What if the ED urges are symptomatic of the other issues you addressed? Maybe you could look for a general therapist to see for now, until you can find a reasonably affordable specialist? Any help is better than no help.

i tried looking for someone that doesnt specialize and they said to go to a specialist, so idk if i can just see a general one

Alyssa, I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but you say you feel like people don't like you so I want to give you a suggestion as to what might be the issue. You post about problems you have like you want advice, but then you have an excuse for why none of the suggestions will work for you. It seems like you just want sympathy, not ways to actually resolve your issues. There is a time and a place for seeking sympathy, but this forum is about making life changes. You have to be ready and willing to try some things that might be out of your comfort zone and to make permanent, lasting changes to improve your situation. Also keep in mind that a forum like this only keeps going because it is a give and take situation--have you tried maybe using some of your experience to help others in other threads? That may help you take your mind of some of your problems, and give you a sense of satisfaction.

Also try contacting a local university (if there is one within reasonable driving distance) you can get help sometimes from students, supervised by their professors for free. OR the school of psychology may have some leads for you.

Also you can get on a list some places for pro-bono/sliding fee scales. Sometimes the waiting list takes awhile but might as well get your name down if you can.

I do want help. I'm the one being told nothing can be done. Like I said, I called specialists and they wanna charge $500 a week, then I call a regular therapist for $180 a week and they say to see a specialist. How is that me making an excuse? That's something that someone else is telling me.

Maybe you could visit a regular therapist for general anxiety issues and mention your ED during the appointment. It is one of many things that seem to be bugging you, so maybe they will see you with more general issues rather than specifying you need someone for help with your eating disorder.

I guess I could try that... I've been good recently, it's really the ED that started everything going downhill.

I've seen a lot of people "making excuses," to get attention and avoid getting help, but that's not my first impression of you. I don't hear you saying, I can't do that, because....." Instead, you've said, "I tried that, and got nowhere, where do I go next?"

Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know enough about you to be sure, but I'm going to run with my instincts and first impressions. When I was on the other side of the desk as a counselor, I helped people find affordable resources, and even so I didn't understand how difficult it was to be on the receiving end. I had to file for disability myself (after hubby and I had to file bankruptcy due to my medical bills - even with amazing medical insurance that paid 90% or more of medical and prescription costs).

I also am now in a "no-win" situation with my health. I can't afford the treatment that might allow me to get healthy enough to return to work. I have an autoimmune disease that is no longer in remission, but it hasn't yet done enough damage to warrant treatment (because the drugs used to treat the disease have such horrible side effects)

I know how to find resources because of my experience, and I am on Medicare, but the system is difficult to navigate, and many of the resources have disappeared or changed eligibility requirements. Even with my experience and education, I've hit more than my share of brickwalls, and it can make a person feel helpless.

What no one tells you about the "system" is that you not only have to keep lookong for and knocking at new doors, you have to keep knocking at the doors that have been slammed in your face. Doctors will often say, "I can't help you," when the truth is they can and will, but only when they've been asked several times.

Sorry I ended my last post so abruptly, I lost track of time and had to rush out the door for a doctor's appt (found a rock-hard bb-sized lump in my breast). I was kind of hoping the doc would reassure me that it wasn't anything to fret over, instead he scheduled both a mammogram and a sonogram, and told me I'd probably have to have it removed, and only then will be able to tell whether it's cancer. We were saving for some dental work I need very badly, but it will have to wait I guess. I'm trying not to worry, but my blood pressure today was the highest it's been in almost eight years.

Anyway, back to your problems - your situation isn't hopeless, it's really not, but you're going to have to work harder and be more persistant in your efforts to find and utilize the resources you need. You're going to feel like giving up when you keep running into brick walls and doors slammed in your face, but keep looking, and keep asking. Take advantage of support groups and self-help books from the library. Keep contacting charities, advocacy groups, and social services in your area - even if you contacted them before, even if you contacted them two or three times, keep making those calls and following up on leads. Ask about financial aid - some hospitals and other social services offer "scholarships" and other types of financial aid. Hang in there.