I'd love someone to let my goddess out!

Well written. That is part of why I want to keep losing this time. I want to feel that good again. Getting there!!

I can honestly say, that even at my highest weight, I still felt attractive...but sexy...not so much. There was nothing sexy about my rolls, or those inner thighs. Sure, I looked all pretty and stuff, when I was in clothing, perhaps even sexy...but when the clothes came off, sexy was nothing more than a delusion.

These days, day by day, I'm bringing sexy back. I so deserve it!

Hmmm... I had a lot of good sex at almost 400 lbs... but now that I am losing and have more confidence I FEEL sexy as all ****. I know I look hot with my hourglass figure and big boobs I'm getting compliments, stares, being flirted with. My husband is drooling more these days and I FEEL more confident.

More confident that I won't hurt hubby if I sit on his lap, or have sex with me on top, or straddle him just because I want to be close to him. Those things are HUGE for me.

I also am buying lots of nice, cute and sexy clothes because I feel like I WANT to show off my changing body! I may not be thin but **** I'm 120 pounds small than I WAS so LOOK AT ME dammit!

Can I say I am so jealous........of the sex!
YGG!

I've avoided posting in this thread, because this tends to be a sore subject for me. But this morning I had a crying jag that really brought it home, and I wanted to share it with you, who may understand better than anyone else.

I used to really enjoy sex. But since our daughter was born, and I got the hanging apron of fat, it's become more of a chore than a joy. I have a lot of hate-hate relationship with my body. I know I should love myself no matter what size, but making that "knowledge" move from head to heart has been pretty much impossible for me.

Plus, in the last year, when we HAVE had sex (usually once every couple of months), I end up getting inner leg cramps so bad that I am in tears. It started when I did some light jogging. So I fight against feelings of fatness, ugly, tiredness, time, and fear of pain... and it just doesn't seem worth it.

Then, my husband wants us to have another baby. I'm a little ambivalent... I wouldn't mind, but I don't want to go to great lengths (IVF) for it. It took us seven years to get pregnant the first time (I have PCOS, and am insulin resistant, and now pre-diabetic). I already feel like I'm at war with my body... having to do all that timing and doctors and medicine and poking and prodding again just makes me shrink and hide inside.

So this morning, he brought up the baby thing again... and I just lost it. All those mixed feelings about sex and attractiveness and my fear about full-blown diabetes, and my shock that my doctor suggested bariatric surgery, and the thought of another pregnancy when I already feel fat and ugly and don't want to be even more so.... I'm still leaking from the eyes as I type.

Thank god for my husband. He just held me and let me vent and cry... and we'll talk about it more later when I'm more composed.

He deserves a wife who enjoys his touch, and isn't so focused on her own demons that she can't give herself to him fully. And right now, I really struggle with being that wife.

So, no, I do not feel sexy. I feel like a huge whale of a poor excuse for a woman, a wife, and a mother. I feel like I'm at war with my body, not only my weight but my very hormones and sugars. And I hate that I feel this way.

I got the apron of fat

Talk to your doctor about the pain and find the love girlie. I am here if you want to talk. I am not always the best for advice but I can always listen.

Synger - I'm right there with you on the baby, it's always nice to know others can relate. Our first and only baby was first try, first month, no issues but I was a lot thinner. We've tried since and with my weight gain, IR as well, we've had two miscarriages (8 weeks and 12 weeks) My dh wants another one so bad, as do I, but our hearts can only take so much. We've decided to wait until I'm healthier to try again and who cares how far apart they are.

And I don't know if you get this one, but a lot of people keep telling me to not make my daughter an only child, cuz you know what they are like, etc, etc, they shouldn't be too far apart, blah, blah. I just might treat someone to a kick in the teeth one of these days.

I'm trying to look at the losses like it's just God's way of telling my I'm not ready and giving me a chance to get healthy first, cuz I know I would probably be another 50 lbs heavier if I went into another pregnancy a few months ago.

That may be what dh deserves but to get there you may just need time to figure yourself out, so that takes some time but there's all that time afterwards when you'll be the best version of you and then you'll have who both of you deserve.

I am! Definitely feeling more sexy and confident. When I started this journey, I knew immediately that 100 pound had to come off. I have lost 82 as of today. I still have more but the bulk of it is off and my sexuality is turned on full time again. lol. I am even making love in the moon light or even a little light. (Not completely ready for the daytime loving all the time) but I have been buying new lingerie all this week and last week. I am feeling and looking good and my husband is very grateful and supportive.

My whole adult life I've been a very sensual woman and I greatly enjoy sex and the intimacy it creates. However, feelings of being sexy have been far and few between. I know how much my guy finds me sexually attractive and he tells me daily how beautiful I am and how much he loves my body. I swear it's like the man doesn't have eyes!! I know what he says is true and I've worked hard at believing him, but I want to see and feel about me the way he does, and that will only happen when this weight of mine is at a normal number. I NEED my stomach to not hang before I can ever really feel sexy. And when that day comes.......ohhhhh baby....watch out!

As you should. It's nobody's right to tell you what you and your husband should do. I hate people like that!