[Expunge]

I agree with Kaplods on this. It is NOT difficult to travel state to state - where there's a will, there's a way. Trust your instincts, and you're definitely not alone in finding this creepy.

*hugs*

[midwife]

I actually think this is a very important topic to discuss and I'm glad the OP felt this was a safe place to seek support and others' thoughts. It's great she's gotten some diverse feedback----although I think it's pretty unanimous that she approach some caring adults in the child's life to share her concerns.

[kaplods]

I didn't mean to imply that OP should call CPS only that she if she feels it's justified (based on information she may or may not have shared), then it is.

The best "first response" is probably what OP is considering, and that is talking to the girl's adult sister first. If the sister feels uncomfortable with the situation, a call to CPS would be taken more seriously coming from her anyway, because she's a closer relative and closer geographically.

At the least though, the girl needs to be taught internet safety, so that she can recognize and protect herself from "creepy" as much as possible when she sees it. She may see it now, and may not want to offend him or the rest of the family by "unfriending" him on her social networking sites.

She may not understand that he's crossing a line, or she may recognize it, but not know how to stop it. She's too young to be responsible entirely for protecting herself, but she can learn how to be safer, and should have an adult looking out for her interests (if her sister is willing and able to do it, that's great).

It's too bad that her parents aren't there for her, because it does make the situation much more difficult. My biggest concern is that her experience with your father teaches her that it's ok to develop online relationships with much older adults. Even if your father's intentions are entirely innocent, they're opening a door for her to see adult men as allies and peers - it makes her more susceptible to online advances from other men, who may have much more destructive motives.

It's really important for children to be taught to be suspicious (not paranoid, but suspicious) of unusual attention from online "friends" especially if they're adults (they also need to know that some adults pretend to children, and that online, people aren't always who they say they are). Children and teens are flattered when adults see them as "friends" (because they see it as proof that they are "more mature" than other teens, rather than as proof that the adult is less mature or has an ulterior motive) - which is why it's so easy for abusers to find victims.

Even if your father is entirely harmless, it concerns me that his words and actions could be opening a door for her to relationships with men who are not. For her to see it as perfectly normal for much older men to be interested in her (even "just as a friend"), could make her more vulnerable to future abusive situations.

[losermom]

Moonkissed, you are right to be concerned by this relationship. You have firsthand knowledge of what your father may be capable of. My biggest concern is that you only see what is on each of their walls. You have no knowledge whether they are conversing through facebook messages. Your father sounds suspiciously like my own who I have had no contact with for 15 years. I have also made it really clear to other family members that it is not safe to leave their children in his care.

[BillBlueEyes]

moonkissed - sending you my best supportive thoughts as you deal with a difficult situation. I think you're right on feeling that something isn't right here.

I took this question to someone who knows what Child Services would do - although laws and rules differ in different states.

Child Services would only act if the adult was a guardian of the minor. Otherwise they refer the complaint to the District Attorney. There isn't much to go on for the DA to take action

The legal issues are not clear about whether Child Services could look at a Facebook page without the author's permission. Where "not clear" means exactly that; opinions differ about the legality of that particular breach of privacy.

This is a situation for an adult to help the minor; if she doesn't have someone at home, is it possible to contact her school counselor or school nurse? Seem like she might just need a little guidance, a little chat about what could be going on in the mind of the older guy. Some 16 year olds might be shocked that he might be thinking of THAT.

You're a kind soul to be concerned and willing to take action. I do hope you can identify an adult female who can give the young lady some time.

[Thighs Be Gone]

I know it's been a while ladies, so I apologize for the resurrection in advance.

I was a childcare director for several years. When deciding to contact CPS we were always told (consistently) the SAME thing.

If you have a strong suspicion something is happening, it needs to be reported. It is CPS's job to establish what is going on--not ours.
That being said, I never had to phone them.

[cherrypie]

moonface you don't need to explain why you have your father on your facebook. He's your father. There is always going to be some part of you that hopes he starts acting like one.

as to your cousin, I'd agree that her mother or sister needs to be told. And be pushy about how dangerous you think this could be. Then figure out your facebook setting so that he is in a different group as any other young relatives you have and can't see them.

You've got a million years of evolution behind your instict to be afraid. Listen to it even if there is no rational reason to.