Hi Girls

Friday, ahhhhhhh. Only 2 more Friday's and we are out of school. The kids are now counting down, as am I. I went to the first Health SAC, about the school lunch program. What a waste. So, I decided that instead of tackling it from a Lunch/Snack program, I am going to (with another teacher) implement a walking program for 2 days out of the week, during recess for 25 minutes. Any kid who will do the walking program will get little prizes after so many miles. Next week, we will present it to the student body for suggestions. Any kid who doesn't want to won't be obligated. I am up to 22 kids now walking with me, and I walk everyday at recess. And, there is less spatting on the the playground. Hope it all goes well.

Spores, About a plan with meals included. Our school's sect. just finished with Jenny Craig, she lost all of her weight on the meal plan, and now is going back to reg. food. She has already gained 7 pounds back in the first month. I was also considering that, but decided that I really have to get in control of the meals I prepare, or eat. It is very difficult, because we LOVE to eat, and we like GOOD food. It has been a struggle and really is a constant battle everyday. What has helped me tremendously is I read the label for carbs, and serving size. THAT'S IT. I only eat 2-4 carbs per meal, and only what the serving size is. That way I am getting what I want, but really staying with how much is a serving size. 1 carb is 15 grams. I haven't really added reading for fats, because I am a carb addict. I needed to get in control of those, and work my way up. I have done very well, and I do slip up at times. I definately would take up the nutritionist calls, and advice.

Holly-- Great loss for you. (happy dance). You really stay so busy, I don't know how you manage to take care of you. You truly inspire me.

Debbie-- I think Curves and you really agree with one another. Congrats on loss. YIPPIE.

Girlie, You are doing well also. You made great choices. Hip Hip Horray. I love salmon too, and it is soooo good for you. We eat fish every friday here, so I would stock up on that deal if I found it. We don'thave a super Walmart here. I wish. We do have a super target, but it is a hour away.

Anyone I have missed, I am truly sorry. I am whipped, and my DS just got home from his golf meet, they took 1st. (proud mom), and he is begging me to help him install MSN chat so he can chat with his GF. UGHHHHHHHH. Not happy. But I love him, and I will monitor his every move on his computer.

Tommorrow, DH is hopefully going to test run his new racecar. I went to the Body Shop tonite, and he and his employees, were all standing around it wondering what was wrong. They fired the engine for the 1st time since it was dropped in the car. It is making a noise, they think transmission. I heard a few cuss words, so I left and came home to the treadmill. He came home and has said little since. Not sure what all that means.

Have a great weekend. I hope everyone's is filled with joyful plans of whatever they want. Happy Mother's Day, to all the mom's out there.

Sandi

It sucks to be me sometimes. I am feeling incredibly happy and at peace.And I feel guilty.Is is "bad" to be happy that my boys are not home?
DS left right from school for a Bday party and DH is going to a friends straight from work. DD and I will go to gymnastics. There will be no drama.I will make some lentil soup and cut up veggies for supper. Nice and light. Hardly any dishes.
I still haven't heard from the family and maybe I wont. I feel really relieved that I had my say but worry a bit about what they think and are saying behind my back. Maybe they just dont care.
I took 5 kids to the play group, came home and made 5 stepping stones with concrete and glass beads, fed them lunch and a couple napped. I cut grass for an hour and then had a glorious soak in the tub. I feel envigorated and calm and clean. And there is a little niggling at the back of my mind saying I shouldn't be this happy. Go Away little voice.

This was last night. DS came home had an exhausted post party fit. DD puked in the middle of the night DH was an *******. I woke to DS whining at me about something arg!!! They are soooo annoying sometimes.
I did have a good sleep, regardless.
It rained over night so I think I will paint this morning and then go to London and then rake this aft.

Holly--same thing here. DH and DS are teaching/taking Hunter's Safety, DH says to me, "what are you going to do with all the "free-time" you will have on your hands 3x a week while they are out til 9:30-10pm? I haven't done A THING. I am for ONCE putting myself first. If I want to read, I read, If I want to soak in tub, I will, if I want to do nothing but sit in my formal living room that is too girly for them and do nothing I did. And I did feel guilty about it, but have since gotten over it. I think we need to pamper ourselves and let go of so much of that guilt. I have a big problem with guilt. My priest laughs at me in confession, and says to me, " Sandi, some of these ARE NOT sins, but just your guilt. You have to let it go. Do you think that my Hubby/Son, are stressed out and feeling quilty? I assure you they are NOT". I am taking that as they don't confess anything I worry about. So, I am letting go. Try it, you are on a good start. HIP HIP HORRAY.
Wish I could see the stones you and DD are making. I am jealous. With you and your drama about your family, and mine with my family, you and I could be Best Freinds. If we lived closer I see us as inseperable. Happy Weekend.
Love to you today.
Sandi

Been to the lawyer's
whoosh....I was fine when I was there but when I got into my van I shook.

I talked for an hour and a half giving my statement about my conversations with B about his relationship with his mother. They were from last spring.Clear as a bell for me except he was alive then and now he is not. I feel compassion for this woman BUT I also know his wishes. It is a long convoluted story but I KNOW for certain giving this afidavit is the right thing. Lots of thought and prayer has gone into it.
Emotional. Sad.
I stopped at Grandma’s and took her some flowers for mother’s day. She asked me why I wasn’t at the folks with everyone else. Apparently my Aunt, sister,her hubby and son are at my parents for dinner for mother’s day. It hurt’s. I’d rather be here, but still.
DH is still very unhappy and is gone for the night to try and get his $$ from that builder and then go and hang out with his bro.
Rough morning with DS.Some effective behaviour modification and tada! He is out for the aft with friends. DD is quite sick. Has the runs now. Weak.
My plans for the day are all shifted around. It is simply gorgeous outside but she is laying down and wants me close. So I am doing some much needed cleaning instead of gardening. Bummer.

I am feeling sad.I think I will go hug my little girl.

Sandi, I really needed to hear that right now, HUG!!!!

The sunlight is streaming through the trees and the dew on the grass is twinkling.Yellow tulips are smiling at me.Kitty is rubbing against my legs.All is quiet and peaceful and my coffee tastes delish!!!!


I have decided that the time without the boys has been a gift and I need to to receive it. DH was gone over night and Ds was out all aft and eve.
DH left mad as heck but I called him a couple of hours later and he was chatty and calm and then he called me at 9pm to tell me where he was at. He is in a better place and was hanging out with an old roomie we haven’t seen in a couple of years.I chatted with him too.
DS went 4 wheeling and hung out at the crick and tried to catch minnows and crayfish. Happy little man.
I have the house tidied and well sorted ,dusting and vacuuming today. DD seems better.
Church this morning. Then hopefully some gardening!! Raking at least. It is exercise too!!
I loved sleeping alone with kitty, just like the old days. I wonder if kitty was thinking wow this used to be so cool! LOL!
I set my alarm for 6:30 to be up and alone.Kids will sleep til 7:30.
I ate most of a frozen pizza for supper last night. It was enjoyable but too much. The rest of the day was okay.
Because DD was sick, it was the first time in 9 years I only cooked for myself.
For the 15 years before that I only ever cooked for myself and the 5 years before that I cooked all the family meals at my parents house. I just did the math. I have been cooking dinner for 29 years. Yikes. I love doing it. I actually dont remeber ever feeling like I didn’t want to do it.

I cant wait to see the cards the kids made at school. Much sneaking and hiding has been going on.
I sent my Mom an e card. I will call later, I suppose.

Have a wonderful day dear chicks!!!!!

Hello All,
Finally a chance to catch up, well sort of. I just got through reading all the posts. Thank you to all of you who share your struggles and advances here. I'm not just talking about the weight struggles, but life...it helps me to see where I want to be and how to get there.

I know it's important for me to deal with those types of things for I am truly an "emotional" eater. I use food with both good and bad emotions. Good ones I use food to boost that feeling, bad emotions, I use food to cover up those feelings.

I had a talk with my boss on Friday and he's going to get me some help. He said that he had already looked into things and the numbers show that I was handling 1 1/2 more claims than the Eastern Region. They have interviewed someone for the West and while we are waiting for that person to come on bored and start training them, my boss is having the eastern claims rep take on some of my claims. I'm grateful, because it was taking up my whole life!

The next bump I'm getting over is school. Just 5 more weeks and then I'll have the summer time to myself. That should help a great deal.

I've been losing and gaining the same 5 lbs since the beginning of the year and it's important to me to get over these 5 lbs and back in the race for 199.

I'm not waiting until the next 5 weeks are up. No..I'm getting right back in there...today! I've just made up my mind that "yes" that sugar will help me deal with an emotion, but it won't get me to where I want to be...taking a walk, doing some crunches, reading a magazine, writing a letter, breathing, will help me with the emotion and I'll be on track for my race to 199.

I'm ready again...really ready....

I hope all of you who are mothers have a wonderful mothers day. I wasn't given the privelage of having my own children, but rather I am loaned them from my friends and I am a "mother in my heart"..that's what my little 4 year old friend tells me. So, while this day always brings a bit of an empty feeling, I will celebrate that I have been loaned these other children and I will celebrate that.

I will post this week at least a couple of time. Please know that I'm thinking of you all and routing you on, and in five weeks you will see more of me, but for now it will be off and on. Please hold me accountable though..don't allow me to slip through the cracks. I've been "racing" along side you for so long now...I want to stay in the pack so we can all cross that finish line.

Susie

Good morning all!!! Tried catching up on some of the posts..

Hollyhock: just read a couple of your posts..love your description of the mornings...very calming for me!!

siouschef: you go girl!!! you dont do anybody any good if you dont care for yourself. ENJOY!!

choice2bfit: sounds like my you are bogged down with claims like my hsuband except his boss is a meanie! won't acknowledge that my husbands has twice as many claims (because he is the only one licensed to handle certain states), won't get anyone else licensed..so hubby's stress is my stress.

I'm glad you mentioned emotional eating...trying to overcome that..

But good news: my first week on WW behind me and I've lost 4.5 lbs! yay!!!

catch you all soon

Mother’s day was nice. Kids were happy. No squabbles.DH was happy. I was happy. Church was nice. I raked,weeded and seeded 1/2 of the front lawn from 10:30-4. It is looking lovely.
The work felt good. I am sun kissed and glowing.

Quiet evening.
I just heard a kiddie coming down the stairs. Now the work starts.

My monthly morning weigh in was 228.....still up 3 from Feb but down 1 from last week. The right direction!!!!


Called my Mom yesterday. She was all cheery, telling me about her perfect little weekend,after a half hour I asked if she got my email. she said hesitantly ,"well, yes.
I,I,I, I dont want to be involved. It has been this way for 5 years.There is nothing I can do to change it.” My Aunt did call her accusing that she had told my parents 3 years ago about some work that was needed to be done. Never asked for help tho........ My Dad apparently asked my Mom what he should do and she told him to just forget about it. I may call my Dad. It is his Mom after all.He does care.

Anyhow I have a philosophical discussion going on in my head about the intent and energy something is done with. My grandma is very well cared for. If the care is done with negativity and bitterness is it a good as if it is done with love and affection?
My feeling is no but the rest of my family disagrees.

Good morning, everyone. The weekend weather here in Illinois was beautiful. I spent most of it inside, watching movies, reading, checking email etc....all this in absense of DH. He came back last night and it was nice for him to be back...although I enjoyed the two nights of sleeping alone with my cats without his snoring

I did make it to the gym both Saturday and Sunday, and with softball on Friday, that was three days of exercise in a row...which I see very rarely these days. I hope to make it again at least 2-3 times this week. I'm feeling it, and feeling good...I love getting off of that machine all sweaty and having whooped some @ss!
I did the elliptical for 30 minutes on Saturday and 55 minutes yesterday...working my way up to an hour again.

DH has an interview - I'm so excited, it's the first and only job he has applied for before graduating. It's a federal job...wish him luck all!

Hope everyone is well. I'm having a frozen meal for lunch here at work. It's not a lean cuisine, it's pretty high in calories, a pasta dish. I have eaten half and I think I'm going to throw the rest away and find a snack. We have pretzels, snackwells cookies and granola bars in the snack machine. This dish isn't good and eating it wouldn't be right since it won't satisfy me, nor does it taste very good.

Holly,
Don't feel too bad about the pizza. You were caught off guard with having to cook for one, and at least you didn't eat the whole thing Today is a new day. Perhaps it would be a good idea to get a couple of Lean Cusine pizzas - they are pretty good, and those would be on hand for you in case this situation happens again I got a couple of them for over the weekend because I knew I'd want "comfort" foods. I noticed that the Lean Cusines have categories for their foods now - like hearty classics, and "comfort foods" - of course, pizza is under that one. Interesting.

Spores,
Have you tried weight watchers? It's structured, but it's not...you have choice within certain boundaries. I should get back into it myself. They also have a no counting plan that is basically a list of all the foods you can eat and all of your choices should be within that range/portion size for the day...it's basically a low-carb type diet.

Susie,
Hope you are feeling better about work and life in general.

Holly,
Your weekend sounds nice. I hope the situation gets resolved with your family. I've been messing with the same 5 pounds since January as well. We've gotta get this going.

Chocolate:
Congrats on the loss!!!

Sandi:
I'm with ya on the confession thing. Isn't it funny how we do that to ourselves? Guilt ourselves out?

Have a great day, ladies!

Girlie

Sandi: Yes, the danger of an eating plan is that it is easy to go back to old habits without that strict authority. I too want to take control for me. I love carbs too! I am trying to switch to whole grains instead of refined stuff as a start.

Holly: Oh, I know what you mean about feeling guilty for feeling happy! I think we all get so tangled up in doing stuff for other people that we have a hard time giving ourselves permission to be happy to be alone. You deserve some alone time! No guilt necessary – just enjoy it! Like Sandi says, we have to learn to priortize ourselves. Not one of us here gained the weight be being selfish – we gained it by always putting other people first.

Susie: Glad to hear work is starting to get sorted out. You deserve a breather! Good for you for re-committing now and not putting it off for the future. You can do this, and you can do this even in the midst of stress and chaos. You have it in you!

Chocolatecatz: Congrats on the loss! Sounds like you are doing very well. Keep it up!

Girlie: Good for you on the exercise! I have thought about Weight Watchers, but am not sure I want to spend the money. But maybe it would at least help me get a jump on things. I am wallowing in a slumpt these days. Your softball team sounds like fun. Is it through work or a gym or what? How are you guys doing?

Well, I did poorly on food and exercise all week, and then I weighed this morning and ws down 3 lbs from last week. How weird is that? I hate that I can never give myself credit for success – I always doubt it, or it never seems like enough. But I am going to try to let myself feel good about this. Even if it’s just all water weight or my scale is bonkers, it is progress in the right direction. This week is the last of school (hooray!), but I will be left with lots of unstructured time, which can be a bad thing. I tend to lapse into laziness and depression when I am not constantly occupied with other things. I am going to focus on exercising this week. If I can get in a few workouts, I will feel more motivated.

Hope everyone’s Monday is going well!

Good Evening Ladies,

My boys are taking the Hunter's Safety Test tonite. DH is glad it is the last nite. Cutting into his racecar time. I am glad he and son had had this time together. Besides, I have really enjoyed the time off, and the "alone" time. Weekend was nice, weather wise, it rained, but did manage to get up early both days, and walked Maggie Jane, over 2.5 miles each day. I was happy, and felt good afterwards.

Spores--glad school is coming to an end for you too. I know the stress that can be, I am taking some classes over the summer, and of course have 2 workshops I am going to take on Autism, so that will keep me busy. My company really needs someone here to get things shaped up a bit. (I hope the staff will see it that way too. I am lucky to have good people), so I can still teach. I am going to try switching to whole grains. I just count carbs, never really thinking of the grains. I will read some labels. PSSSTTTT---be happy for the loss of 3 pounds. Take it as a gift, and enjoy it.

Mychoice2bfit-- emotional eating, I think we all suffer from that don't you? I think somewhere, sometime, we have found comfort in food, instead of relationships, and have not put ourselves in a category of being first. We friend, are forever trying to make people happy, at our own cost. Mother's Day, I loved your insight on that. My son has adopted a lady next door, who is 82. She is his "great" Mom. He sees her a few times a week, and when he was younger would tell her all his woes. If anything ever happens to Esther, our lives would be soooo sad. She is lovely and caring to him, and he just thinks the world of her. If I come home sometimes, and he isn't here, I will call over there to see if she knows where he is, and lo and behold, he is with her. I am grateful, to have such a caring person help love and mold my son.

Holly--Glad to hear some things are a bit better. I still don't know the whole story about Grandmother, but your statement "If the care is done with negativity and bitterness is it a good as if it is done with love and affection?" is quite the thought provoker. For you, I would think definately no. But most people are in such denial about many things, and maybe your family is also. Not sure. I do know this, your caring ways, it would be bothersome to you. You can only do what YOU have control over, and you never should compromise your thoughts, feelings, or words, for anyone, if it is not what you truly hold in your heart. Your grandmother sometime, will see that this is true, if she doesn't already. Also, your family will have to answer for this. Maybe not today, or tommorrow, but trust me, we all have to be accountable. Do what YOU can do, and be who YOU want to be. Don't let someone's negativity hold you back. ((((((HUGS)))))) to you. This is rough. Hope a rainbow comes your way soon.

Choc. catz-- WAHHHOOOOOOO, down with WW. Great job!!

Girlie-- I am going to have to try an eliptical. I still haven't gotten over to do that. Dang, you are whoopin it. I am soooo proud of you. I did 45 on my treadmill yesterday evening, and I was so proud of my self. I started first week in March, going only 15min a time. Now I do it twice a day, and the least is 35. I am trying to walk Maggie at least once, and do the treadmill once a day. My shins are killing me. So, I am not really sure what is causing that? I went to see the trainer at school, who works with the highschool kids. He gave me some advice, and it is helping. Great job!! You inspire me. Saying prayer tonite to St. Joseph. He is the Patron Saint of Husbands, and Providers. I hope the job goes well. Good luck.

Weigh-in is tommorrow. Wish me luck. Rainy today, and tommorrow, so recess is indoors. YUCK.

Love to all
Sandi

Good morning all,
I will be brief this am. I have to work today and didn't set the alarm early enough. Sounds like everyone had a great w-end and Mothers Day. I'm still op. I weight in yesterday and I'm down 4lbs.


Sandi: great job walking... I'm glad to hear Maggie Jane is up to walking again.

Spore: CONGRATS!!! 3lb down.. WAY COOL... Tackling one change at a time is easier to become comfortable with. I'm fond of brown rice and wild rice, But it took a while to get used to it. Now I don't even consider white rice. It just takes time.

Girlie: good luck to dh on job..

Holly: I bet your yard does look wonderful. Ours does till mid july. Then it gets so hot everthing dies. We water but it's never enough. I hope everthing settles down with your family. Stress can be so damaging.

Chocolate: WOW!!.. Fantastic loss 4.5 lbs Now thats a real moral booster... Good Job.

Susie: Welcome back. I'm a long ways from 199. But I really enjoy all the company getting there.


Everyone have a blessed day.

Good morning everyone.
I quite pleasantly dont have much to say! Good day yesterday. Good sleep. Good morning so far!!!
Supposed to get rain today which will water the grass seed I planted!

Spores~ have you looked into holistic exercises etc for the TMJ? If you are losing then you are doing something well. Embrace the success!!!!!!

Sandi~ I am on School Council but it is general. we have 300 kids in the whole school.
I LOVE being a part of it tho.Thanks for teh time and thought you give my ramblings. I aapreciate the feedback. My Grandma is aware of the negativity and thinks it is a joke(water off her back) I guess I wonder more abut it on a deeper level. I realize most people dont think this way. I do know that I wont and never have played along with the "rules" of engagement in my family because it hurts my heart.I am okay with all of this. I put it out there and however it ends up is okay with me.
What I do know is I dont have to drink a bottle of wine every evening to get to sleep to quiet the voice in my head.My inner voice is usually quite peaceful.

Susie~ I have noticed that I buy "treats" for the kids and I truly believe at the time that is what I am doing , then I eat it at night. So now I am asking. Who is this really for?
I have always had a close relationship with an older woman who never had kids. She is a dear, dear friend and w will always share a special bond. These relationaships are WONDERFUL for everyone involved.

Ccatz~congrats on the loss!!! A great success.

JODI&ANNIE DO CHECK IN!!!!!!!!

Debbie~ had to go out for the bus..... You are doing great,losing steadily. 4 lbs is fantastic!!!!!!!!!!

Sandi: Wow, I can’t believe you walk twice a day! That is impressive. Maybe that’s why your shins are hurting. I think we tend to forget to stretch the muscles there (I don’t even know what they’re called!). Stretch stretch! And maybe read up on shin splints – I don’t know much about them, but I think they can be a problem with walking a lot. Thanks for the words of encouragement; I need to claim my success!

Debbie: Glad to hear you’re doing well op!

Holly: I have not heard of holistic TMJ exercises. I’ll have to google tht and see what comes up. My dentist suggested putting a hot washcloth on my face at night, but all it does is get me wet. Glad things are going better for you today.

So yesterday I had a funny setback. I dragged myself onto the treadmill and managed to get going at a pretty good clip and all of a sudden BAM! the power goes out and the treadmill stops! I just about broke my neck! The power came back on in a few minutes, so I started walking again, but about ten minutes later, off it went again! I decided I’d better stay off the treadmill for the rest of the day. So when BF came home, I asked him to take a walk with me, and it was very nice. We walked and chatted and enjoyed the beautiful weather. I am so glad I did that instead of getting frustrated and giving up.

Also, I had stopped recording my food because I ran out of pages in my journal. So yesterday I broke out my FitDay software and started using it! It’s been fun, and I’m glad I didn’t just give up.

Hope everyone is doing well this day!