[Kayhm0711]

Hey girls. I don't usually post in this forum but I wanted to ask a question for all mommies. I have a daughter who is almost 14 months old. I have just started on a plan to lose weight. I really don't want to have another child until I have lost atleast 90lbs currently I am 240. I would like to be 150 before we have another child.

My question though is what do you think is a good age gap between children. I am having difficulty really deciding so I wanna wait a while like 5 years or do I want another child when my daughter is like 3. It seems more reasonable too have them close together.

I am in college, which would make it alittle tough but I just started and by the time I get done (going for teaching) My daughter is going to be like 5. If I wait till I graduate college then get a teaching job she is going to be 6 or 7 by the time I have another child and I just think that is way to much of an age gap. There are Pro's and Con's to close together and far apart I just can't make up my mind.

[jillnicole03]

[aphil]

I don't think that there is a perfect age gap between children...although I wouldn't want to get pregnant if I had a young infant...you know, where the kids end up being only 1 year apart...

My older two kids are 2 1/2 years apart (Jasmine is 9-almost 10, and Raiden is 7). My youngest JUST turned 2, so there is a 5 year age gap between my middle child and my youngest.

There are pros and cons to the smaller 2 1/2 year age gap, as well as pros and cons with the larger 5 year age gap.

[CaffeineIV]

I'm 18 months older than my sister. My husband is 18 months younger than his sister. We wanted our kids 16-20 months apart but instead they are 31 months apart. One of my ex-boyfriends was 6 years younger than his older sister and 6 years older than his younger sister.

If my sister had a different personality we'd have been fantastic friends. We were close enough in age that we got to do the same things together. My husband and his sister got along fairly well. My ex-boyfriend and his sisters generally didn't know each other really. The older ones were annoyed by the younger ones and the younger ones would try so hard to win approval they never got. I know a woman though who had 3 kids, the largest age difference being 9 months. I would NEVER want to have kids that close.

I think how it works will depend on the child's personality. I'm glad that our two ended up being as far apart as they are, but glad also that I got pregnant when I did and not another 6 months or whatever later. There isn't a perfect age gap as has been said above.

[Kayhm0711]

Yeah I am thinking that we are going to have our second child when our first is about 34 months I think thats a pretty good age too.

[aphil]

Honestly, I think that one shouldn't try to plan out child spacing down to the exact month. The reason being, that one couple can have an "accident" happen with birth control...and another couple can be actively trying to conceive for a couple of years before they get pregnant.

If you want another child, wonderful, but let nature take it's course, rather than trying to micromanage how many months apart the siblings are...you can't force the conception date.

[Kayhm0711]

Well I got pregnant very fast the first time, the first time trying to conceive actually. I doubt I will have problems next time but I am planning my pregnancy not only because I don't want two babies in diapers but I am also in College and I have to plan around that. College is the biggest reason I am trying to find out how far apart my children are. I can wait 3 years when I am almost done with school or wait till I finish school and get my first job in my career field but then my children are going to be more like 6 years apart.

My Sister in laws Kids are 6 years apart 3 and 9 and they hate each other. They don't play together what 9 yr old wants to plan with practically a baby still. So I just am thinking ahead of how far I would prefer my children to be apart because of school mainly.

[aphil]

I understand trying to plan somewhat, I am just saying that you can't really micromanage it down to a couple month's time span-especially when there is only a small window of a day or two each month where you can conceive.

Your friend has a 3 and a 9 year old who hate each other...but I have a 2 and 9 year old (similar age gap) who adore one another. That completely depends on the individual personalities of the children, which we have no control over.

I wasn't saying that you would have a problem conceiving...just that part of it is luck. People can use ovulation predictors and get lucky on the first try...and for others it can take much, much longer.

My youngest (the 2 year old) was a "birth control baby". He was conceived while we were being safe. (We had a girl and a boy, and we were DONE having kids...) On the other hand, I have a close friend who is trying to get pregnant, and it has been almost 2 years and nothing yet. (She and her spouse have both been to the doctors for fertility testing to rule out any problems.) They just haven't got lucky yet.

You can plan...and I understand planning...but it's gonna happen when it happens.