I absolutely feel everything that you feel,especially the relationship part. I constantly get to see guys I am interested in go for much thinner girls and even though I keep hearing "it's his problem, you wouldn't want a guy like that anyway", it doesn't really help assuage the hurt.

I also want to be healthier and buy cute clothes in the store. To not plan all my purchases around how well they hide my weight. It's so frustrating sometimes, but I know that with the right mindset and proper encouragement I CAN DO IT.

Faerie- that was very inspirational, thanks!!!

No I don't go to college, unfortunately. I work at a grocery store in the general merchandise section. So I do A LOT of lifting heavy boxes, walking and bending and everything. So by the time I am done with work I am so tired that I don't want to exercise. I never have the energy to get out of bed in the morning, so working out before work right now is not an option. I can barely make myself go to work, let alone exercise.

Let's see, I love salads, but I am so picky about the salad dressing that the only ones that I really like are bad for me, I don't like ranch dressing on a salad, I love the sweet and spicy french dressing. Right now I am using the t. marzettis honey french, which isnt good for me, but i cant find anything else that i like. I like potatoes, green beans, peas, broccoli(if cooked and with cheese), carrots (raw), cauliflower(raw and cooked with cheese). I LOVE potatoes, pasta, rice. I love chicken and red meats. I don't like any types of fish. although i did buy some tilapia (sp) to try, not sure if i will like it or not. I don't like water, unless i have the sugar free packets in it, and i dont know if that is the right thing to do either.

You can use the dressing that you like. Just monitor how much you're using. Keep it in a small dish to the side of your salad and dip your veggies into it, you may end up using a little less than you think you need.

Drinking water with some sugar free packets is a lot better than not drinking water at all. It is the "right thing" if it is what you need to do in order to drink more water.

Other suggestions: Potatoes, YUM! Do you like sweet potatoes? They're very delicious. And a little more nutritious for you. Try one! Pasta & Rice. Try brown rice or whole grain pasta. Once again, yummy & a little more nutritious. Chicken is wonderful and red meat is fabulous in moderation. Don't force yourself to like fish overnight. Some people don't like seafood. It isn't going to make or break you.

Eat the veggies you do like right now. Worry about trying different ones later.

Remember, no need to change everything at once So take hold of what you can handle now.

Hey thanks so much for writing me. Sometimes I feel so alone, even though I know that I'm not. All you need sometimes is a good friend to help you through everything. I live with my sister who will be 22 on Monday, but we don't really connect. She is also overweight I think she is about 210 or so now. She says that she is going to do this with me, but she doesn't follow through with anything. She doesn't talk a whole lot either, I am a very big talker. I am VERY close to my mom, but I could never admit to her what I weigh, heck my sister doesnt even know my weight. This is the first time that I have been open and actually let someone else know my numbers. My mom is overweight and I know that she understands what I am going through, but for some reason I just can't be open about my feelings about it. I am a very private person. I know this is going to sound awful, but I really do hate myself for what I have let myself become. I really think that I need to go to a doctor and prolly be on depression meds, but I think that if I could just loose weight, I will be a little happier. I don't have a lot of friends because I push them away. I don't ever want to go do things because I'm embarrassed about the way I look. I have also never had a "relationship," I have had a couple guy friends, but I have never seriously dated anyone and I am now 24 almost 25. I really feel like a failure in life and I don't understand WHY?
Again I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sending me a message, it means the world.

Thanks I love the fact that my name is different as well!!!!

One day at a time, it's going to be hard, but I HAVE to do this.

It's not quite the same, but I had a roommate who made some changes with me when I first began. Ultimately I realized that she was not quite as serious as I was. We were in different mindsets, and that's fine. But I had to accept that if this was something that I truly wanted, that I was going to hold myself responsible. Regardless of what my roommate was doing.

Hey girl! I too am in my 20s and determined to get fit and healthy while I'm still young and have more energy to do it!

Were supposed to look the best we ever have while in our 20's right! AND WE WILL! I' m so proud of you for having the courage to do this NOW instead of 30 years down the road!

I've done every fad diet you can think of too! and ya knwo what?? they DONT WORK! diets dont work! healthy lifestlyes work! something you can do forever! because once your in maintence you will live this way forever! so pick something that you see yourself doing long term and not suffering through!

I am personally calorie counting! this is my fist attempt at it and I know this time I have chosen the right method because I CAN live this way forever! with calorie counting you can eat all the foods you love! just in more moderate healthy portions! I eat pancakes and eggs and bacon( egg beaters, turkey bacon, whole grain frozen pan cakes) almost every morning , a bacon cheese burger at least once a week and dessert every night! and they might not be the exact version I used to eat prior to calorie counting but it's still the foods I love and it makes me not have cravings!

Check out Thedailyplate.com or livestrong.com or even Sparkpeople.com all great websites that help you calorie count! at first glance I would assume you could eat anywhere from 1400-1800 and lose weight every week! I personally try to stay around 1400-1500 ish..

I also agree about small goals buying a scale is a great first move.. next move try to see if you can drink 8 glasses of water a day! or see if you can eat at least 4-5 servings of fruit a day.. take a 10 min walk and that would even include marching in place for 10 mins.. (thats what i do for my walks it's too cold outside) LOL

anyways we are all here if you need help! comign here and asking for help was a great first move too! it's onyl once you've admitted there a problem you can fix it!

I used to not tell peopel that I was dieting, I'd try to be secretive about it because I was ashamed at the fact I needed too! this time! I'm tellign every one! the whoel dang world needs to know I'm eating healthier- that why I cant hide it! blog about your journey, take progress pics each month showing your changes! make a weight loss ticker! these are all great motivating factors!

good luck sweety! you can do this! and YOU WILL DO THIS!

I am a TOPS member as well, it is a great support group!

Malissa,

It is great that you are working on these changes while you are young. I think that patience and perseverance are the main tools you need. I can identify with being a picky eater. From what you describe, it seems like we like the same kind of foods.

Calorie counting has been working for me. You can work in the types of food you like. Then once you get past the initial getting started stage, you can start looking at nutrition and learn to like new healthy foods.

You will be surprised at how much you can eat and still lose weight. It sounds like exercise is already built into your day because you have an active job, so I would not worry about exercise at first. Why don’t you start easy by eating about 2000 calories a day of food that you like? Be sure to keep a food log. Then maybe drop to 1800 calories later.

Remember, you are in the hardest stage. Keep with it and it will get easier! Just do what you need to do today. Don’t think about how long you will need to do this or how many pounds you want to lose. Just know that you can do what you need to do today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Think back to being in high school. Your freshman year did you think, “I have to be in high school 4 years, take 36 courses, hundreds of tests, hours of studying, ………..”? Probably not, it would have been overwhelming. Going to school was just your life. You just did it. Then about the time you hit your junior year, the end was in sight. Last your senior year, then you either really enjoyed it or could endure it because the end was almost there.

You are in your freshman year of weight loss. Don’t worry about graduation yet. Before you know it, the end will be in sight.

YOU CAN DO THIS!

Hi Malissa.....

The only inexpensive advice I can give you is purchase a cheap calorie counting book to carry with you at all times. Sometimes when you KNOW how many calories are in something, you may have a wiser choice of foods. Just count your calories. My doc said never to go below 1200 a day. For exercise start off slow. Just walk when you can at 10 minute intervals and gradually add more minutes.

Best of luck, we are all with you.

Welcome, Malissa!!!

You've had some great advice so far, but I'll add that you really DON'T need to do a fad diet to be successful. In fact, I might argue most of those are less successful.

Your ultimate goal isn't just to lose weight, but KEEP it off. So, you need to start finding things you can do for life. Baby steps WILL get you there, as long as you make a COMMITMENT to stick to it. You may find it easier over time if your tastes change, so as time goes on, keep trying new things to see what you like. You may start to like eating salads with less dressing, or even to like lower cal dressings over time...

And keep coming here!!!!

Welcome Malissa!

I have picked up tons of good advice at this site, lots of information to keep me going. Take care

Hi Malissa,

I understand how you feel. When I first started, I wasn't sure where exactly to start or which way to go and I was so disappointed in myself. But you're not alone. There are millions of people who are having similar problems. I woudl say start small with mini goals and work form there. I'm counting calories and it's been great. If you go to daily plate.com, they'll map everything out for you. They have the nutritonal value of most foods you find in a grocery store. You can even map out any exercise that you may do during the day. I think the main point to remember is that it's not a diet, it's a healthier lifestyle. Diets, don't work in the long run. They focus only on how to lose wieght, not how to get healthy and that's the goal. I also understand trying to do it on a budget. I started getting my produce and fruits at a farmer's market, they tend to be a little cheaper. In the end, once you start eating the right foods, your body responds. I remember before I started, I would have fast food for lunch and 30 minutes later my heart would be racing like I ran a mile and 30 minutes after that I would be so tired that I could barrely keep my eyes open. Now when I have a meal, I find myself more energetic 30 minutes afterwards, who knew,lol. You came to the perfect place for support and help and we're all here for you.

Thanks everyone for all of the wonderful support and advice. I have a lot of things now that I can start this new journey with. I am going to go to target and pick a new scale sometime this afternoon. Hopefully it is nice to me. Where do you get a calorie book. I was just going to use a notebook and my keep track of things on my phone during the day and at night log it into my notebook. Is there something else I should buy? Today is a great day so far. I feel so rejuvenated, and ready to get things going. Again thanks for showing interest and helping me along the way!!!!

Hey Malissa

Congratulations on taking these steps for your health! I would recommend buying a food scale and some pretty measuring cups and spoons. It's hard to "eyeball" portion sizes effectively and accidentally overeating high calorie (but healthy!) foods can really add up during a day. I changed my life in July 2004 - it has been 4.5 years but I STILL carefully measure some foods - dry cereal/granola, nuts/trail mix, cheese, pasta, rice, cooking oil, salad dressing, etc. that are hard for me to measure accurately with just my eyes.

Good luck!

Food scale -- I was going to say the exact same thing!