Like Mary, I've been lurking

These last couple of weeks have been rough. DS is home now, and we're trying to work through some issues. He was released (from jail) to our custody, and I don't think there'll be any further action UNLESS he tries to pull another stunt.

One good thing: I FINALLY made it to my TOPS meeting last Weds., and I lost 4 1/4 lbs

Sounds like you ladies have been busy...

Andria: First, congrats on your new job ! I'm sorry that you and your DH have been having "bedroom problems". Been there-it's been an issue with us since the beginning, and we've been married 27 years! when I want a "Big 'n Tasty", I have to go to Mc D's!

Joe Anne: I hope you can get the problem resolved with your Youth Group. Maybe it's time for new leadership. If they're not serving the interest of the kids, they should move on.

2 Cute: WOW-that's some successful yard sale!

Tina: Hope you can get your computer probs fixed soon!

Mary: Come back and stay awhile

I hope everyone will have a great week!

I'll be BAACK

Good afternoon, chicklets!

No, as you can see, I did not drown in this weekend's rainstorms!

Charlie cut my hair Friday; it is a bit shorter than I usually get, but I am getting to like it a lot. Plus it's nice to roll out of bed in the morning and not have to deal with the curling iron and all the mess that goes with that. Just a dot of shampoo, rinse, towel it off and it's dry in ten minutes. Ta da! I owe Charlie my soul...

As usual, he and Denny were up to their hijinks at the bar Friday. At one point of the night, Denny gets behind the bar (he is good friends with the bartender on duty that night), gets the hose thing that the soda water comes out of and tries to aim it at Charlie to squirt him in the behind, missed and ended up squirting the owner instead ! Fortunately for them, the owner is a great guy with a sense of humor who told Denny, "Good thing I like you, or I'd ban you for life!" Meanwhile the poor guy has to spend the rest of the evening with a wet butt....and the whole place cracking up laughing. Poor Shawn.

And of course, and thank GOD that game didn't count, the Steelers lost Saturday. Talk about playing like a bunch of kids. The cat brats could have played better. Geeeeeez.

Of course, we began Monday at my house with one cat brat pawing my hand (complete with claws-OUCH!), and the other with cat butt in my face (the tubby tabby Noah at that)...all at 7:30AM. Ewwwww. Not a constructive way to begin my breakfast, mind you. Needless to say, it didn't affect THEIR breakfast at all...wonder if I stuck my butt in THEIR faces once in a while if it would? Hmmmm...

So far, so good; no more "crazy" phone calls. Yet. Whether the PO got the tape or not remains to be seen, because I haven't heard anything one way or the other. Stay tuned. PS: It was my having a TOM and not giving out a "big and tasty" that started this whole thing to begin with on his part. Go figure.

NOW...if it would only make up its mind here as to if it is going to rain or shine so I can either walk or exercise indoors today. Nutty weather. Oh well.

Peace out! See ya laters!

Quick update on computer: My friend's husband builds computers for a living and is a computer guru and has narrowed it down to the power source or motherboard. (pretty sure it is the power source) He is coming back over to the house today with a new power source to see if that is indeed the problem and if so, he is fixing it for free!

So, what's new? Well, I had an *inkling* or *crazy thought* or *dream* or *click* last night while I was tossing and turning because I couldn't sleep without dh there. For all the griping and complaining I did about him going to second shift, I HATE sleeping by myself. My mind races, I hear every bump and noise the house makes, I toss and turn all night long..... it's horrible. I miss him so much. I was real happy about him going to thirds so we could have the evenings together and thought it would be no big deal just sleeping by myself, but I have become very accustomed to him and sleeping (or trying to) without him last night really stunk.

Anyways....on to my *click*. Now, parts of this will be morbid, so I am warning you in advance.

Last night for dinner, we had fried chicken, fried squash, mashed potatoes, corn, cornbread w/butter, onions and cucumber. Needless to say, I ate my fill. Well, actually more than my fill and I felt absolutely miserable as I was trying to sleep. It's almost like you can feel the grease clogging your arteries sometimes.

And then it struck me...... what I've been doing to myself. I've been slowly...killing myself. Now wait...just stay with me for a minute. I'm not hormonal, I don't have PMS, I've not had too many carbs. Just stay with me, ok?

What lengths will we go to, to hang onto this thing we call life? I mean, think about it. We get sick, we take medicine. If we get struck with a terminal illness, imagine the lengths some cancer patients go to. Hair falling out, vomitting constantly due to chemo..... for what? To hang onto life. That is our ultimate goal. It's not money. It's not career. It's not even home or family. It's LIFE. For without life, are any of these other things even possible?

Still with me? Ok. Several years ago, I worked with an older lady whose son committed suicide. Now, she loved this child with all of her heart and there is nothing she wouldn't do for him. She was actually unable to have children of her own and he was adopted. Bless his soul....he was an odd duck, though. He didn't have any friends and was very hard to get to know. His wife had divorced him several years ago and had custody of their daughter which was also hard on him. My friend did all she could do for him. She would drop everything she was doing just so she could take him a hamburger. She talked to me all the time about my dh going over and just visiting with him so he'd have someone to talk to. (which he did...they went fishing several times) But it wasn't enough. This man was so unhappy with his life that he just didn't want to have one anymore. So he called my friend one day and asked her to bring him a big mac on the way to work. Of course, it was way out of her way....but she did. When she got to his house, what she found was not her son, waiting to eat. She found her son, dead in the floor with his brains splattered all over the wall. He had put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger with his toe.....and she found him.

First of all, I have severe issues with this because he knew what he was planning and knew she would be the one to find him, which I think is a terribly cruel thing to do to someone who loved you so much, but that is not my point. My point is.... He didn't want life, so he killed himself. He didn't draw it out. He was short, quick and to the point.

Yet, I am also killing myself with the food I put into my body. Knowingly, willing.... killing myself. Everytime I put a piece of food into my body that is laden with fat, I hurt myself. Everytime I choose to drink coke instead of water, I hurt myself.

No, I'm not going overboard here. I do have the sense to realize you have to have what you want sometimes. But if you are allowing yourself so much that you weight 300+.... you are eating too much. I know it and you know it.

Therefore, I have decided I'm not killing myself anymore. I'm not putting things into my body that make me feel bloated, clogged and lethargic anymore. I am going to treat my body as God intended.... No, I'm not a temple and never will be. But I'm not a garbage dump either.

I'm going to start thinking about what I put in my mouth. I'm going to look at it, feel it, know what's in it before I just chuck it down the old throat hole. What we're putting in our body can and will literally determine how long we live on this earth and I for one, want to live as long as I can. I have too much to live for just to sabotage myself over and over again.

What about you?

Please know I don't say this to hurt anyone's feelings. I say this because I love you guys and I care about you and I don't want to lose any of you.....for any reason.

Please join me in this thing called life. Please..... let's LIVE.

Hey gals, I haven't gotten a chance to read the last 2 threads, but saw that you couldn't see the pictures, so I'll try again. Hope this works, yeah I see it worked this is me at the Jasper Tram Way, in Jasper.

Here's a few more, this is Brandon and DF Ken.

Sandy I am with you. I need to get on track. I even gave thought to becoming a porn queen. Too keep my job I would have to get and STAY in shape.

Tina You are so right.
I especially relate to " I'm not putting things into my body that make me feel bloated, clogged and lethargic anymore. " I have been thinking that lately too. WHY do I make myself sick?


I also know, for me, I have to use my body more - use it or lose it. I have to take the time to exercise. Put taking care of my body first instead of last on my daily list. Hmmmm this would also get me closer to my porn idea!!!!

Duckie...you are so cute! I love having a face to put with a name! I'm not sure who your little guy looks like, you or df, maybe both, but he's a cutie too!

Good Afternoon Girls,

Duckie, great pictures!! You are a pretty woman!! Wow, we have all heard "you have such a beautiful face", but...right?? well you truly do have a beautiful face!! and that back drop what gorgeous scenery...thanks for submitting it!! The person you are on the outside will reflect what you are becoming on the inside!! one step at a time!! you can do it Debbie, and I know you will!! WE ALL WILL!!

Tina, what a powerful post thank you so much for saying all you did, and you are absolutely right, we cannot kill ourselves with food!! there is too much life out there. and there was no offense taken, sometimes we all need a good swift kick in the butt to get moving and that was it...remember when I said each of us here reads other's posts and we take what we need, well I feel that when we sit down to type these posts we give to others exactly what we need.. and you did that very eloquently!! got me right in the old heart strings, and re-affirmed exactly why I am on this journey...THANK YOU SO MUCH!! HERE'S TO YOU GIRL!!
let's all keep lifting each other up, together we can do it, we are going to do it!
grouphug:

Homebound, congrats on your 4.5 lbs!

Got my watp 1.5 miles in today, and felt so strong afterwards, I never thought I would feel this good again, so alive so ready to take on whatever comes my way....I am so grateful!

Hi chicks! I'm just checking in real quick cause I have to get back to work. DB and I are still fighting, this sucks. I am hoping that once we get home we will have a chance to sit down and talk it all out. There are so many issues, I don't think I can go into in detail right now. I'll save you all that!

Tina,
I agree with everything you just said. We all have to come to some sort of epiphany before we can make a change for good. Living a healthy life is the best thing you can do for your family! We are all here to support you on your journey! Anytime you need to get it all out, we are here to listen...never any apologies needed.

I have so many pictures that I wanted to show you gals, but I can't get them to resize properly, and it wont let me attach a link to my Webshots Gallery, so here's one more.

Duckie,
Love the pic's. And I too love putting a face with the name. By the way....what does DF stand for? Dear friends? I mean I could think up more, but was just wondering....
Sandy

Good Evening Gals ---
Just a quick stop in before working out. I still have to go back and read some posts because some of the recent posts are confusing me with references to older ones. I hope to catch up tonight. I know - I have said that for a couple days, but Jeff is staying up in NYC tonight so it's just me and the dogs tonight. The agenda includes --- exercise, dinner, clean the bathroom and get back here to catch up on my favorite gals.

Just a couple quickies ---

Sandy ---- I think DF is Dear Fiance. Is that right Duckie???

Duckie --- Great pics! Thanks for sharing!!! I love knowing what everyone looks like! It helps me picture all these wonderful women when I am writing. You are truly beautiful - inside and out!


I'll be back in a couple hours!
Barb

First I wanted to say Hello to Homebound, and Congrats on your loss. I meet you a couple weekends ago in the chat room. Glad to see you again.

QueenB - I agree sometimes we just all need a kick the tush! I think I shall join you if you don't mind, LIFE sounds good to me. A good quality of life, that's what I want.

I realize I have been putting off everything because of my weight. My hubby wants to travel, I cant. He likes to go to amusement parks, I cant ride the rides. We have discussed having a family, but of course, its not safe for a baby, let alone myself to become pregnant. There are so many things, and I keep saying "well, when I loose this weight" and years have gone by and my weight only gets higher. I need to start "living" now, and stop waiting for tomarrow!

I have to run now but look forward to talking to you all soon!

Weight at highest over 360 (scales not high enough)
weight now 330? (scale fuzzy at high weight) lol
Goal I'd be very happy at 250

Thanks for the pictures, Duckie.

Duckie your pretty