But here's the kicker - the thought that it took almost 33 years to fall out of my brain: What if it goes the other way? What if I'm not invisible anymore, and my new self-confidence opens doors for me that I never imagined. That would be pretty cool. And that's what got me going. And that's why I will succeed.
Darn tooting that's the kicker - those are fightin words all of us can use!
Cagirlygirl, I so agree with you! I think that because I have kept myself under 'house arrest' for so long, hiding behind books (oh yeah...Sherrilyn Kenyon!) and playing online games, etc that I fear even if I do lose the weight... who would want to know me? I am so dull, boring, clueless about the world outside of my own little backyard. Too many ways to put myself down and then go and eat to make me feel better.
And Shananigans..I am going to use something you said. "I am my own biggest roadblock to success. After all, if I don’t try that hard and end up not succeeding, well I can hardly be surprised." I want to say that is the perfectionist inside of me. If we don't try, then no one could say we failed.
Ack! Diarrhea of the mouth again. lol
You know, I feel the same way too but I have to remind myself that I'll make the most out of life as I will allow myself. SO here's to living la vida loca (as crazy as you want it)!
I haven't always had a weight problem.. but I feel that I have always had a negative relationship with food... my weight was kept in check by the huge amount of exercise I did...
I fear being thin. I worry about the attention that it will bring - odd because when I was younger I was very happy to receive attention for the way I looked... My weight now gives me a very convenient excuse not to go out and experience life.. rather just watch it from the side lines. It is a habit that I am trying to break... just making the effort to go and do things regardless of how I feel about my weight... and it works. After going for a swim (when I would normal sit on the sides watching) I feel fabulous, when I go for a bushwalk, ride my bike, do silly stuff with my daughter etc.. I feel really good.
Being thin is scary for me too. But I'm losing it so slowly that I think I'll have time to ease my way into a small body. And if I hate certain kinds of attention (which I do), I don't have to go around dressing like a hoochie! Its one of my personal myths that being thin means I have to dress like a hottie everyday. Really, thin women can hide in baggy clothes just as easily as I hide under fat layers. And I'd much rather do the former than the latter. It also doesn't mean I'll be bombarded with attention. I do get attention when I'm thinner, but its not like I'm being chased by the paparazzi or something! But these are bad things I envision when I think of how life will be when I'm thin. I also get afraid that I'll have to obsess even more about food to maintain the weight and I worry that if I gain any back, people are going to either be disappointed or say, "See. Once a fatty always a fatty. She couldn't stay thin to save her life." And they'll all laugh at me, like everyone has always done.
Part of why I remain overweight is because it gives me excuses and lets me hide and when I'm thin, I feel like I'll remove all those reasons and a part of me needs them. But plenty of people I know who're thin still hide. But to me, fat=safe. Thin=exposed for all the world to see. And for someone like me, that is a freakin scary notion.
In closing, I'm filled with all sorts of myths and irrational conclusions about how much pressure its going to be on me to be thin and stay thin. Those thoughts keep me here at this unhealthy weight that interferes with basic functioning in my life. Learning how to let go of those fears and myths is part of the process for most of us, in my opinion. Especially those of us who have never truly been thin and don't know what the **** to expect.
You can see by all these posts you aren't alone. And hopefully what I've shared about my myths and fears make sense to you.
Look, everyone feels like that sometime! I am 17 and working on the struggle as you ladies are, and even I get discouraged and say "What for?" but i realize that its not to fit into the the clothes and to look nice for your significant other, the only reason is for yourself to feel good inside...to be the "Hot Mom" to live to see everything you want. To Be 40 and sexy...so what if you're 30...its never too late. You can do it. Just let go of the food...it only makes you worse in the long run. You can do it.
I feel afraid that I will fail, again. I should be 130 pounds and I have never been that weight, that I can remember. The smallest I have ever been is a size 8 and 145 pounds. I can't imagine what I would look like at 130. I started New Years at 265, currently 248, and I have 118 pounds/of 135 total more to go. I just wonder if I can stick with this for over a year, and then 4 ever .
Oh yes, when I am thin as I am right now, I have a curvy hourglass figure-just like an "X" -it generated a lot of male attention I didn't want. I thinks thats why I have been hiding behind fat.
cagirlygirl ... you have articulated my EXACT thoughts. What IF all the failures in my life really are because of me? Where so I go from there? How do I get to that point where I can honestly believe that even though I may fail at some things in life, I am not a failure?
When I was down about 35 lbs. I had problems moving around in the real world. I felt like everyone was looking at me and when I pumped gas, I just wanted to crawl under the car.. it was a real weird situation. I've since put about 17 lbs back on, but I know that when I get back down there, I'm going to have to deal with the emotions around it. Very uncomfortable.
I really don't have a fear of being thin, but I really have a struggle of being overweight. I have been thin and i have been fat, I am kind of in between now. I can't wait to get this weight off. I have a struggle also of sweets and saltly foods, Just have to not eat them, one calls for another.
one thing that I didn't see in this thread, though I may have missed it, is our fat allows us to blame everything on it. We haven't been promoted? It's because we are fat. We don't have a boyfriend/husband/kids? It's because we are fat. Don't feel good? It's because we're fat. What happens if we aren't fat anymore and we still are in the same situation? Then it is because of me, not because of my fat!
Now, I have dealt with this already. 15 years ago, I lost 160# and changed my life. I got married, finished my degree, etc. Then my late dh got sick and we spent 2 years in the hospital (we literally lived in the hospital... I stayed with him). Fast foods & hospital food and boredom helped me to gain back almost 100 pounds.
Now I am back to the losing phase. I have a new husband and a new life. I have accomplished all I want to accomplish. I love my life. Now, losing weight is for me to feel better and to improve my quality of life.
one thing that I didn't see in this thread, though I may have missed it, is our fat allows us to blame everything on it. We haven't been promoted? It's because we are fat. We don't have a boyfriend/husband/kids? It's because we are fat. Don't feel good? It's because we're fat.
Jaynee, that is a GREAT point. I can relate to that. There are so many things I don't do because I'm fat. Sports with my kids, swimming (because I won't wear a bathing suit), going to parties (because all of my clothes "make me look fat"), etc.
It really is my choice to be fat, and it's a bad choice. Only I can do anything about it.
I'm very sorry about your first husband, but glad to hear that your life now is so good.
I can totally relate to what you are saying about it not being the fat, but ourselves. I also like your last sentence. I am looking forward to thin feeling great.
And for someone like me, that is a freakin scary notion. 
also....
I can relate to that. There are so many things I don't do because I'm fat. Sports with my kids, swimming (because I won't wear a bathing suit), going to parties (because all of my clothes "make me look fat"), etc. 
