March: Step 3 Turning our lives over
Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Well March is more than half over and I am just getting around to saying what this step means to me. I have a strong knowledge of when I turn it all over; my family, my food, my job, my life, my will, my everything, my HP takes care of it. Its just that simple.
But I think its the idea of this step that is scary huge. I mean personally I am controlling, and co-dependent, and want to have my fingers over all the points of light controlling them all. And pulling all these strings? Its misery. First people are whom they are and no matter how much control I think I have its not over them. So when they don't go along with MY PLAN I get frustrated and angry and then I eat because their not doing what I want. Do you know how many times I have eaten because my DH wasn't doing it my way. Oh the insanity.
God loves me just as I am and can see what I can be. So if I move along his path, I will become whatever that is.
The other part I love about this step is "God as we understood Him". The more I depend on HP and ask for His guidance the relationship changes and grows. I was out of touch for alot of years and the way I understand HP today may be different later. There is room for growth and understanding and as I turn my life over and away from the food, I can hear and see that.
Today I am grateful for my program, for my abstinence, for my recovery. I walked through a threshold upon the diagnosis of depression, another threshold was crossed when I said I had an eating disorder, another threshold was crossed when I said I am powerless over these things, and yet another when I know there is a power greater than me that can return me to sanity, and finally another threshold as I embrace the 3rd step and turn my life over.
Just for today.
Thank you for letting me be your moderator and for sharing here.
Much love to all.
Plain and simple,
Chris
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Let's make this April, too
We love you!
