I think your boyfriend is a snob. In what other areas does he look down on people?

Okay, I was pretty neutral on this until you said that.... Why is he saying something like this to you? Is it supposed to make you feel more pressured to agree with him on this issue? This is an incredibly foolish statement. For whatever reason it was said, it doesn't speak well to how he handles disagreements. I think this should be a signal to you to be careful to watch how he acts with you. When someone builds themselves up at the expense of someone else, especially a supposed loved one, it is not a good sign.

For the record, I do not believe there are guarantees with any particular type of school setting. Involved families get the most from whatever educational setting they feel best fits their child's needs, and students who want to learn, will thrive regardless.

I am a public school teacher, and I have taught several students who have had to come to the public schools after they were dismissed from private schools for not being able to "meet the standards." (I wonder how much better public schools would look on paper if we could also simply kick out whoever didn't fit the profile of a "successful student"?) In general, I have to say this practice lends itself to the idea many private school students hold that public schools are for people who can't "cut it". I have also heard many horror stories from these students' families of things done to humiliate their children that would never be tolerated in public schools. I personally know 2 teachers who were fired from public schools I worked in but were rehired by private schools who were willing to let them manhandle students. I also had one friend come to me last year and ask for help on how to design lessons. Apparently, she had been asked to teach writing classes at a private school and had absolutely no teaching background whatsoever and no idea where to begin. Am I against private schools? No. But I do not believe they guarantee excellence either.

However, I don't think the real issue here is what type of school is best...it's about the way your boyfriend is handling this disagreement and your apparent discomfort with it.

People say alot of stupid things during a disagreement. I think you both have different opinions, but who is "right" and whether one or both of you think he/she is "better" than the other, I think is a completely unrelated issue.

His opinion is only his opinion, and not necessarily more. Do you think that the quality of your education and his are exactly equal, or do you suspect that yours may have in actuality been even better, or at least more well-rounded than his? If you do suspect that your education was actually of higher quality, do you think that you are better than him, or just that your education was more well-rounded?

My husband and I have had this very same argument. He had a private grade school junior high education, and while his high school was a public high school, it had a "snooty" reputation, where I've always gone to public schools (except for the first half of first grade, my parents took me out because the nun teacher was very mean). When we were discussing having children (briefly) we were also opposed on whether they should go to a private school or a public school.

However, I KNOW my husband does not think he is better or smarter or more educated than I am. In fact, quite the reverse. He was in honors classes in highschool, but dropped out of college after the first semester. I have my bachelors and masters degrees in psychology.

I don't think I am smarter than he (except when I'm REALLY mad at him), but I am "better educated," in formal sense, and yet he is not only one of the smartest men, I've ever met, but one of the most educated because of a combination of his (I'll admit) superior grade and high school education and his self-education.

I think my husband would say that I have the "better" education over all, because I've had more of it, though he would say that he had the "better" education in grade school and high school. I would probably tend to agree, though I think he underestimates the value of a good public school education.

Despite our disagreement, neither of us thinks that we are "better" than the other.

If this is all you're basing your suspicions upon that he thinks he's better than you, then you may be over reacting. However, if you know that he is an arrogant jerk, then you have a different problem.

ANother, your totally right on the ball with that! I know a few guys who chose not to date their intelctual equal b/c then they might have have their ideas/though process challenged. It's much easier (and makes them feel smarter) to date a doormate. However, I hoped to give jessica's bf the benefit of the doubt.

Well said kaplods.

I'd probably be curious enough to ask him why it's so important for him that you acknowledge his "superior education." You mentioned that he works at a private school -- is it possible that he feels that you don't value what he does for a living? Men (and women too, don't get me wrong) can be really schizy about their motivations.

If it's just that he wants you to feel like you're not as successful because you didn't have a private education, well...he's wrong. There are many examples of public school people who made a good life for themselves, and as many examples of people who had all the priveleges of private education and still didn't amount to a hill of beans.

It isn't where you went to school, ultimately, that makes you a success -- it's the learning that you initiated and undertook regardless of where you went to school, and what you did with it that matters. Private school is reputed to have better and more consistent funding to provide more opportunities for learning but that doesn't mean that the students really get more out of it. That depends on the student.

I think that his job is in private education really does add a different spin on the whole argument. He may feel he's not just defending his own education, but his very career and value to society. While you're thinking it implies that he thinks he's better than you. He may think you are implying that you don't think much of him or his career choice. That what he does, doesn't matter.

Wow.. well I am sorry your feelings are hurt. I think you have had some great posts here. One thing I do want to add that I do not see on here is that maybe you also need to point out to your boyfriend that PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT is a huge deal. Most of the people that I have known that were great students had a lot of support and their parents were active with them and helped with homework and etc and my teachers sure knew who my mom was. I had a public school education/special education due to me being deaf but I feel that due to how involved my mother was with my education and making sure I got help when I needed it from tutors or etc if she couldn't help that I have a better education than some of the other people that I know that went to private school. I also took lots of advanced/honors classes in HS and that made a big difference in how well prepared I was for college as well I think compared to some of my friends who only took regular classes then were overwhelmed by how much homework there was since they did not have much homework at all in HS compared to me. And I hate to say it but I do feel that I have gotten a better education than my mom's boyfriends' kids. They have all gone to private school BUT they have admitted to me that their parents have never helped them with homework and from what I have seen and been told by the kids ( they are much younger than me and one of them just started HS) and it has also been admitted by my mom's boyfriend himself- He and his ex-wife are only seen at the school to pick up their kids and that is it. Also,some of the private schools around here in my area are well known for taking kids that have been kicked out of all the nearby public schools for behavioral problems as well. There are a lot of issues to consider before saying such a strong opinion like that.

Have you told him how you feel?

I do think his current job and his past have played a part in his views.

I went to public school all my life until I went to a private college. The private college was amazingly challenging, nothing like I had experienced previously and it was enriching. They relied on you to fill in the gaps in your experience. Then circumstances led me to transfer to a public university. The change was drastic in that there was some 'coddling' but in the end, I think the degree was similar to a private school. The public university seemed to trust students less to fill in the gaps in their education and instead tried to force proof of those gaps. Of course I would say that was mostly true of the general education, rather than the specialized degree. (eg, take a writing class to prove you can write versus being put in a class with intensive writing)

All in all, education is what you make of it. Education just isn't what happens in the classroom but what happens at home/after class as well. Often kids who go to private schools have a better overall education because they have parents that think education is of a high priority. That doesn't mean that if you go to a public school that your parents don't care. I personally think education is of a high priority but if I ever had kids, I doubt I'd send them to a private school UNLESS the school system totally did suck.

I don't really think race has anything to do with this; many private schools in many cities have students of all races. In my case, parents who could afford to send their kids to private school do so around here, be they white, black, Hispanic, what have you. I was part of a small minority of caucasian students in both grammar school and high school. I have no idea what the racial breakdown was, but I'd say... 50% black, 35% Hispanic. The caucasian students, I'd say 10-15%, were mostly of Italian origin. It's not really a race issue, at least not in my opinion.

I'm glad that you had a great public school experience -- I'm in a masters program for teacher in NYS and our school system up here, particularly in the city, IS plagued with a lot of problems -- poor student performance, crime, violence, teen pregnancy, poor graduation rate, teacher turn-over, etc. The closest public high school to my house had only 60 graduating seniors a few years ago, even though the senior class consisted of over 200 students. Parents around here just don't like those statistics (and similar statistics of other area schools). Public schools CAN be good -- three of the BEST high schools in the city are public -- but they often are not. Private schools often don't work for students either, but in certain areas, they are a prefered option.

Edit: But I also think parental involvement and interest in a child's education is very important and is possibly the most important element to a child's academic success, no matter what school he or she attends.

Lots of great thoughts here but I think txsqlchick said it well - It is up to you/your parents to make the best of your situation. Some kids do great in impossible situations, others don't. Some kids need to get lost in the shuffle to be successful, others simply get lost. Some kids need the private school experience, others would hate it....because we are all individuals there is no one solution.

My story: I pulled my son out of a public middle school because it was rough...not horrible but rough. I put him in a private Christian school that ended up being a great SOCIAL experience for him. He grew as a Christian and thrived socially. However, ACADEMICALLY he was struggling. One of the teachers could not manage the class - he actually posted an assignment that my son received a 30% on AT BACK TO SCHOOL NIGHT! After that, and knowing that my son could not afford to get any more behind than he was, I homeschooled him and the next year I put him back into the rough middle school his eight grade year (he was at the private school for a year and a half or so). He did fine at the MS now that he was ready for it and he continued to grow socially and academically. Would I do it again? Yes. Would I send another child to a private school? Of course. IF IT IS WHAT THE CHILD NEEDS. All of our kids are different and all of their needs are different. It is the parent's job to fulfil those needs.


That being said, I don't think the issue here is public vs private schools. I think it is a general lack of respect and I, too, think the bf is a snob.

He's being an arrogant ***. You have a right to be upset. Just because his parents had the money to send him to a private school doesnt make it any better. Thats like people who make me feel bad for going to a community college.
Well I had some of the best teachers and I graduated with just a 2 yr degree and I am further along in my career than most people I know with 4 yr degrees from other universities around here.
So it just goes to show you how ignorant of a statement that is.
I'm sorry hun.
I think you need to argue your side more and hopefully he will come round and at least apologize...

I went to a private school. My parents were below the poverty level, and I got tortured for being poor. The only reason we were able to go was because my parents got a scholarship for us because my dad was a pastor and because we had no money.

I know that my education at the private school I went to was better than what the public school near me could have offered...it was not a good public school.

Private vs. public university...I think I got the best education at the public community college and private university, and the public university was waaay below the other two.

We have my oldest son in private school and will have our younger one in there too when he's old enough. There are 3 fantastic public elementary schools here. We were torn, thought about putting my oldest in the public school. It is a 5 minute walk from our house and free where as the school he's going to now is a 20 minute drive and anything but free (thouh a HECK of a lot cheaper than the school he's teaching at!). The problem is, with his personality there is no way he could survive at a big public school. Now, he's in a class of 9 kids (or was last year...we'll see if they've got more this year). He can't be overlooked, can't be lost in the shuffle, and gets as much individual attention as he could possibly want. For him...absolutely private school is better education than public. For me...absolutely private school was better than public. It isn't that way for everyone though.

I think kaplods had a very good point. A man defines himself SO MUCH by what he does. That is where they get their identity from, not who they are but what they do. If you keep talking about this, he could feel like you don't value him and though it would be immature, might be lashing out because of that.


The private school I went to had several kids who had been kicked out of public schools and whose parents were desperate.

I'm sorry you had to have that conversation. I hope that you're both able to see that your different experiences have made you both the people you are - and that's a good thing!