I've thought about it... those cues really make a difference when you're playing. I know they do I had my own for a while, house cues suck. Anyone who plays semi-serious would never touch a house cue. Selling them now would bring in money sure... but keeping them makes it trickle in when we need it.

I'm still thinking about the relationship aspect... I think fairly I need to give him the full 3 months I said I was. After that though I make no promises. I feel kind of bad because you know his daughter will leave when he does and it's not her fault. I almost snapped at her last night... she called and wanted to be picked up because she missed her bus (she was at a mall). I couldn't drop what I was doing so I told her I could pick her up after (I was in the area). She said "No, I'll call dad...", so she calls him for a ride and he told her to suck it up and wait for the next bus. Good for him, she's getting really spoiled. She pouted all night.

Dont have a lot of time to post...I posted the other day so long...I was a mess...bawling and everything...I deleted it yesterday cause I hate posting stuff when I dont got myself together. I am the person that EVERYONE thinks and expects tp have it together if they only knew.

Ok so something happened which I cant go into but it let me see what being happy is and how unhappy i have been. My dh told me I am doing poorly because I am unhappy in myself. Well theres ALOT to that.. I do lack self confidence in myself. I feel my weight is a big part of that. I feel very unatractive so theres no point in doing much because I feel so horrid about myself. Well this last week I realized I need to NOT allow how I feel about myself to be affected by anyone..not even my husband. Hes not a compassionate person and doesnt show an over amount of affection and I let that affect me and how I felt about myself. I realized...its up to ME only to decided how I feel about myself. Like I want to put my makeup on, I want to smile, I want to get up, I want to be out doing stuff...I am getting more done around the house... I HAVE to do what I need to for ME and be confident in myself!! Its easy to do that when you have someone who sees that in you and makes you feel attractive but when you don't have that it is HARD...

SOOO ladies lets look at ourselves and feel confident in ourselves...our confidence will attract others...You have to be happy with yourself or you wont be able to be happy with life period!! (believe me I learned the hard way!)

hope you all have a great hump day!!

momof4, that is so true!! how can we feel we are deserving of good things, when we are so hard and critical of ourselves? even when I'm working out, I'm feeling my arm fat and feeling disgusted, instead of feeling good that I'm trying.

I have had three days on program though, because I weighed and I am up 6 POUNDS from where I thought. That is being my motivator.

Aunty Jam, how are you doing? and more big to eveyrone else.

I was out of bed at 7:10 today, just because it's lighter out. I have been getting up at 7:30 or even as late at 8:00!!! in the summer, I am easily up at 5:00 am. what a difference.

holly- maybe thats why i have been not able to sleep in. I have had some stuff going on in my life I cant explain it but I have NO desire to shove food in my face. Like at the store i passed cookies that I would normally scoop up and i like mumbled I dont eat them...in my head I was like what?? lol I dont know if i am making sense. I have had hunger pains but not hungry....its so weird... I have ate very little since sunday and lost 10lbs since then. I know its not healthy to not eat but its not an on purpose thing. Before I would TRYYYYY hard to not eat but it was like my brain over took me haha..i dont know...I need to get my schedule together and get to the gym!

In the middle of my mess I found happiness and it has CHANGED me! Change is sometimes scary but I cant let fear hold me back. I had only two of the kids today and decided it would be a good day to go check out the gym. I almost cried half way through the tour. IT was completely scary. Cause you go where ALL these fit people are working their butts off and like you can see the smoking coming from the machines and as you walk through they are like just looking at you...THEN the weight room with all the guys...AHHHH horrible...so then she said there is a womans room upstairs if you want to look at it. I was like umm please....ahhh there was only 2 woman in the one room and 1 in the other room...here it was the 2 womans first day....I had to calm down because I was fighting tears it was sooo scary.

BUT I loved it!!!! Plus since they have child care it was wonderful!!! So I guess its really time for change. I have one week free and if I still love it I will get a year membership! Its hard to spend the money on but I need to change my life!! Plus the down time without kids is awesome!! cause with homeschooling its 24/7 with kids!

Ok just thought I would share how its went!!

I'm so happy for you! Going to the gym is a huge change, and hopefully just the change you need

I started on Zoloft again, after not having it since about mid-november. I figured since I'm starting school on Monday (in 48 hours- eep!), it'd be good for me - but boy is it not. I've only been taking 25mg for the past three days, and I've barely slept a wink since I started. Just a couple of hours of light sleep here and there. It's awful, I'm so jumpy and feel like crap I don't really feel like I need the sleep, but as someone who normal needs a full 9 hours, I know my brain is lying to me. I'm still acting (reacting?) like I haven't had any sleep, just without the actual tiredness.

Should I wait it out for a few weeks and hope it gets better, or stop before I've really begun, and go have a talk with my doctor? I didn't get this way when i first started the zoloft, but I remember not being able to sleep at all when I stopped taking it.

Bleh - why can't things just be easy for once

I must scare people off...everytime I am having low points and post NO ONE else posts...its kinda weird....like 2 people in almost a week?

Mom, that's not it at all. As usual I've been reading but just too tired to post. I read the post you deleted and I really felt for you. I apologize for not responding. I should have. Lot's of times I read to catch up and go straight to bed. You all stay on my mind though.

Mom, have you been going to the gym to try it out? How do you like it? I think that would be so great for you and give you some 'me' time without the kids. I have to get back to working out myself. I felt so much better depression wise when I did and of course physically. I'm at my largest weight again and on the verge of tears all the time. It's so stupid.

Vermont, Aunty Jam, Buddly, how are things with you all?

I did my taxes tonight and went grocery shopping today. What an exciting day off, right? I bought a new pair of jeans last night. Wanna know why?...Because I literally don't own one pair of jeans or dress pants that I can button. Everyday that I go to work my pants are unbuttoned and partially unzipped. It's pathetic. They used to be loose.

awww hope I know how you feel I have been on the edge of tears a lot and at my highest weight. I love the gym..hard and have to push thru but mentally i am wanting this...I hope i make it thru the weak times!!! I feel slightly addicted to it though. I have the addicting trait and it was to food and i think now it switched! i hope things go better for you!!

Mom, that's great about the gym! You're doing something that's good for you and they've proven that exercise helps with depression.

I haven't been around at all. We had some layoffs at my company, not me, but my close friend/work husband... I miss having him to talk to and it really makes me sad that he's not there to talk to... I've been trying to stay op, but too much stress and drama.

Then, this morning, I got an email that someone responded to a really old thread that I was subscribed to... It totally got me and I came right back!

I hope everyone has a good day!

Hi, everyone. Hope I'm not interrupting the conversation! I was not sure where I should introduce myself.

A little about me...
I'm a college student in a stressful program, newly married, and I'm on these forums since I think I may be depressed. I have tried counseling at my college some, but not much, because it seems geared toward "what's wrong." Looking for a trigger of why I feel bad all the time. Thing is, I feel kind of down and bad about myself, even though I have a wonderful life and have had a very good childhood. Not perfect of course, but not traumatizing either. I feel like I was born this way because my family has always tried to combat this horrible sense of self-worth I have had since I was little. I tend to have low self esteem, poor energy level, and a pessimistic view of life. I've always struggled socially but have had some success combating this issue. I have difficulty not feeling judged, even if people really aren't judging me. I'm always worried about what others' opinion of me is. I know that life can be better than that. I have not been diagnosed with anything, so I almost feel that maybe I should not post on these forums, but oh well!

Anyway, just thought this place might be a good place to get some support/perspective and hear from people who go through similar things.

Momof4, thanks and I'm glad you are enjoying the gym.

Beth, welcome back. We had some layoffs too. It was scary and sad. Sorry your friend lost his job. Work friends make the day beareable.

Laueliz, nice to meet you. I've battled the same all of my life, being down for no reason. There is nothing to point to. Sure there is sometimes but it is always there, even when things are good. The only thing that has ever helped me is medication and working out faithfully. Unfortunately I can't seem to get myself to be consistent with workouts. This is a great place for support.

did i mention the gym is AMAZING!!! Love it...hope everyone is doing ok!! Do something for yourself because you are WORTH IT!!!

momof4, I'm sorry I haven't been here much, sometimes it just happens that way but I am SO glad to hear that you are loving the gym! you'll become a gym rat

Mom, you remind me that I REALLY need to work out for more reasons than I have no pants that fit me. I really need the endorphin rush.

Vermont, glad you stopped in. How are things for you? Spring is on the way so that usually helps you out depression wise. For me it only means the dread of sweating myself to death since I can't dress appropriately.

I've mentioned that I have been budgeting and doing well but I'm torn since as I mentioned, I have no pants that will button. I did buy one pair of jeans but I really need some dress pants for work. I show up everyday with my pants unbuttoned and some partially unzipped. Of course nobody call tell since I always have a long shirt or sweater over them. No danger for me of tucking in a shirt. I can't believe how much money I must have been blowing in the past. Everyday I pass up something I would have just mindlessly purchased before. It could be for a $1 or $20 or more. If I ever hope to get out of debt and get rid of my part time job I need to stick to it. Of course, I still need pants...