Hey Kim-

I understand what you mean but I think he put those in with a [B:] BIG DISCLAIMER[/B:] ..... when he put those in there I think they are just basic guidelines.... not all shapes and sizes are going to fit in those catagories.... for instance I dont fit in them.... I am a big busted, big boned girl. He doesnt even fit in it.... he is larger than the charts he has shows he is supposed to be.... and he has said that in his shows. He also said your "Get Real" Weight is where you are comfortable and happy and can maintain....

Everyone has posted such great thoughts.... it has all made me think - that is so wonderful!

Actually, I'm the same height and my weight came out as 138 (which was fine with my goal of 140). Personally, I don't know what kind of boned I am, so I just went with large. I think he does say that everything's relative...perhaps you have more muscle than his 'average' 5'3" candidate. I mean, you can't really lump everyone into 3 figures on a chart. The charts are just for use as a guide - you really need to go with what looks good on you and what's healthy. If it's really 150 for you, than use that as your goal. I have a lot of leg muscles, so I'm personally aiming for 140, and I'll see if I really need to go that far once I get closer. At least it gives me something to aim for for now. Don't worry about it and don't let it get you down...when it comes down to it, it's just a number - it's how you feel that counts.

hey everyone,

i've really enjoyed reading the posts on this chapter so far! i haven't had power because of hurricane isabel so i'm catching up and hope to post some thoughts tonight!

~Emily

As far as the weight lose goals go, I think the charts are just a place to start. I know some women that weigh 150 lbs and they look tiny, because they are all muscle. Some others, the same height look a lot heavier at 150.

I'm just going to go for a pant size/top size, at least I know what that is. The weight number I want to be is 150 (I'm around 5'8 or 9" depending on the time of day), but that might change as I get closer to where I want to be in measurments and proportion. When I weighed 135 lbs, I wasn't really in shape. So now, if I continue to work out and build muscle, 175 may be a more realistic goal.
All I want to do is get healthy. Of course, if I could look good too, that would be so fine.

This was a statement that Dr Phil said today on the show..... maybe it is in the book down the road.... but it struck such a nerve with me....

Everybody has a role in life- What is your Role? This one is a hard one for me..... I always thought my role was one thing but am realizing that I have given myself a different role in the past few years- The role I have given myself is the dowdy, frumpy, lazy, girl that acts like she is happy and outgoing... lots of laughter that I hide behind... I have become the king procrastinator with work and realizing that I am not working at all really.... where has my self esteem gone? and why the **** did I let it go.... when did I slide into this inertia? When did I start letting life and success pass me by?

What role do you want to have? I want the self confident, sexy, truly happy, successful role. It is a role that I deserve.... one I have never had and am only just realizing that I never had it....

I dont want ot be the girl that is constantly looking in the window but never feeling invited in.... never feeling quite good enough.... always being inadequate....

What is your role in life? What would you like it to be?

I, too, was surprised by Dr. P's height/weight charts. For my heighth, 5'5", looked pretty much like the WW's chart (w/ a maximum of 150, his says 148).

My realistic goal is to get down to 165, where I was one year ago. Not the impossible 120 lbs. the charts said I should weigh and which I have beat myself up for the last 30 years because I've never attained it since junior high. At 165 last year I felt great. Still overweight by the charts, but with working out 6-7 days a week, I looked fine. It's a realistic goal for me. I am committing to losing 5 pounds a month until I get there.

Passages in the book that jumped out at me: (1) That I won't be at this weight next year. If I don't take positive steps, I'll just continue until I regain everything I worked so hard to lose. I'm not happy about where I am, but I'm still 70 pounds down from my highest weight. I will not go back there.

The "butt" stops here!

(2) That you can't expect weightloss to solve non-weight-related problems. Wow. I always expect that losing weight will resolve my self-esteem issues and deliver self-confidence, clear skin, gorgeous hair and social grace. Then I'm surprised when I get to goal and I still feel inferior, dotted with acne and dry hair, and at a loss for words.

My personal truth: I feel fat, unattractive and worthless no matter what I weigh. When I lose to where I'm at a normal weight for my height, I feel cognitive dissonance because my OUTSIDES say attractive, slender, fit and competent but INSIDE I still feel worthless, fat, unattractive and dumb.

My fat is my "opt out" ticket on life, activities I say I want to pursue and social situations. As long as I'm saying, "When I get thin, then ___" it's all just a dream and I can avoid the risks involved in actually doing those things. I continue to be isolated, depressed and bored but *safe*.

As long as I stay fat, I can rationalize failure and rejection: It's not "me", it's my "fat". But underneath, I know that's not a universal truth. I lose respect for myself when I lie to myself.

As long as I stay fat, I can avoid growing up: I can continue to be emotionally dependent and avoid responsibility and structure. I can eat with abandon and not be burdened with denying myself or counting calories/points. I can be lazy and only do what appeals to me at the moment. I don't have to plan ahead. I lose respect for myself when I act like a spoiled child.

As long as I stay fat, I can continue wallowing in depression, victimhood and negativity. I can continue to say "it's not MY fault" as long as I avoid acknowledging that I willingly sculpt my overweight body through my "fat lifestyle" choices: binge-eating to suppress emotions and boredom, occasional exercise, high-calorie food choices, baking for no occasion other than to have a steady supply of binge fuel.

I can continue to avoid conflict with others that might be created by standing up for myself, speaking my mind and just expressing who I am. I can continue to feel self-righteous about my victimhood and nurse resentments.

BTW - My VCR tape ran out before today's episode. Who did Phil decide to keep out of the 13????? And who was it he was calling a ridiculous doormat?

Sami
Great post, I too have spent way to long in the "whens". When I lose weight I will dress nicer--When I lose weight I will be happy--When I lose weight I will have more confidence....It just doesn't happen. The closer that I get to my weight goals, I panic and gain back the weight....I don't want to give up the benefits living as a "fat" girl has supported.

I am adding that now I DO WANT to give up those benefits and deal with those issues......

It is very scary to think about being at the goal and still being unhappy, better not to try, that is why I think that addressing these issues are most important....I don't think that he got rid of anyone today....I could be wrong.

My WW is 128 and the chart says 99-I am 5feet and shrinking and 65-when I weigh 128, I can wear an 8 petite so I am not fat!!!!!!!!!I only have 3-6 lbs to go. But I love the book-I think it has something to say that is great!!I have read 2 chapters and stated my goals more specifically. I have fibromyalgia so one of tha drawbacks is what exercises I can do-some walking and swimming . I am making my goal 1 pound a week and that is doable for me. WW gives me 22 points a day. I don't know how to copy those questions and I can't type fast so I'll probably only give general comments. I am reading one chapet at a time and answering the questions. Mima

Excellent post, Sami. I think the hardest part is what you did - looking at yourself from the inside and out, recognizing it and putting it out there. I was embarrassed to post my high weight, and more so to make public my "then and now pics" to a select group. Posting my weight made me accountabe to me, as well as making public my now photos because there still is a long way to go.

When I lost 40 pounds, I loaded up my barbell with 40#. I couldn't even hardly lift it off the floor. I had to sit down and think about how I carried that on this poor body for too many years. As for the weight charts, I set my goal at a 100# loss over 13 months. It was just a coincidence that the charts in Dr. Phil's book related to my height. It's been so long since I was below 190, I can't relate to what even 150 felt like. But I will know, when I get there what's right for me by my strength, Body Fat% and lastly what I look like. My main goal is health and quality of life.

I know that Dr. Phil released this book at the right time for me. I have much emotional baggage to release, and much to learn on how to deal with the emotions that send me to the frig for self-medication, comfort and instant gratification. Those dark forces are internal, not external.

dip

As I sit here reading everything everyone says I am amazed at all the words and feelings.... It is like I could write all of these myself.

I sit here saying "Yes, I feel that way" "Yes I use that excuse" "Yes that happened to me" etc.etc.etc.....

What it makes me realise

1) I am not alone.
2) I am not the 'original' fat girl.
3) That if my excuses all these years werent original then they werent real. They were just excuses.
4) That so many of my 'truths' were also other peoples 'truths' and that they werent really truths at all.


So if I have to change my excuses and I have to change my truths and I have to show myself to the world (you guys) then what am I going to change everything to? What am I going to show everyone of who I really am?

Thank you so much for all the great posts! Thank you for all the thoughts and feelings and for posting them. It helps me tremendously and I appreciate you guys for opening up and being honest.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

Oh man - when I heard that one I totally ran, got a pen and wrote it down! It was just such an awesome statement, and it's great 'cause it's been on my mind lately (just not in such a clear way).

I've been doing a lot of thinking that I don't really have a role...that I somehow need to "find myself" (no matter how cliché that may sound). But when he said that, I thought to myself - my god, I do have a role, I just didn't notice. And since it's a role I just slipped into (of being frumpy, fat and lazy about it), it's not a role I actively chose, and it's not a role I want!! Man, I do not want 'frumpy' to be my life role - that's almost more disgusting than the negative thoughts I have about myself and my weight. I have to change my role - I can't be "the frumpy one" anymore, or I feel like I'll risk that being the only thing I leave in this world when I'm gone. How awful would that be? Yikes!

Things that really jumped out at me … Wow, I think it would be shorter to say what didn't jump o out at me. There was so much in this section that made me sit up and take notice.

My take on the comment about willpower is that perhaps we have been defining willpower all these years. I think the 'willpower' the Dr. Phil is talking about, that doesn't work, is the jazzed up emotion that we fly on when we're ready for this new and exciting magic bullet. The 'willpower' that lets us skip the chocolate cake at the birthday party – right before we go home and binge on frozen waffles and maple syrup while everyone else is in bed. The 'willpower' that flies out the window at the first hint of failure because it cannot stand up to the test when we're denying ourselves both what we really need as well as what we want.

What we need is the determination to work major changes in our lives. Not 'willpower' if all that means is that we can live on apple cider vinegar or cabbage soup for 3 months.

So with that in mind I can see how Dr. Phil says that willpower doesn't work.

Now for things in the chapter that made sit up and take notice...

The decision you must make is whether or not you will quit conning yourself and telling yourself what you so desperately wish were the truth: that there is some hot new diet out there, promising quick and easy results.

Conning myself. This is exactly what I've been doing for more than a decade. I've been conning myself by convincing myself that I could get control of my weight without dealing with some of the underlying issues and reasons for the behaviour that got me this way. I've also done a good job of conning myself into believing that I'm not really "that fat". Which, I obviously am.

No matter how many times you've tried, no matter how many times you've failed in the past, no matter if you haven't seen your feet in forty years, I want you to stop selling yourself short and reach in a mature strategic way for all you are capable of doing, being and having.

This is part of the con job I've been pulling on myself for years. That on some level I am not worth the effort and I am not capable of lasting, meaningful change.

You must rid yourself of that gnawing and overpowering sense of urgency and panic that always seems to appear on the scene, like ants spoiling the fun at a picnic, every time you decide to lose weight or otherwise get in shape. Stop telling yourself that you just absolutely "have to" lose weight. You may want to, you may even need to, but you don't have to. That's just what you have been telling yourself because you thought it would motivate you. So instead of all that drama and self-recrimination, I want you to choose to feel very calm and relaxed.

This is a group of sentences from one section of the chapter. This is something I have a problem with. I have to lose the weight in a certain amount of time. That I cannot take 2 or 3 years to lose the weight. That there is some time table that actually exists outside of my own mind. I look at the long term goal (125 – 150 pounds) and I realize that at a reasonable weight loss of 1.5 pounds per week I have 1.5 – 3 years of weight loss. I get freaked out and I panic.

What I am having really driven home to me is that what I really have is a decade of weight gain that isn't going to come off over night. It isn't going to come off in a week, a month, a year or even two years. And I am going to have to make changes that continue for the rest of my life, or I will simply lose the weight and put it on and take it off and put in on and take it off … etc.

I'm re-reading the chapter so that I can further work through this post. I've also printed off some of the replies here so I can read through them with greater attention.

Sami,
Dr. Phil hasn't picked the 8 yet. I wonder if he really will do that?
I was thinking that maybe he said that to get them to be more serious and really think. I don't know. They all were relieved to get the chance to work with him for a year and then be told there will only be 8. That would make me feel worse then before if I didn't get picked. I would rather not be in the original 13.
I think it was Marilyn. The one whose husband cheated on her for years. I could be wrong but she is like a doormat and I hope she succeeds and kicks him out. She called him up and asked if he had a second and he said no. What a jerk.

I started reading the book today. There are so many great posts. I can't wait to start participating.

Terri

Terri: Thank you for the update on the show! I was so at myself last nite when I got home and realized my VCR tape ran out after ATWT and before Phil. ARGH! I'd been looking forward to that show all day. I was hoping to record several of these episodes in sequence and review them periodically when I feel myself losing my grip.

Sami,
I hate when that happens when I record too. He only talked to 6 of the houseguests.
The others didn't know why. He seems to be playing mind games to get them moving. It looks like he will talk to rest on Monday's show.
Leslie (The one with the bright red hair and eyeshadow, no.12)
went into the confessional and screamed for her mom. Scared everyone. She seemed like she just needed to vent. The salmon they got for dinner was not a hit in the least.
Terri