Please do not be ashamed. You are ***not a bad person*** for doing this. Poor thing. (What was your fear? That you would be lectured -- basically, yelled at -- on these boards? I really really hope this is a place where no one would do this to someone who was brave enough to tell us that she is struggling.)

Can I ask you about the Slimfast shakes? How, exactly, are you using them & how do they fit into your routine? Are they a meal replacement or a supplement? And how often do you drink them? You've mentioned them twice & they seem like part of your plan.

It's great that you are making this resolution to stop & planning your day. Can you come back & report to us, and please, please, please don't hide away if the day doesn't go as planned? It's okay, really. My struggle with bingeing began with constant failures.

I am concerned, though, that "one day without bingeing" is not going to solve this issue, particularly after hearing you go into detail about some of your recent behaviors. I really want to recommend that you join a group that talks about eating disorders --- maybe spend some time at SomethingFishy in addition to 3FC -- & that you look into getting some counseling. Just find out what local resource you'd go to, if you needed to. Can you tell me where you get your med coverage & whether it would help you with this?

These are very hard issues to solve with "willpower dust."

please don't be ashamed to post...i think (and i'm sure others do) that you showed a lot of courage in posting your real struggle. admitting it shows that you really want to change, and that you need help. as others have said, locate a counselor in your area that deals with eating disorders. whether you're on the road to one or already have one, it will help.
i hope you keep us updated. this is the space to express yourself and find support. i wish you the very best, and remember that you can conquer this! you will
much love to you

I'm glad you opened up. So many people have eating disorders and suffer in silence.

For me, I am addicted to bingeing mostly. For some reason the feeling of fullness in my stomach triggers it & I eat as much as I possibly can. Sometimes, I ate so much I was afraid I perforated my stomach. And to purge I would exercise for hours a day. People told me I looked great, but all I did was eat and exercise all day. My brain was fried and I couldn't think. It was horrible, but hey I was thin. That's all that matters, right? (We know that's not true).

And I had so much shame. Admitting you have an issue (maybe not full blown ED yet) will lessen the shame.

The reality I have to face is I can't be healthy, thin and fit & still be addicted to starving,bingeing and purging. I gave them up. But I won't lie to you. I still struggle with this issue every day, but my life is so much better now that I got help.

Keep posting & I think you'll discover you have many kindred spirits here.

Smart and capable people get eating disorders too.

Are you totally restricting yourself to just healthy food? Do you allow yourself to have a treat during the day? I have found that if I go all or nothing...I want the "bad" stuff so bad that I want to binge. So I usually allow myself to have something every day (cookie, doughnut, etc...whatever I want....I just make sure it fits into my daily allowance intake). I have heard that some people cannot do this because it makes them binge....with me it's the opposite, it helps me to not binge. I strongly agree with the others....please seek some kind of help. I am a nurse and I used to work at a ranch for girls and you do not want to start this nasty cycle and oh...all the things it can do to your body, some cannot be reversed. Please keep us updated. You have a strong community of people here for support.....please please please do not give up on yourself, you can quit this before it gets out of hand and you really can find something that works for you besides doing this!!! I am keeping you in my prayers!
Maybe if you think about your son....this can encourage you to go back to the healthy way of doing things, whatever you can think of that can be your inspiration!?

1) I just use the slimfast shakes as sort of a meal replacement. I don't drink the 2 a day that they encourage you to, just one for breakfast or dinner. It's a nice, neat, easily controlled meal with that lovely set of calories. And it fills me up.

2) I actually do allow myself treats throughout the day. Most of the people around me disagree with this...they will see me eating a pudding cup or a blow pop and scold me for going "off" my diet...but it has actually helped me stay on track (as much as I have...lately is not much, but it would be worse if I didn't have a treat every day).

3) I did it again last night. It was the first time this week. I binged...and told myself that I would just have to deal with the consequences and that I wouldn't throw up, but I did anyway. I don't know what to do anymore...

And I meant to say thank you everyone for your support and advice. I am considering seeking counseling. Not just for this issue, but for a lot of reasons.

Hi there I am reading this and would like to commend you on your bravery for posting all of the above.

It is, without any doubt, time to find a prof who can help you.

best best wishes
k

Hello,

I have suffered with an one type of eating disorder or another for many years. I have touched on them all, but bulimia was a biggy for me. I was in a hospital for some time and have also been in therapy. I want to help you or at least talk with you. If you would private email me your phone number or with your permission, I will email you mine. I am not a therapsit or anything like that. I just know what has helped me get over or at least cope with this enemy. Sometimes, talking with someone who has suffered through it helps!
I'd be happy to talk with you.

Gwen