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I've been married more years than single now. My dear husband is a beautiful human being who is truly kind and loving, compassionate and considerate and when I was a younger woman, when I was dating my first husband, I wouldn't have given this man a second look. It took me getting fed up with ten years of being married to a lying, abusive, manipulator to acknowledge that the definition of man didn't mean macho a**hole who bullied me and our son. When I was finally able to say to myself, with complete conviction, that I deserved to be with an honest, gentle, loving man, then I met my current husband.
I was an abused child. My father was a psychotic, unpredictable, lying, emotional and physical abuser. My mother and I both got beaten and screamed at regularly for the most unpredictable of reasons. I swore I would never have a man like that in my life again, never subject my child to that ... and yet my first serious boyfriend was bipolar, most of my boyfriends after him had some major, major character flaw (mainly cheating on someone which meant they were also lying) and my first husband was a near perfect duplicate of my father in many ways (he just never beat on me and hid the fact he hit our son). Figuring out that every adult relationship I had was just a replay of my father and I, that I was choosing to be with these men, in fact pursuing them, was kind of a shock to my system but I'm not much of a believer in coincidence. There was only one unchanging variable in these relationships with men who were so different from each other, coming from different life circumstances and being a wide range of ages, and that variable was me.
Accepting that I was the one who was choosing to be with these men, and acknowledging that as an adult I deserved honesty, unconditional love and respect, something I never received as a child, freed me from the cycle of abuse.
There is so much truth in this post that I don't even know where to begin. My Father is alcoholic but otherwise we pretty much share the exact same story. Lucky for us we came to the realization that we deserve better, some women never do.Originally Posted by ReNew Me
Here's a little secret, ladies, and I'm sorry you're not going to like it but it's the absolute truth: We get the kind of men we think, in our deepest heart, we deserve. We blind ourselves to their faults. We give ourselves excuses for behavior we wouldn't accept in any other person. We blow off the lies as a memory fault not manipulation. We choose to ignore their excuses for why they didn't call back or pick up when we called, not explaining why they were hours late, why they have another woman's perfume on their clothes. We give them that power by choosing to be blind and ignorant.I've been married more years than single now. My dear husband is a beautiful human being who is truly kind and loving, compassionate and considerate and when I was a younger woman, when I was dating my first husband, I wouldn't have given this man a second look. It took me getting fed up with ten years of being married to a lying, abusive, manipulator to acknowledge that the definition of man didn't mean macho a**hole who bullied me and our son. When I was finally able to say to myself, with complete conviction, that I deserved to be with an honest, gentle, loving man, then I met my current husband.
I was an abused child. My father was a psychotic, unpredictable, lying, emotional and physical abuser. My mother and I both got beaten and screamed at regularly for the most unpredictable of reasons. I swore I would never have a man like that in my life again, never subject my child to that ... and yet my first serious boyfriend was bipolar, most of my boyfriends after him had some major, major character flaw (mainly cheating on someone which meant they were also lying) and my first husband was a near perfect duplicate of my father in many ways (he just never beat on me and hid the fact he hit our son). Figuring out that every adult relationship I had was just a replay of my father and I, that I was choosing to be with these men, in fact pursuing them, was kind of a shock to my system but I'm not much of a believer in coincidence. There was only one unchanging variable in these relationships with men who were so different from each other, coming from different life circumstances and being a wide range of ages, and that variable was me.
Accepting that I was the one who was choosing to be with these men, and acknowledging that as an adult I deserved honesty, unconditional love and respect, something I never received as a child, freed me from the cycle of abuse.
