I'm not sure which thread you're reading but I don't see what you see.

People have pointed out that she isn't ready to do right by herself yet, and that's fine, it's her journey, her life. Nicki merely pointed out that she was frustrated that the woman came to HER for help and then systematically shot down everything she said.

I never judged her, I encouraged her. I believe she was looking for a answer I am unable to provide. I know I don't have all the answers. I believe you misinterpreted my intent.
I work in healthcare and daily encounter people who want change, but don't actually want to do anything. The need for a open heart surgery cannot be fixed by a pill. Diet changes are much more efficient than injecting insulin daily for controlling blood sugar. It goes on. I can't force anyone to change their lives. All I can do is educate, encourage and provide resources and hope for the best.
It just would be nice to actually see positivity from some instead of the constant defeatist attitude I encounter.
I know it can be overwhelming as I've been there. That's why I suggested "start with one small change."
I will always suggest that over anything, I stand by it.

I've been through this with a friend who claims she wants to lose weight and asks me for advice, then explains why she can't follow any of my suggestions. I eventually realized she wants to lose weight but still drink tons of whiskey and eat Taco Bell every day. Which means there's nothing I can do to help her.

You can't help people until they're ready to help themselves, unfortunately.

You got it Violette. People want the easy, magic way to be thinner. It doesn't exist. A few years ago I had a friend ask about my weightloss. When I told her I was eating veg and lean meat and nothing from a box, and only drinking water she basically responded like I was suggesting she just stop eating and wait to die of starvation. "I hate veg! It is SO gross, I'm not eating it." "I can't give up pop, what would I drink, water? Eww SO gross!" So, like Nicki, I basically shrugged and said "I wish you well with whatever you do!" and let it go. It makes me sad that she thinks everything healthy is "SO gross" but that's her thing, her life, not mine.

Since when do people who've lost weight become experts on losing weight? Why get so high and mighty? Nobody has all the answers but it's discomforting to hear such criticism of people who are not ready to make changes.

For the record, it's possible for people's "claims" of wanting to lose weight are VALID eventhough they're unwilling to do anything about it. This whole thing perpetuates the idea that people have to "really want it" or else they won't succeed. I beg to differ. I've always wanted it, even when I stuffing my face with cheetos, I still wanted it, there was nothing I wanted more. When people are in a situation that feels uncontrollable we should be more understanding. This is fat discrimination as far as I see it.

There is simply no sympathy for the fat, not even from the formerly fat. As soon as someone loses a few pounds they become an expert.

No one here has gotten high and mighty. Everyone here has felt the pain of being fat. No one claimed they had the only way to lose weight either. The OP offered what she had, got rejected, and brushed it off. Big deal.

She was looking for advice. I told her what I did. I told her that other things might work better for her, and I gave her a couple diet books including one that focused on diabetics/pre diabetes that was her concern.
I never claimed expertise, just shared what worked for me. Had you read the multiple comments and not just one statement you may have seen me reiterate this over and over.
I empathize. I've been there, it sucks. I still don't get where this "fat shaming" nonsense is coming from. What is your response out of curiosity when someone asks you for advice? Do you not give any? I spent a good hour sharing info with her. And all of it was just met with negativity. In the future should I just say, "I don't know." I'm not going to walk on eggshells every time someone wants to talk about weight with me. We all struggle, we all seek out support. When we provide support and are basically bashed for it, that just seems to defeat this entire forum doesn't it?

I wasn't talking about you. You did what you could with this woman and she refused the help. I was more irritated about the responses to your post like "They want to lose weight BUT ...they basically won't do anything healthy" and "I have no patience for people like that" and "People like that, I have no sympathy for." It's downright mean, I'm just speaking as someone who has wanted to lose weight for a long long time and I remember even at the worst of my binging I really really wanted to stop and I hated that people looked at me as someone weak and unwilling to put things right. I DID want to put things right and I did get defensive when someone gave me a solution that felt like a mountain and I did give excuses about why I couldn't do it. Not because I couldn't do it but because I didn't know how to do it. And most importantly, I had already tried doing it and failed, it's much easier to say "Oh I'm not giving up soda!" than it is to say "I've tried to quit a million times and failed each time."

Sorry for my outburst. I hate seeing fat discrimination and I hate it when fat people are placed with all the blame. Ok, we're fat! But don't kick us when we're down and tell us that we don't WANT something better for ourselves.

I don't see eye to eye with you on everything, but on this I do. I 100% agree.

Nicki, you've been nothing but supportive and empathetic. Hopefully your neighbor is on the cusp of making some changes and some of your suggestions will sink in and push her over to making some healthy changes in her own way.

For the other posters-This link might help in understanding people's behavior (pre-contemplation (not ready), contemplation, preparation (ready) etc. we use it assessing clients in therapy because you cannot use the same methods in clients who are in pre contemplation stage as those who are in preparation stage. Wanting change is not the same as wanting to change your behavior.

http://www.prochange.com/transtheore...ehavior-change

I hope you guys can see your past negative experiences with this have nothing to do with Nicki. Reread what she wrote.

Thank you for sharing this link! We encounter it every day in the ER and compassion burn out seems unavoidable. We know we can't force people to make changes. Such as heroin overdose comes in. Once stabilized and discharged we give him back his needles he came in with. It's his property. We would love for him to quit, but we can't, only he can. :/.
If anyone has tips for compassion fatigue I would love to hear them.

This vanity has got me laughing....

lolol all your life in this world and having been overweight each and every one of us. And somehow the few words shared with someone are expected to change another's life completely stop them in their tracks and inspire change. Not planting a seed that will grow in time in another mind but this expectation that immediate action will follow... how long did you know what you need to do to start this journey before you did it?... the vanity that comes from some folks that lost some weight blows my mind. In time once she or anyone wants it bad enough they will take the step to change, let her take the time she need to see what she has to do to make this hard and extremely judgement trek... we were all given that time, let her have hers!

...Do what you like. Say what you like. When the same is done to you, don't complain

Take care folks!

I enjoyed this article; thanks for sharing!

I think the hard part of situations like this is when people ask for the advice and then it's treated rudely. Like, its not my business what you eat or what you weigh or anything. But if you ask me what I did and you want tips, well, I'm going to have to be honest. I think the way Nicki said everything was fantastic... She was asked for advice, she gave simple tips, even explained that different things work for different people, and didn't pressure. Even if you ask someone for advice and don't think you can do any of the things they suggest, I think you still owe it to be more courteous and to be more receptive.

And I don't think it's fat shaming to get discouraged by people who seek help and don't change. I completely understand that people have to be ready to do things for themselves, but we are going to feel for people we care about we see struggling with something that bothers them.

Can you share the magic rainbow pill with mee? Pleeeeease?? or the kittens?? either one will do...