Thanks for all of the welcomes!!! I havent really got to any losses yet, but it is nice to know people are out there, I had low calories yesterday, then I made butterscotch pudding waiting to see when firday comes up to count those alories, but I did not have what is left in my fridge today I wanted to wake up this morning but got coffee instead, now I need to get going on my housework, I find a clean house leades to clean eating, but it is tough the kids are home and it is trashed.

Diane: At least you were able to enjoy the health benefits even if the workout itself seemed to be discombobulated. The day I took off from working out saw a jump on the scale, too, but it was expected given that my muscles were finally able to get a rest.

Uber: You make me blush. I don't really think of myself as being particularly impressive. But you're right. I am rather active and I find that I love being active. In some ways, it feels like it goes against the introverted type of person I've always been until you stop and think about the fact that when I walk Luna, it's just her and me. When I swim my laps, I'm usually alone. I guess it's just proof that you can be an introvert and active all at the same time.

Also, I want to give you and Martini such big hugs. I felt that way about myself for such a long time. There are still times I feel that way. But I'm finding that it is getting easier to tell the inner critic to shut up. Slowly.

Sanshir: Hang in there. With time and persistence, you'll start to see those losses eventually. Good luck getting the house clean today.


Down to 223.6 lbs this morning. I also saw as low as 222.8 lbs but I'm not going to count it for the same reason I held off on my lowest low from last week. Here's to hoping the day continues to be as great as the morning has started off being.

Hello, All:

I am going to post quickly before I go to work. I have been struggling--I have had a few days where I have just gone off the deep end in terms of food. It is disappointing. But, I can't give up. I feel like if I could just get back into the groove, I could get some momentum going.

This morning, I got up and walked 4 miles; it was very enjoyable!

Hope everyone is doing well! And, welcome, Sanshir; glad you are joining us!

Hi all! Finally feeling like I'm back in the groove today. I went to body pump this morning and it was a really good workout. She changed the program from what it had been the last few weeks, so that was nice. It's good to do new things. We had a lot of rain last night, though, so the gym was really humid. So sweaty....

LotusMama: Sorry you are having a tough time. But don't give up!!! You can get back on track and put all of this in the past. 4 miles is great!!

Garnet: Sounds like you had a great morning! Good for you! The scale seems to be doing well for you, so that's good. I laugh at how you discipline yourself as to what you'll allow yourself to record about your weight. I only laugh because I do similar stuff. Ha!

Sanshir: Good luck with the housekeeping. I noticed that mine is not looking very stellar right now. It is not my thing at all......

Uber: I totally understand what you are saying about the feelings of worthlessness. But you have to start looking for the positives. You are losing again and getting everything back under control. If nothing else, remember that you are an amazing voice to hear on this forum, and we appreciate your thoughts and your support! You are more than worthy!

DianeGlad you're back in the groove. Frustrating about the bounce, it's most likely just the after effects of traveling. Thanks for your kind words also. I should say that I'm really not as miserable as I made it sound. I have a lot of positives in my life and most of the time my self-image is good-- but I a big family, many of whom depend upon me, and I have a tendency to shove my own concerns into last place-- which makes me feel terrible. Fortunately, in spite of my rantings here, I actually am blessed with a fairly upbeat disposition and I'm rarely down in the dumps.

LotusMama Please know that we are here for you even if you are struggling-- it's all part of the journey. You wanna hear something kind of sad? Last May and June I lost about 15 lbs, and got down to the weight I'm at right now. I was curious about what happened to me... because I couldn't really remember why I dropped off after losing 15 lbs. So I searched and I actually found my final 3FC post from June 2013. In it, I said "help, I'm bingeing, and I'm scared..." Well, here's the sad thing-- all these really supportive people jumped in and said a lot of really nice things to me, but I never came back and read them. I just drifted away and it took me 11 months to finally get back in the groove. ELEVEN MONTHS!!!!!!! So, that's my word for you. It's okay if you are struggling. We're here for you and the only bad thing is quitting entirely. Take it from me.

LotusMama: Doing your four mile walk this morning is a great step toward putting yourself firmly back into that groove you want to be in. Sometimes, even if we're struggling with our food, putting in that effort with exercise can help keep us from completely losing it. The same can be said in reverse, too.

Diane: Changing your workouts up, especially in that sort of a setting, can be so helpful. Glad it was more engaging than last time. Even if it was humid. When there is such a big drop so quickly, I'd rather temper than get over excited. I figure if it is a real drop, it'll be there the following morning and if it isn't, then I haven't let myself get my hopes up. It's something I'm really proud that I'm able to do now. All the other previous times I've lost weight, I've ridden the emotional roller-coaster of day-to-day weight fluctuations.

Uber: You always give the best advice and I love that you are able to be strong and positive even when you're having to deal with all of life's complications. I think going back and finding that last post, giving you a better idea of what happened will also help in the long run. And if you ever find yourself in a similar position, you know we'll be here and we'll have your back.


As I expected, my weight bounced back up to 223.6 lbs today. It even showed 224.0 lbs one of the times I checked. I don't know if I'd mentioned, but I try to weigh three times in a row to ensure an accurate estimation of weight because we all know digital scales have a tendency to fluke out on us sometimes.

I've been thinking about why in the world my weight always seems to rebound on my weigh-in day and I think I've come to an answer. Mondays are a really busy day for us at work. Especially given that I have Sat & Sun off. I can't help but wonder if it is that first day back at work with the added physical excursion so late at night that causes my body to weigh higher Tuesday mornings.

Forcing myself to write here. I have been following, but have not responded in the last few days.

Martini - You're exactly right. The issue was not about pizza nearly as much as it was about insecurity with being loved. And that's a deep-seeded fear -- planted in childhood and well-watered in my first marriage. Without turning this into a counseling session, I have to admit that I have allowed myself to become unmoored emotionally.

So, much love to everyone whose words resonated with me and are continuing to resonate with me emotionally. I have stopped weighing and ate yesterday in that desperate, can't-stop, need-to-stuff-every-calorie-possible-in way that is the worst. I stopped eating, multiple times, but it was really painful each time. And I think I have decided that I am not stuffing emotions. I am punishing myself with food. Cuz it's really painful to eat like that, both physically and emotionally.

I need to figure out the depression stuff again. Now. Without commenting on how other people deal with depression or how they should deal with depression (a topic which is NONE of my business), I know that I am not handling mine well right now. My husband said to me that I am "never" at home. He spends far more time at home than I do, but I have a job that demands far more hours (he works for a school district and manages to squeeze in three-hour lunches regularly, as well as getting home around 4:00 most days) and I have been working out on almost a daily basis. I could do morning work-outs, but that would just necessitate me sleeping earlier, so it wouldn't increase my home time with him. Instead of ignoring random, short-sighted comments like that, I have been spending time at home, getting angrier and angrier at him and risking my job and my fitness/weight goals. Again, punishing myself and widening my punishment to include him.

So, this is my declaration. I will stop doing deliberately destructive things. I will eat the food that I know makes me feel good. I will re-focus on my work. And I will get in my work-outs. It won't be easy, as I now have a visceral repulsion to food that he has trashed and that are my staples. (This is my head playing games with me, I know.) I also have gone to the gym and been unable to get through more than a half-hearted work-out, so I am going to start with walking over the next few days to shake the horrible mood. I am happy to share my time with my husband. But he doesn't own it. And, as he is now well-aware, taking away my mechanisms for coping with the ever-lurking depression is not fun for him either. I refuse to be the woman who cries every night when no one is looking because she is always so miserable.

Also, I crave the fat and sugar combination desperately right now. I won't engage in food porn by saying exactly what I want, but it's in my head, and I can't wait to escape from my office to indulge. And I won't. I need to white-knuckle it. Not just for my weight goals, but much more importantly, for my need to feel like I'm in control of something. So I pledge that I will NOT have a bite of anything traditionally considered "dessert" for this entire evening. It will not be easy.

Also, sorry for being such a downer right now.

It looks like this is becoming a hard, hard week for a lot of people so I wanted to quickly poke in and say hello. Hang in there, everyone!

We interrupt this broadcast for a very important message.

Uber is in the 250s... meaning, I'm at my lowest official recorded weight since Jan 2012 which was the first time I stepped on the scale after my regain! It took me two years to accomplish this, but I FINALLY did it!

Laurie Hang in there! I have been right where you are many times before.

Here's something to try that I just happened to read about yesterday that made sense to me. Apparently if you talk to yourself in the 3rd person-- as if you are another person, you are more likely to be kind and compassionate to yourself.

You would say to yourself "wow, you're really stressed out, and obviously getting married and adjusting to a blended family must be really hard...but you're doing well. And even if you did decide to eat some dessert, it wouldn't mean that you were a bad person or that you failed-- it would just mean that you decided to comfort yourself with food. It's not the best strategy in the world, but it's hardly a crime. You would also remind yourself that you are doing a good job overall, and that you do not need to be perfect all the time."

I'm planning to try talking to myself in the 3rd person when I have cravings... I'll say "Uber really wants to eat XXX right now, but I don't want to, and I think I have the upper hand." We'll see if it works. Sometimes the weirdest mental strategies can actually help.

Hang in there...

Omg Uber!!!! Hurrah!!!!

First, congrats, Uber! What an accomplishment! You must feel so great; your tenacity has paid off and I admire you for it. Thanks also for the words of encouragement. You said exactly what I needed to hear.

Diane and Garnet--thanks also for your kind words. The support is so appreciated.

Martini--thanks for stepping in and offering your reassurance to all of us who are having a rough time as well.

Laurie--so much of what you said resonated with me, particularly your description of feeling desparate with respect to your cravings. Last Friday, I felt the same way. I felt like I had absolutely no control over food. I was shocked at how scared and panicked it made me feel. At one point, I thought to myself, "wow, this problem is more serious than I realized." I am trying to figure all of this out and come up with strategies for how to handle those moments. This is hard stuff, no doubt about it. Just know that you are not alone.

Congrats, Uber!

Good luck, Laurie. You'll break through it. Then you'll make trainer boy eat his words.

Laurie: The fact that you are self-aware that your depression is an issue and that you are re-committing yourself to doing things that will improve your mental well-being is a huge step. I suffered from chronic depression for as long as I can remember. Even as a child, I felt things very deeply, whether the emotions I was feeling were mine or not. When my ex had his physical affair and made me - literally - feel like I was going crazy, I eventually came to a decision that I had to do something. I remember asking him - many, many times - if he would go with me because I needed to see a doctor and he would say yes but never acted on it. Ultimately, I think, now, that it is something I would thank him for. It forced me to take a very large, extremely terrifying step on my own. Having found the strength to do that gives me the confidence that, even when it's hard, I have the strength to do just about anything. I've been in the abyss and it's not somewhere that I ever want to be again. So cheers to you for remembering that while he's your husband and you love him, you still have to take care of yourself. <3

Martini: Kudos for remembering that one bad day doesn't destroy everything you've already done and for having the willpower to get right back on track.

Uber: Zomg, UBER! THAT'S FANTASTIC! What an incredibly wonderful milestone! I am so proud of you and so happy for you! I can't wait to be able to come on here and announce that I dropped below 205 lbs for the first time in my adult life. <3

Lotus: Realizing how big a problem really is goes a long way to allowing you to fix it. Now you know and that means you can start addressing the root causes.


Speaking of fantastic goals and breakthroughs, by the way...
I am down 10.2 lbs and 13 - YES, 13 - inches for the month of July. More than that, I have a 39 inch waist. I have never - never, ever - been below 40 inches on my waist. Ever. Not even at 205 lbs in 2009.

I don't expect to see my waist measurement drop again for a long time and this breakthrough is tempered by the fact that my muffin top is still 44 inches. But I take comfort in the fact that if my waist isn't moving, all of my other areas still can and that I've already lost 5 inches off of my gut. In another month, I could have it down to a measly 39 inches, too.