By sharing a problem ... that removes 25-50% of your stress. When you share it again .. it removes another 25-50%. Keep sharing until you can cope with it.

Lucky... this book study is like taking a truth syrum.
Keep opening up your feelings and getting them out. Keep writing about them too.
You can't have room for all the "good" when you hang onto to Bad. Keep up the good self analysis.

OKay.. gottat get to bed. My company drove half way late last night so they will arrive earlier than i planned. Good night ladies.

Lucky - One other thing.

I too have a pedometer and found that it was not counting all my steps. I have not had luck with it. I would check to see how many steps I took by walking down the hall and it would occassionally read 2 steps. Have you done a check like that? Maybe you're walking more than it counted. Don't get discouraged.

Barb.G - Yes, some people do "refind" who they are inside but lots of people lose weight thinking that that will fix all their insecurities and problems. And they never work on changing their feelings and beliefs. And there are some personality traits that just don't change. You mentioned rebellion - is it rebellion or jealously that its him?? And that causes you to keep eating? This is hard to admit to all these things. Keep it up!! You're doing great.

Lisa I sure relate to your

I have lasted three days with my changes and you would think I had climbed Mount Everest I am so thrilled!!

As I stated before I have an excuse for not being a lot of things by being over weight. I need to abandon these negative parts of my lifestyle - I need to learn to feel. This is a huge problem for me - feeling. So I eat!

BarbG


I know - but I have decided I have to or nothing will ever change!


2Cute
THANK YOU. I will write this in my journal too.

Part of me worries I sound like a whiner (or will when I start posting) and that is NOT my intention, as I said before. My life as a whole has been good, just horribly dull.

My one nephew is going to mow my lawn this summer so I have time to study with you all, confess and maybe, if I am truly lucky give some good advice myself.

Later

Okay - I decided to re-read chapter two and got almost all the way though it. I wrote down some insights that really struck me.

All my life I've told myself that if I could just be "skinny" I'd be happier. Now I've made the goal to tell myself that I'll feel healthier and better physically and that in turn will help me be happier - not being thin in and of itself. What I look like on the outside doesn't always make me who I am on the inside.

I've had the fairy tale fantasy weight in my mind that I've wanted to be all my life and it just isn't realisitic (where's my fairy godmother when I need her?!). I've now set a more realistic goal (I'll list them at the end).

I am an extremely bad emotional eater and have used it for coping with the stress in my life. I watched my mom & Gramma cope with it that way, too. I know I've said this before, but I don't want to pass that legacy on to my children!

Another problem I have is lack of patience. When I want it, I want it NOW and for healthy, permanent weight loss that isn't going to work. Sure I've dieted over the years, not enthusiastically, and have lost a little weight, but then always gain it and more back. I think we all have gotten so used to instant gratification in many aspects of our life that we think a major lifestyle change should be as easy. It's not - in reality it's going to take dedication and hard work to accomplish what we want. And of course, with the support of all the wonderful people here at 3FC we can all accomlish it!

Often times I don't feel like a real woman because I'm fat. (wow that was actually hard to type even though I know it's true - admitting it ) I need to tell myself that I am a worthwhile person, that I DESERVE to be healthy, that I deserve to have more energy. And that I am a woman no matter what. My wonderful husband is always telling me how beautiful I am - that has helped boost my self-image. I know that he loves me know matter what. When I was a single mom I struggled with overwhelming feelings of being the fattest, ugliest thing on earth!

Every time I would look in the mirror I would pick out my flaws. I wouldn't see the beauty that God created. I know that it's there for each of us. We've just become so blinded by self hatred and self contempt that all we see is the bad.

For a long time I would tell myself that I was happy and comfortable being overweight. That it didn't matter and that if someone didn't like the way I looked too bad for them. In reality, I didn't like the way I look. I was denying my deep down feelings - I wasn't at peace with my size. I just told myself that I was. I had resigned myself to always being fat - told myself that there wasn't anything that I could do about it. I had become complacent - telling myself that I didn't care, and that I couldn't change it. But, now I know I can!!!!!!!!

Since starting this I've been more realistic with myself and no I don't like looking the way I do. I hate going to the store if I need new clothes because the person in the mirror isn't me (someone on this web site has the name "fatchick8me" and boy does that apply - probably to all of us!).

Okay so for the goals - here they are - I haven't shared them with anyone else so this is a big step for me:
1. I want to lose 125 lbs and maintain it by changing my diet & exercise.
2. I want to prevent the health problems assosicated with being overweight - again that will be accomplished by diet and exercise change
3. I will change my eating habits - no bingeing, no junk-food & drink more water
4. I will exercise more - walking at least 1 hour per day 4 days per week
5. I will find other means of dealing with the stress in my life instead of eating - walking, talking, playing with my kids, gardening etc!

How do I want to feel? I want to feel good about my body, have more energy and pride in my accomplishment. I want to be free from the "need" of those comfort foods that we all love so much!

Sorry this is such a long one - I had to put that all down for the world to see - you gotta make me accountable!

Don't have time to reply to everyone, just want to tell y'all that you're doing a great job & keep up the good work!

Lucky - I'm with ya on feeling like you've climbed Mt. Everest - I've been going on this for almost two weeks and I feel like it's been FOREVER! But, I'm doing it and it's going good!

Back to reading!

I am soooooo PROUD of all of you !!!!!!!

THAT was hard to read, Lisa.

BUT I feel it too. I still haven't reconiled that at my age I won't have the body I want - WHY didn't someone tell me all of this when I was young and smooth skinned?? I would have been part way there!

Lisa...Oh, how I relate to your words! Thanks so much for sharing them! I need to sit down later for some more reading and posting...just haven't had the time the last few days...Tonight I will make time, no matter how late! (No work!)

I have to tell ya, that going through this with you guys has been such a help - even in the short time I've been a part of it.

I wish there was some way for us to magically feel good about ourselves. One thing I do know, is that each time I visit here, and read all the caring, supportive comments everyone has it makes me feel better, no matter how the day has gone!

I'll be back . . . .