Jen, I am so glad you and your siblings are okay. That isn't the case in my own situation. The vast majority of them are chemical/alcohol dependent. All are obese.

Rhonda, that is just like me--I've ignored my inner self my whole life, and it has caused feelings of unworthiness, which would lead to binges. This is not something I started doing as an adult, but as a child. Instead of using alcohol, my big vice was eating huge quantities in secret.

This time, I am listening to my inner being. I have natural good instincts--I just need to tune my ears to that positive voice within.

i dont need to go back to nursing school just because you dont agree with me . like i said its calories in calories out, not in the right mindset, dont see my self as a priority etc are just excuses to eat thats all.

Well, maybe I should clarify....

While I was growing up, everyone was thin but me. Now, all of us have weight issues. Part of me thinks it is 'payback' for my siblings tormenting me through childhood .

One of my siblings (my twin) is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for 20 years now. Fortunately she didn't spend her whole adult life drunk.

Each of us has "issues", but nothing like the hellish nightmare we were raised in.

It's not that simple, nitenurse. If it were, we'd all be at a healthy weight.

As a healthcare professional, you of all people should know that a positive frame of mind goes a long way in the healing of a patient. Same thing with the disease of obesity.

If you are able to lose a large amount of weight and maintain that loss without digging into your head, then I'm very happy for you.

BTW, do you mind sharing how much you'd like to lose and where you are on your journey? And, what plan you are following? I'd love to watch your journey and see if you are more successful than I have been with not digging a little deeper. Maybe you will be the exception to what I've seen as the rule.

no i dont mind sharing at all, i quit smoking 2 years ago and gained about 20lbs but i needed to loose about 20 when i quit. of that 40 pounds i have a lost 20 so far and i have 20 more to go and its not coming off as quickly as i had hoped. im not on a plan per se such as weight watchers etc, im just trying to maintain my calories between 1500- 1700 a day and increase the exercise, ive been doing this for a week now so its still to early to see if it will work, if not ill try a more formal plan .

Same with me. It got to the point where I didn't have the confidence to do anything about it and I didn't think that it made any difference what I ate because (I thought) what is another pound when you're already so big? So it just kept spiralling.

I understand that completely! It's hard to lose the "I'll be fat just a little longer because it tastes good" mentality. The reasons why I am as big as I am are simple. I eat because it tastes good and because it makes me feel good. I am an emotional eater. I want that comfort, and that boost of feeling better, even if it only lasts a moment. I've also been lazy for many years. I've not exercised, not tried to.

However, as it's so often quoted "doing what you always do, will get you what you've always got. "

I'm glad I want something different now and am working to get it! Finding things that fill the void of food during an emotional time has been and will always be, key for me.

You're right that it boils down to a matter of calories, but when someone finds themselves in need of losing 140 pounds it's more than just eating too many Cheetos - the discussion is more about the reason of the behaviors that got me to where I was than the laws of thermodynamics.

I have really bad eating habits. I don't like veggies and I like foods that are bad for me. Add that to years of inactivity, and well, here I am! I don't think it's an emotional issue for me personally; I really think it's a matter of pushing myself to exercise even when I don't feel like it and making better food choices. Unfortunately, it's much easier said than done.

And to discuss why I was fat - I first gained weight through pregnancy and the resulting killer postpartum depression. I then made excuses such as blaming my sedentary lifestyle and lack of time thereby allowing myself to be a victim of myself, so I continued to gain weight. I work at the computer a lot and blamed that. I also have a terrible habit of justifying things -you know, because 'I deserve it'.

Congrats on losing your first 20!
I'm also a former smoker and I gained an additional 75 pounds after quitting and having a hysterectomy. But, here's something to think about. You gained because you ate instead of smoking, right? Well, why did you smoke in the first place? What need did smoking satisfy? What lead you to turn to the food for satisfaction once smoking was no longer an option? It can be something as simple as boredom, stress, the blues, anger, etc etc. What will keep you from turning to the food and smoking again to find satisfaction? For each of us, the reasons and the solutions differ.

Lack of willpower, too lazy to stick to a plan, too lazy to increase my exercise. I have four brothers who, growing up, could eat anything they want and not gain weight. So, my house was stocked with all sorts of frozen foods that were not good for you. My mom rarely bought any fresh fruit or vegetables for us to eat. But, I don't blame her, it's hard to buy groceries for 5 kids and fix three meals a day that 5 kids will eat. So, my weight went up up up all through junior high and high school. I made noises about wanting to lose weight, but never actually did anything about it. Goes back to the lack of willpower thing.

In college, I just did what was easiest and made excuses as to why I couldn't eat right or couldn't exercise more (no time, not enough money, blah blah blah). I think I am terrified of failing or being rejected. Actually, I know I'm terrified of failing or being rejected. That's the majority of the reason why I don't do a lot of things I want to do or why I procrastinate on things I have to do. I'm afraid I'll fail and that everyone will see and know I'm a failure.

This fear of being rejected is what kept me from applying for a substitute teaching job (although I just turned in my application on Monday! Keep your fingers crossed!) It's what keeps me from asking people for help when I need it. And it's what kept me shoving food in my mouth all those years. If I tried to lose weight and failed, then everyone would know and it would be a huge embarrassment.

I've lost 80lbs so far and I'm still afraid I'm going to fail. I'm afraid I either won't make it to my maintenance weight or once I make it there, I'll fall off the wagon and regain it all back. But my motto for 2009 is to just do it (like Nike!). Don't be afraid, do what needs to be done, and accept whatever consequences come from that. So far, I'm finding that most of the consequences are good!

That was longer than I thought it would be, lol. Thanks for starting this Girly, it really got me thinking (obviously, haha).

Personally, I didn't have to delve too deeply into my pysche to lose weight. I was a latchkey child who dealt with boredom by making sugar sandwiches on white bread and I do think that contributed a little to my random afternoon snack attacks as an adult.

Otherwise, I was heavy because I was sedentary and was living the Standard American Diet. Huge portions, fast food, lots of processed, packaged foods. When I stopped eating those foods and started eating good foods, I lost a lot of my cravings for less nutritious foods which helped me a lot.

Everyone is different and has to approach their journey differently. I did do a little food journaling (writing down why I ate) and it was helpful to determine I was a bored afternoon snacker. To resolve it, I set myself up with a selection of awesome teas and healthy snacks every afternoon. It was a very helpful tactic.

That's it though, for me. I was never a stress eater or an emotional eater (although I did have a habit of celebrating with food, I never ate when I was sad particularly) - just a boredom eater.