I'm so glad you posted this! I am experiencing the same thing and AGONIZING over it.

I'm not going to pretend that I don't still want to lose those last 3-5 pounds, but after talking with a friend, I was blown away that she is the same height as me and weighs 8-10 pounds less. It was confsuing, b/c I am getting rid f clothing that is too big, and that is her size!

She looks great, but you know what, so do I. I wear a smaller size, but she weighs less. It really is amazing how different our bodues are. Just b/c of our height, we expect all these crazy things to happen based upon other people who are the same height. LOL It's kind of silly when you step back for a minute.

HUGS.

You are right. And I need to hear this. Comparing oneself to others is a waste of time- it gets us nowhere.

The funny thing is, people DO notice when I lose 5 lbs. I suppose it's the "paper towel" theory in action. My yoga teacher commented after I lost 2 lbs, my neighbors after I went from 132-127, my parents when I saw them after a year of being overseas and went from 127-123.

I think I'm at the point where even small losses are noticeable, which is one incentive for me to continue losing a few more pounds. Not that that is a good thing...

That's the internal struggle I continue to have. For my entire life I thought weight loss was out of my control. It wasn't until this year (at the age of 25) when I gained 10 lbs that I realized I have control over my weight and I need to take control of it (i.e. eat properly and exercise).

This whole "settling vs. pushing myself" is me struggling to find where I need to accept responsibility for my body, my fitness, and my weight and where I need to say "This is out of my hands, I'm doing the best I can do." Before, I didn't take enough responsibility. Now, perhaps I need to recognize where my "responsibility" ends and genetics and whatever else is just out of my hands.

I was thinking about this a lot last night after I posted this thread. I keep thinking about my sister and my mom. My sister is 10-15 lbs lighter than me and around the same height. She has struggled with bulimia and disordered eating since she was a teenager. She goes from binging and purging to starving herself to being healthy and back again.

I think she and I have different body types (as a child she was very slender and I was always curvier), but I still see similarities. We both inherited saddlebags, thick upper arms, and flat stomachs. I keep reminding myself of this. She is a lighter version of me, sort of, and still has "problems" with the same areas I do. I think you and others are right that losing is not really going to change this... it's something my poor sister has yet to realize, hence the eating disorders, but perhaps at least I can.

Haha maybe if you post them enough times I'll finally start to listen to you . You are absolutely right about being careful about getting too close to disordered eating patterns. Depression, eating disorders, and other mental health issues run in my family and I'm so blessed that I didn't inherit them. There is no reason to bring disordered eating upon myself and I need to remember that.

I actually just put my scale away this morning. It's in my bedroom and I pass by it several times a day. You are right, I need to remove myself from it. It should be a useful tool and I'm using it as a ball and chain that I drag around all day.

You are ABSOLUTELY right. I have been thinking about this recently as well too. I look terrible in skinny jeans and in shirts that end at the waist. I have saddlebags and big thighs and shirts that don't come halfway past my rear at least only accentuate this.

Two friends posted recent photos of me on Facebook in various outfits that really looked pretty bad. I think the second photo posted last night is one that inspired this post. I was really amazed how heavy I looked. But I really wondered if a lot of it was in the outfit- and I think it at least part of it is.

I've thought about this too- that I perhaps am eating too few calories consistently- but I definitely do have my off-days. I'm very on plan most of the time, but not all the time. I eat a few hundred extra calories on long run days.

But you're right about switching up exercise. I'm trying to get in more long walks instead of sweating it out at the gym. Whether it results in weight loss or not it's good for my body to switching things up.

I really, really am grateful to everyone's advice and thoughts. I'm sorry to hear others are struggling with the same thing.

I think what I'm going to do is put away my scale (well, I've already done that ) and focus on behavioral goals exclusively. I am going to eat properly- which right now means generally following the Eat to Live plan- I feel really good when I eat that way. I'm going to continue to exercise. I will buy NROL today- I've wanted to really focus on lifting and think subscribing to a particular program is a wise decision.

I'm going to keep my goal at below 120. I think psychologically it's useful to say that I'm at the top of my maintenance weight (122-118) rather than the bottom (125-122). But I'm not going to specifically, intentionally try to continue cutting weight. I'd love to drop a few more pounds eventually, and it might happen. But if I never lose another pound at least I'm still in a healthy place.

As I mentioned in my original post, the best thing that has happened over the past 11 months is that I learned SO MUCH about nutrition and how to eat properly. I know what portion sizes look like and how many calories I should eat each day. I have dramatically changed my eating habits. I was lucky last year when I lived in the US and walked a lot and got to eat pretty much whatever I wanted. Moving to India and having a more sedentary lifestyle- and thus gaining 10 lbs- was a wakeup call. I'll be back in the US in July (yay!) and will bring with me all the tools I've learned about health and nutrition, plus behaviors I can stick to for the rest of my life.

You guys are wonderful. I really love this forum.



EDIT: Oh yeah, and I just removed my ticker

wow!! you really are making some drastic changes now!!!!

I think that this is a wonderful thread. I do costuming and write a bi-monthly costuming article for a Middle Eastern dance publication, and my current topic is actually on costuming for your particular body type.

We can't change our genetic body shape. I am a pear, and with that comes small hands/wrists/shoulder width/ribcage and a defined waist. I never had a turky neck or double chin at 233+ pounds. What I DID have was a big rear ends and super thick legs. Now that I am at 150, I am STILL smaller up top. I STILL have thick legs. My chest and waist measurements are in the 6-8 size depending on brand, and my booty and legs fit a size 10.

I am actually going to try and drop a few more pounds so that my upper body is a solid 6 and my jeans are an 8...but it won't change my shape. With body shape, we also have to remember that our SKELETON is different...not just where we store fat. Some ladies have small hips/hipbones and wide shoulders...others are like me and have small upper body frames and larger lower body frames. It is what is is.

Instead of focusing on what I look horrible in, I focus on what I DO look good in, and that is what I am currently writing my articles about! I think in your case, it will be a huge refresher to focus on what things flatter your individual shape, rather than focusing on your percieved flaws.

I won't ever be caught dead in short Daisy Duke shorts. Ever. EVER! I do, however, know that a 3/4 sleeve v-neck really accentuates my slimmer, finer bone structure on top, and that a boot cut jean is more slimming on my lower body than a skinny jean. I think it can be helpful to watch "What Not To Wear" because if they feature someone with your shape, then you soak in the tips on what they tell you will flatter your figure type.

Also, at this point I am focusing more on other sorts of goals-I recently decided to train to run a 5K, so I'm doing the Couch to 5K program along with my regular exercise. I've never liked my legs...and I am focusing more on what they can accomplish, rather than what they are shaped like. It's just a difference sort of goal, a different focus...one that doesn't have to do with measurements or the scale.

I had to comment on this. I would like to see the actual percentage of the female population that looks good in those jeans (I'm guessing maybe 3%). I have seen perhaps one person whom I thought looked good in them, and she was a bean pole. It drives me nuts when the fashion designers come out with designs that most women look horrible in.

Okay, mini-rant over

True, lin! Skinny jeans aren't really my litmus test for healthy body weight, if my previous comment seemed to imply that. I just mean I need to stop trying to wear things I know don't look good on me.

You woudn't catch me dead in a poncho, at my height of 5 feet, i just look ridiculous, doesn't matter what my weight is.
I also like What Not To Wear, it was from that show that I learned to buy straight leg jeans, much more flattering it "almost" looks like I have long legs .

From a fitting standpoint, the reason that most women look awful in skinny jeans, even if they are thin, is that if you have ANY hipbones at all, they accentuate the wideness of the hips, and make the legs look like sticks (if you are thin) or sausage casings (everyone else) in the process. To wear them well, you not only have to be thin...but have a smaller hip frame...OR if you have a larger hip frame, they must be worn with a tunic/longer length top.

It sounds like you've already made your decision about how to move forward, but I figured I'd put in a few thoughts anyway.

1) I absolutely agree that comparing yourself with others isn't going to get you anywhere. I often see people posting who are the same height as me but 15lbs less, and they are still losing. Sometimes when I see that I think, "I'm too fat." Sometimes I think, "They're too thin." Neither is really true.
2) I also agree with whoever it was that said to dress for your body. Looking good in the mirror is not just about what you look like without your clothes on. I can put on one outfit and look fabulous and put on another and look like a beached whale. It's not like my body shape changed during the five minutes it took me to change clothes! For example, I have pretty big thighs and a big butt. So, I wear curvy fit flared jeans. The curvy fit makes my butt look nice and avoids gapping at the waist band, and the flared bottoms even out the width of my thighs so my legs look nicer. Tapered jeans make my thighs look huge. Rather than worry that my thighs are too big, I just don't buy tapered jeans.
3) Another agreement: losing 5lbs more might not make your body shape any different. Some things are just the way we are built and we need to make peace with them.

I read this lastnight, but didn't have time to reply till now. Here's my 2 cents!

For many peeps first it's 5 lbs, then 5lbs will NOT be enough, & then it's I'd like to lose just a couple more lbs just to be sure, then another couple of lbs as insurance, then another couple for luck... etc. It's just a bad road to head down IMHO as you could be
veering on the edge of a ledge with disordered eating! I'm sad to read you say you have skipped a lot of social functions already. Go get out & socialize, you do NOT have to FOCUS on the food, go for the friendship & socialize! Life it too short to miss out on opportunities with friends, family & associates!

Maintenance is for the long haul, sustaining something with ease is way more ideal, being it's FOREVER! I certainly would rather be a few lbs heavier than have to eat less or workout in excess just to stay at the lower number on a scale, which to me is just scale mental madness & I won't be a part of that mind F! I eat 80% clean & 20% not so clean & workout daily & that's my maintenance routine plain & simple. FYI, I'm going on 5 years of maintenance...

Bottom line, being 5lbs thinner probably won't = HAPPINESS! You have got to love LOVE yourself unconditionally NOW! Embrace your flaws & all! With that, I say, "Welcome to MAINTENANCE!" You are there! Perhaps this is the weight your body wants you to be at? Maybe just tweak your exercise routine or lift heavier & your body will change the jiggly bits your not happy with in due time, in the meantime dress your body to camoflauge your so called flaws, like the others have mentioned. No body is perfect, so get it out of your head that "your" body has to be before you can be happy! Skinny does not = happiness! ~ Wendalyn

You know, I have known this for so long and I STILL buy short shirts. I wear them and end up looking 10-15 lbs heavier in them!

As part of my "get in the right mentality mode" yesterday I got rid of several short t-shirts and bought about 4 longer-length tops on Amazon. I really do think a lot of it is learning to love my body type and dressing to accentuate it is part of it.

I am grateful you posted this. I think much of what you said I need to hear repeatedly until it really sinks in.... including not comparing myself to others and that 5 lbs won't change our body types.

Also, it sounds like we have very similar body types.

I've realized lately that the amount of stress and anxiety I have brought on myself with regards to eating is not healthy. Yesterday I didn't calorie count (for the first time in 11 months, except for a short maintenance break) and just ate what I knew I should eat. I had a few bites and nibbles of this and that and didn't stress over it. I didn't weigh myself at all yesterday or today. I think I actually ate BETTER and felt BETTER about things because I wasn't stressed about logging everything, "using up" all my calories, etc.

I see on 3FC a LOT people giving the advice that you just have to skip out on some events and drop friends if you want to lose weight. Seriously. People asking "what do I do if all my friends do is drink and eat?" and the response is "Get new friends!"

I don't really think that's healthy. I live overseas and I have to partake in some cultural events here (which always revolve around huge quantities of food). I always am polite and eat what the host tells me to- whether it's OP or not- but the amount of STRESS I allow it to cause me is absurd.

You are right that it's about coming to terms with something sustainable. I don't think I've allowed weight loss to interfere too much with my life (no one noticed I'm dieting) but I do think I've allowed it to bring a lot of unnecessary stress. This is something definitely to work on.

I think you've summed all of this up well. This is where I want to be and am really going to work to get there

I'm really late coming into this but I'm glad that it looks like you've received some great advice and are really taking it in.

I have to agree 100% with the idea that you need to learn to dress your body. Know your strengths and weaknesses and dress them. It can make such a difference. I have a large bust and butt and if I were were to wear a peasant top and a long flowing skirts, well, it would be an absolute disaster! I would look like I'm about 30lbs heavier. I really need fitted clothes that show up my waist and legs.

I'm still not a genius when it comes to dressing myself but I'm working on it. It's even harder after weight loss because you have a new body that needs to be dressed. But stop focusing on your flaws and figure out how to work them. You say you have a pear shape, have you looked into Levi's Curve Id Jeans or PZI jeans? Also, if you have a smaller upper body, show it off!

Hi everyone, checking in.

I stopped calorie counting for about 5 days since I last posted here. I ate sensibly, but I did indulge in a banana-zucchini bread and an apple upside-down cake I made last week. It may not sound like a lot but eating 1 slice of each for a few days absolutely put me over calories.

I didn't weigh myself for several days but I have over the last few days. I'm up to 125- a 3-lb jump in about 6 days. I read old maintenance threads on 3FC about how this is due to increased weight in food, increased water retention, etc. I imagine in my case it's increased water weight due to increased carbs intake as well. I FEEL bigger though... in my waist and chest. Weird.

I started calorie counting again yesterday. I was at 1100 before I went to a dinner at our neighbors' (she cooked homemade pizza) so between that and a very small glass of wine I probably ended up at 1600 for the day.

I'm not sure where I want my calories to end up. If I was maintaining on 1200-1400 per day over the last 5 months does that mean that's where my maintenance calories are?

I'm hoping I can return to my normal menu and calorie range starting today and go from there. Hopefully my weight will drop back down to 124-122 in the next few days.

I think this dilemma is one of the fatal traps of weight loss (and there are a lot of them).

I bypassed this choice completely, and it's incredibly liberating (and it means I'm neither settling or punishing myself, and never will be ... ever).


My choice: To focus on making healthy changes that I know are healthy, and that I'm willing to commit to, even if I don't lose any weight. When I'm comfortable with that change, I make another, and another and another (weight loss is one of the rewards for my changes, not the goal itself)

until either

1. I've reached my goal weight, at which point my task changes from making healthy changes that result in weight loss, to making changes that allow me to maintain my healthy weight (and if I want to, I get to keep making healthy changes so long as they allow me to maintain my goal weight range).

2. I'm not willing to make any more changes. When I'm not willing to make any more changes, it doesn't matter whether I've reached my goal or not. If I'm not willing to make any more changes, then I don't ... and I need to learn to be ok with my weight whatever it is (even if it's my current weight, now).

If I am not willing to make any more changes, I need to be ok with my weight whatever it is. If I'm not ok with my weight as it is, then I need to keep making changes (but still only ones I'm willing to make forever).


This has worked tremendously for me. I've no longer been tempted to give up, because I only make changes I'm willing to make forever, whether weight loss results or not.

In the past, I always thought of weight loss as things I was willing to do to get the weight off (not what I was willing to do to keep the weight off). I figured I'd worry about what to do after I lost all the weight I wanted, when I got there (and I never did). Mostly because I would start to think that I couldn't lose any more weight, and not being at goal weight yet, I'd give up (because I was doing more than I was willing to do forever).


If you're not willing to make any more changes than maintain your weight and be happy with that.

If you're not happy with your weight, continue to make changes that you're willing to commit to forever.

You can't have it both ways. You're either willing to make more changes, or you're willing to accept your weight as it is.

I think too often we've been taught to falling into the trap of being disatisfied with our weight but not wanting to make any more changes, either... and unfortunatly often deciding that this puts us in a no-win situation, and if we can't win, we might as well give up.

Some days, I wake up and I think "I can't lose even one more pound, I can't stomache even one more change..."

In the past, I would have decided that giving up was the logical choice.

Now I decide "OK, I don't want to make any MORE changes, that's ok. I'll just keep doing what I have been doing until I AM ready to make more changes, or until I've decided that I'm DONE making changes, and then I'll just keep doing what I am ok with doing, until I am ready to make more changes.

The behavior is the same, and my feelings about myself are the same. I'm a great and fabulous person whether I'm willing to keep making more changes, or whether I've decided I'm doing enough for now.

What I've stopped doing is giving myself a reason to give up entirely and gain all the weight back. I don't have to worry about my ultimate goal weight. Heck, I might decide tomorrow that I don't want to make any more changes, and am ok with my weight. So, I'll decide to maintain, then in a week or two I may change my mind again and decide I am ready to make more changes...

I think we set too much stake in "the goal" so that if the goal seems impossible, it means we might as well give up entirely (which usually means gaining it all back and some extra to spare).

For me now, it's just a very logical choice (and a no pressure one).

Am I willing to do more?

If the answer is no, it doesn't matter whether I'm at goal or not. I had better decide that doing no more is ok, or I need to do more. Those are my two choices. Do more, don't do more.

That's not settling and it's not punishing myself. It's just that simple... do more to try to lose more, or accept my weight and my effort (at least temporarily). If I'm not willing to do more and I'm also not willing to accept the consequences of that choice, then I'm a fool.

I'm no fool. On days I am not willing to do more, I accept the consequence of not losing happily.... and if I'm not happy with not losing, then I have to accept that I will have to do more. What I can never allow myself again is the option of not being willing to do more and also not being willing to accept my weight. I won't accept the no-win situation ever again.