I don't always take them literally.

The phrase has a couple meanings.

Sometimes, it's a plaintive existential cry to the heavens. "I'm so fat" = "I'm so dissatisfied with myself, with my life at the moment, I can't believe stuck I'm in this place & in this body."

Sometimes, it's a way of showing vulnerability to someone else. Like Rachel said, it's a bonding thing, meant to disarm the listener. "I'm so fat" = "I'm a likeable person, who doesn't think she's perfect, who's not a threat to you and isn't into the whole female competition thing, so please, please be my friend, or at least, share yourself & your human imperfections with me, the way I am sharing with you." (Whew!)

Sometimes, it's a shorthand for expressing deep doubt of oneself. That's the "fishing" thing. "I'm so fat" = "I feel inadequate, I'll never live up to my standards for myself. But maybe I'm still going to be all right & maybe that's okay ... at least, I hope it's okay ... Please give me a less biased opinion of my worth as a human being. Please tell me it doesn't entirely rest on the girth of my hips & my thighs."

Yeah, sometimes it's really literal, and it's about weight, but I really think "weight" & "fat" are often metaphors for women, and it's about more than the weight & fat.

But people aren't always that eloquent when they're unhappy, and they grab onto their weight & their fat & that stock phrase as an easy shorthand for expressing something much more complex.

This conversation was going on behind me the other day (in my office). The folks in question are not what I would call fat.

"Omg.. I'm so fat."

"OMG I knooooow.. I totally indulged over the holidays"

"Ugh.. can you see how fat I am?"

I finally whipped around and said nice and loud "you wanna see fat?! Let me show you my back fat... THAT is what fat looks like."

They were so embarassed, they shut up and moved on.

Has anyone seen the movie "Clueless", I'm sure you all have! This so reminds me of them talking like that. And yeah, it is annoying, especially when it comes from someone who just doesn't realize how much an overweight person wishes they looked like them.

And LOL KicknKnit! That sounds like something I'd have done.

One of my best friends in high school was like that. She was short and thin.

But I think the biggest reason she felt that way was because her mother used to make fun of her saying she was fat etc.
Her mother was someone thin like a toothpick, but my friend was a healthy pear shape. It's a sad thing. I used to get mad at her for saying it, but I understand now more why.

Thank you for this rant.

yay not alone! If i think the person can take it i'll usually ply them with a snarky "Yeah, if i was as fat as you are i'd effing kill myself!" or if not I'll respond with "lets talk more when you have to borrow my clothes."

do NOT complain to the truly fat person that you are fat. I have once said "wow, i can't imagine what you think of me then!" and that was just too awkward....

I agree it's more about being happy with yourself then anything else, and I'm sure that most of the people who make comments like that also don't really realize who they're talking to.

i totally agree it irratats me because its like if you look hideous at 180lb then what are you really saying about me who weighs twice your weight..

Yes, this has happened to me too.

[friend] OMG I'm so fat *pinces an eighth of an inch of muscle with a tiny bit of fat on top from waistline*
[salsa] euh...beat ya *pinches a three-inch wodge of fat from waistline*
[friend] oh but you're not fat!
[salsa] ....

How does that logic work?!

Ya,I agree.I've always had self-image problems because of my weight, and I've always been jealous of skinny people.When I hear a fit person complain about being fat, it just annoys and upsets me because I know they're not fat, and it just reminds me of how fat I am, and I get depressed.

5' 8", 150 lb. co-worker: "OMG, I'm so fat!!!"

5' 8", 360 lb. me: "..."

5' 8", 150 lb. co-worker: "Oh, but it works on you and you look great for your size, I actually used to be skinny!"

* * *

Um, yeah.

Wow.. that is a backhanded compliment if I ever heard one.

i think a lot of the time its girls fishing for compliments, because of self image problems.
lets face it, how often do girls compliment each other on their looks?
A lot of girls need the positive encouragement to feel good about their bodies, because society is pressing on us that you have to look a certain way, and if you dont then you dont live up.

So you get skinny girls with imperfections, who have nobody reminding them that their bodies are fine. But its something that they need to hear. And if no one will say it, they will force it out of people. Because the "im so fat"
"no! you are so skinny you have such a great body!" might be the thing that gets them through that day because they finally get to hear some positive encouragement about their bodies.
This is how i am anyway. My friends dont understand the body image issues that i have. And because they look at me and see maybe not thin, but definitly a healthy weight, they dont feel the need to ever encourage me about my body. Im never told that my body is fine, or that im doing good with my weight loss, because no one else feels like it needs to be said. why say the obvious? but i need it to be said, for my own self esteem.

there are lots of other reasons why girls complain about their weight, but this is the one that i relate to, and i think its the case for a lot of girls, even if they dont realize it.

Salsa and Sirenity - That's hilarious! You should have comforted them by telling them there's surgery for removing feet from mouths.

It has always annoyed me when skinny or normal weight people go on and on and on about how “fat” they are. I remember in high school there was this one girl who was perfectly normal…yet every day at the lunch table, the conversation would be centered around how much she was or wasn’t eating that day and how many gazillion miles she planned to run that night to get rid of her “huge, gross, disgusting, flabby thighs”. At first, I was with the rest of my friends disagreeing with everything she said and reassuring her that she looked great, etc, etc. But think I really started thinking….if she really thinks she’s fat and she really struggles and dislikes her body…am I doing her any favors by disagreeing with her? So I chose to stay silent, even if it was just the two of us talking.

I’m honestly kind of miffed at all the people in MY life who told me I wasn’t fat when clearly I was. And even if I wasn’t, I was unhappy with my body. No one ever came up and just said, “You really could stand to lose some weight.” I can’t say how I would have reacted had they said those words, but I think it might have been some motivation…

Ok. confession time.. I used to be "skinny".. and it was easy.. I ate all kinds of crap and although I was never healthy, I always looked thin.. and I hated my body... I knew that I could use it to get attention though.. but I still fought to get rid of my "belly fat" (omg.. it was like normal 20 year old tummy.. kinda fleshy but not fat) and that I thought my nose was too big and my legs too thin.. and arms too scrawny.. even though I had no problem getting attention, I always found flaws..

Now that I'm overweight (and granted not by alot) I miss that flat belly.. but I've finally figured out that it doens't matter what body I'm currently wearing, I need to love myself...

I feel fortunate to have coworkers (I will not call them friends, cuz they ain't) who are such busy bodies that they notice.. and they say things like "are you losing weight?! you look good!" I feel blessed for that.

We also have a living inspriation working here... she lost over 150lbs... and she money is tight for her so her clothes were not fitting well.. she was hesitant to buy new ones so her clothes would fit her for a few months and they they would start to sag...

The office pitched in and raised over $750 for her to go clothes shopping with.. talk about positive feedback. It was a thank you card for being such an inspiration to us all.