From a guys perspective, you need to tell him about it first.

Loose skin is not the norm (because so few people can lose enough weight to even have the problem, so you should be congratulated on that). And with anything that's not the norm you should mention it up front so that person can be prepared for it.

Have you ever shaken someone's hand who was missing fingers? If you don't know about it you might get a little freaked out as you're shaking their hand. If you DO know about it, it's no big deal.

Don't make it sound like a warning when you bring it up. Don't be negative about it. Just bring it up in casual conversation about diet or weight loss or whatever so he'll have it in the back of his mind.

I don't think just knowing about it would be a turn-off, but being surprised by it would be.

Hi all:

I am 48 and realized about 10 years ago that I have always hated my body. I saw a picture of myself naked when I was 22 and weighed like 145. I thought I was a fat monster. When I saw that pic I was filled with sadness about all the years I wasted not enjoying my body. Because of that I was on a constant diet from age 10. I did not have a popular body type--large hips and small boobs, but I was not fat. I generally weighed between 140 and 160 and I am 5/9. Nevertheless I was infected by the insane desire to look like a model and did not think I was attractive. I always wore loose skirts to disguise my hips.

The constant dieting finally broke down my metabolism and I started gaining back more and more starting in my mid thirties and topped out my weight at 262. I realized at 262 I felt better about my body than I ever had. I have been working hard on this and I finally have been able to lose weight. I think that my work on appreciating my wonderful body has finally helped me to take care of her. I have lost 52 pounds and I feel strong and light--I am starting to enjoy exercise a little because I am feeling more powerful.

I want to figure out some way to communicate with teens to let them know my story and the damage that dieting can do to your body. If only I had just exercised and ate healthy, I think my weight would have stabilized at around 160--my current goal.

I get worried about the loose skin thing too and wonder about surgery etc but hearing all the stories about people who had it done and those who havent and they all are really helpful. I think those who are happy with their bodies even if they have loose skin are helping me because I have very shaky finances which could get a lot better or could get a lot worse.

Also I was worried because I read somewhere that losing weight fast makes you have the loose skin--I have been losing really fast and dont want to stop. I am eating healthy and exercising and it feels so good to be lighter. Also I am afraid if I slow it down I will quite like I have so many times before. I am losing weight at a rate that keeps me inspired.

Sorry for the long post--I got on a roll!

Sno

The speed at which you lose weight has no effect long-term on your overall skin elasticity (it just takes a little while longer for your skin to catch up, as opposed to someone who loses weight slowly where the skin retracts along with the weight loss).

My upper arms are icky but I'm coming to terms with them. I even wear tank tops at home and around the neighborhood when I ride my bike - no one has passed out yet I guess this all started when I actually looked in a full length mirror last week- I always avoid mirrors and have since I was young. Even when I brush my teeth I open the medicine cabinet so I don't see myself (obviously I have BIG issues). ANyway - I am liking my face again - not so much because of weight loss - but just overall health - my skin looks great and I feel great. When I saw my body naked I was shocked - my thighs look like a horror movie. I have yet to look at my butt because I can only take so much in one month. I don't even think my weight is an issue now - I look so much better in clothes - but it is just horrifying to see what I've done to my body. I know alot of us are there so I apologize for whining - I just so want this man. Anyway - I guess I'll find out soon enough. Thanks everyone for responding - I really appreciate it.

If you want a horror movie, I could send you a picture of my upper arms and upper thighs

I think the thing is that my body image problems cause me to focus in on one small part of my body that is not what I want it to be--whereas other people are looking at more of the overall picture and dont even notice what I am stressing about.

Like, yeah, I wont get compliments on my arms but most people have too much to think about anyway and they dont have time to stand there and obsess on my bodyparts the way I do. They probably look at what interests them--my clothing perhaps or my body language to see whether I am going to walk into them etc.

Anyway!

I've been wondering about this too! You all have very valid points thank you!

This is my second go-around at losing 90 lbs. The first time I lost it all in 7 months using diet pills. I worked out 5-6 nights a week at a gym and had a very firm body, except my boobs were saggy. I remember feeling great about my body and starting to date. My sister told me to warn any man that I was planning to be intimate with about my huge Abdominal scar from surgery. I didn't listen to her. I felt like any man that I was close enough to to let see my naked body, then he didn't need forewarned. He should feel damn priviliged, LOL, and I think the exact same thing about loose skin.

This go-around with wt. loss, my exercise has been mostly walking due to my health problems. I didn't firm up as nicely as I did last time. It hasn't ever caused DH to act repulsed by me. Quite the opposite, he thinks I"M HOT, LOL, I could make that TV commercial.

Hi Witchy -

As far as improving your body image, I have an idea if it will fit into your budget. No matter what weight I am, I always feel like a goddess when I'm at a really nice spa. Everyone is in robes, which sort of gives you an equalizing feeling. Before your treatment, you can pamer yourself, enjoy a steam room, a hot tub, some iced water with cucumber. You can get relaxed and then just let yourself be pampered by a pro. I think it can really help a woman to be in touch with her body and realize she deserves to feel good and take care of herself. Go with a friend and just help each other realize how fabulous the other is.

I almost always see women of all shapes and sizes at the spa and it just makes me appreciate the differences in all of us. If you're not a spa-goer, it may take a couple of visits before you feel comfortable, but I highly recommend it! I've even turned my husband into a spa junkie.

Well the spa idea is out - I am a single Mom and very broke. I am going to get a pedicure this weekend - that makes me feel pampered - massage chair and all. I just went to buy some new pants (this is someone from out of town who I have been best friends with for years but has not seen me since I gained tons of weight) for the VISIT and I was so horrified looking in the mirror I literally got sick. Both pairs of pants fit well (down another size) - but I didn't get them - I feel like what is the point ? I don't know what I was thinking telling him to come out.

Witchy, my heart breaks for you. You have done so very well, come so far. You need to be very proud of yourself.

I can relate to all the issues, and I can only try to reach for something that can help.

Those who have lost a lot of weight and have a DH or a DB, or a SO who loves them, then they have the acceptance thing all in hand......and the only acceptance problem with loose skin is their own.....but if you aren't attached to someone who loves you, then not only do you have your own acceptance issue, but the fear of what happens with someone new.

I don't have any magic answer, and I know that this about WAY more than sex, but there was a fascinating study in Prevention, in (I think) the August issue....maybe July; time flies....and I wish I were "techy" enough to find it, and to display it here, but it was nonetheless fascinating.........the # one thing that attracted men for sex (and they studied women, too)...anyway, someone they found attractive was about 6th on the list.........#1 was ....

someone who enjoys sex!


Imagine that....

Again, apologies that I don't know how to post it, cuz I do have EVERY issue of Prevention since time began...lol.......but that study is not surprising to me......having spent the first 45 years or so of my life very fat....with it all in my face and midriff, I never felt THAT unattractive......I think my passion for life in general came through.....

Good luck with this guy..he sounds as if he may be worth it......if he doesn't accept you for the real "gold" that you are, then he is NOT!

I appreciate your kind words. I have days where I feel great about me - today was one - then I remember that he may not and I get down - like today - LOL.

I'll find out next weekend..............

Witchy, I think it is normal to worry about these things. We all wonder. I ran into people I hadn't seen since high school and they said, oh you look the same. In high school I weighed 105 pounds. When I ran into them I was 230. When I showed them pictures of me when they saw me at 230 and then now, they said, they don't remember me looking like that. Very bizarre. They told me I didn't act fat, I was confident. It totally blew me away as I wasn't going to meet them as I was so embarrassed I had gained so much weight since high school. If this person you are going to meet is worth it, it won't matter. Don't worry, it will all work out as it should. Take care and be good to yourself. From your posts I can tell you are worth it. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Just my two cents. Take what you will from it.
Good luck next weekend.

I will NEVER ever put myself in that position again. If someone who loves me and has been my BEST friend for almost 13 years can be so absolutely insensitive and horrible to me then what chance do I have of someone new - who doesn't know me the way he does - accepting me the way I am - and my body is getting worse as I lose more weight. I don't understand how someone can say that "I am so much more to them then appearance" and " I think you are gorgeous the way you are" and know every little secret in my heart and soul - can have such total disregard for my feelings and decide my friendship is not worth bothering with anymore.
Never again.

Witchy, I'm not sure what happened but obviously it was very painful for you. I'm so, so sorry. I know there isn't anything we can say or do to fix it, but please know we're all here for you in any way that we can help. As I said in the other thread about hair, you're my hero for dealing with the stresses in your life and staying focused on your weight loss. You're proven yourself to be an amazingly strong woman and you deserve the very best in your life.