The Geneen Roth book was very good. I hope you get as much out it as I did. Read your last entry in you diary. Hope everything works out for you and you make the right decisions for you and your loved ones. Both about 'C' and your state of residence. Also enjoy your vacation!

Following the plan. Dinner last night was grilled salmon, squash, greenbeans, mashed potatoes. Later on I had a dish of banana pudding (SF) with banannas.

The squash plants in my garden are REALLY producing but the tomatoes haven't even begun to ripen. I was having a 'bug' problem with the tomatoes and, in an effort to remain chemical free, each tomato now rests inside it's own little stocking. It is really funny looking but seems to have stopped the little varments from feasting on my tomatoes before I could! Hey, whatever works.....



Still enjoying the shakes.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day and a great weekend!

Did pretty good yesterday. During the day is so much easier than at night. I did eat too much dinner last night. I had 2 healthy choice hot dogs and a salad when one hot dog should have been plenty. Also had a bowl of jello with FF Cool Whip later in the evening. I guess in retrospect I ate a good bit more yesterday than I have been. I also had a small (80 calories) blueberry bagel with a little ff cream cheese for each of my snacks 2 daily snacks....I also had 3 small plums.

Well, I guess it could have been worse and I am NOT going to beat myself up for slipping anymore. I am trying to apply Geneen Roths theories in my life. I have spent way too much time and energy beating myself up over my diet.

Why do I have so much trouble at night? It isn't from hunger. I have been very aware of whether or not I was hungry when I wanted to eat and that is not it....I don't know but I need to really try to find out what it is.

Had the shakes yesterday for breakfast and lunch with no problem. Dinner was a serving of fried rice. The homemade low fat kind with the peas and carrots and some boneless, skinless chicken breast cubed into it. Was quite enough to fill me up. Then a bowl of jello (about a cup made with 1 box of orange jello with sugar and 2 boxes sugarfree mixed together. Makes a one cup serving come to about 50-60 calories. Not sure how many calories a dollop of ff cool whip has.) Wait, I am not finished yet. More mindless grazing happened. A good handfull of Baked, 3.5 grams of fat, Doritos. . . And then a cup of cheerios with skim milk. . . . Why do I do this? I really wasn't hungry but I just kept on eating. I really need to find another way to give myself my own attention other than shoving in another mouthful.

This morning I am having a large cup of coffee with a little skim milk and sweetend with DaVincci SF Vanilla syrup. Very satisfying and many less calories than the refrigerated French Vanilla Creamers. DaVincci's is SOOO expensive though! Oh, almost forgot to add that I am having the Toasted Oats and Spice slim fast meal option. It is very good with the coffee and I am eating is very slowly and savoring every bite.

Audri, if you happen by and read this. I miss all the old gang. Where did everyone go? Read your last entry and I and sending supportive thoughts your way. Hope your decision about C is the best one for all of you. It IS nice to have adult companionship and an errand partner to share.

Going to my sisters today for my BIL's birthday. Bringing home lots of home grown veggies, I hope!

TTFN

Hi Karefree...I have no idea what is going to happen w/ me and Chris. He is just waiting for me to say come home but I just don't want life to go back to me doing everything, him being a kid. I want a partner.

As for mindless eatting. I do it too. I wish I could stop. The last 2 days have been better but not yet to perfection. I know I am not hungry yet I munch. Mine is lonelyness. Chris used to keep me in junk food so I knew where the calories came from, but now it is just something to do as I wait for bed. Pathetic. Not that I don't have a million things to do, just none of them appeal to me. Gotta get out of this rut. The other thing I tend to do is eat once the kids go to bed. I get so tired of having to share my meals with everyone. So I can savor it when everyone is gone. But I don't ususally- I gulp it down as if I was going to get caught. So how do we stop this???? ~audri

mindless eating is contagious... I do it too and then after writing down everything I ate......I think to myself, " did I really eat all that???" I mean I am not hungry physically but I want food! I want something to chew on.. Nights are bad for me too.. while everyone else sits around eating huge bowls of fudge ripple I am growling and complaining to myself that I want food! And if I head into the kitchen to get a snack- someone is bound to make a smart remark Like "I knew you were't going to eat right today" That stops me fast!!!
Today was bad- Kids in Sunday School had waffle sundaes w/ chocolate and ice cream and all kinds of not good for us toppings.. I was so tempted, but grabbed a big glass of water.. It was so hard serving all those goodies and not making one for me...
I am gulping large glasses of water and seltzer type soda- the kind with no sugar/salt/etc. I am going thru withdrawls from pepsi and colas, I had a 6 can a day habit.. haven't had a soda in 7 days) drinking water is not as satisfying as eating but It seems to help ( a little).. I sympathize with you all cause I am really fighting urges to just eat everything in site today- I even cut the grass instead of hubby so I could get out of the kitchen. Keep up the slimfast.. it can work!

I recognized a feeling. It wasn't upset or mad. It wasn't happy or sad. 3 times in a little over 24 hours I felt the same way that I have felt many, many times before in my life and I finally understood exactly what it was I 'felt'. I sometimes feel that I am not heard. No matter how many times I say something, how many different ways I say it , what tone of voice I use; my immediate family does not hear me a lot of the time.

I actually try to verbalize and communicate and some of my family members don't think that is necessary. Why should they listen to what I think when they believe they know my feelings so much better than I do? Is it sad that I am happy at this realization? I would elaborate but I just poured the whole sordid tale out over at the fish forum. (I am a little scared to contribute over there. Not my own topics but to others. I have been contributing but I am really aware that I could say something wrong and really hurt someone out of my own ignorance.) Anyway, after that I am a little drained on the subject. But I do feel great . I feel like I had a revelation!

Flower, I totally understand your wanting Chris to be an equal partner. Wouldn't it be nice to sit down and have a conversation and actually reach a joint decision? Or, sometimes I think, have someone else who you know will reach the best decision they can after considering all the pros and cons and handle situation all by themselves. Of course, trust would play a big part in that scenerio.

As for the mindless eating, I don't know but I am really looking into the "why" right now and, to tell you the truth, I don't ever remember doing that with any diligence before. It is a little like one of Oprah's lightbulb moments and it feels good.

Sandisuze, do you like jello? If you don't then this won't help at all but if you do then it might help you not feel deprived. I mix jello regular 1 part to 2 parts SF jello. It then makes 6 one cup servings of about 60 calories. I actually do enjoy it . Especially with a little ff cool whip. It might not completely satisfy you as others eat their double chocolate fudge ripple but it might be better than a glass of water. While I applaud you for getting in all that water (I need to do better on that) I personally have to try very hard not to feel deprived because when I do....well, I can get into an extended reign of totally uncontrolled mindless eating. I am talking candy bars, cookies, cakes and any sweet, sticky sugary substance that I can get my hands on. There would not be a choclate bar safe for a 5 mile distance. While I do so wish I could stop the servings of cereal and milk and the low fat chips and fruit I also recognize that my food choices could be much, much worse and have been. From your post you sound like you are doing great! Exchanging physical exercise for snacking is REALLY a healthy exchange.

I haven't had breakfast yet today and actually haven't slept any either. I had so much on my mind that sleep was impossible. I do at least feel like I have reached a little understanding and that is a good thing. I actually told hubby about my exact feelings and gave example of recent events and as I finished saying I did not feel "heard" he said, "I am going to cut off this light before I leave." I actually threw up my hands as he walked off. He did say before he walked out the door that he understood and he was sorry BUT, don't get too excited. I have THOUGHT he heard me before and later found out that he had not recollection whatsoever of the conversation.

Hope everyone follows the program of their chocie and feels some amount of happiness and contentment within themselves no matter the size.

Have a GREAT DAY!

Hi Karefree2
Thank you for the Jello mention -as my 4 year old says, " I always have room for jello" I bought some of the SF kind in the little containers and at 10 calories each they are a good snack. Kills the sweet tooth for a while anyway. I' m not big on sweet but I crave breads and pastas. and yes I do feel deprived and no chocolate bars are safe from me but I am controling myself- maybe because I hear so much, " you can't do this again, you'll never lose any weight" Ha!!!! It is almost like a dare for me and I am known for being stubborn.

I think I understand about the not being heard - I get alot of "yeah, okay, ummmhuh, whatever" I have actually turned off the tv and stood in front of it and said I am not moving untill everyone hears me and undestands me. In the class I am taking we are taught to write and speak to others at a fourth grade level. . we also had to read Men are from mars ,women are from venus- it taught me alot on how to communicate.
I am also looking into the mindless eating reasons - I know there has to be a reason for it.. I have been told so many things like: it's because you are a carb addict, you are lazy, you eat because you are bored, and so on.. But I think it may be because it's easier to do that then to follow a plan- it's easier to grab a handful of chips then to measure a cup of jello. It's hard work to Diet- ( we could make billions if we could find a way to make it easy )
I know this forum has helped me so much. You are so right that everyone has to feel good about themselves no matter what size. Maybe I am trying so hard because it's not about wearing a size 8 again but about health-
Thank you for all your support and kindness!

I had one when I woke up and I have kept it all day long. Didn't eat any breakfast. I know I should have but I really didn't feel well and I didn't think I would keep it. Lunch was a veggie burger without the mayo from BK. It was good if you like veggie burgers and I do. Dinner is going to be a bowl of soup and some chips. My old standby jello or some cantalope for later.

Sanisuze, I agree the jello does help. I think it is a treat with the cool whip.

Computer has been down and son is going to have to a lot of re-installing so this will be short.

Have a good evening!

Had a shake for breakfast this morning. I have a couple of cantalopes and a honey dew to slice and cube for the refrigerator. The cantaloupes have been delicious this year. Haven't tried a honeydew yet. I hope they are as good. Some years they are a disappointment! Having left over eggplant parmesan for dinner today and perhaps a baked potato.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.

Just finished a bowl of melon. The honeydew and the cantaloupe are delicious this year. Would be even better with a few blueberries thrown in but have you seen the prices of those!?!

I need to go visit the SF site and see if I can find any inspiring recipes. I am getting bored with my dinner fare.

Hope everyone had a great weekend and an even better week to come.

LOL! I guess it is time for a run to Wal-Mart. I have a 12 pack of the french vanilla left and that is it!

Had one of those for breakfast this am. Lots to do today. Taking my son to the dentist and a shipping trip also.

Where is everyone?

Finally found some of the soy forumla orange that I have heard mentioned. I got some of it, some of the cappuchino and some of the milk chocolate. Also got a package of the chocolate/penaut butter breakfast/lunch bars. They aren't as large as the regular sized meal bars but they are very good tasting. They have 150 calories so you can also have a glass of milk which does help fill you up. I had a cup of coffee this am with the vanilla syrup and skim milk with mine. Will probably try the soy forumla orange )is it pineapple too) for lunch. Looking forward to a salad with a little ham and ff cheddar for dinner tonight.

I REALLY need to get on a exercise program!

And again, CONGRATUKATIONS Kina!

I am not yet convinced that it isn't just another weight loss pipe dream but it is calling my name....Much like the Hersheys chocolate, the marshmellows and the graham crackers in my cabinet. I would so like to believe that by listening to tapes for 30 minutes everyday I can re-program my thoughts to want to exercise and eat healthy.

I am still slimfasting and you can use these tapes with any program but they include a diet plan that, from what I can tell, is food combining or my idea of it anyway. You have to have protein (low fat) with your carbs and you can have meals every 2-3 hours apart for about 5 meals a day. Some of the people on their forum seem to be having great successes with it. One person has lost 21 pounds and a lot more , while losing less weight, have noticed a difference in their thought processes. I am very tempted to give it a try.

Perhaps if I write my feelings in it I can understand just how crazy I am and identity my lunacy. I KNOW I am nuts but just don't know the specific brand....

I had 2 large cups of coffee (about 24 ozs total) and a SlimFast Toasted Oats and Spice bar for breakfast. Very tasty.

Still considering the Smart Technique....

Trying to gather up the frayed ends of my nerves to keep them from blowing in the breeze. I am afraid I am fighting a lossing battle in that area.

The weekend is here. Hope everyone has a good one.

My journal helps me alot. I am not sure if anyone else gets anything out of it, but I think it is nice to even pretend someone is listening!

I am having a wonderful salad. It is baby spinach, yellow pear tomatos, a cucumber, nonfat croutons a sprinkleing of soy parmesan and a cut up spicy boca chicken patty. And low fat buttermilk ranch. It is as good as any fried chicken salad at a restaurant. And washing it down with a v-8 splash.

I am trying to get modivated to clean this house. I am going to sell it. I just wish C was down here already. ~audri