It's now been three days since the bingeing started again... I seem to go three days on, three days off. I was doing so well (if I had a dime for every time I used that line!). I seem to be afraid of making progress.

It started with IHOP two nights ago...
Then I went and bought all this discounted Valentine's day candy: 2 big boxes of Whoppers, 2 big bags of M&Ms, a bag of squishy strawberry things, a bag of peanut butter cups...
I ate 1/4 of it the night of IHOP.
I ate half of the rest of it throughout the day yesterday. When I decided I should stop, I put down the candy (a bag and a half of M&Ms still left) and fixed a veggie burger so I could have some sense of normalcy in my day.
Then I got bored... And cooked and ate an entire package of turkey bacon. And about 1/4 of a loaf of high-fiber bread.
This morning I was determined to start over...
Yet I grabbed the remaining M&Ms and am working my way through them. I have about 1/4c left from the first bag and the entirety of the other bag to go.

I'm trying to decide how I should destroy them.... And how I am going to make it to the point of destroying them without eating them first. Why is my first impulse after I decide to destroy binge food to pour everything straight down my throat, so I can't throw it out? This is obviously past the point of "I'm eating it because I enjoy it." I am obviously fulfilling some other urge when I do this to myself.

Still trying to convince myself to throw the damn things out...

Just do it and throw the rest away! I know how you feel, you know you should throw the food out, but it is sort of scary, because you just might want some more. But, once you actually destroy the food, you will feel a bit better about yourself, because you are controlling the food instead of the other way around! Just think about how you will feel if you throw the rest away, versus how you will feel if you keep on eating past the point of enjoyment. You will definitely feel better once the rest of the candy is at the bottom ofthe garbage bag! Plus, the sooner it is gone, the sooner you can get back on track without the distraction (and temptation!) You can do it!!!

Welcome!

I think it's safe to say, LOTS of people have done this, including myself. Thats why you will see people say they need to destroy the food, not just throw it away. Throwing it away will not always prevent eating it.

I lurk this thread nearly every day, but the time has come to confess my deeds from this weekend....

I work midnights 7p-7a on a hospital med-surg ward...this weekend I had to work thursday, friday and saturday (well sat, I only needed to work 11p-7a) so they spring on us we need to stay for a MANDATORY class after work Friday morning....so I didn't get out of there until nearly 11am, needed to sleep, get up to get DS off the bus at 4 and DD from daycare, do dinner and get back into work at 7p....so I was so irritated and tired that on the way home from work friday morning, I decided to get McD's breakfast to eat to stay awake on the way home....

2 egg mcmuffins 2 hash browns later, I decided I was still itchy for more so I went to the bakery and got 2 apple fritters...then got itchy for salty, went back to ANOTHER McD's for a quarter pounder with cheese. Good Lord.

Ordered pizza for dinner that night, ate 3 buffalo chick pieces and 3 pepperoni. Can't remember what I ate that night for lunch. slept in woke up and ate 2 more pieces pizza, went to saturday night bowling and of course the team ordered a fried sampler platter...LOL onion rings, fries, wings, cheese sticks, I have to say, I ate my share of that crap....got home DH was on a taco kick, so went to TB and at least I only got one crunchwrap, but STILL!

So on my way to work I usually go to McD for a big coffee (my favorite coffee) and thought what the heck, got a cheeseburger and milkshake. <sigh> gotta say though, I didn't eat at all that night at work. So I had a cream stick on the way home. Sunday after I woke up, we went to BW3 and I had a huge mushroom swiss burger. Oh dear goodness. DH started some rumblings that night about snacks, but I just couldn't bear to do it.

Today, so far so good, I hope to join you all on the binge free thread. Mondays are almost always good for a fresh start for me, I can really get back on track but those weekends or lack of sleep or anger of working overtime with no sleep, just sets me off.

I wish you all the strength to have a good week. I know I already feel better having admitted what I did this weekend. WE WILL SUCCEED.

Michelle,

I'm so sorry about your stressful weekend and what resulted from it. I see though, that from your start weight, you have been making some great decisions so just focus on that and remember that today is a new day.

I haven't lost any weight yet and so ... regardless of a few bad days... you are an inspiration to me in that you have lost 72 lbs so far. Amazing. Take care of yourself.

My very first cyber purge.

My son wanted a cookie, so I got the bag of cookies out. I thought, heck I've been doing really well today so I'll have just one. Well you know what little Lays Chips jingle "betcha can't eat just one!".....well that's what happened. I hate 6. 150 calories and 6 grams of fat for 2 cookies so thats.....450 calories and 18 grams of fat in my little binge. ICK!!! I bagged up all of the cookies and ran them down to the downstairs freezer (I can't get down there during the day when I'm by myself because I can't leave the kids by themselves up here). Argh.

Okay...must have gotten cocky or something...after a little over a week clean..fell flat on my face after I posted yesterday... Can't even remember everything I ate...candy, licorice, ice cream, we had a brat/potato chips for dinner...oh yeah...cookies... Sigh...the only good thing was that I worked out yesterday before it all went to ****. I think I was stressing...and tired...I'm still tired...maybe I will try for a nap to feel better... I was doing so well...and the scale was down...now...I will probably be at the same weight or higher on my Friday weigh in. I am having such a worse time losing this time around...it really does seem different. Well, I am off to try to get a little more sleep...

Have a strong day Chickies!

I blew it last night and ate 5 bran muffins
Yikes! They were mini muffins at 60
calories each but so many carbs and fat!
I will try to be better today...
One thing that helps me is I am cheap.
I only spend 5-7 bucks at work for lunch.
But,for me, the most difficult thing is choosing the right foods to eat.
I work outside and I have access to alot
of different places to eat...
I am already thinking of what to eat...

This is a cyber purge of sorts...I find that purging my emotions helps more than just listing the food, so sorry if this gets long-winded and emotional... Has anyone else felt a binge coming on for days, maybe even weeks? You manage to temporarily silence the urge, but it keeps coming to the surface until you crack? Well, that was me today. I didn't really even eat that much, but it made me sad because eating when I am not hungy, in any amount, isn't healthy or productive.
Anyway, it started with a few peanut butter cups, which I thought I was craving, but upon tasting, discovered they are far too sweet for my tastes ever since I overhauled my diet in November. I guess it is good that after eating a few and realizing they tasted gross to me, I took out my meat mallet and smashed the remainder of the candy flat before throwing the entire thing into the garbage. I went on to eat several whole wheat crackers, two pieces of cheese, a fat free yogurt, a peach, and a handful of cashews. Yes, I am disappointed with myself for doing this. On the other hand, I am proud because 1) I threw out the candy...I am normally inclined to eat all of it to punish myself for being "bad" whether it tastes good or not, and 2) because I did stop eating before I reached that absolutely stuffed, disgusted feeling. Yes, I am uncomfortable, but I have been much more uncomfortable in the past.
It's not so much the food that makes me upset, it's the fact that I will not let myself be successful. I have lost quite a bit of weight since late October, but now that my goal is in sight, I am starting to sabotage myself. I haven't been this close to my goal ever, and I'm not willing to undo all of my hard work. This time is different from my other weight loss attempts because I do have a diet I am happy with...no counting, just eating healthy foods as close to their natural state as possible, and I have always loved to exercise. So why do I continue to feel the urge to binge when I start to be successful? I have talked to a therapist about this in the past, and have pages and pages of strategies we came up with to deal with these urges, but sometimes nothing silences the binge monster...and that frustrates me...because even though I see that other people struggle with this, I still feel like I'm the only one sometimes. I just want to have a normal relationship with food, and though I am leaps and bounds closer to that than I was even a year ago, I still wonder sometimes if I will ever just be able to see food as food...not a source of comfort, pain, guilt, etc.
In a word, I'm just...frustrated. With myself for bingeing time and time again, and never learning the lesson that IT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER...and also for sabotaging myself when I am sooo close...why don't I feel like I deserve this? Who knows...
Well, sorry I just wrote a novel, but I had to get this out. I have been feeling so positive, then today hit me like a truck. I guess the next step is to move on...I am glad tomorrow is a new month...maybe it can be my fresh start...

Yes! Tomorrow is a new day that we can do better and get on track.

I so identify w/your post.

hi again, confession time. on tuesday my o/h and i had a big blow up. i was ok until teatime and then i knew i was just going to binge.
i ate a third of a crusty french stick smothered with butter and chunks of cheese, followed by 3 pieces of doughy white bread with the same filling and 2 mini pots of (low fat!!) hummous, 4 small bags of crisps and 4 lower fat biccy bars.. not sure of the calories, but a rough estimate of 2500 - 3000
funny thing was i didnt feel too bad afterwards. the worst thing was starting afresh the next day, but i have. also my weight loss had stalled for a week or two and this morning its dropped again. possibly not been eating enough and its what my body needed.
im off to cheer myself up with some window shopping, maybe buy a new bra. my boobs seem to have shrunk rather more than the rest of my body, mad

Hi, I'm new. I'll be in here a lot, but I hope less and less over time.

Yesterday. At lunch I had a handful of special k cereal and a slice of carrot cake, on top of my lunch. Not a binge in terms of calories, but I purged it anyway. I feel bad about that.

I had dinner out with friends and ate - two starters (mini quiche loren), a very large lamb shank, three helpings of potatoes in cheese sauce, two bread rolls smothered in butter, three servings of chocolate roulade with cream.

I tried very very hard not to purge but my dress felt really tight and I was so stressed I was overheating. So I did. In a way I wish I wasn't so 'good' at purging - if it was useless I'd be way less likely to do it. I'm sure there must be some way to sabotage yourself in terms of purging, so I will look into that.

Anyway. Today is new: my aim is to eat some protein with my lunch.

So I just need to come on here and confess about yesterday.

Not a good feeling day. I was sick, and the binge started with a cinnamon bun bought against my wishes. Yes I bought it, going against what I had said I would.

Then I went to work at Tim Hortons and it went downhill from there:
- Boston Creme Doughnut
- sm hot chocolate
- Bagel with a little butter
- 3 timbits
- sm hot chocolate
- 2 cookies
- small hot chocolate (watered down)
- 2 MORE cookies.

My reasons for eating the above is mostly as follows. When I'm sick I drink hot chocolate because as a kid that's what i would drink. And when I"m sick I crave bread stuff and carbs...

Anyway today is a new day and it's starting out as a very good day so far, so let's hope I keep myself really busy and I just don't have time to over indulge.

3 pieces of toast with butter + melted cheese..one right after the other. It's weird, a part of my mind was like "Stop...stop...you're not hungry..." but I just shoved them down.

Although, before, I have been known to go to 7 slices. I probably would have, but there wa sno more bread left.

Why do I do this to my body?

Im new here too. My meals are fine, its the binges, especially after the kids are in bed. I eat after they go to bed just to eat when I dont have to feed anyone else. Totally emotional.

Today during the day it was the 1/2 can of lays potato chips with cheddar cheese slices and sour cream.