Yikes! I think in some cases BYOB is fine, but unless you're at a college keg or wapatuli party where few people attending will personally know the host, charging is absolutely unacceptable. This sounds like a story for the Etiquette **** Forum http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/
The only case I know of where people actually "charged" for getting into a party was when DBF's coworkers threw a big huge kegger type party (they're all college students at UT). They didn't specifically charge, but they did have a donation jar out for people to pitch in for drinking. They didn't say you couldn't BYOB (in fact I think it was encouraged), and most of the people coming didn't personally know them, so in that case I think it wasn't that bad. I wouldn't spend $400 for booze on people I barely know (which was the case here). However, considering you know the hostess well, in this situation that is EXTREMELY tacky. Not to mention that they specifically said no BYOB. That means they were just looking to turn a profit, IMHO, which is wrong, even if not illegal in your particular state.
Another vote for tacky! I've never understood the BYOB concept either...if you can't afford to have a party then don't have one. To me it's like asking someone to lunch to dinner and asking them to pay. JMHO
I personally don't see anything wrong with having BYOB in the invitation, IF it is a party where you know all of the people very well. (We have a group of friends who we often do this with.)
We have parties at New Years, and we always provide all of the food, the entertainment, and a couple of simple alcoholic things, like a case of beer and a bottle of something stronger...but you run into the issues with a lot of people where everyone drinks something different. We have one friend who drinks Miller Lite, another who drinks MGD, another who drinks vodka-and only Stoli, another who drinks those Zima-cooler type things, and so on and so forth. We would literally have to buy a liquor store to have what everyone "liked". It's too much.
BYOB is definitely appropriate in many occasions. Basically, it is under the presumption that, yes, we will have something there to drink, but if you are picky and will only drink a certain thing/brand-bring your own.
On the other hand, if I am having a simple gathering with 3-4 women friends, I will provide some more elegant food, and a nice bottle of wine.
Either way...I don't think they should force payment. They should have welcomed the BYOB into the party.
Ettiquette dictates that BYOB is always appropriate to do whether requested or not. I always bring a hostess gift, even if it's something little but alcohol always seems a good idea since proper ettiquette dicates you open it and share it with your guest. Ah, a civil society... the only time I don't is when I know the host and/or hostess don't drink.
You should absolutely tell your friends that charging for drinks in their home is selling liquor without a license and ILLEGAL. No matter what, if they are throwing kegger-style parties, they should call their insurance agent right now and add "Host Liquor Liablility" to their Homeowners' policy. They may not have anything now but they won't ever have anything once their wages get garnished in a settlement when someone gets too drunk and gets hurt.
Now, my friend hosted a Hallowe'en party in which a huge number of people were invited. There was a magician, a DJ, and more Jello shooters than we could handle. At that party, the entrance charge was $5/person, and that seemed reasonable, especially because (1) they had put so much money into it themselves to get this set up, (2) we were allowed to BYOB if desired, and (3) we were warned about the charge far in advance. (In fact, she asked if we would mind paying before she invited us, and didn't enforce it for people who were unable to afford it.) In that case, it seems totally acceptable to me.
But to force a no-BYOB rule, charge $10 and mark your hand? Yeah, that's incredibly tacky if it's anywhere outside a college dorm!
As for BYOB itself, I'm perfectly comfortable with it. Whenever we host BYOB, we always provide some vodka, wine and munchies anyway. It's pretty much assumed around here, in my age bracket/industry anyway, that a party will be BYOB.
I don't see anything wrong with the invitation at all The invitation tells you the rules...if you don't like the way the party is being run, just don't go.
I think the $3 per drink or the $10 all night is fair...if it was BYOB you would still have to pay!
I have never been to a party like that...being 53 and all...but I think it takes the confusion out of who brought/bought what.
Whenever Angie and I have people over...almost every week-end...they always ask what to bring...the food may change...but the kids (23-27) that always come know that "POPS" will have plenty of MGD and CORONA in the fridge....and a few Karl Strauss or Sam Adams for the "darker" drinkers....other than that you better BYOB! or at least call me with your order before hand
I'm another "how tacky" voter. I've been to parties, and thrown one once. And the host provides the drinks or its BYOB. A friend and I threw a keg party once. Everyone could bring anything else they wanted, but we made it clear that we provided the keg and the food. If someone wanted something more than beer, they had to bring it. ****, we even provided the entertainment (a game of Twister under a foot of fog made with dry ice and hot water. LOL)
Sorry EZ, but you can go into any bar and get a beer for $3. And BARS make a profit. So whomever is throwing this party is making a profit as well. So no, its not fair.
And like has been mentioned by a couple of poster, if the law found out, they'd be in a heap of trouble because they do NOT have a liquor license and CANNOT be selling beer AT ALL. Even if its to recoupe their funds. They could charge a cover charge, but CANNOT charge for drinks.
I always bring a hostess gift, even if it's something little but alcohol always seems a good idea since proper ettiquette dicates you open it and share it with your guest.
Actually, no it does not. Proper etiquette dictates that a gift is a gift, and the recipient may do with it as she pleases. (Though I was amused by the Miss Manners column a few weeks ago where the hostess, under the misimpression she had to use the hostess gift immediately, delayed dinner by quite some time so she could prepare the fresh vegetables one of her guests gave her.)
Unless they have a liquor license, they really can't "sell" drinks. And to force a No-BYOB rule and basically make it so that if you want to drink, you gotta pay seems a little....I don't know, I just seems a bit "profiteer"-ish to me.
Shouldn't a party be about friends and fun times instead of worrying about who paid to drink and who didn't? Just seems like adding all that extra stress and extra steps would just defeat the whole purpose of even HAVING a get-together to begin with.
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Sorry EZ, but you can go into any bar and get a beer for $3. And BARS make a profit. So whomever is throwing this party is making a profit as well. So no, its not fair. ......
ALMOSTHEAVEN ~ You're brutal! I don't know about where you live, but here in southern California it is ...maybe impossible to get a beer for $3...even domestic. The last time I got a beer for under $3 was about a month ago, in COLORADO at a VFW, with sticky floors, at a wedding....IN A CAN...a BUD...not that I don't like Bud mind you...but it isn't MGD
I'll take my lumps and "agree to disagree" here with the majority...I guess ...but I can easily drink more than $10 worth
Here in KC they had $1 nights at some of the clubs up until a year or so ago. You can still find a beer for $3. On the rare occasions I buy beer I spend about $9 a 6 pack (**** Hath No Fury Ale - good stuff with a pink label) so selling them for $3 each would bring in a profit.
I think it's tacky, and the legality is questionable. Here you do need a license and can only sell to 1:00 unless you get a even more expensive license that lets you sell until 3am.
Today I paid $9.99 for an 18 pack of MGD bottles...plus CRV....that was a good price.
All I know is the canned Buds that I got in Colorado cost $2.75 each...the night cost me about $75....of course I tipped the barmaid after each one...she did say something about being able to pay her rent when I bought my last one....before Angie locked me in the car....don't remember too much about that night...nope...not much.
Well I live on the other side of the country, in the low rent section. I pay $4 to $5 for amaretto sours (my drink of choice), which are more costly than a bottle of beer any ole day. But, if you could get 18 beers for $10, just imagine the profit these people made on their $10 charge for beer.
Ah, a civil society... the only time I don't is when I know the host and/or hostess don't drink. 
The invitation tells you the rules...if you don't like the way the party is being run, just don't go.
...but 
