You aren't weird; that entire makeover gallery made me angry - they erased every trace of individuality from those women and made them all look identical - blonde highlights and cocktail dresses for everyone! Ridiculous.

What it underscores for me, and hopefully for the original poster as well, is that one woman's "unattractive" is another's "attractive". Some folks looked at that makeover gallery and thought all the after pictures were great. I looked at that gallery, and thought the after pictures were generic and boring - I wouldn't even notice those "after" women in a crowd, but many of the "befores" looked like people I'd want to talk to.

There is more than one way to be striking and beautiful, and just because you don't look like person X, person Y, or person Z, doesn't mean you aren't lovely, it doesn't mean that who you are as an individual doesn't shine through and make you lovely, regardless of whether you meet some manufactured standard of beauty.

Hello. Yes, I am someone who is not particularly attractive and changing my body hasn't changed that. It didn't change my attractiveness to the opposite sex one bit. LOL!

On the flip side I am healthy, strong, and taking care of myself. I believe in kindness and life. My body is aging and will continue to age and that is OK.

You are on a fantastic journey and have already lost a lot of weight with more yet to go. Who knows how that will feel and how YOU will feel as you get comfortable with it later on. You are doing wonderful.

You aren't far enough into your process just yet. KEEP GOING! Are you working out and getting the rush of feeling powerful? I have NEVER seen a woman that was fit and strong that I didn't think fit somewhere on the scale of attractive! You WILL get there. Absolutely, keep going.

Looking attractive can be likened to decorating a home or cooking. Some people have the looks from the very beginning and never really understand the concept of "making the best of what ya got." Some women have to experiment and alter and change until they "get it right." That's ME!

Now, with comparing it to cooking and decorating--It's the same as putting together a meal with the ingredients you have on hand. It may be harder than going to the market and buying 12 specialized ingredients for one dish BUT it will still be decadent and delicious if you know how to cook! Through the years I have seen some women with GORGEOUS houses--some have spent an absolute MINT and others have bought from thrift stores and garage sales. The key is that the latter know HOW to decorate---they don't have to spend a mint. They just move things around, change this or change that until the room is right.

KEEP MOVING THINGS AROUND. KEEP EXPERIMENTING. Make the best of what ya got and you will ROCK your look!

..ONE MORE THING! I disagree that you can't change how attractive you are! With clean eating and lots of water, exercise, and sunshine you absolutely CAN become more attractive! Absolutely NO doubt about it.

I think that being ugly is all in someones head! Once you get to your goal and realize how much work you have put into it, you will see yourself as a whole new person!
Don't change who you are, just embrace it!!!
I'm sure you are absolutely Beautiful!!!

Thank you all for your thoughtful and encouraging posts! I posted a pic of my beautiful self in my profile, hopefully y'all can check me out HAHA! just took it now with my webcam, messy hair and all!

I was having an ugly day... I do truly wonder about the whole beauty thing. I have some beautiful friends and they always get the attention and admiration from all the men.
Sometimes when I'm newly dating I don't want to expose my date to these beautiful woman, in fear of being left behind as they walk off into the sunset.. LOL crazy.. I know.

I had a best-friend in high school who did this to me. She basically stole my man and now 15 years later it still haunts me. My insecurities get the better of me these days. As I lose weight so many old insecurities crop up, especially about looks and how we are perceived on the outside.

I do date and men do find me somewhat attractive, I guess..
but deep down I feel as if I'm the booby prize (pun intended)..as they have settled for second best and they are waiting for someone better to come along...

I realize that I have many issues in my self esteem that I need to work on that. The voice in my head is pretty loud and makes me all the more self-hating.

I do have days of feeling powerful and really just great about myself.
Since I have started exercising more, it does feel great. I love it! When I'm outside walking, I have a bounce in my step and I think people take notice. It does make me feel happier.

I do have a ways to go and will continue to reflect...

Right now I feel more powerful, more confident and -yes even beautiful..in my own way.

Again thanks all..

I completely understand. BTW, I think you look fine. But I know where you're coming from and maybe you and I both get the impression we aren't attractive for the same reason- the way the opposite sex reacts to us.

Part of the reason I'm convinced I'm unattractive is that while someone may flirt with me in an email or over the phone, NO ONE ever flirts with me in person. EVER. The last time a man flirted with me in person was about 11 years ago. I've also had some very hurtful things said to me in these past 11 years that make me certain that some men find me downright ugly, some to my face and some that I just overheard.

I try not to let it get me down. I've got a good life, I'm happy usually and I am managing to lose some weight (albeit very slowly!) and so I'm getting healthier.

I think you're Beautiful!!!! Everyone has those days, I completely understand! I've gotten to the point now that it's been so long since a man was flirty with me that when it does happen I think they are like joking with me or something, I have to work on that! lol

It's a rarity for me to feel cute ... let alone pretty/beautiful, so I know exactly how you feel. I don't feel like I have a good personality, either, but I'm working on that. I do, however, have several talents that I think of as above average, so I'd rather be ugly and talented than beautiful and boring.

As for everyone that's said they look ugly on this post, I DISAGREE!

The best advice!

First: I know what you mean and greatly sympathize. You are doing great on your loss so far, but let me just say that you're still pretty far away from your goal (which is the same as mine and we're the same height). One of the things that comforts me is looking at some of the before/during/after pics on this website. It seems like there are a lot of pics where people look similarly proportioned to me now and me when I was heavier during their journey, but when they get to their goal weight, they look amazing. I think part of it is that when you're losing weight, you don't have control over where you lose it and sometimes it comes off in weird places for a while before you lose enough to "even out."

That said, a couple of years ago I was reading an old essay that Gloria Steinem wrote. At the end, she said that Eleanor Roosevelt, at the end of her life, was once asked if she had any regrets, and she said, "Yes. Only one. I wish I was prettier." Steinem said that it was such a shame that that's how she saw her life- this woman who had done all these amazing things and really changed the world, and what she regretted was that she wasn't prettier! She said something along the lines of that regret not being worthy of Eleanor Roosevelt, and not worthy of any of us.

I think you are being too hard on yourself. My advice would be to focus on the things you like about yourself and stop worrying about the things you don't.
And remember; Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I definitely know what you mean. I wish I could reach through the internet and give you ladies giant hugs. I know this feeling all too well. But these are the things that I've come to grips with and come to understand about the situation:

1. "Attractive" means the WORLD more than just looks. It's your demeanor, it's your attitude, it's the way you make the rest of the world feel. I think often 'attraction' is seen as purely physical, but let's be honest, people can be attracted to all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons. This makes me think of the movie "Run, Fatboy, Run" (a fantastic movie with Simon Pegg, if you've never seen it, I highly recommend it!!). In it, there is an adorable little boy with a crush on a little girl. "She looks like a tree frog", he explains to his dad. "And I like tree frogs".

2. I think that a lot of the time it's not so much that you're ugly, it's that you're average and your mind puts a bad spin on it. I've come to grips with the fact that I will never like any pictures of myself, or at the very least it takes me years to think I look alright in them. But when I look into a mirror and smile, I do think that I am cute. I'm cute because I look like me. And for a long time I just saw the flaws (really like I still do when it comes to photos), but now I make a point to notice the little things that I like-my little dimples (including a newly emerging dimple on the other side of my face!), my oversized cheeks that make me look like I'm always happy, my eyes that practically glow out of my head and change into a range of blues, greens, and greys depending on what I wear. But I still feel, when I look at photos, that I'm ugly. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never look at myself objectively in a photograph, or on a webcam, and that through other "eyes" I'll always find myself ugly. But what I feel when I look at myself through my own eyes, is adorably cute. So I'm going with that instead :-)

What is beauty?


I think the definition of beauty and what people find attractive greatly varies from what's culturally acceptable to the eye-of-the-beholder. What my DH finds attractive about me, may not be what others find attractive. What you may perceive as "ugly" may very well be beautiful to another. What it boils down to is that achieving attractiveness is not exclusive to physical attributes. Yes, it's apart of it - a part of it - not all of it!


Don't beat yourself up! I like some of the other suggestions. Maybe give yourself a day of pampering? Treat yourself to a little makeover of your choice. Get your nails done, or maybe get a freshened up hairstyle?


Warm vibes <3

As long as you don't miss a nose or have some huge blistering scar across your face you can't be ugly.

Beauty is just a measure of how easily you sexually attract others. Even when people admire physical beauty without sexual intentions it is a by-product of how desirable we want to be to third parties.

To be sexually attractive there are three basic rules in nature:
a. Look healthy. This includes having a healthy weight, being clean and having no evident marks of illness.
b. Being symmetrical to a certain extend. If one half of your body looks pretty much like the other you're ok!
c. Being confident! A woman with confidense that shows off the best of her and downplays the negative is an instant turn on to most people. Many woman the score lower in the first two points can easily overcome others when they show confidense.

If you think you are still ugly after reading the three points you can still work on it, especially your confidense.