Ok, step one
We admitted we were powerless over food — that our lives had become unmanageable. was a pretty rough one for me. A long time coming, I finally took the first step. Food has been controlling my life for entirely way to long and I'm fed up with it
I took the first step, and walked into an OA meeting. And I have it scheduled in that I'm going tomorrow to one as well. I am figuring this whole thing out, all the while trying to take my mind off of the food. (As you may be able to tell from my excessive posting here, this site has been a great help in my journey.)
Realizing that I am not just lacking in self control, but that I have a disease was a tough step for me. I could tell you some nasty stories about the past few months of my life and the things I've done to be able to binge. (I made my husband promise to help me on my "diet" and for 2 months straight I was with him 24 hours a day due to his job, and I still found a way to sneak food... if that doesn't paint a clear enough picture, you don't want to know
) But at the first meeting, I realized that this is a disease, and that I need help.
So I spent some time today reflecting and reading over the OA paperwork that they give you at your first meeting. I swear, it was like I was seeing things in a whole new way! I couldn't believe it
So I'm starting to look at step two
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
First off, I'm a bit worried that I'm moving to quickly
Like perhaps I didn't spend enough time in step one. (Although I don't know what more I can do rather than reflect on how pitiful this disease has made me!)
But I'm also a little skeptical about this greater power thing. I'm not sure I ever had sanity
But honestly, I'm just not sure how to even begin to approach this...