So sorry you feel so bad at the moment , but in the same time it can be great motivation to keep going. Get angry and keep going and you will have the body you want to have.

To be honest with you, there is no secret for weight loss. There is no magic pills, no super diet. The math is simple. You have to eat less then your body need for the day and fat will melt.

Good start is take your weigh in pounds multiply by 14 and deduct 20% from it. This is how much calories you need to eat. It is the formula I used before and I use now, right or wrong it does work for me.

Exercise is good, but you will not lose weight if you don’t eat less.

Skinny girls aren’t lucky, they just don’t eat much. When people tell me I am lucky as I don’t gain weight, they have no idea how much I can gain if I will let myself go. I love food, I love wine, I love cooking and I can eat a lot….I constantly have to force myself to stop eating , so we all are in the same boat, no luck, just self discipline.

My sister lost tons of weight this year, she was over 200 lb , but I guess one of the days she just kicked her own a$$ and got mad and started working towards her dream body and OMG does she look gorgeous now. I am so proud of her!!! No luck, but only hard work.

You can do it too, just believe in yourself!

Good luck!

Everyone else has offered great advice and there isn't much more I can say, but I will add this: today I wore shorts for the first time in years (literally, years). Normally I'm one of those people in jeans all summer long, or if I'm feeling really crazy, cropped pants.

My legs still don't look perfect, but the 20+ pounds I've lost has given me enough confidence to wear shorts without being too self-conscious, and it felt great sitting out in the sun and not dying from the heat.

Gaining confidence in yourself is far easier said than done (this coming from someone with serious self-confidence issues). But, if you can fake it for awhile, eventually it becomes second nature.

Perhaps try buying yourself a pair of shorts and a tank top and first wearing them around your house for awhile to get comfortable in them. It's much easier to gain confidence when you aren't comparing yourself the people sitting next to you. This has helped me more than anything!

And know this, no one is judging us as harshly as we judge ourselves. Personally, I rarely notice whether someone is wearing shorts or what their arms/legs look like, much less examining them for stretch marks, cellulite, etc.

I hate tank tops and shorts, I feel exposed and like I've suddenly put on all the weight I've lost and more. However, lightweight dresses are modest, flattering and provide the same level of "cool" against the heat. I'm not saying "YOU MUST NOT WEAR LONG SLEEVES" but you sound pretty unhappy with the discomfort factor. Just an idea...

As for the self-hate, no one can fix that but you. You have to step back and realize that hating yourself isn't going to take the weight off, it's not going to solve all your problems, and ultimately life is too short to spend it beating yourself up over the past. You don't have to love your body so much you want to parade around naked all the time, but for your own sanity please at least be at peace with it - it's the only one you've got, and you've already made great waves in improving it.

As for your guy, mine checks out girls who weigh 40 lbs less than I do, but guess who he takes home at night? It's human nature to look, but your bf's love and commitment to you is strong since he chooses you over them each and every time!

*e-hug*

What are you doing to work on your self esteem?

Because you can diet well, and exercise well to aid your body... but you can achieve your goal and still be hiding yourself in long sleeve shirts, pants, and talking down to yourself because you did nothing for your other areas.

I believe to be healthy we have to be in balance across the whole board -- body, mind, heart, spirit.

GL!
A.

You know what's sexy? Confidence.

Sure, there are little skinny girls walking around showing off - but if you have confidence and show yourself living life to the full and loving every minute no matter how you look - THAT'S attractive.

I've seen girls who are bigger and they dress so well, have such a big smile on their faces and I think "wow, they're really pretty."

I'm not saying go and wear shorts and tank tops if you feel super confident in them, but wear something that suits you are your body type and that you can carry with confidence without having to drown yourself in layers.

You've done so much so far, congratulations. Sure you're not at your goal weight this summer, but it does not mean under any circumstances that you can't enjoy yourself. You know how much weight you're going to lose and you're going to do it, let that motivation inspire you and keep you going.

Honey, I am 344 pounds and I wear shorts and a tank top when I go out in the summer. If they look, who cares? I REFUSE to make myself uncomfortable just so people won't have to look at my fat. If they don't wanna see it, well they got 3 other directions they can look.

Wow, kaplods - what an awesome post! I am going to take your suggestions. I am going to make a new personality/voice in my head to be my own cheerleader!
Caramelkitty, please take her advice and run with it. Losing 20 pounds is HUGE! I'm having a hard time losing ONE. Mostly because I beat myself up, just like you were doing. I will not give in! I will keep fighting for myself and for my goals!

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. And I certainly don't think you need to wear long pants and long sleeve shirts all summer. Get yourself some new clothes. (I don't know what your budget is) But even if it's just a few pieces. Get some knee length shorts and some light tops. If you are not comfortable with sleeveless, try cap sleeves.

You have as much right as anyone to feel good in the heat and to feel good about yourself.

I'm 51 now so I don't care anymore. I dress appropriately but I'll wear sleeveless now when I would never have in my 20's. Yes my arms are not thin and pretty but they are not the ugliest thing on the planet either. I've been where you are. Wearing heavy jeans in the summer. I think back and wonder why I did. Not anymore. I even go to the pool now. Forget the skirt-tini bathing suits. I won't wear them But I do keep myself wrapped in my beach towel until I get in the water. I still have a little insecurity but I don't let it stop me from enjoying the things I too have a right to. Please don't either.

Wow @Kaplods.

I am honestly bowing down to you for that post.
I completely agree with everything you said.

And in the last 2 weeks since I posted that, I have had a complete transformation.

I also started a new job which I am completely happy with and the people around me are EXTREMELY positive.
And I do believe that is what I needed.

I have since then lost some more weight and have never been happier with myself.

I started wearing summer dresses.
Short sleeves.
Bermuda shorts. (@fattymcfatty) --> Smart

And honestly, I am getting so many looks, and the difference is i'm not thinking "OH THEYRE LOOKING AT ME CUZ IM BIGGER" I am now thinking "DAMN RIGHT IM HOT "

Im gonna post some pictures soon, of the progress not much, but still a beginning! Thanks for all the support girls, and guys, you're all amazing! <3

I will add one thing only. It's something that I've learned over the years. Sometimes we see ourselves differently than others do. My husband's business partners wives have each had weight loss surgery and in my opinion they didn't have 75lbs or more to lose (which is a requirement from our insurance). So I was a bit bemused. Turns out they did!
I only have two mirrors in my house so I don't see what I look like from the neck down and for the most part I find myself a pretty curvaceous woman. But then I'll see my reflection in a shop window or something and reality will get me I see myself different than others.
When people ask me how much I weigh (as a curious thing) I tell them and they are shocked. To them I don't look THAT heavy. So just a suggestion when you're getting low and you think people are looking at you because you "big" they may not see you as you see yourself.
I wish you all the best on your journey. It's hard and sometimes we do get down when we stall or we see others losing it faster than us (remember I'm reminded of the other wives loss daily) we just have to remember how far we've come and that we are definitely worth it.
Be strong and healthy

I think you're onto something there. My husband has always insisted that a woman who wears sexy clothes with confidence---regardless of her size---is going to be perceived as sexier than someone who tries to cover themselves with [in my husband's words] "tent-like clothing." I do not have that kind of confidence, but over the years, I have realized that clothes that fit me look so much better on me than clothes that I might use to "cover" myself (as if that's really possible).

I do agree with all you guys are saying.

My fiance (though I do get insecure that he stares at other girls) will ALWAYS look. It's human nature. But he tells me when I wear black, (because I seem to think its slimming) that I look sloppy. He says I look radiant in color and in sexy clothing.

He's right. I will work on my self confidence and everything else will follow.

@mamakat me too I get that alot. No one ever believes that I weigh 193. Even at 220 no one believed me. I know I wear them well, (my weight is in my butt and boobs) because I always had a flat stomach.

Here are 2 pics that were taken recently....

Just so you guys know what I am talking about

Wow you have a shape to envy! My husband would be looking at you!

Thanks for starting this post ... the replies have been quite inspirational ...

Kaplods .... wow .... you certainly take the time and care to answer posts so eloquently and thoughtfully ...

Good to hear you have more confidence ...

Take care

You're gorgeous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The past is the past. What matters is the fact that you're doing something about it in the present!