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Old 03-28-2005, 04:28 PM   #1  
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Smile Looking for .....something

Hi all!

My name is Penny. I am 43 years old, morbidly obese (5'6" 256 lbs, literally TWICE the woman I used to be) and FINALLY owning up to the fact that I am in a dying condition if I don't get this thing (weight/type ll diabetes/addictive personality along with a host of other weight related diseases/issues) under control. I spent last saturday in the ER with the pain in my liver making me scream, yet drs. couldn't find anything wrong. UGH...

I know that I am a sugarholic. When I was younger, I was addicted to various substances for about 11 years. After giving up these addictions and having my first of 5 children (each pregnancy I had gestational diabetes) I gained over 100 lbs and haven't lost it since. I am okay with the fact I am fat. In obesity there is a peace I crave. When you're fat, few men oggle at you and you can go about your daily business with satisfaction.

However, now the time has come that I am forced into acceptance of the fact that if I don't do something about my state of health, I will leave my younger children orphaned. (the youngest is 3)

I am hoping to learn from those of you who may have like circumstances. Have any of you lost weight, if so, HOW? Is there anyone here who is comfortable with their fat covering and have learned or is in the process of learning how to focus on the issues of overcoming their illness via losing the weight?

Any help/suggestions/encouragement would be GREATLY appreciated.

I look forward to learning from you and hopefully, someday sharing something worthwhile with others myself.

Thankyou, Penny
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:22 PM   #2  
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Hi Penny, nice to meet you.

I really don't have an answer to any of your questions since I too feel the same way as you. I am comfortable except when I look in the mirror or see a picture of myself, so I avoid mirrors, cameras and people in general. Most people will tell me to seek professional help. I've done that a few times with no success. I just bought two books I am going to read one is (although I can't stand him lol) Dr. Phil's book and the other is The Joy Of Weight Loss, this is a book about Norris Chumley who lost 160 lbs and has kept it off. Cant hurt.

Also, I am talking to my doctor about weight loss, I have high blood pressure so my next visit which is april 4th we will discuss diet plans and what not. I hope I have lost a few pounds b/4 I go. I've been just loading up on water and with my dinners eating a huge amount of veggies. It really is filling. I also just took up some knitting, just to keep the hands busy. I work full time and when I get home I just want to eat anything in my path because I am so tired (I also have a 3 year old) so my dinners have become a real challenge.

I'm glad your here
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Old 03-29-2005, 04:45 PM   #3  
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Thanks so much for your kindness and words of encouragement. Honestly, I'd hoped to get a bit more response but I do appreciate that at least one person answered my post. I will keep plugging along and hopefully I can make some new friends here. Thanks again,
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Old 03-29-2005, 10:15 PM   #4  
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Hi Penny,
I was a smaller version of you four years ago. I'd had gestational diabetes with my last pregnancy (he's now 14), and was bingeing my way towards ever higher number on the scale. The only thing that kept me under the 200 pound mark was that I exercised almost as compulsively as I ate. I finally scared myself during a vacation when forced inactivity made me even more uncomfortable, and convinced that I was diabetic. I wasn't, but we know the chances are much greater having been diabetic during pregnancy. I'm sure if I hadn't changed my eating habits, I would be by now.

I didn't do a "baby steps" or easing into a life style. I went cold turkey. I'm an all or nothing person; I knew I had to lose the weight, and do it quickly but in a healthy manner. I followed the SugarBusters diet, and I don't think I cheated for the first 4 months, until close to 50 pounds were gone. I cut out refined food, white flour, white potatoes, any food that contained corn syrup or added sugars in any form, and ate only 2 servings of starchy carbs a day in the form of whole grains. I still continue to eat this way, but now break my food into 5 meals a day. I find I cannot eat sugar or refined carbs. One bite is too many, and 50 aren't enough. It was the only way for me to change. I feel that I saved my life. I couldn't bear to look in mirrors or be in front of cameras, either. I also couldn't bear the psychological warfare I was waging against myself with food as a weapon and a reward.

I've maintained my weight for over 3 years now, and continue exercising. I eat very much the same as when I was losing. I know that the compulsive eating monster is always lurking in the corner, but 99% of the time I can keep it in the corner. It's taken me too long to get here physically and mentally to want to go back again. I couldn't find peace in obesity, and certainly not health.

I hope you find a way to to do this, YOU are worth it and your children need a healthy mother

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Old 03-31-2005, 01:02 AM   #5  
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Welcome! Please join us on the check-in thread in the ED forum.

My success has been through OA. It's a daily journey.
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Old 04-18-2005, 01:14 PM   #6  
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Penny are you still around and reading?

I identify with alot of what you said. I am new to OA and it has given me hope that there actually is a solution that, thank goodness, does not involve my willpower.

I am 40, have a 2yo DD. I had gestational diabetes which went away but now i"m prediabetic and have other health problems. I'm tired of not feeling well, and I want to be a better model for my DD, and now that I'm in OA I see that I don't want to be a slave to food, dependant on food any more.

I hope you're still around
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Old 04-20-2005, 10:15 PM   #7  
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Dear Penny, Hope you are still reading. OA is a great place I hope you can get to a meeting you'll find so many like us there. I have really not tried on line meetings yet. Don't forget God loves you just as you are. My overeating for all the misery it has brought me makes me realize that I need God in the big and little things .I'm praying for you Susanna
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